Every revolution starts somewhere! I (Chip) was teaching sex180 to about 3,500 to 4,000 teens and young adults in Atlanta about a year ago. They heard what you’ve been reading in the last 13 chapters. The place was packed, the music had been awesome, and you could hear a pin drop. So I called out the question, “Will you step up and step out to launch a second sexual revolution in your school, among your friends, and in your relationships?”
With everyone watching, I asked who would stand up and proclaim their commitment to be a radical revolutionary for the glory of God.
About 300 to 400 students stood up, while thousands of others sat in their fear and indifference. It wasn’t a huge, hypedup thing. It was a small group of people who rose to their feet because they wanted to, not because they felt like they had to. They had a passion in them not only to live out the sex180 themselves but also to reach out to people around them.
Some banded together in small groups immediately after we ended and devised a strategy to launch a revolution in their high school. The students you’ve heard from in this book were part of that group. They have been revolutionaries for the past year in their large public high school.
So how about you? Are you a part of the second sexual revolution?
Has it started with you—the revolution of one?
Have you begun to see sex as both sacred and serious and then let that truth latch on to both your brain and your heart?
If you have, then now you can’t turn on the TV, listen to your MP3s, go online, or watch a movie without the words “sex is sacred” and “sex is serious” whispering in your ear. You just can’t see the world in the same way. Things that didn’t used to be a big deal to you suddenly are, and the reason is that you are tuned into God’s heart. There’s no going back. Anything less is just lying to yourself.
But now you need to take it to the next level. You’ve got to let those beliefs affect other areas of your life too. You have to decide that instead of becoming a pawn of our culture, you are going to be a person who has inward character, outward modesty, and upward devotion.
If you do, you will not only think differently, you will act differently. Your life will be a sex180.
Those actions will be put to the test, and you’ll be forced to decide if you are going to buy into the biggest lie of all—that your faith and your life don’t have to connect, that you can keep all of that separate. You’ll realize that not only do you need to do a 180 on what you think about sex, but the way you view relationships needs to change too. It’s not just about knowing something, it’s living it out. And if you are going to live out what God is doing in your life, something drastic has to change.
And so the revolution expands—one + one. That means you have crossed the line and become a part of God’s solution by loving others in a way that transforms their lives.
You say, “I’m not going to play that way anymore” and say good-bye to the Hollywood way of doing relationships, a way that leaves a lot of carnage and scars.
You say, “I’m going to start out as friends. I’m going to see the other person as my brother or sister. And I’m going to make the spiritual growth of that person my top priority.”
Love? You learn what it really looks like, and it’s nothing like infatuation.
Breakups? Not so brutal.
People who used to know you may not even recognize you.
They will ask you questions. They will want to know why you do what you do.
People will see that you start out relationships different than they do.
People will see that you treat people with respect and dignity. That you just seem to know a lot more about those around you—important stuff like who they really are, what they believe, what and who they really care about—than other people do.
People will notice that the way you leave a relationship is so much different than the drama they go through.
People will notice that the things that are attractive about you have nothing to do with a skin-tight T-shirt, short skirt, or bare midriff.
People will see something different about your life.
So what are you going to do when they start asking you questions?
They will, you know. They’re going to want to know your secret. They’re going to want to know “why.” Answers like “wait” or “no” aren’t going to be good enough.
That’s when you tell them about sex180. Not in a way that looks down on people. Not in a way that’s preachy or arrogant. Not being self-righteous or thinking you’re holier than everybody else. You know what we mean—the whole unspoken “we’re Christians, you’re not, we’re smart, you’re stupid” vibe we give off sometimes.
But when you love authentically and live pure, your life will shine. You can live in a way that impacts your friends, your own family, other students, your coach, whoever. And when you live it out first, your talk just attaches words to what people have already seen.
It doesn’t matter that you’re still a student—in fact, that probably gives you an advantage. The first sexual revolution was started by teens and young adults. You’ve got God backing you up on this one. First Timothy 4:12 says: “Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity” (NLT).
Remember my (Chip’s) free meal in West Virginia? I received a lot more than a home-cooked dinner that night. Not because Dave and Lanny, the couple I visited, wanted to preach a sermon to me. They didn’t invite me there to straighten me out. But because of the abundance of love that filled their house, I saw what I had been looking for. It was so simple that I probably would have overlooked it if I had just seen them at church. But because they invited me into their lives, I got to see it up close.
They were just living their lives. They had no set agenda, other than wanting to feed a hungry college student. But when they shared a meal and their home, the light of their lives showed me a different way to live out my sexuality. I did a 180 that night.
Anything they would have said about sex or relationships would have been just backup for what I saw—a real relationship, a real love, and something worth waiting for.
I finally got it. I understood God’s heart. Then I started living it out.
But first I saw it lived out.
That’s why most of this book has been about how you live this out. Nobody’s going to listen to what you say until they know you believe and see you live it out first.
Your life is shining “like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life” (Philippians 2:15–16). The revolution begins in you.
Then it moves to one + one. Your relationships work better, and people want to know why. Now they’re ready to listen.
“When it’s time to talk, you’ll know,” Bobby says. “When they question, that’s when you talk. You don’t force it on anyone. You live it, and when they ask you about it, you go for it. What you do and how you live is what they see.”
What do you say? You tell them about your own experience. You tell them why you do what you do and how that’s working for you.
You get honest with them. If your past is less than stellar, you let them see that so they realize it’s not just an already “perfect” person who can live this out—anyone can.
“I think a big way we can impact other people is not just to share with our friends, ‘Don’t have sex’—they’ve heard that many times before,” says Mike. “I think people listen to the Christian who is honest and says, ‘I’ve been through that situation.’ Or ‘I’ve been pressured by that.’ I think the biggest way to impact other people is when they can relate to you. I think so many times we as Christians make it seem like we’re the perfect people.”
If you’re tuned in enough to your walk with God to live out this revolution, you know very well how imperfect you can be at times. And because of that, you may be afraid to speak out about this sex180. You don’t want to be a hypocrite. We don’t want to be hypocrites either.
That’s why you’ve got to be honest about your struggles. But when you fall, you don’t run away from God—you run to him. Instead of letting the pain of your sin cause you to pull back, let it push you forward.
When you sin, confess it to God. First John 1:9 says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
After you confess it, God says he’ll choose to forget. Then, instead of letting your sin haunt you, learn from your bad decisions. Look at what got you there and then move on, a little wiser. You may bear some scars. You may have to live with some of the consequences of your actions. That’s just the nature of sexual sin. It leaves some long-lasting wounds on your brain and heart and sometimes body—part of the sacredness and seriousness of sex.
But it’s not just about damage control. It’s not about you saving face.
Living out this revolution and telling others about it has nothing to do with people seeing how great or how pure you are—it’s about seeing how awesome and loving God is. How he created sex. And how he desires to give it to you—with the right person at the right time in the right place.
Remember, what was revolutionary about Jesus was his love. Not because he led an army. Not because he took over the culture. But because when people had an encounter with him, they walked away with a new realization of God’s love.
Plenty of belief systems say “no sex till marriage.” But what makes this 180 different is the fact that it’s backed up not by rules but by God’s love. That’s what people at your school need to hear.
“At the beginning of the year, our group was like, ‘Let’s go impact the school. Let’s talk to everyone you know about God.’ But that didn’t work for me,” Audrey admits. “I actually think I turned a lot of people away. The greatest commandment is love. The greatest commandment is not telling people what to do. Once you love someone, that’s when you can make an impact. I’ve built some friendships this year, and because of that I can tell them how I feel about stuff. It’s a natural thing. It’s God’s plan. It’s not me looking for an opportunity where it’s not supposed to be.”
If you don’t know someone who needs to hear, ask God to lead you to someone. “I’m praying for God to open doors,” Annie confesses. “I’m praying, ‘Father, I’m living for you. I’m standing. I’m standing in your victory. I am ready to do whatever.’ And out of the love of just friendships, God opens the door. It’s so effortless.”
[ the revolution inside ]
God’s given you the gear to live out the revolution of one.
He’s given you the plan to live out the revolution of one + one.
And he’s given you the heart and the opportunities to live out the revolution of one + the world.
Revolt every day.
Live in a way that goes 180 degrees opposite from our culture.
Live out the sex180, and let’s go start a second sexual revolution.