B ack at work, my customers were showing their appreciation for good service by keeping my tip jar jammed with money I couldn’t complain about the kind of money I was making at The Dive, but living in a hotel was starting to hurt my pockets. In addition to paying my student loans, I wanted to get an apartment, and save up to buy a car.
Sharif had never gotten back to me about the underground sex club job, and it bothered me that he thought I was too judgmental to mix drinks for a bunch of freaks. Hell, after my liaison with the twisted lesbians, I was certain that I could rock with any sick scenario without blinking an eye.
Engaging in wild sex with a stranger is like getting drunk to forget your problems. The frenzy of meaningless sex gives you a high that makes you briefly forget about your problems. But after you’ve climaxed, whatever you were trying to escape is still lingering in your mind.
After my tryst with Blondie and Michelle, my problem seemed to have intensified, and I felt worse than ever.
I had fun with the girls, but after the rush of illicit sex was over, I crashed.. .felt like I had hit rock bottom. When it was all over, I wanted to hurry out of that unfamiliar environment and return to my hotel.
While I washed up, the girls were still cuddling and making out. They both had cum smeared over their faces, and when I stepped back into the bedroom, smelling the co-mingled fumes of pussy and semen, I felt sickened, and I felt ashamed for participating in racially- charged dialogue.
Blondie wanted to go for another round, but I declined. I couldn’t get out of the crib fast enough. She thought she was going to cuddle with both Michelle and me, but I could hardly look at her cum-stained face without cringing.
Hit by a feeling of deep despair and loneliness, I realized that random sex hadn’t taken away my desire to be with Fonia. More than ever, I wanted to get to know her better and gaze into her beautiful, brown eyes.
Having such strong feelings for Fonia is crazy. I don’t know anything about her, yet since the day I first set eyes on her, I haven’t been able to get her off my mind.
Fve been fucking since I was thirteen, and Fve had more pussy than I could begin to count. But I might as well turn into a monk...a priest...or something because meaningless sex isn’t doing it for me, anymore. I crossed clingy women off my list of sex partners, thinking that no-strings-attached sex situations would work for me.
But now I’ve come to realize that self-medicating with meaningless sex isn’t working at all. The aftermath of sticking my dick into miscellaneous pussies and mouths has left a blemish on my soul.
My heart knows what it wants. It wants Fonia, and no one else can fill the void.
Being realistic, though... if Fonia isn’t the one for me, then I’ll have to accept that. But I’ve decided to steer clear of future sexual encounters with people I barely know and have no kind of emotional connection with.
I’m not saying that the next time I have sex. I’m going to take a trip down the aisle. What I’m saying is, I’ve grown weary of fucking for the sake of busting a nut. I need to have genuine feelings for my partner before I get that intimate again. It’s time to take my dick out of the game and put it on hiatus. I decided to become celibate until I met someone whom I believed I could build a future with.
My plan to become celibate seemed a fittle hypocritical since I wanted to work with Sharif at the sex club. A cehbate dude in a highly charged sexual environment was like an ex-addict trying to make a living selling drugs.
But I could do it; I knew I could. My will has always been strong. My inner strength is what got me out of the hood and into undergrad school while my friends were dying and going to jail. My belief in myself got me through law school. If an ex-thug like me could turn my life around through sheer will and the desire to over-
come my circumstances, then I could certainly give up pussy for a while.
I wondered if being celibate meant no sexual release at all. Nah, fuck that; if I didn’t jack off at least once a day, I’d probably lose my mind.
Reaching for a bottle of Absolut, my back was turned when I heard my man, Buddha exclaim, “Look who’s here! What’s good, mamma?”
“Don’t front; I’m not even speaking to you, anymore,” said the annoying voice of Rat-Face.
I let out a sigh. I had been a having a good night up until that point.
I turned around to pour liquor for two neighborhood regulars and acknowledged her with a curt head nod. No words. No smile. I didn’t even ask her what she was drinking. She hadn’t done anything to me, personally, but there were certain people that I simply didn’t like, and she was one of them. I didn’t know her real name and didn’t want to know it.
Buddha’s real name was Calvin, but with his big, round belly, he’d always be Buddha to me. “Get my girl, Myeesha, a drink,” Buddha said, revealing Rat-Face’s name.
“Don’t be trying to make up with me now,” she said, shaking her head.
“Don’t be mad, Myeesha. Have a drink with me,” he soothed.
“I don’t want anything from you.” She held up her hand, positioning it so close to his face, I felt personally
disrespected and offended as a man, but Buddha was steadily smiling like the shit was cute.
“How you doing, Jag?” she asked, looking me up and down and trying to undress me with eyes that were narrowed into slits. With her eyes squinted like that, she looked more like a rat than ever.
“I’m good,” I said in flat voice. “Whatchu drinking?”
She licked her thin lips. “I’d like to gulp down a tall, thick chocolate milkshake.” Again, she gazed at me through squinted eyes—a look she presumed was seductive.
“I don’t make milkshakes,” I said tersely.
“Humph. From where I’m sitting, that creamy milkshake has already been made. It just needs somebody to suck it up.” She ogled me like I was edible. “Never mind on the milkshake. I want a hot chocolate sundae.. .bananas, a couple cherries.. .1 want it all.” She licked her lizard bps again, and I felt like giving a loud groan of exasperation.
I glanced at Buddha and he looked hurt by the way she was openly flirting with me. I was irked with this chick and her sexual innuendos. She was crazy if she thought I was going to go along with the spiteful game she was playing. “Tanqueray?” I asked, remembering what she’d been drinking the last time.
She nodded and gave me a lingering gaze. “With ice,” she said. “And stir it with your finger.. .sweeten it up for me.”
Damn, canh you he original, I thought in irritation. I heard some version of that line about five times a night.
lyo Allison Hobbs
Some of the female customers seemed to think that telling me to stir their drink with my finger was a unique expression. From time to time, I obliged them. It depended on my mood. But there wasn’t a chance in hell that I was going to indulge Rat-Face’s request.
“Put her drink on my tab,” Buddha said, trying to get on her good side.
“I can pay for my own drinks,” she snarled.
“Look, we got off on the wrong foot; let’s start over.”
“Uh-uh. You burned me once, and I’m through.”
As much as I couldn’t stand Rat-Face, I was very curious about what a good guy like Buddha could have done. “Why you being so hard on my man?” I asked.
She took a swig of gin, smacked her lips in an obnoxious way and told me how she’d booked a videographer to film Buddha’s long tongue while he gave her head.
“You can get all the head you want, baby,” Buddha interjected. “But I can’t get involved in porn. I’m active in my church and I’m involved in my community. Sorry, but I can’t put myself out there like that.”
“You should have said that in the first place,” she whined.
“I didn’t think you were serious about filming me.”
“Whatever...” She held her hand up again.
Buddha leaned in and spoke in a lowered tone. I overheard him say that he wouldn’t mind giving her oral sex all night, but he couldn’t do it in front of a cameraman.
Giving my man the privacy to plead his case, I went to serve customers at the other end of the bar.
About twenty minutes later, Buddha held up a finger.
gesturing for more drinks. I reluctantly worked my way back to where he and Rat-Face were sitting. I grabbed the botde of Tanqueray and tried to pour without looking at her face.
Buddha excused himself to go to the restroom, and Rat-Face didn’t waste any time harassing me with all kinds of sexually explicit comments.
“Calvin’s going back to my place with me. You should come with us.”
“Fm working.”
“After you get off.”
“Nah, Fm good.”
“You scared of me or something?” she queried with her head tilted to the side.
I gave a bitter laugh. “Do I look scared?”
“If you’re not scared, what’s the problem?”
“There’s no problem; I don’t get down like that.”
“Oh! You think Calvin’s gay!” She laughed. “Believe me, he’s all man; you don’t have to worry about anything happening between the two of you. I wanted you to stop by so you and I could get busy. I already ran it by Calvin and he doesn’t mind watching.”
“Fm not into that.”
She smiled at me indulgently. “I take it in the front and the back.”
I shook my head. “Nah, Fm all right.”
“Do you want me to get rid of Calvin?” She refused to take no for an answer and was totally unaware that she made my flesh crawl.
She wouldn’t let up and so I had to get honest with her. “I’m not into you like that,” I admitted.
A look of disbehef spread across her face and she tossed back her drink. “You don’t wanna fuck me?”
“No, I don’t.”
“We could do something else, then.” Her eyes roved down to my crotch. “I’d love to wrap my lips around that.” Her tongue flicked out and brushed her Ups. “As good as you look, I know you got a big, juicy dick. Let me tell you something, Jag,” she said in a conspiratorial whisper. “I’m a bona fide freak in the sheets, and you don’t have to work your back if you don’t want to. I got you, boo.” She smiled broadly and confessed, “I Hck balls, baby. I guzzle the whole nut sac before I go to work on the dick. All you have to do is lie still while I suck the cum out of that chocolate stick.”
Coming from any other woman, that kind of dirty talk would have had my dick pulsing, but my dislike of Rat-Face was so intense, I could feel my dick shriveling up in disgust.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Buddha returning from the restroom. He had allowed his girl to talk him into a co-signing on a twisted proposition, and he had a guilty look on his face.
Buddha sat down and looked at Rat-Face question- ingly. She held out her hands and shook her head.
I put down a fresh napkin in front of Rat-Face and poured her another drink. “This one’s on me; I hope you and Calvin have a good time tonight.”
As I busied myself, taking care of other customers, I heard Buddha say, “I knew I shouldn’t have gone along with that shit you were kicking. I can’t believe I let you mess up my friendship with Jag.”
She said, “Your friend, Jag, ain’t normal; I offered him pussy, ass, and brain. He didn’t want anything. Watch yourself around Jaguar; I think he’s gay.”
I laughed to myself. Turning down Rat-Face had been easy, but I was curious to see how firmly I held my ground if someone less obnoxious offered the options that she had.
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