Chapter 63
Choose to Be Supportive (Kris)

Every relationship will have its share of ups and downs. We all know that life is easiest when things are going well. We also know that it’s a different story when times are tough. You can keep the inevitable downs from spiraling ever further downward, however, by choosing to be supportive.

Trish and Gavin had been married for ten years when, quite unexpectedly, Gavin lost his job. They lived in a town where it was highly improbable that he would be able to work in the same industry, at even close to the same pay scale. With two young children and a hefty mortgage, there was genuine cause for alarm.

The way Trish handled this crisis was so courageous and filled with wisdom that we felt we had to share it with you. Scary as it was (and it really was), she made the decision to remain supportive. Rather than complain or belittle Gavin in even the slightest way, she made it perfectly clear that she would do whatever was necessary to support him in his efforts. She made it clear that she believed in him, regardless of what had happened or what they might face in the future. She didn’t blame him or attempt to make him feel bad. She didn’t complain to her friends or compare their situation to anyone else. She was perfectly willing to move from the home she loved, go back to work, or live a much reduced lifestyle. Any or all of the above were perfectly fine with her. Rather than focusing on what was wrong, she remained grateful for all that they did have. She became a pillar of strength and an example of what’s good in a relationship.

While many people may also have responded to such a crisis by being supportive, what made her response so unique was her uplifting attitude. She wasn’t being supportive with a hint of resentment. Rather, her support was genuine and from the heart. It wasn’t “put-on”; it was real.

Resentment and other forms of negativity are easy to embrace during difficult times. How easy, for example, it would have been to feel sorry for herself, or to make little jabbing comments indicating her displeasure.

To make a long story short, the two of them did have to sell their home and move to a new city. Rather than tearing them apart, however, it became an adventure that strengthened their commitment and their love for one another. Gavin ended up changing careers and, for a while, their finances were extremely tight. In time, however, their situation improved.

There is no doubt that Gavin will remember Trish’s support for as long as they live. When he speaks about her, it’s with enormous respect and gratitude. I doubt very seriously that this would have been the case had her response been more typical.

We can all learn from their experience and the way Trish handled herself—Richard and I certainly have. It’s obvious that her reaction enabled him to stay focused on helping to solve their predicament rather than on feeling bad about himself. Also reinforced was the idea that we don’t always have control over our destiny—but we do have some control over the way we choose to respond to adversity. Again, we are reminded that circumstances don’t make a couple; they reveal them. Trish was revealed as a partner who chooses to be supportive. It worked for them and can work for you.