A NIGHT OF CONFESSIONS
“What do you think she meant?” Nyx asked, her voice grave as we made our way through the wyldwood, following the cat once more. “Do you really think she believed it is soon to be the end...of everything?”
I shrugged. “Oracles are like sphinxes,” I said. “At least the ones I’ve met. Always talking in riddles and metaphors, and that’s when they’re not completely raving and delirious. Besides—” I snorted “—do you know how many End of the World prophecies I’ve heard in the past few centuries? It’s never as bad as they make it out to be. Hell, Keirran was part of one of those doomsday prophecies himself. Poor kid was ‘fated to destroy the Nevernever’ from the get-go. But we’re all still here, and thankfully he got over his Destroyer of All Things phase.” Nyx raised a brow, and I grinned at her. “I think we’re gonna be fine.”
I saw Ash glance back at me, narrowing his eyes, and realized he had heard my comment about Keirran. For a second, guilt prickled. The pain of having to exile their son from the Nevernever was still raw for the rulers of the Iron Realm. I knew they would much rather have him home, but Faery law was Faery law. Keirran had betrayed the courts; his only choices were banishment or death, and the Forgotten did need someone to look after them in the Between. Keirran was proving to be a good king and a competent ruler, but that was small comfort to his parents, who I’m sure missed him and hated the fact that he couldn’t come home.
Ash brought this on himself, that evil part of me whispered. It was his stubborn quest to be with Meghan that sent us through Phaed where the Lady was sleeping. His fault that she woke up. If he had just let Meghan go, none of this would have happened.
“Do you still love her?”
Ice flooded my whole body. For a second, I didn’t think I was hearing correctly. I blinked and glanced at Nyx, who was watching me with a grim look on her face.
“Sorry, what was that?” Tilting my head, I stuck a finger in my ear and wiggled it around. “A fly or something must’ve flown down my earhole, because I was almost sure I heard you imply that I was in love with the Iron Queen.”
The Forgotten didn’t smile. “I’ve been around a long time, Puck,” she said. “Part of the reason I’m so good at my job is that I’m observant. And I know that in Faery, grudges never go away. They can fester for years, sometimes without our knowledge, until they finally consume us. Because we are fey, and we can’t let anything go. You were in love with the Iron Queen.” Nyx stated this calmly, glancing ahead to where Ash and Meghan walked side by side. “And she chose him. Simple as that.”
“You wanna rub the salt in a little deeper? I don’t think you’ve ground it in far enough.”
“I know vengeance, Puck.” Nyx glanced at me again, her golden eyes both sympathetic and cautious. “I know it all too well. Revenge was something the Lady specialized in, and I was often the one she used to carry it out. But my question to you is this... This desire for revenge against the prince consort—is it because you’re still in love with the Iron Queen, or is it because you lost?”
I scoffed. “I don’t lose well, lady assassin,” I told her. “It happens so rarely. But you know nothing of the years, the centuries, of the time ice-boy kept trying to kill me. Over a girl. So, don’t think you understand what’s happening between the two of us. It would take an oracle to untangle all those threads.”
Nyx gave me an unreadable look and seemed about to say something more, but at that moment Meghan paused and turned around, raising a hand to bring the group to a halt.
“We’ll stop here for the night,” she announced as I realized we had reached the banks of a greenish-black lake, mossy trees with twisted branches rising out of the water like grasping claws. “Grim says that the entrance to the Briars is on the other side of the lake, but since this is also lindwurm territory, I don’t want to attempt to cross it in the dark. I hope none of you object to making camp for the evening.”
No one did, and sometime later, a cheerful fire crackled in the pit, and several large lake eels sat cooking on sticks close to the flames. I would’ve preferred fish, but hey, you took what you could catch in the wyldwood. Judging from the eels’ size and rather large teeth, I’d say that they were at least partially responsible for the severe lack of fish in the water.
I lounged against the log Coaleater and I had dragged close to the firepit, while Nyx perched on the end, drawn into her hood and watching the dancing flames. On the opposite side of the pit, Meghan sat on the ground with her legs crossed and her sword resting on her knees. Ash sat behind her on a rock, his arms resting lightly on her shoulders, and I still had no idea how he managed to look completely at ease and insanely protective at the same time. Coaleater had wandered down to the lake, and Grimalkin had vanished in that obnoxious feline way of his, so it was just the four of us, sitting around a campfire. Except for Nyx, it was just like old times.
Only, it really wasn’t.
Meghan let out a long sigh and leaned back against Ash, resting her head on his knees. “It’s nice to get out of the palace every once in a while,” she murmured, looking less like a queen and more like a normal girl again. “Even if it is for another catastrophe. I hope Fix doesn’t have a nervous breakdown while we’re away.”
“Glitch will be there,” Ash assured her. “Between the two of them, they should be able to handle most emergencies. And they’ll send a gremlin if something truly disastrous comes up.”
“I suppose you’re right.” Meghan raised her head, glancing at the Forgotten across the firepit. “You came from the Between, is that right, Nyx?” she asked, and the Forgotten’s hood lifted as she met the Iron Queen’s gaze. “From Touchstone? How is Keirran faring nowadays?”
“He is a good ruler,” Nyx replied immediately. “A fair king. He cares for his people, that much is obvious. Although...” She paused, drumming her fingers on her knee in thought. Meghan watched and waited patiently as the Forgotten struggled with what to say.
“He...carries a great deal of guilt with him,” Nyx finally said, and Meghan closed her eyes. “He blames himself for events of the past, and that can sometimes cloud his judgment, make him question himself. He can also be...reckless with his own safety, if it means protecting the Forgotten and the Between. It has made my job more difficult, when the king insists on standing between his subjects and every creature that means them harm.”
A tiny smile crossed Ash’s face, and he shook his head.
Nyx paused again, contemplating her next words, before she continued in a soft voice. “He wants very badly to redeem himself for past mistakes, but he doesn’t believe he will ever be forgiven.” She grimaced then, giving the rulers of the Iron Realm an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I’ve spoken out of turn. Please excuse my forwardness, Your Majesty.”
“Don’t apologize.” Meghan opened her eyes, giving the Forgotten an appraising look. “I asked a question, and you answered truthfully. I appreciate your insight, Nyx. I know Keirran can be reckless. I’m glad he has someone like you watching out for him. Especially since that creature showed up in Phaed. And now that we have a bit of time...” She glanced at me, her blue eyes suddenly sharp. “I would like to know more about this creature you fought. You were both there with Keirran—you experienced its attack. If the oracle’s thief can’t tell us anything, we might have only your knowledge to go on. What happened that night?”
I shrugged. “Not much to tell, princess. We fought the thing, it kicked us around like soccer balls and then hightailed it into the Nevernever as soon as the way opened. All the magic and glamour we hurled its way didn’t even phase the thing. Even Keirran’s Iron glamour didn’t put a scratch on it.”
“Maybe the answer isn’t magic, then,” Ash mused. “Maybe the solution is a solid blade through its heart.”
“What a brilliant plan, ice-boy. Why didn’t I think of that?” I sneered. “I’m telling you, this thing isn’t like any monster we’ve faced before. Nothing seems to hurt it or slow it down. We stabbed it, poked it, blasted it with Summer, Winter, and Iron magic, and the thing barely sneezed. But by all means...” I waved a hand at him. “Feel free to shove your sword up its butt. The last time I tried poking it with the sharp end of my knives, I ended up with a few extra appendages.” I tapped my forehead, smirking at him. “This is what happened to me, ice-boy. Just think of what the former Unseelie prince could become if it got its claws into you.”
Ash stiffened at that, and Meghan’s jaw tightened as a somber air descended around the campfire. We all knew, to varying degrees, what Ash was capable of should he turn, well...evil. Yeah, Robin Goodfellow was a dangerous menace that you didn’t want to cross, and his pranks were a bit on the cruel side, but he wasn’t a murder-hobo. I’d seen a glimpse of a—thankfully avoided—future where the son of Mab had basically flattened the entire Nevernever in a war that decimated all the courts and left all Faery a frozen wonderland. Oh yeah, and in that vision, he’d also killed me. Not something I wanted to undergo in real life.
Ash’s expression darkened; I could tell he was starting to fall into that melancholy that sometimes overtook him when he remembered certain things about his past. But Meghan reached back, placing her hand on his forearm and squeezing gently. “That’s not going to happen,” she said. “Not with all of us here, supporting each other. There are rules in Faery. Nothing is completely indestructible.”
“That is true, Iron Queen,” came Grimalkin’s voice near the firepit. The cat was curled up on a flat rock, as close to the flames as one could get without catching fire. How the cait sith’s wispy gray fur hadn’t spontaneously combusted yet was a mystery. “The Nevernever ensures that there is always something to exploit,” the feline went on in a sage voice. “Some small weakness, no matter how slight or insignificant. A tiny hole in the dragon’s armor, just big enough for an arrow.” His gold eyes narrowed, and the claws on one foot flexed, scratching the rock. “Although, from what I have heard, I fear this beast might be different. I do not think it is fey, or anything that is part of the Nevernever.”
“What is it, then?” Ash wondered. “If it’s not part of Faery, what are we dealing with?”
The cat gave him an impatient look and thumped his tail. “If I knew that, prince,” he said, “we would not be here in the Briars, chasing down a group of Forgotten to ask them what it is.”
“You’re a plague, Goodfellow.”
I turned. Ash stood several yards away, his face shrouded in darkness from the canopy overhead, his features hidden. Only the neon-blue glow of his ice sword shone clearly through the gloom.
I grinned, showing all my teeth. “A plague, you say? I’m flattered, ice-boy. That sounds impressive.” Drawing my knives, I twirled them in my hands and struck a pose, still smiling. “Let me show you the other thing I’m impressive at.”
I lunged at him. He met me in the center of the clearing, sweeping down with his blade, as we began the dance we were both familiar with. Round and round we went, hacking, dodging, parrying, while indistinct faces appeared at the edges of the shadows and watched.
“You infect everything you touch,” the prince spat at me as our blades flashed and clanged off one another’s. “You’re alone in the world because, sooner or later, everyone realizes you can’t be trusted. That’s why Meghan chose me. That’s why Nyx will never want you.”
“You know, I don’t remember you being so obnoxious.”
Ash stepped back, his blade falling to his side, to stare me down with cold silver eyes. I glared back, one corner of my mouth twisted in a sneer, as around us the figures silently watched and judged.
“Why are you still fighting me, Goodfellow?” Ash wondered, a smirk of his own creeping across his face. It transformed him into something ugly and hateful, and I squeezed my daggers until the hilts bit into my palm. “You lost. Meghan loves me, and nothing will change that. I’ve already won.”
“I wouldn’t celebrate just yet, prince.” I stalked toward him, feeling hate and glamour swirl around me like a whirlwind. “You could still lose everything. After all, I’m still alive.”
I lunged at him, stabbing my daggers right for his offensively pretty face...and the world disappeared.
I opened my eyes. The fire in the pit had burned low, and the sky was still pitch-black through the trees. Carefully, I sat up, gazing around for the others. Grimalkin was gone, typical for him, but I could see the red glow of Coaleater under a tree several yards away, equine head bent low as he slept standing upright. I wondered when he had changed into horse form, and also if he found sleeping upright more comfortable. I didn’t see Nyx anywhere, but I wasn’t too worried about the assassin; if she was on watch, she was probably stalking the woods around the camp, silent and unseen and looking for things to stab.
Across the fire, Meghan dozed in Ash’s arms, with the Ice Prince leaning against a tree and both their swords out and within easy reach. And though ice-boy looked like he was sleeping soundly, I knew that was often a lie. All it would take was one twig to snap and he’d be on his feet, already slashing at whatever had made the noise. Years of trying to sneak up on him had taught me to be wary even when I thought he was unconscious.
But it had also taught me the difference between the times he was conscious and those brief moments when he was truly asleep.
Like now.
Memories of the dream trickled back to me, seeping anger and resentment into my veins. I felt a slow smile stretch across my face as I rose, gazing down at them, at the slumbering Ice Prince in particular.
Well, don’t you look comfortable, ice-boy. I don’t think you’re taking me very seriously, to be so relaxed. Maybe it’s time I did something about that...
“Can’t sleep, Goodfellow?”
I jumped, nearly falling into the firepit. “Geez, Nyx,” I whispered, turning to find her crouched silently on a rock a few feet away, crescent blades held loosely in her fingers, eyes glowing yellow in the darkness. “Not that I mind the whole guardian-angel-of-death thing you’ve got going on, but could you not loom so menacingly?”
“Why not? I’m very good at it.”
“No argument there.” I scrubbed a hand over my chin as the assassin continued to watch me, unblinking. “But it’s still a few hours till dawn, and now that I’m up I might as well take watch. Maybe you should try to get some sleep?”
She gave me a faint, knowing smile. “I can’t,” she said simply, keeping her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m a nocturnal fey, Puck. I don’t sleep at night. I’m not even sure I could if I wanted to.”
“Really? That’s unfortunate. Sleeping is one of my favorite things to do, after all. And all the activities that come before sleeping as well.”
Whoops, did I just say that out loud? I eyed the Forgotten, wondering if she would take offense, ready to leap back should she hurl a moonlight shuriken at me. She gave a weird little smirk beneath the hood and rose, brushing the cowl back so that the light spilled over her silver hair.
“I, too, enjoy the activities that come before sleeping,” she said. “Quite a lot, in fact. Come find me, and I’ll show you what they are.”
And before my eyes, she shimmered, like a beam of moonlight across a glass window, and disappeared.
“O-kaaaaaaaay.” I shot a look at Meghan and Ash, still dozing against the trunk. Despite my earlier feelings, I didn’t exactly want something to jump them while they were asleep. If I went prancing off into the woods without explanation, they might be cross if some big nasty ambushed them while I was gone. Though honestly, those two would be fine. Meghan was the Iron Queen, and Ash was Ash. They didn’t need me watching over them.
The glint of a single golden eye pierced the darkness as I stood there, debating with myself. From an overhead branch, Grimalkin gave me a bored look, then closed his eye again, curling his tail around his nose.
That decided it. If Furball was unconcerned, then there was no danger. I turned my back on the sleeping pair and slipped away, into the woods where I hoped the shadowy Forgotten had vanished to.
Turns out, I didn’t have to search far. Making my way into a tiny grove surrounded by shadowy pine, I paused as, with a shimmer from the corner of my eye, Nyx slid from the shadows like a ghost. She wasn’t smiling, her eyes were hard, and those lethal crescent blades glimmered in the darkness as she circled me like a beautiful, dangerous phantom.
I swallowed, resisting the urge to draw my own weapons as she stalked closer, moving with liquid grace over the ground. “Um, okay, then. Obviously, we were thinking of vastly different things. Is this how your Order starts everything off, then? With a ritual stabbing?”
She didn’t stop, continuing to glide toward me, and nothing in her gaze or stance said she was playing around. She looked entirely serious about stabbing me.
I backpedaled a few steps, but my hoof caught on an uneven root and nearly dumped me on my backside. “Nyx, wait,” I said as the Forgotten closed in. “Hold up. Can you just stop for a second, please?” I raised my empty hands in the universal gesture of I don’t want to fight you, and the assassin finally halted. “I will admit, I’m a little confused as to what’s happening here,” I said, holding her gaze. “If you’ve brought me out here to kill me, you could’ve just stabbed me in my sleep and saved yourself the trouble.”
For a few seconds, the Forgotten stared at me, her expression flat and dangerous in the moonlight. For a second, I thought I might have to defend myself from a deadly, highly efficient killer who was just as fast as me, whom I did not want to fight for many reasons. Finally, though, she let out a small, slightly frustrated sigh and lowered her weapons, allowing me to breathe again.
“I can’t figure you out, Goodfellow.” Nyx glared at me across the clearing, her gaze both angry and conflicted. “I want to believe you’re honorable, that you’re loyal to your friends, that you’re someone I can trust. But then, I see him...” she gestured to my forehead with the hilt of her blade “...and it makes me wonder who you really are. It makes me wonder if I can trust anything about you.”
I smirked, unable to stop the flippancy that came from my mouth even now. “You and everyone else in the Nevernever.”
“That is not reassuring, Puck.” Nyx narrowed her eyes, unamused. “I’m a Forgotten,” she went on. “I feel the glamour auras around me more keenly than most. And yours is...frightening. There is a viciousness inside you that is fighting to get out, and once it does, I’m afraid of what it might do. And what I might be forced to do in return.”
“I know.” I scrubbed my fingers through my hair, wincing as they hit my horns. “You’re not really seeing me at my best,” I told her. “This...” I raised my arms in a helpless gesture. “I haven’t been this guy in a long time. I honestly thought I got rid of him. Turns out he was always there, just buried.”
Nyx circled closer, a graceful predator with glowing yellow eyes. “What changed?”
“It’s a rather long, boring story. Do you really want to get into it right here?”
“Well, it’s either that or keep wondering if I should kill you or not.”
“Always with the stabbing.” I sighed. “Fine. Sit down, get some popcorn, and I’ll tell you the sordid tale of how Robin Goodfellow grew a conscience.”
“A long time ago,” I began in a grand voice, “in a galaxy far, far away... Wait, hold up. Wrong story. Lemme try that again.”
“A long time ago,” I went on, ignoring the impatient look from Nyx, “Oberon banished me from the Nevernever. It was the first time he had ever banished me, but no one was surprised. For years, Titania had demanded that he exile me from the court, but it was Mab who finally convinced him. Basically, she gave him the choice—either banish me, kill me, or go to war with Winter. I...uh...might’ve really pissed her off that year. I won’t go into details, but there was a high and mighty Winter noble who chased a Summer faery into a cavern and somehow got himself eaten by a dire weasel. Unfortunately, unknown to the Summer faery, that noble was the Winter Queen’s current boy toy. And she was not at all happy about his sudden demise, accidental as it was.”
Nyx shook her head, a faint smile quirking one side of her mouth, but she didn’t say anything.
“Anyway,” I went on, “that was too much for Mab to handle, and since Oberon didn’t want a war with the Unseelie right then, he exiled me from Faery. Forever.”
“Forever,” Nyx repeated, and shook her head. “Didn’t seem to take.”
“Yeah, you noticed that, did you?” I shrugged. “Eventually, Oberon rescinded the exile, but we’ll get to that in a minute. Point is, this was the first time I’d ever been banished from Faery. I really did think it might be forever.”
“What did you do?”
“Wandered for a bit. Several years, actually. I traveled the human world, hung around a few places for a while, but I always moved on. I traveled, played pranks, inspired a few folk legends and horror stories, and generally tried to keep myself entertained. Those first few years were actually kind of freeing... I wasn’t part of the Summer Court any longer. Oberon wasn’t looming over my shoulder, ordering me around. True, there was always the danger of Fading, but back then mortals still believed in magic and the fey, and technology hadn’t taken off yet, so the risk of Fading wasn’t quite so severe. I can’t lie and say I didn’t miss the Nevernever and the Summer Court, but for the first time, I was actually free.”
A shadow crossed the Forgotten’s face; the notion of freedom, or the distinct lack of it, was all too familiar for her. The difference between us was Nyx never questioned her service to the Lady, never deliberately defied her orders just to prove that she could. Guess I was just a rebel at heart.
“Eventually,” I went on, “I ended up near this tiny village in Wales. I don’t remember exactly where, but I was in the forest one day, not really doing anything, when this little kid wandered through. She couldn’t have been more than five or six, and was obviously very lost. She was wailing like a bean sidhe, and also attracting every goblin and bugbear in the area. I was, admittedly, a bastard back then, but even I didn’t really want to watch a kid get eaten alive by a bugbear, so I introduced myself and offered to take her home.”
“A human child,” Nyx repeated. “That young, they can still See us as we are. The Mist has no effect on them yet.”
“Yep. She called me Funny Goat Man the entire way home.” I chuckled at the memory. It had been so long ago, another lifetime, really. But I still remembered that girl’s smile, her small fingers clinging tightly to my own. “Her name was Drysi, and when she was safely back at her cottage, she asked if I would come play with her and her friends the next day. Naturally, I told her I would.”
Nyx nodded in understanding. Children, especially young kids, were irresistible to faeries, and don’t take that the wrong way. They had the brightest glamour aura, and young kids could still see the hidden world and the creatures that were invisible to adults. They believed in faeries, magic, and monsters under the bed. And while there were always goblins, witches, and ogres who would love nothing more than to eat a lost, wandering child, there were many of us who delighted in playing with a human who could See us and wasn’t afraid. Ever known a kid who had an imaginary friend? More than likely, that friend was a faery.
“I went back the next day,” I went on. “And the next. And the day after that. I hung around that village for nearly fifteen years. And I watched that kid grow up. When it got to the point where she couldn’t See me anymore, I glamoured myself to look like a human boy, just so we could keep being friends. And after a while, I became part of that village, too. Drysi was...” I sighed, shaking my head. “She was an incredible mortal. Strong and fearless, but always wanting to take care of others. When the village was attacked by raiders, she was right there on the front lines, swinging a staff without any regard for herself.” I gave a wicked smirk. “Course, I might’ve taught her how to fight, and Drysi wanted to learn, despite being forbidden to do so by the elders of the village. She didn’t have a sword, but we would sneak out to the sheep pasture and practice with staffs and staves, until she was a match for any human. Those raiders certainly got a shock when they tried manhandling her. And they didn’t know the village was under the protection of Robin Goodfellow.” My grin turned vicious as I remembered the carnage, the screams, and the terror of the attackers. “It was not a good day to be a raider.
“I was going to kill them all,” I went on, “but Drysi stopped me. By that time, most of them were running away. I was going to make sure they never came back, but she begged me to be merciful. She said that taking a life, no matter whose it was or what they had done, was a stain upon your soul. Not terribly concerning to me, since the fey don’t have souls. But hey, who was I to deny a pretty face? She didn’t want me to kill them, so I let them go.”
Nyx cocked her head, regarding me in that intense, appraising way of hers. “Were you in love with this mortal?” she asked.
“No.” I shook my head. “I was fond of her, and she was the first human I considered a friend, but I wasn’t in love with her. I was still a bit too fey for that, if you know what I mean.
“Unfortunately,” I went on, “I couldn’t say the same for Drysi. One night, a few months after the attack on the village, she confessed that she loved me.”
Nyx’s gaze narrowed. “And what did you do with this revelation?” she asked.
I sighed. “I was going to give her what she wanted,” I began. “I was fey, and there was this pretty girl who admitted to being in love with me. Any normal faery would’ve taken advantage of that. But...” I frowned, shaking my head. “I couldn’t go through with it. For the first time, I felt guilty about what I was doing. Even though I had no idea what this strange new sensation was, I didn’t want to hurt her.
“I left the next morning,” I continued. “Turned my back on the village and disappeared into the forest again. It was better that way. I couldn’t be around Drysi anymore, not with what I knew. A human falling in love with a faery never ends well. And I couldn’t give her what she wanted. So, it was best that I moved on.”
“And the human?”
“I made sure she wouldn’t remember me,” I said. “The rest of the village was easy. When you’re fey, humans tend to forget you were ever there. The memory of the human boy who had appeared out of nowhere one day would just fade from everyone’s minds. Drysi was a little harder... She loved me, and that tends to make forgetting difficult. I did end up using glamour to make her forget. I didn’t want her to spend the rest of her days pining after the boy who disappeared with no warning or explanation. I wanted her to be free. Frankly, it ended up being the best decision. A few months later, Oberon called me back into the Nevernever. My exile was over, and I had to return to Faery and the Summer Court.
“But when I came back...” I raised both arms in a shrug. “I wasn’t the same Robin Goodfellow. I had changed. I started calling myself Puck, to further separate myself from the faery I was before. The name stuck, though most of the Nevernever still treats them as one and the same. I know the difference, though, even if the rest of Faery never lets you forget what you did in the past.”
“And what happened to the girl? Did you ever see her again?”
“I did, actually. As soon as I could get away from Oberon, I went back to the mortal world, to the village I left behind. I thought it had been a couple years, but time flows differently in the Nevernever. Drysi was a grandmother by then, a village elder, with a horde of children and grandkids frolicking around her. She had definitely moved on.
“So, that’s my tale.” I crossed my arms, giving the Forgotten a challenging look. “How Robin Goodfellow went from being a jackass to a less egregious jackass. All because of a mortal, and the power of loooove.” I snorted and rolled my eyes. “I haven’t told that little story to anyone, you realize. Not even Meghan and ice-boy. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention it to anyone, either. Sometimes it’s a good thing the rest of the Nevernever doesn’t realize that Puck has a conscience.
“So,” I continued, watching the other faery’s reaction. Nyx hadn’t moved any closer, though the moonlight blades in her hands had not disappeared. “What’s the verdict, Miss Stoic Assassin? Kill me now for the threat Robin Goodfellow represents, or take a chance with Puck?”
Nyx considered me, her face unreadable...before she shimmered into moonlight and disappeared. I had about a second to be surprised before a curved, shining blade was pressed against my throat from behind.
A soft chuckle escaped me. “Wow, I can’t believe I fell for that,” I muttered, feeling the Forgotten’s presence at my back. The sword edge hovered against my skin, cold and razor sharp for being made of light. “Well, Miss Assassin? I’m still waiting. What’s it to be?”
“It depends.” Nyx leaned closer, bringing her lips to my ear, her breath cool on my skin. “Can I trust you, Puck?”
“I don’t know.” I wanted to shrug, but that was kind of hard with a sword at my throat. “Honestly, I don’t really trust myself right now. I’m not completely him, though. Not yet.”
“Not much of an assurance, Goodfellow.”
“Here’s one more, then.” My hands shot up, striking her elbow and forcing the blade from my throat. At the same time, I twisted in her grasp, sliding out and grabbing her wrist. A half second later, it was Nyx backed against a tree with my dagger over her heart. “I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize this mission,” I told her as she froze. “I fully intend to find this monster and stick it with knives until it dies properly this time. And if that changes me back, then so be it. Truthfully, that’s probably the best outcome. No one likes a horny Robin Goodfellow.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.” Nyx stepped closer, the faint smile and the look on her face making my heart pound. Her hand reached up, long fingers caressing the wrist that held the dagger...before she grabbed it and spun with preternatural speed, tripping me and tossing me to the forest floor. With a grunt, I hit the ground on my back, the assassin straddling my chest and my own blade at my neck.
Smirking, I gazed up at the Forgotten, who stared back with a cool, triumphant look on her face. “Are we going to do this dance all night, then?”
“Is there something else you would like to do all night?”
“I can think of a few things.”
One more time, I flipped her, pinning the Forgotten to her back and reclaiming my dagger. The knife once more hovered at her throat as I pressed her down. “Unless you’re ready to admit defeat.”
She smiled at me, and I realized her hands were not empty, after all. I suddenly caught the glimmer of a moonblade, pointed at a part of me that I really did not want it to be pointed at. Nyx’s grin was wicked as she met my gaze. “Don’t be so smug, Goodfellow. If I have to admit defeat, I’m at least taking a trophy with me.”
“Okay, okay.” With a grimace, I dropped the dagger, raising both hands in surrender. “I concede. You win, though that was a dirty cheater move, Miss Assassin.”
“This from the one they call the Great Prankster.” Nyx shifted to get more comfortable, though she did not release the blade in her hand. “Aren’t dirty cheater moves your specialty?”
“That doesn’t mean they should be done to me,” I protested, making her snort. “One, some things are sacred. And two, I notice you’re not making the sharp stabby thing go away.”
“Just want to ensure your continued good behavior,” Nyx replied easily. “I know you have another weapon on you, Goodfellow. If I make this disappear, how will I know you won’t immediately try something sneaky?”
“Because I really want to kiss you now,” I replied softly, suddenly very aware of my pounding heartbeat, my stomach tying itself into knots. “And having a knife in your groin makes it very difficult.” It was useless trying to ignore this, to deny that the Forgotten hadn’t wriggled her way under my skin. I was done trying to fight it. “If you don’t want me to kiss you,” I went on, “just say the word. But if you do, I’m going to be very distracted unless that stabby thing points somewhere else.”
The Forgotten’s gaze was suddenly hungry, golden eyes shining like a predator’s. But she still hesitated, her voice turning grave. “Didn’t you just say you weren’t certain that I could trust you?”
“I did,” I husked out. “And you probably shouldn’t. I will fully admit that my head is screwed up and I’m not the person I was. Say the word, and we can go back to camp and have Furball shoot us smug looks all night. But I thought... I was hoping I wasn’t alone in this.”
Nyx hesitated. I held my breath, counting my heartbeats, feeling my stomach coil and twist like an agitated snake. The faery’s expression was haunted, fighting an inner battle with herself. Then, without warning, she sat up, shoved me in the chest, and toppled me backward. I hit the ground on my back again, my wrists pinned to the forest floor and her lips pressed against mine.
I groaned, all my nerve endings standing at attention. The Forgotten was not timid; her lips caressed mine a few moments before moving down my neck, making me gasp and arch my head back. I finally freed my hands and slid them up her arms, burying my fingers in her silver hair and pulling her closer. Her palms traced down my chest, slender fingers leaving trails of icy heat, making me shiver where they passed.
Abruptly, the Forgotten sat up, straddling my waist, her hands resting lightly on my stomach. I gazed up at her, watching her hair spill around her shoulders like a silvery veil, her lithe body perched above me. Her expression was hungry but conflicted, golden eyes shadowed as they met mine.
“Nyx.” My voice came out as a whisper. “You okay? Having second thoughts?”
She shook her head, and her voice, when she answered, was barely audible in the stillness. “Just...promise me one thing, Puck. Tell me this doesn’t mean anything to you.”
Stunned, I stared at her, my mind spinning in confusion. Not what I had been expecting, or really wanted to hear. “Is that what you think of me?” I asked. “That this is just a game?”
“We are fey, Puck.” Nyx’s voice was unapologetic. “This is what we do, no emotions, no attachments involved. One night of fun, and we can move on. We can forget it ever happened.”
My stomach clenched. That had been true, once. There had been a time, before I’d met Drysi, when Robin Goodfellow could seduce anything that moved. I knew I was good-looking; by most standards, some might say I’m irresistible. Species, gender, human, fey, it didn’t matter. All I had to do was turn up the charm, put a little smolder in my gaze, and I’d be golden.
But that was the old Robin Goodfellow, the carefree faery without a conscience. I wasn’t like that now. Which meant I hadn’t turned into him completely, that there was still a bit of Puck left inside.
Before I could answer, Nyx closed her eyes, and a tiny shiver went through her. “I shouldn’t be here,” she murmured, making my insides tie themselves into a knot. “I swore I wouldn’t let emotions get in the way of my work again.”
“Again?” I repeated softly, making her wince. “I take it this has happened before?”
“Once,” she began, and sighed. “A long time ago. But since this seems to be the night of confessions...” She shifted off my chest, settling beside me in the dirt with her legs crossed. Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly. “I was in love with someone, once,” she murmured. “He died.” She hesitated, looking uncertain and ashamed for the first time I had known her. “By my own hand.”
My mouth went dry. “Nyx. You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to.”
“No.” The Forgotten raised her head, her face grim. “No, before we go any further, this is something you need to hear. His name was Varyn, and he was a member of my Order, a moon elf like me. We did a few missions together, we killed when we were called upon, and we protected the Lady like all members of the Order. He was utterly loyal to her. We both were. We would’ve given our lives for our queen without hesitation.
“One night,” Nyx went on, “we were returning to court after a successful mission, when were attacked by a...a...” Her brow furrowed. “I don’t remember its name. Which probably means it doesn’t exist anymore. But it was big and fast, and since we were still fighting it when the sun came up, it nearly killed us both. Varyn was badly wounded, and after we finally defeated it, we took shelter in a cave to wait out the sun. And...things happened.
“That was the beginning,” Nyx went on. “After that, we started spending more time together. He was an amazing warrior, like you.” She paused, the faintest of smiles crossing her face. “Though he had a much better sense of humor.”
“What?” I exclaimed. “Impossible. Those are fighting words, I’ll have you know.”
The smile faded. “After a time,” she went on, “it just seemed natural that he was always there, always a part of me. We were each other’s shadows. Where one was, the other wasn’t far, watching from the darkness. We really should have known better.
“I told you the Lady was a jealous ruler,” Nyx continued, and a very uncomfortable prickle ran down my spine as it began to dawn on me where this was going. “After a while, she didn’t approve of me and Varyn spending so much time together. She disliked having our attention and loyalties split. So, one night, she called Varyn before her and told him that his next target...was me.”
I bit my cheek, anger, horror, and sympathy a raging storm in my head. “Damn,” I breathed. “I knew I hated her for a reason. Did he...?”
“Varyn was loyal to his queen to the end.” The Forgotten’s voice was matter-of-fact, though her eyes were faraway, lost in memory. “He tried to end it quickly, but I wasn’t quite ready to die just yet. We fought for nearly the whole night. I pleaded with him to stop, begged him that we could find another way, but he had his orders, and he couldn’t disobey the Lady.
“In the end...” Despite herself, Nyx’s voice trembled. She clenched a fist, taking a breath to compose herself. “In the end, one of us had to die. Varyn was skilled but...I had always been the better killer. It was quick at least. He didn’t suffer. But right before he died, he told me he was sorry, that he loved me but he couldn’t betray the queen. And I understood that.”
Nyx paused, that unruffled mask falling into place again as she glanced up. “I told myself then I wouldn’t make the same mistake,” she said. “Love and emotion...they have no place in the life of an assassin. That’s what I’ve been telling myself ever since I met you. That’s why it would be better if you didn’t feel anything.”
“Too late.” My insides wouldn’t stop twisting around. Carefully, I sat up, bracing myself with one arm, to be eye level with Nyx. Reaching out, I brushed a strand of hair from her eyes, tucking it behind one pointed ear. She gazed at me, looking unexpectedly vulnerable, and my heart gave that weird little flutter I’d felt only a few years ago. “Dammit,” I sighed. “Last time I said something like this, I got burned pretty bad, but... I can’t say that this means nothing to me. And if I end up with a sword through my middle, well, that’s a chance I’m willing to take. If you are.”
“This isn’t going to end well.” Nyx eyed me warily but didn’t pull back. “I don’t want to have to kill you, Puck. I don’t want to go through that again.”
I gently put a hand on her cheek, making her blink at me. “I’m not Varyn,” I murmured. “And the Lady isn’t here anymore. No one, Keirran especially, is going to order you to take a life, I can assure you of that. And if it gets to the point where you feel you have to kill me yourself, then I probably deserved it.” I attempted a wry smile that she didn’t return. “This is mostly your fault, you know,” I went on, stroking her skin with my thumb. “You can’t be completely beautiful and funny and amazing and expect me not to notice. I’ll make you a deal, though.”
Surprise and caution flickered across her face. You couldn’t say the words deal, price, or bargain around a faery without raising red flags. Or without provoking an instinctive curiosity. “What kind of a deal?”
I rose, pulling her up with me. “We put this on hold for now,” I said. “Until you decide what you want to do. I don’t like it, but I have been known to have patience if pressed hard enough.” She blinked, gazing at me with those solemn gold eyes, and I stifled the urge to kiss her again. “Nyx, if you’re not comfortable with me, or any of this, then I’ll wait. Robin Goodfellow isn’t a complete barbarian all the time. I want you to decide that it’s worth it, after all.”
“I want to trust you, Puck,” Nyx said quietly. “But everything is so uncertain. I’m not sure if I can trust myself, much less anyone else. Maybe when this is over, when Keirran and the Forgotten are safe, when we finally kill that monster, maybe then we can travel the Nevernever and see all the things you talked about.” She paused, and then a small smile spread across her face. Looping her arms around my neck, she gave me that intense, appraising look that made my stomach squirm. “So, I guess you have a deal, Robin Goodfellow. Maybe I won’t end up killing you after all.”
“That is the plan,” I said, sliding my arms around her waist. “Not getting killed by beautiful assassins is something I aspire to every day. Right after not getting eaten by a dragon and not letting Titania turn me into a rosebush.”
A small chuckle escaped her. “I find it amusing that turning into a rosebush happens more often than assassination attempts on your life.”
“Believe me, she tries it at least once a year. I end up pulling thorns and rose petals out of my hair for a month afterward.”
The Forgotten laughed again. Standing on her toes, she leaned up and kissed me, turning my insides into a dancing pretzel party. I closed my eyes, putting my life in her hands, and let the Lady’s assassin do with me what she would.