One of the decisions we’re both very happy about is that, early on in our relationship, we made the decision to “conspire to inspire.” We decided that we would like to be mutual sources of inspiration for one another, personally, professionally, and every other way.
When you conspire to inspire, you do a lot more than act as a cheerleader for your partner’s efforts. Your motivation is to help your partner become all that he or she can be—not necessarily what you want them to be, but rather you help them fulfill their own dreams and desires by believing in them, encouraging them, and sticking beside them in good times and bad. It means that, even though you may not completely understand certain decisions your partner is making, you give them the benefit of the doubt, whenever possible. You assume the best. Rather than criticizing or questioning, you seek first to understand and to be supportive.
Kris has always been a source of inspiration to me. She has always believed in me, even during those times when I doubted myself. When I was in college, for example, I was a top-ranked tennis player. I knew, however, that I was ready to quit and pursue what I felt were less self-oriented goals. I wanted to become involved in the helping fields; I wanted to join the Big Brothers of America program and refocus my entire life. I wanted to learn more about psychology and happiness.
Virtually everyone—my friends, teammates, tennis coach—gave me a difficult time, except Kris. Some even laughed at me. Many thought I was a candidate for tennis pro, and no one, other than Kris and my family, could understand why I would give up a sport I had worked so hard at—one that could earn someone good enough a great deal of money and fame.
But from the time we had first met, we had conspired to inspire. She knew my heart wasn’t in tennis anymore—it was elsewhere. She encouraged me in every way she knew how to trust my instincts, follow my bliss, and “go for it.” In fact, she came right out and said it: “Richard, I think you should quit.”
Other girls I knew quickly lost interest in me—I was no longer an athlete on campus. It became instantly obvious that Kris loved me for who I was and what I wanted to become, instead of who she wanted me to be or who she wanted me to become. Shortly after this experience, we fell in love—for good.
She repeated this process early on in my career. I had a small business, but really wanted to write full time. Despite giving up any financial security we had, she not only encouraged me to follow my dream, she insisted. She reminded me, “It’s my job to help inspire you. You know what you want to do—go for it.”
What I’ve learned is that couples who stick together with love and ongoing respect conspire to inspire each other in their own unique ways. Individuals who freely speak of their partner in loving ways often use the words, “My partner is a source of inspiration.”
It’s never too late to start. All you have to do is make the decision to become a greater source of inspiration. If you’re unclear about how to do this, ask your partner! Ask the question, “What could I do—or how could I act—that would make me a greater source of support?” This may end up being one of the most important questions you ever ponder. Give this strategy a try. It will inspire both of you.