In a recent Life magazine article titled “The Science of Love,” researchers explain that the “I can’t get enough of you” (or “honeymoon” phase) in a relationship lasts from eighteen months to three years, after those first feelings of infatuation. So let’s talk about a strategy that will help you recapture those feelings and remember the magic of falling in love. It’s really quite simple: Keep the courtship going.
Make time in your busy schedules to be together. It’s so easy to forget to take the time to acknowledge each other in the special ways we once did while we were dating. After all, life becomes saturated with careers and family responsibilities, while the intensity we once felt for each other often is replaced by feelings of normalcy and the routine of living. But if you dare to bring that spark back and step out of your routine, you’ll be surprised at the result. Bring home flowers for no apparent reason, surprise him with a love letter at the office, write poetry for each other. Go on a walk, hand in hand. Do something! There are many simple ways to keep the courtship going that will help you to remember, cherish, and keep that magic alive.
After starting our family, nearly ten years ago, we found that we were lacking the quality time that we had always treasured. We could no longer go on our early-morning runs together, and even our ritual of drinking coffee was replaced with breast-feeding. While our budget was prohibitive, in those early years, we still found that in order to nurture our connection, we needed to make time for weekly scheduled “date nights.”
Once you start your family, your relationship can definitely take the backseat, and if you’re not careful, it can become lost in family life altogether. Although it seems there is always someone or something that needs tending to, or homework that needs to be completed, it’s important that your life together remain a top priority.
It’s well worth it, for example, to find a good babysitter or babysitting coop to care for your children a few hours each week, or month, so the two of you can enjoy each other without interruption. You will quickly remember why you like each other so much, and you will have more time to appreciate each other. While an evening is wonderful, a weekend away is even better. We have always made an attempt to take two or three mini-weekends away each year to rekindle that magic between us. If this is not plausible, any time you can arrange will help.
Take some time to reflect on those early days, weeks, and years together. Surprise your spouse with a ritual from your past and bring it to your present moments together. Do the things that you used to do; act out the love that you feel and you will reignite your connection and, what’s more, you will remember the magic of falling in love.