Annie’s phone rang midmorning at work on Monday. She reached absently for the receiver still studying the spreadsheet on the screen before her.
‘Annie Fisher.’
‘Annie? It’s Kevin.’
She froze, unable to speak, unable to think.
‘Are you there? Annie?’
‘Yes.’ She swallowed quickly. Words came rushing into her mouth with the force of a tidal wave. ‘What do you want? Where the hell are you? Why haven’t you called me?’
‘I’ve been away.’
‘I know that!’ she spat. ‘We got the postcards. Pity we didn’t get any money for the last six months.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘You bastard.’ She ground the words out between clenched teeth.
‘Things have been hard for me lately, Annie.’
‘Oh really? Try raising two children on my pay alone. Try finding somewhere to live. We got kicked out of the house, Kevin. Did you know? Did it occur to you I couldn’t keep it on alone? Did anything occur to you? Like our children?’
She slammed down the phone.
‘Are you all right? Was that…’ Julia, at the next desk, hesitated, her kindly face wrinkled in a concerned grimace.
‘My bloody husband.’ Annie stared at her trembling hands and clenched the fingers into fists.
‘What did he want?’ Julia got up and came across to Annie, ready to offer advice. Fifty something and motherly, always ready to take on board others’ troubles, she’d been supportive when Kevin left and had actually hunted up Leonie and her apartment with an in-house email cry for assistance, something Annie would never have done herself.
Leonie thought she was a busybody with no life of her own.
‘I don’t know and I don’t care.’ Annie stood up and headed for the Ladies to avoid the sympathy. She didn’t want that right now, she was too furious.
Julia followed, hands flapping. ‘But Annie, he might want to make amends. He might want to see the children. You really should talk to him.’
‘I don’t want to.’
‘You have to.’
Annie spun around glaring at the anxious woman. ‘Why?’
‘For your children. He’s their father.’
Leonie was right. This wasn’t anyone’s business but her own.
‘He gave up any rights to his children when he stopped paying child support and when he disappeared out of their lives.’ She pushed open the door to the Ladies and let it close in Julia’s face. For good measure she locked herself in a cubicle.
How dare he call her now and say things had been hard! What did he want? Sympathy? Tough! She’d run out of that months ago. And why call her at work when he could have called her mobile? Hoping she wouldn’t be able to make a scene? Again, tough!
Annie sat until her breathing returned to normal and the urge to scream subsided. She washed her hands and splashed cool water on her cheeks and neck, patting them dry with paper towels. She squared her shoulders and returned to her desk.
Julia was on the phone but gave her a questioning look as she sat down, mouthing, ‘Are you okay?’
Annie nodded and focused on the spreadsheet on the screen.
At lunchtime Julia wanted to accompany her to the café at the bottom of their building and talk. Pry. Annie wanted to buy a sandwich and sit in the nearby park, alone. For the first time she missed Leonie with her straightforward no-nonsense, cut the crap attitude. Things were black and white in Leonie’s world. Kevin would be black as sin, Annie and the children white and pure as angels. Leonie would give her opinion of the situation unclouded by emotion. Leonie would back her up. The way Kevin had treated his family, in her eyes, was an unforgivable act of bastardry.
Julia didn’t think so. Julia was in favour of giving him a chance to explain, ask him what he wanted. Let him see his children. Julia was older and more experienced in life. She’d been married and divorced and was now widowed by her second husband, a much older man. She hadn’t been treated badly, though, by either husband. The divorce had been amicable when her children were older, the second marriage happy.
Annie stared at her uneaten sandwich. Kevin would call her again. She had to be prepared. She had to know what to say to him.
She walked slowly back to the office and sat at her desk, picking at the sandwich and finishing the coffee she’d bought but hadn’t drunk. He’d left a message on her voicemail, his phone number and ‘Please call.’ She scribbled it down on a piece of scrap paper and shoved it in her purse.
Julia’s well meaning enquiry after she returned from lunch was met with a set face and a shake of the head.
Annie didn’t phone that night and she didn’t phone the next day. She tried very hard to forget he’d phoned at all. But she couldn’t, of course. Every time she looked at Floss she saw Kevin. Same gingery tinged curls, same shaped face, same eyes, same smile.
And Mattie, missing his father, asking about Hugh and when they could play football again, even though they’d played for the second time on Sunday and she’d explained that the cousins wouldn’t be free every weekend. What to do? She needed suggestions from an unbiased source.
She rang Hugh on Wednesday morning in her tea break after a night and day of wondering if it was pushing a fledgling friendship too far. But he did know the background and he knew her situation, plus he wasn’t emotionally invested in the outcome.
‘I know this is out of the blue and it’s probably the last thing you want to do but I really need some advice,’ she said after they’d both ascertained they were well, thanks and he had time to talk. ‘Could you possibly come up tonight for a chat? I’ve got chocolate cake.’ She added that as a bribe in case he needed a tug in her direction.
‘Oh.’ He didn’t sound reluctant; he sounded surprised but pleased, and he didn’t probe, which was good because she didn’t want to go into details on the phone with ears flapping all around. She never understood how people could have the most intimate conversations on mobile phones in public. Gigantic egos, she suspected, assuming everyone was interested in their lives and proud to share. Or just totally oblivious, which equalled the same thing: a gigantic ego.
‘I’m sorry I can’t tonight. James and I are going out with some friends.’
‘Oh okay. No problem.’ Did she sound as disappointed as she was? Who were the friends? The girlfriends from last week? James would have lots of them. But he hadn’t specified James’ friends, just said friends.
‘Would tomorrow be all right? I can come up around eight thirty. Presumably you don’t want the children around?’
‘No, I don’t. Tomorrow’s fine but only if it’s convenient. I don’t want to intrude on your social life.’
‘Tomorrow’s fine. Sorry, Annie, I’d better go I’m being paged.’
‘All right. Thanks Hugh.’
‘See you tomorrow.’
Hugh knocked on Annie’s door wondering what on earth she wanted to discuss. Advice, she’d said. About what? It couldn’t be about the children. The last time he’d offered advice she’d been snappy and protective, and despite her apology he wouldn’t venture there again. Something to do with their health perhaps? No, she’d go to their own doctor, she wouldn’t impose on him.
Financial advice? She knew far more about money than he did, she was part way through an MBA with an Economics degree behind her. Maybe that was it. She wanted to restart the MBA and wanted reassurance she was doing the right thing. She was and he’d have no qualms about telling her so.
Annie opened the door with a smile behind which lurked worry. ‘Thanks for coming.’ Her eyes had dark shadows under them, indicating lack of sleep and a mind far from calm. His instinctive reaction was to pull her into his arms for another friendly hug but before he could act she’d turned away to lead him inside.
‘What’s the problem?’ He sat in his usual place on the couch. She sat opposite, fingers twining in and out of each other like snakes. This wasn’t about whether she should restart her MBA, this was something else, something far more serious.
A lump formed in his belly. Was it her own health? Was she ill? Did she have something serious? Like breast cancer? He reached forward and grasped her hands, stilling them, enclosing them in his, hoping he could send some of his own strength to her through the touch.
‘Kevin rang me,’ she said.
For a moment the name didn’t register.
‘My husband,’ she added when he didn’t respond.
‘What did he want?’ He released her fingers and sat back, at once relieved she wasn’t ill and apprehensive about what this would mean.
‘I don’t know. I hung up on him I was so furious.’ She met his startled expression with guileless eyes and he snorted as a spurt of laughter bubbled up from nowhere.
‘Sorry. I didn’t expect you to say that.’
‘What?’
‘Any of it. I had no idea, I thought maybe you were ill or something. Did he call back?’
‘Yes but I was out of the office so he left a message asking me to phone him.’ She leaned forward. ‘That’s why I want your advice. Should I call him or not?’
‘Gosh, Annie. I don’t know. Do you want to?’
‘That’s what I don’t know. Julia at work says I should talk to him because he’s the father of the kids and I should think about how it affects them. If Leonie was here she’d say no, he’s lost any rights he ever had.’
‘But that’s their opinion, not yours. Ultimately it’s how you feel, not how anyone else thinks you should.’
‘What do you think?’
Hugh rubbed his lips together. He’d prefer it if the guy disappeared off the face of the earth. He wanted to spend more time with Annie and even with her children, getting to know them, earning her trust and that of her sad little boy. Was it right to keep a son from his father?
‘I think a boy needs his father. Children need their father.’
Annie stared into his eyes for a long moment. ‘What happened to yours, Hugh?’
‘I barely remember him. He died in a car accident when I was six.’
‘Yet you miss him.’
He nodded. ‘I daydreamed about what it would be like to have a proper father and then Mum married again and it was a nightmare.’
‘Not all stepparents are wicked witches,’ she said softly.
‘I know. But mine was.’ He nearly told her the whole agonising story. The words trembled on his tongue but he swallowed them because she wanted his help tonight; not to be burdened with his pain.
‘So you think I should call.’
He nodded. ‘See what he wants.’
She stood up and went to her purse, removed a scrap of paper and picked up the phone. ‘Will you wait while I talk to him? Please?’
He rose. ‘I’ll make tea. And you promised chocolate cake.’
A faint smile hovered on her lips light as a butterfly. ‘It’s in the cake tin on the bench.’
He filled the jug with water. She dialled the number.
‘It’s Annie. What do you want?’
Her side of the conversation sounded like someone receiving orders for a cold war spying operation, terse and unresponsive.
‘When?’
Silence.
‘No.’
Silence.
‘Twelve thirty in the foyer. I won’t wait.’
She hung up.
‘Meeting him?’ he asked.
She joined him in the kitchen. ‘Lunchtime tomorrow at work. I don’t want him coming here.’
‘He’ll want to see the kids, though.’
‘Probably.’ She leaned against the bench and sighed, rubbed her hands over her face and groaned.
‘What will you say?’ Hugh took two plates from the cupboard and carefully transferred two slices of rich dark chocolate cake from the tin. He handed her one. She stuck her index finger in the icing and licked it off.
Hugh averted his eyes quickly from pouting chocolatey lips. This was definitely not the time for lust. The trouble was she just couldn’t help being sexy, even now when she was worried and confused. ‘How do you like your tea?’
‘Milk, thanks.’
He poured the tea and moved with her to the living room.
‘I think you’re right. Mattie needs his father. I just hope Kevin doesn’t let him down again.’
‘You’ll have to tell him that. Make it really clear how upset and confused Mattie is.’
‘I want to make it clear how much money he owes in child support and how bloody furious I am.’
‘He’s probably gathered the fury bit already unless he’s completely thick.’
‘He’s not stupid. He’s…’ She stopped, restarted. ‘He said things had been hard for him lately.’
‘In what way?’
‘No idea. I told him how hard it had been for me. And hung up.’
Hugh nodded.
‘You think I was too harsh?’
‘I’m not judging you, Annie. You do what you do.’
‘That’s not very helpful.’
Annie ate more chocolate cake. Hugh didn’t seem to have an opinion on what she should do at all, kept saying she had to decide herself. If she knew what she should do and how she should act with Kevin she wouldn’t have asked for his advice. Asking him had been a mistake. Women were much better at dissecting these issues than men. Even Julia had come up with reasons for her opinion.
He tried again. ‘I’m sorry. But it’s really your decision and how you act is up to you. You’re the only one who knows how you feel about the man and what your children need. Only you can decide the best thing for them.’
‘But you said I should let him see the kids.’
He shook his head. ‘I said I think children need their father. And you still don’t know what he wants to see you about. He might want a divorce.’
‘He would have said so on the phone.’
‘Would he? He might want to tell you in person.’ He drained his tea and poured more. ‘I don’t know what he wants and, more to the point, neither do you until you talk to him and find out.’
‘We have less than a month before we can file for divorce. The year is almost up.’ She smiled as a little ray of sunshine beamed onto the dark blob in her heart that was Kevin. ‘That’s probably it, the timing is right. He wants a divorce. Thank goodness.’ Hugh was right all along. She almost looked forward to meeting him tomorrow and getting it over with.
‘When’s Leonie coming back?’
‘About two weeks, maybe a bit longer.’ Annie carefully picked a crumb off her plate and ate it, tried to sound casual. ‘Why?’
‘You’ll need a lawyer.’
‘She’s not a divorce lawyer.’
‘But she knows the law and how to check what’s needed, and she’ll know someone who is, won’t she?’
‘I suppose.’ A new alarm sounded. ‘How will I be able to afford a lawyer?’
‘That’s why Leonie will be useful. Free advice. She wouldn’t charge you, would she?’ He cocked an eyebrow.
‘No. I don’t think so but I can’t imagine this won’t cost anything. Nothing costs nothing these days.’
‘That’s true. At least you might be able to get some money out of him if you’re in contact with him.’
‘I’ll make sure I get an address.’
‘And make him buy you lunch.’
Annie smiled and shook her head. ‘I don’t want to spend any more time with him than I have to.’
Hugh left a short time later, pleased that Annie had a more positive face on tomorrow’s meeting than when he’d arrived, but with an uncomfortable frisson of something he suspected might be jealousy. He didn’t want her seeing that deadbeat husband at all. He’d prefer the affair was finalised by lawyers and Annie need never be troubled by him again.
It wasn’t going to happen that way, he knew that. These things never were trouble free. Especially with children in the mix. Annie would do anything to ensure their happiness, that was her biggest problem. She’d insist the man spend time with Mattie, and in reality he was entitled to. He should. But that would mean Annie had to see him too. And the more she saw of him maybe the more she’d remember why she married him.
Hugh growled as he went down the stairs on leaden feet.
Annie stepped out of the elevator at twelve twenty nine. Her stomach gurgled like a drain. Empty. She couldn’t eat breakfast and only nibbled at a malted biscuit with a cup of tea midmorning. She scanned the foyer. A few visitors stood by the reception desk. Two men in suits and a woman. Not Kevin. If he hadn’t turned up that was it, she wouldn’t give him another chance.
She walked to the doors and stood by the entrance. Right on twelve thirty now. She’d said she wouldn’t wait. Bastard! She pushed the door open and walked outside into a blustery wind carrying with it a wintery chill off the harbour. Her jacket wasn’t warm enough. She shoved her hands in the pockets and headed for the café round the corner.
‘Annie, wait.’
Behind her. She stopped and turned slowly. He sounded tentative, breathless.
‘I’m sorry I’m a bit late.’
‘Nice tan.’ The first words that popped into her head, emerging with a sarcastic bite. That unstoppable fury boiled up inside her again. He’d been lazing about on Asian beaches turning his freckled pale skin golden brown while she’d been struggling, worried sick about her children and her future.
‘I’ve been working on a boat. You’re looking well, Annie.’ The pale blue eyes looked into hers with the familiar guileless expression, hiding thoughts and desires she’d had no idea were there. Before. Now she knew.
‘What do you want from me, Kevin? I know what I want from you.’
He glanced past her down the street. ‘Let’s go somewhere and talk.’
Annie nodded. The cold wind nipped at her cheeks. ‘There’s a café but it’ll be crowded. We could go to the pub. It’s quieter.’ That was because it was old and rundown and frequented by strange, furtive looking men and drunks. No-one would give them a second look.
The table in the corner was sticky with spilled drink. Kevin went to the bar and came back with a damp cloth. Annie watched in surprise as he wiped it down. He had on a grey suit and a blue shirt she hadn’t seen before. Smart.
‘What would you like to drink?’
‘Sparkling water.’
‘Anything to eat?’
Annie looked at the blackboard menu. Her stomach growled and sloshed. ‘Soup of the day. I don’t care what it is.’
Kevin went away to order before she could open her purse for money. Hugh’s words echoed in her mind, ‘Make him buy you lunch’, and she smiled. She looked across at Kevin. He’d lost weight, or rather, his body had firmed, toned. Working on a boat he said. Outdoor work instead of sitting at a computer. He looked fit and well. Better than she’d ever seen him. He still hadn’t asked after his children. The little weakening spot in her heart cemented over.
He turned and caught her staring. Smiled that goofy grin she’d fallen in love with when she was nineteen and naïve. She looked away. He had children; did he remember that minor detail?
Kevin set the drinks on the table and sat down. ‘How are Mattie and Floss?’
‘I’m surprised you remember them.’
‘Don’t be like that, Annie.’ At her gasp of outrage he said quickly, ‘I mean I understand why you’re angry and I apologise for…doing what I did, but things will be different now. I’m different.’
‘Better or worse?’ she asked sourly.
‘Better. Much better. I miss them.’
Annie clenched her fists so tightly they ached. She didn’t trust herself to speak it was such an outrageously egocentric statement.
He went on, ‘It was better I didn’t see them while I was sorting myself out. It was too confusing for me, it would have been disastrous for them. Better I wasn’t around them.’ He nodded to confirm the fact.
‘One lousy postcard a month,’ she ground out. ‘In nearly a year you sent a few miserable postcards.’
‘You moved,’ he said.
‘Don’t try to make this my fault, you bastard.’
He jerked back, shocked by the vehemence. He seemed so genuinely surprised by the depth of her rage she nearly laughed. What planet was he on? She had to get this farce over with.
‘What exactly do you want?’
A waitress arrived and deposited two bowls of pumpkin soup and a basket of bread on the table. Annie spooned up a mouthful while she waited for whatever oddity he was about to come out with. The soup was good. She ate more and took a slice of bread, suddenly ravenous.
‘I want us to be friends again. I want to see my kids.’
‘You should see them!’ She swallowed. ‘Mattie misses you. I hope you’ve got a good explanation for him.’
Kevin nodded. ‘Thank you.’
‘Don’t thank me. Treat our children properly, that’s all you need to do. If I had my choice I’d divorce you and never let you see them again but it wouldn’t be right — for them.’
‘A divorce?’
‘Don’t sound so surprised. Surely you want a divorce too?’
‘I hadn’t…no.’
‘What?’ Annie’s spoon fell into her bowl with a clunk.
‘I hadn’t thought about a divorce. I didn’t think you’d want one either. Do you have someone else?’
‘No. Believe me, you’ve put me right off men. But I do want a divorce and as soon as the year is up I’m filing.’ Annie resumed eating, pleased at the effect her announcement was having. What on earth had he expected?
Kevin ate a piece of bread thoughtfully. ‘I suppose it would make sense.’
‘Sense? What are you talking about? Surely you don’t want this marriage to stagger on, do you?’
‘I don’t know. Like I said, I hadn’t thought about it.’
‘You hadn’t thought about anything much beyond yourself, had you? Divorce or not, what about money for the kids? I can’t manage on my own income. Not very well anyway. I had to sell off a lot of furniture and stuff when I moved in with Leonie because I couldn’t afford to store it and there wasn’t any room in the apartment.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Me too.’ He’d be even more sorry when he found out what exactly she’d sold. Most of it was his.
‘I can help financially now. I’m starting work again in IT.’
‘Good. You’ve no idea what’s been happening. When you stopped depositing money I had to move. I couldn’t pay the rent. I had to move the kids to a new school and they lost all their old friends. We’re living in a seventh floor apartment that’s geared to singles. I had to defer the MBA so there’s no hope of getting a better paid position until I finish it.’
‘I’m sorry.’ What a feeble word ‘sorry’ was.
‘I was sick with worry. I had no idea how I was going to manage, where we were going to live, and it was only because someone at work was kind and generous enough to offer to share her apartment that we survived. And now you come…’ She cast about for a suitable term ‘…dancing back expecting to pick up where we left off. Expecting me to welcome you back and forget the last miserable year.’
‘Annie, I’m gay,’ he said when she paused for breath.
Annie’s lungs seized up. She coughed and choked for a few moments and downed half her glass of water while Kevin watched anxiously.
‘Since when?’ she croaked. He had to be kidding. She wiped her streaming eyes and cleared her throat.
‘Probably all my life, but it’s only recently that I decided I had to find out. I was in such a mess I just had to get away. Not from you,’ he added hastily. ‘From my life as it was.’
‘Why did you marry me?’ Her voice emerged as a sort of squeak. This she had never expected. What did that say about her as a woman, about her woman’s instinct?
‘I was in denial, I suppose.’
‘But couldn’t you have told me? Had we grown so far apart? Was I so unapproachable? Did you think I’d be…’ Shocked? She was. Horrified? Possibly but not because of the gayness, because she’d never guessed he might be. ‘Unsympathetic?’ she finished. ‘I’m not anti-gay. I’m not a biased person, you know that.’
‘I wasn’t thinking straight.’ He stopped and laughed at the unintentional pun. Annie smiled and the smile turned into a hysterical little giggle then faded.
‘No, you weren’t. All the time I thought it was me, Kevin. I thought you couldn’t stand being married to me and that you regretted having the kids. I thought you hated us all. And you let me think that!’
‘I don’t. I love the kids and I love you.’ He studied his hands. ‘Just not in that same way anymore. I can’t. I’d never regret marrying you, Annie, believe me.’
‘I understand.’ And she did. The lack of sex early on in their marriage suddenly made sense, the failure of Victoria’s Secret to liven things up, perhaps even the desire to live in a share house so there was always someone else around to alleviate the one to one ratio. ‘So why don’t you want a divorce? I would have thought it was the obvious thing to do.’
‘There’s no rush is there?’
Annie hesitated. She took her spoon and scraped up the last of the soup, finished the bread. ‘I suppose not.’
‘If we’re still married we’ll still be a family.’
She frowned. ‘But that’s irrelevant if we’re not living together. I’d prefer to get a divorce. Why not?’
Kevin firmed his lips. ‘I haven’t told anyone here in Sydney I’m gay. They think I’m married but separated at my new work.’
‘You don’t have to tell them anything. They can’t fire you or not hire you because you’re gay!’
‘No, but the boss is really big on family and I’m not comfortable yet with…you know.’
‘Get another job.’
‘But this one is really good and the pay is great. I’ll be able to give you more money than before.’
‘Before what? Before you stopped giving me any at all? Well that’s good.’
‘You’ll be able to restart the MBA because I’ll be around for the kids.’
Annie held up her hands. ‘Hold on, hold on. This is getting out of control.’ She sucked in a deep breath. ‘You can’t just walk back into our lives and pick up where you left off. Mattie is very hurt and he’s become quite suspicious of people. Neither of them likes me to be out of their sight for very long because they think I might disappear the way you did.’
‘But I won’t. I’ll tell them I’m back for good, for them.’
‘I’ll have to tell them myself and ask them if they’d like to see you. But only short visits for a while so they can get used to you again. Where are you living?’
‘Randwick.’ He told her the address and she wrote it down. ‘I’ll be working in the city.’
She glanced at her watch. Ten minutes left. ‘How long have you been back in Sydney?’
‘A month.’ He managed to look shamefaced.
‘A month. And you didn’t bother to get in touch until a few days ago.’ She stood up and put on her jacket, quickly in case she threw the remains of her water at him. ‘Unbelievable.’
‘I was getting myself sorted. I didn’t want to contact you until I had a place to live and a job.’ He pushed his chair back and rose as well.
‘You could have phoned and said hello to the kids. I don’t care about me but it’s them you’ve messed around. I’m finding it very hard to accept any of your excuses.’
‘I lost my phone with your number and you moved from the house so I couldn’t call, until I realised I could catch you at work.’
Annie shook her head. ‘I have to go. Thanks for lunch.’ Too much information all at once. She headed for the door, wrapping her arms across her body as the wind tugged at her hair and jacket.
Kevin walked back to the office with her, tagging along behind like a stray dog. ‘I’ll call you.’
‘I still want a divorce and it’s nothing to do with you being gay. You can put some money into my account. The number hasn’t changed.’
‘All right.’
Who was this man? She didn’t know him at all, if she ever had. Annie gave him one last searching look and pushed the door open.
Hugh spent most of the afternoon wondering what had happened at Annie’s lunch. Half a dozen times he pulled out his phone to call her then changed his mind and shoved it back in his pocket. What had the man said? Why didn’t she call? He’d go up tonight and see her. She’d asked for his advice, he deserved to hear the results of the meeting.
At eight he tapped on her door, bottle of wine in hand, heart thumping like a man with a medical problem.
‘Oh hello.’ Her smile was distracted. Children yelled in the background. Fighting. Scream like a steam whistle from Floss.
‘Sorry. Bad time? I’ll come back.’
‘No, no, it’s fine. They’ll shut up if you’re here.’
‘How did…’ But she was gone, striding towards the bedroom. He followed, leaving the wine on the table on the way.
‘Hugh’s here,’ she said loudly. ‘And if you want him to read a story, you’d better be in bed in two seconds, and be quiet. Now!’
The sudden silence was dramatic. Bedclothes rustled. Hugh, outside the door, grinned. No-one had reacted to his presence like that before. As Bedtime Story Reader he had serious street cred, an unusually nice feeling.
Annie withdrew from the room and faced him. ‘Will you read them a story? Please?’ He thought she was about to cry. She certainly teetered on the edge of some vast emotional chasm. The husband! Bastard! ‘I’ve had the day from hell.’
‘Of course.’ He placed his palm against her soft, pale cheek. ‘I brought a bottle of red. Help yourself.’
She pressed her hand against his and summoned a wispy smile. ‘Lifesaver.’
Without another thought he leaned forward and brushed his lips over hers. For a moment he lingered savouring the pleasure, this first touch of her mouth under his. For a moment she responded but then she moved away. Not quickly, not a shocked retreat but reluctant, promising more perhaps, but not now. His eyes locked on hers, so close he could see darker blue flecks in the grey. He smiled. ‘Story time.’
She nodded.
When he closed the fourth storybook, Floss was asleep. Mattie, almost. Two stories each, they’d agreed without so much as a raised voice. On best behaviour. Fairness was all when you were almost five and six-nearly-seven. He smiled and switched off the light.
Annie sat slumped on the couch staring at nothing, her glass of red half empty on the table. His full glass waited next to a bowl of almonds and cashews. He scooped up a handful and sat down next to her.
‘All asleep.’
‘Thanks. I’m so glad you appeared, Hugh. I was getting dangerously close to jumping off the balcony.’
He paused mid-chew. ‘Never do that! Never even think that.’
‘I was joking.’
‘I should hope so. But don’t, not about that.’ He picked up his wine. ‘Tell me.’
‘The car wouldn’t start. I had to leave it at work and call a taxi to collect the kids then go back and wait for the NRMA guy to come. We all waited for an hour and a half at the front of the parking station in that horrible cold wind and then it started raining. And of course it’s Friday so I can’t do anything about repairs until next week.’
‘You should have called me.’
‘Why?’
‘I could have waited for the NRMA or taken the kids. Something, anything.’
‘I didn’t think of it, and if I had I wouldn’t have dreamed of bothering you.’
‘What’s wrong with the car?’
‘The starter motor has had it. They towed it to the nearest garage which is miles away from here but I didn’t have any choice. God only knows what it’ll cost.’ Her voice trembled and Hugh slid his arm around her and drew her close. She rested her head on his shoulder. He didn’t dare utter a word or move a muscle in case she realised where she was.
‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ she said.
‘I’m glad I came up. I was worried about you.’
‘Worried?’
‘I wanted to know what happened with your husband today. After what you said last night…you know.’
‘That was the first instalment of the day from hell. He doesn’t want a divorce.’
‘Really? Why on earth not?’
‘Who knows, and guess what? Second instalment — he’s gay.’
Hugh nearly spilled the wine he’d raised to his lips. ‘Gay? Did you know?’
‘No idea. What sort of idiot does that make me, to marry a gay guy?’
He squeezed her shoulders. ‘No sort of idiot at all! Why did he marry you? Did he say?’
She straightened and he reluctantly relaxed his hold. ‘He said he’d been confused since he was a child and only really decided he couldn’t handle things in the last few years.’
Hugh dragged in a breath. His immediate reaction was Kevin was a selfish bastard to mess Annie and his children around so badly but then… ‘Must have been hard for him. It’s not an easy thing to admit, for some people.’
‘Apparently not.’ Annie’s tone implied she had no sympathy. She drained her glass and poured more for them both. ‘I just wish he hadn’t involved me in it.’ She sniffed and wiped a hand across her eyes. ‘I was in shock most of the time after he said that. He was saying all sorts of things about seeing the kids and how we’re still a family and how he can contribute more money now.’
‘He’s working?’
‘Yes, in the city somewhere. He’s living in Randwick.’
‘Not too far.’
‘No.’
Hugh drank some more wine while his thoughts churned. What did all this mean? ‘How come he doesn’t want a divorce?’
‘I don’t know and I don’t think he does either. Not really. He said it hadn’t occurred to him and seemed to think we would pick up where we left off, except better.’
‘Better? How could it possibly be better?’
‘In some ways it would be better than this. The kids could see him regularly and I wouldn’t be as broke. I could finish my MBA.’
‘But does he expect you to move in with him?’
Annie shot him a startled look. ‘He didn’t say that. I don’t know.’
‘But would you if he suggested it?’
Her hesitation told him his question wasn’t as outrageous as he’d thought.
Move back in with Kevin? Annie turned the idea around in her mind. ‘He wouldn’t want that, would he?’
‘I don’t know. But you might as well have your reply planned in case he does.’
‘But he’s gay. Wouldn’t we cramp his style?’
Hugh shrugged and put down his empty glass. ‘Could be platonic.’
Annie giggled. ‘It’d have to be.’
‘Are you seeing him again?’
‘We didn’t arrange anything. Like I said, I was in shock, plus I had to get back to work.’
‘Do the kids know he’s here?’
‘Not yet. I want to be clear what’s happening first.’
‘Which means you’ll have to talk to him.’
‘I know and I will. But I’ve got to have the car fixed. That’s my priority at the moment. Maybe I can send him the bill. He said he wants to help.’
Hugh smiled. ‘That’ll test his credibility.’
Annie nodded enthusiastically. ‘I will. It’s still registered in both our names so it’s not so outrageous. I’ll ask him first though. Maybe having Kevin around again won’t be so bad after all. As long as he pulls his weight financially and spends time with the kids.’
She settled back against the end cushions and tucked her feet under her. She raised her glass to him.
‘You know what? For the first time in a year I can draw a clean, deep, calm breath.’
Hugh clinked his glass against hers, but her words resounded with a hollow thud in his heart.