Appendix B

Question: What Do You Need to Know About Dwight K. Schrute?

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute keeps his desk drawers locked, and keeps his phone in a locked drawer when not working. (Pilot)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has no problem with downsizing. He’s been recommending it since he first got to Dunder-Mifflin; he even brought it up in his interview. (Pilot)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute used to drive a 1978 2802. (Pilot)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute is a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff’s Deputy on the weekends. (Diversity Day)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has knowledge of the characteristics of superheroes. (A hero kills people who wish him harm. A hero is part human, part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma or disaster and must be avenged. We all have a hero in our heart.) (Diversity Day)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has never been sick. He has a perfect immune system and superior brain power. (Health Care)

Fact: Through concentration, Dwight K. Schrute can raise or lower his blood pressure at will. Why would he want to raise it? So he can lower it again. (Health Care)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute loves Count Chocula. (Health Care)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute brings his own water to work, which puts him at a real disadvantage for hearing the gossip at the water cooler. (The Alliance)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute is a deer hunter; he goes with his dad. Dwight K. Schrute is better at hiding than deer are at vision. (The Alliance)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has dyed his hair to go undercover and spy on the Stamford branch. (The Alliance)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute believes in protecting his face when engaged in athletic activities. (He wears one of those plastic masks when playing basketball. (Basketball)

Fact: The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies. (Hot Girl)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute owns a purse. (Hot Girl)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute keeps his Dundies in a display case above his bed. (The Dundies)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute can play “Mambo #5” on his recorder. (The Dundies)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute’s grandfather left him a 10-acre working beet farm. He runs it with his cousin Mose. They sell beets to local stores and restaurants. His grandparents also left him a large number of armoires. (Office Olympics)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has his own crossbow range. (Office Olympics)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute’s bathroom is under his porch. (Office Olympics)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute enjoys the song “Everybody Hurts” by REM. (The Fire)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute’s all-time favorite movie is The Crow. (The Fire)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute is a practitioner of Goju-Ryu karate in Scranton. He is a sempai, which is assistant (to the) Sensei. (The Fight)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has a purple belt, which is not a toy. (The Fight)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute’s maternal grandfather was a World War II Veteran. He killed 20 men and then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. Dwight K. Schrute’s father battled blood pressure and obesity his whole life, which is a different kind of battle. (The Fight)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute was secretly promoted from Assistant to the Regional Manager to Assistant Regional Manager. (The Fight)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute played “Mutey the Mailman” in a 7th grade production of Oklahoma! They had to make up parts so all the kids could participate. (The Client)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute used a fitness orb, which changed his whole life. (The Client)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute brought in deer jerky for the whole office. (The Client)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute thinks that one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. (Email Surveillance)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute is the Christmas Elf. (Christmas Party)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute was the youngest pilot in Pan-Am history— when he was four, the pilot let him ride in the cockpit and steer the plane. (Booze Cruise)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has a bobble head of himself, which he received for Valentine’s Day. (Valentine’s Day)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute was Top Salesman of the Year at the company, which is “literally the highest honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania-based mid-sized paper company regional salesman can attain.” (Dwight’s Speech)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has given a speech originally given by Benito Mussolini. (Dwight’s Speech)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute can play “Greensleeves” on the recorder. (Take Your Daughter to Work Day)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute’s grandmutter read him a story from 1864— a cautionary tale for kids. (Take Your Daughter to Work Day)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute can play the guitar for, and sing, “Teach Your Children Well.” (Take Your Daughter to Work Day)

Fact: The Schrutes consider children very valuable; they would bear as many children as possible so they would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter, and there weren’t enough grains or vegetables, they would eat the youngest of the brood. They didn’t eat the children—it never came to that. (Take Your Daughter to Work Day)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute can play “For the Longest Time” by William Joel on the recorder. (Michael’s Birthday)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute will not tip someone for doing a job he could do himself. (Michael’s Birthday)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute likes the people he works with, with four exceptions. (Drug Testing)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute did not become a sheriff’s deputy to make friends. (And, by the way, he hasn’t.) (Drug Testing)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute wants Michael to have all the urine he needs. (Drug Testing)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute’s father and grandfather’s names were both Dwight Schrute. His great-grandfather’s name was Dwide Shrude— Amish. (Drug Testing)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has a standing appointment with Toby (Fridays at 4) to file grievances against Jim. (Conflict Resolution)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute never smiles if he can help it. Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at him, all he sees is a chimpanzee begging for its life. (Conflict Resolution)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute would never ever serve Jim. Not in a million billion years. (Casino Night)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute owns and wears the tuxedo his grandfather was buried in. (Casino Night)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has been convinced that Jim can move things with his mind. (Casino Night)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute can tell by looking at someone if they’re gay. (Gay Witch-hunt)

Fact: It is Dwight K. Schrute’s job to know where Jan Levinson shops. (The Coup)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has to do Michael’s laundry for a year, although after his re-hiring, they can discuss that. (The Coup)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute believes that instant death is very smart. (Grief Counseling)

Fact: When Dwight K. Schrute dies, he would like to be frozen. He’ll wake up stronger than ever, because he would have used that time to figure out why he died and what hold they had him in. (Grief Counseling)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute believes that a 2/3-size robot is easier to stop than a full-size robot if it turns on its creators. It is also wise to give a robot a 6-foot extension cord, so it could not chase after people. (Grief Counseling)

Fact: When Dwight K. Schrute’s mother was pregnant with him, they did an ultrasound and thought she was having twins. A few weeks later, they checked again and found out that Dwight had “resorbed” the other fetus. Now he has the strength of a grown man and a little baby. (Grief Counseling)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute always has his neon green recorder with him. (Grief Counseling)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute can almost fit a dead bird into a soda can. (Grief Counseling)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute’s grandfather was reburied in an oil drum. (Grief Counseling)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute enjoys the metal band Life of Agony. (Initiation)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute is the leader of the “Dwight Army of Champions.” (Initiation)

Fact: Cousin Mose will always be Dwight’s best friend, unless things go well with Ryan. (Initiation)

Fact: The greatest danger facing Dunder-Mifflin is flash floods. (Initiation)

Fact: Michael Scott’s greatest fear is nothing. But Dwight would accept “snakes” as an answer. (Initiation)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute possesses a nasty old wheelchair and the coffin his grandfather was originally buried in, and he keeps these in a barn. (Initiation)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute knows a lot about Diwali. A lot. (Diwali)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute can play “The Hanukah Song” on the guitar. (Diwali)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute receives faxes from Future Dwight. (Branch Closing)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute was hazed on his first day by being sprayed with a fire extinguisher by Michael. (Branch Closing)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute outran a black pepper snake. (The Merger)

Fact: Japanese camp guards in World War II killed one man every time a new batch of prisoners came in. Dwight K. Schrute thinks that he would be good at choosing that person. (The Merger)

Fact: He is older, he is wiser—don’t mess with him. (The Merger)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute knows that the safest place to sit is behind the driver. In the case of an accident, the driver always protects his side. (Traveling Salesmen)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute never lets anyone walk behind him: 70 percent of attacks come from the rear. (Traveling Salesmen)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute never takes vacations, never gets sick, and doesn’t celebrate any major holidays. (Traveling Salesmen)

Fact: One of Dwight K. Schrute’s life goals is to die in his desk chair. (Traveling Salesmen)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute broke down his resume into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute Trivia. (The Return)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute is ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face him. (The Return)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute would describe himself in three words as: hardworking, alpha-male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable. (The Return)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute password-protects his files with the names of mythical creatures. (The Return)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has excellent hand-eye coordination. (The Return)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute doesn’t care what Jim says. He is 99 percent sure that the real Ben Franklin did not visit the office. (Ben Franklin)

Fact: The Schrutes have their own traditions. They usually get married standing in their own graves, which makes the funerals very romantic. But the weddings are a bleak affair. (Phyllis’ Wedding)

Fact: That’s the thing about bear attacks—they come when you least expect it. (Phyllis’ Wedding)

Fact: The most inspiring thing anyone’s ever said to Dwight K. Schrute was Michael saying “Don’t be an idiot.” Whenever he’s about to do something, he thinks: would an idiot do that? And if they would, he does not do that thing. (Business School)

Fact: If a vampire bat was in the US, it would make sense for it to come to a—sylvania, like Pennsylvania. (Business School)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute doesn’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but he has hunted werewolves. He shot one once, but by the time he got to it, it had turned back into his neighbor’s dog. (Business School)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has been controlling animals since he was six. (Business School)

Fact: The line on the top of the shrimp is feces. (Cocktails)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute is shunning Andy for the next three years. It’s an Amish technique; it’s like slapping someone with silence. Dwight was shunned from the age of four to his sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna. (Cocktails)

Fact: Bears can climb faster than they can run. (Product Recall)

Fact: Identity theft is not a joke—millions of families suffer every year. (Product Recall)

Fact: 1st rule in roadside beet sales: put the most attractive beets on top—the ones that make you pull the car over and say wow, I need that beet. (Product Recall)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute grew up on a farm, has seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. (Product Recall)

Fact: Better a thousand innocent men are locked up than one guilty man go free. (Product Recall)

Fact: Once Dwight K. Schrute becomes Regional Manager, his first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. His ideal choice for a new #2 is Jack Bauer, but he is unavailable, fictional, and overqualified. (The Job)

Fact: One thousand Schrute bucks equals an extra five minutes for lunch. One Schrute buck is worth 1/100 of a cent. (The Job)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has a Froggy 101 sticker near his desk. Fact: Dwight K. Schrute grows hemp. (“Money”)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute is a notary. (‘Money”)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute keeps many pelts in his trunk, along with a bear horn. (“Dunder-Mifflin Infinity”)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has been employee of the month 13 out of the last 12 months. (“Dunder-Mifflin Infinity”)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute cannot be defeated by a computer! (“Dunder-Mifflin Infinity”)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute plays “Second Life.” Everything about him is the same, except that he can fly. (“Local Ad”)

Fact: Agrotourism is a lot more than a bed and breakfast. It consists of tourists coming to a farm, showing them around, giving them a bed, giving them breakfast. (“Money”)

Fact: Schrute Farms has three rooms, each with a different theme: America, Irrigation, and Night-Time. (“Money”)

Fact: The Schrute Beet Farm, Bed and Breakfast caters to the elderly. (“Money”)

Fact: The Schrutes give wild oats to members of the family after they have sex with young women. (“Money”)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute can play “You give love a bad name” on the recorder. Fact: The eyes are the groin of the head. (“Branch Wars”)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute keeps various weaponry around the office. (“Branch Wars”)

Fact: It is better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally than by a stranger on purpose. (“Branch Wars”)

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute is an excellent table-tennis player. (“The Deposition”)

Facts from Dwight’s Blog!

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute hates salmon. Clarification: he doesn’t hate salmon, he really, really, really DOESN’T LIKE salmon.

Fact: Salmon don’t keep blogs.

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute has over 87 people in his immediate family.

Fact: Halloween is his favorite holiday, even though he doesn’t celebrate holidays.

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute loves sleet.

Fact: Over 287 billion dollars were wasted last year by people being late and/or pretending to be sick.

Fact: Sometimes the sun never rises in Canada.

Fact: Valentine’s Day was created by the flower companies and the Hallmark Company AND the chocolate companies and companies that create little plastic cupid creatures containing candy and other fluffy what-nots.

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute’s favorite words: sniffles, monkey, ass, nebula, corn, Smith & Wesson, Mordor, Starbuck, Salesman of the Year.

Fact: They call it Fall because people fall down a great deal over all the leaves and branches.

Fact: Judge not, lest ye be a judge.

Fact: Grampa Schrute used to say: “Learn to share or I’ll eat you.”

Fact: Every year in spring, Dwight K. Schrute’s mind goes to ninjas.

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute does not believe in Lycanthropes. He puts no credence in the theory that a human can change into anything other than a decomposing human.

Fact: Dwight K. Schrute left himself a time capsule in 1985. It was found in 2007. Here are the contents: a dehydrated beet sculpture of himself, a friendship bracelet, half of a twix bar, a letter to himself, a letter to his wife (he has disappointed his former self), and the carcass of a vole.