Chapter 87
Allow Your Partner a Few Eccentricities

In a fun, innocent sort of way, our eccentricities help to define us. They outline our preferences and define us as unique and different from others.

For example, I would say that a few of my eccentricities are (1) a strong preference for a lack of clutter and (2) a weird, almost total inability to be late. I love open space, lacking in piles of paper and other stuff. For whatever reason, clutter makes me uncomfortable. On the other hand, open space makes me feel peaceful.

I also love to allow myself plenty of time so that I’m not in a constant hurry. I associate rushing around with stress and frustration, while I associate a lack of hurry with peace and serenity. These simple preferences bring me an enormous amount of joy.

One of the easiest and, I believe, most charming characteristics of Kris is her willingness to allow me to have these and other eccentricities without mocking or hassling me. Rather than give me a hard time, question my motives, criticize or judge me, she just allows me to be me. In other words, she doesn’t “sweat it.” It’s perfectly okay with her that these things are important to me. She’s well aware that I can go overboard with these preferences, and I’m sure that, at times, they can be a little annoying. Obviously, with two children and lots going on in our family, it’s not always possible to have a lack of clutter, nor is it always possible to be on time.

The point, however, is that she makes allowances for my preferences even though she’s not as invested as I am in these particular areas. This doesn’t mean she always accommodates me, but in a respectful way, she humors me and goes along with my eccentricities, whenever she can. Rather than wishing I would do things differently, she sees me as a “character.” For example, we have a few areas in the house where it’s almost never cluttered. If these areas begin to pile up, she’s likely to put the piles somewhere else. Also, when I’m making a big deal out of getting somewhere on time, she plays along, not because it’s an emergency, but because she loves me—and she knows it makes me happy to be on time. Several times, for example, when we were running late to an appointment, she has suggested in a loving tone, “Why don’t you drive your own car and I’ll meet you in a little while?” I can think of many instances where it would have been easy for her to give me a lecture or criticize me in some way, but she didn’t. Compare that response to yelling out in a harsh tone, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll be ready in a minute. Stop being so obsessed!”

People have all sorts of different eccentricities. Some people are a little obsessed with being clean. Others like to eat a certain food on a specific day. Some insist on putting things in a certain place, spending a certain amount of time alone, being organized, washing a dish as soon as it’s used, going to sleep at a certain time, reading at a certain time, spending Thursday night with the girls (or guys), or whatever. There are probably millions of examples.

One of the simple pleasures of life is feeling the freedom to be yourself and to do some things just the way you like to do them, without having to qualify your reasons or constantly explain yourself—as long as they aren’t adversely affecting others. When you have the need to correct your partner, make him “wrong” or feel bad, or criticize his eccentricities, you rob him of a simple source of joy.

We’re not suggesting you buy into, encourage, or condone truly neurotic behavior—or anything that is disruptive or damaging. Instead, we are referring to innocent little daily preferences that, for whatever reason, bring you (or your partner) joy. We’re suggesting that when you allow your partner a few eccentricities, even if they conflict with the way you might do something, you’ll be nourishing an important need of the human heart—the need to be oneself.