Chapter Twenty-Two

This is a monumentally bad idea.

Holly tugged on her blazer, not that it needed adjusting. Nothing about standing before Julian’s building was comfortable, especial when she wasn’t playing a role. Now her hair fell pin straight around her shoulders, and her trusty glasses perched on her nose. She’d also ditched the stilettos and skirts for flats and pants.

Back to being Holly.

She didn’t miss the attention and the limelight. It was a relief not to have to analyze every word she spoke in case she gave something away. Hell, in a terrible way, even the company failing was a weight off her shoulders. Soon, there’d be nothing more to fight for. Once the company was gone, her father would have no claim over her. She’d be free in a way she never wanted to be.

But I can still do one more thing before the doors close forever.

Face the man she loved and beg for his help.

There’s a fifty-fifty chance security will escort me from this building.

If Julian refused to see her, or if he followed through on his threat, she’d be putting the company in an even worse position.

How sure am I about this?

Sure that Julian was a good man? Very. Sure that he was a forgiving man? All signs pointed to the opposite.

She knew firsthand how entrenched his trust issues were, and her betrayal was not one he’d forgive lightly.

This might be a mistake.

But what else could she do? All of this, all of it, had been to better the lives of her employees. She’d failed time and again but in this last attempt, she had to stand strong. Julian was her only hope.

Drawing in a deep breath, she tried to channel the fake confidence of her Lillian persona but realized, looking up at the imposing building, she didn’t need the faux strength. Something had changed during the time she’d spent with Julian. She wasn’t weak. Not anymore.

Pushing herself forward, she strode into the building.

No one stopped her as she rode the elevators to the top floor. No one called out as she made a beeline for the CEO’s office. The only person who noticed her was Julian’s secretary, whose jaw dropped when she glanced up to see who was at her desk.

“Is Mr. Worth in?” she asked.

“Yes, Ms. Abbott. But I thought—I mean to say, I assumed…” The secretary cleared her throat. “Would you like me to see if he’s free?”

“I can do it,” she replied, striding for Julian’s door before the secretary could call her back.

Not allowing her nerves to get the best of her, she rapped sharply on the door before slipping into the office.

She’d been in this room a few times over the months together, but everything was different now.

Last time, her heart had raced in anticipation of seeing her lover.

This time it beat with dread.

Julian looked up as she closed the door. Dropping his pen, he leaned back in his chair, not saying a word.

She met his gaze head on, refusing to drop her eyes even when the desire to do so nearly overwhelmed her.

The world around them disappeared. A room stretched between them, cluttered with so many of their issues. Broken trust. Abandonment. Lies.

But there was more to it as well. She stared at the first and only man she’d ever loved. The first person who wanted her when everyone else focused on her sister.

Keeping that memory fresh in her mind, she closed the distance between them and stopped before his desk.

“Holly,” he said, not rising to greet her, but not calling for security, either.

“I wasn’t sure you’d know which of us was which.”

A brittle smile twisted his lips. “I always knew. You two had me fooled for about the length of that first meal with Lillian. But even then, I knew something was wrong.”

She blinked. “What?”

“How heartless do you think I am that I’d not to be able to recognize you?”

“No one ever does,” she breathed. “When we dress alike, my sister and I are identical.”

“Not to me.”

Her heart skipped a beat.

“Why are you here? I made myself clear last time we met.”

She nodded, her hand tightening on her briefcase. “I know.”

“And you, what? Thought I wouldn’t go through with my threat if you were the one who came groveling?”

Actually, yes.

“I needed to talk to you,” she said. “Would you have answered if I’d called?”

He steepled his fingers, staring her down.

“That’s what I thought.” She swung the briefcase onto the desk and popped it open. “I have a proposal for you.”

“Sorry, but I’ve recently decided to embrace a lifetime of bachelorhood.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Not that type of proposal.”

“My mistake,” he said, but there was no warmth in his tone.

She held out a stack of papers to him. “This is what I wanted you to have. If you want to march me out of here now, go for it.”

He made no move to take the file from her. “Holly,” he asked, his voice deceptively calm. “Are you here on business?”

“I’m here to make things right. For everyone. Read it.”

Those dark eyes bore into hers. “Everyone?”

“For you,” she said.

“And you.”

“No,” she denied. “Just read it.”

Slowly, he reached for it. When he turned his attention to the papers, she let out a silent exhale.

You’re okay. You can do this.

Even if she was bleeding inside.

Don’t let him see. Be professional.

He flipped the first page, a frown flying across his expression. Her stomach twisted the moment he leaned forward, his interest engaged.

“What the hell is this?” he demanded, tossing the proposal on the desk.

“An offer to sell.”

His gaze was intense. “Why?”

“Because you’re right. We’re going bankrupt, and the company will be laying off our staff. If you buy us out, you keep the company you wanted to merge with, and you can help protect the workers. I know you’ll have to let some people go, but even if you can save a few jobs…” her voice trailed off under his scrutiny.

“You want me to buy your company.”

“Yes.”

“So your workers will be protected?”

She relaxed a little bit. “Yes.”

He templed his fingers. “Where would the money of the sale go?”

“To my father,” she said. “A cut will cover severance for any employee you decide not to keep on, and the rest will go to him.”

“And how much will you and Lillian take?”

She flinched. Was that all he thought of her now? That she was greedy and grasping?

What else would he think?

“Nothing,” she whispered. “We are not a part of this deal.” It’d been the only way to get her father to agree.

“Play this through for me,” he said. “I sign these papers and send you a hell of a check. Your staff have their jobs, and your horrible father rides off into the sunset on a new yacht. And you and Lillian do what?”

She shrugged. “I promise you will never hear from us again. We’ll leave. Both of us. We’ll pick somewhere else and set up there. We won’t come back, I swear it.”

Pain pulsed through her as she made the vow. If that’s what he needed to agree to the deal, then she’d do it. But every part of her shredded to think of him hating her for the rest of eternity.

“Will you consider it, at least?” she asked. “I know this doesn’t make up for what we put you through, but you’ll get something out of it all.”

“Whereas you’ll get nothing.”

A bitter smile twisted her lips. “That should sweeten the pot for you.”

But he didn’t smile back. “It should, I suppose.”

She nodded. “I’ll leave that proposal with you, then. Next time, I’ll send our VP so you can deal with him directly. I’ll stay out of your path from now on, as you asked.” She took a breath, reaching into her briefcase for the last thing she needed to leave with him. “But before I go, I figured you’d be wanting this.”

Carefully, she set the black ring box that contained her engagement ring on the desk between them.

He said nothing, his eyes fixed on the box.

It had been one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do, taking the ring off her finger. But it was no more real than any other part of their relationship, and he deserved to get it back.

She stood there for a moment, giving him a chance to tell her to stay. Praying that he would.

He merely watched her with sharp eyes.

What did I expect?

That he’d miss her? That they’d work it all out?

Idiot. Turn around and get out of here before you do something stupid.

Like tell him how much she loved him.

Turning on her heel, she headed for the door.

“Stop.”

Her feet froze in the middle of his office. She glanced over her shoulder to see Julian rising from the desk.

“Was there anything else?” she asked, hoping against hope his next words wouldn’t be about business.

“Why do I need to sort out the sale through your VP?”

Hope crashed on the rocks.

“I figured you wouldn’t want any Abbott to be a part of the conversation. If there is a different representative you’d prefer to work with, we can make that happen.”

“I’ll deal with you.”

Part of her yearned to take him up on it. Wasn’t seeing him a little better than not seeing him at all?

But working on the sale with him would tear her apart, and she was barely keeping her head above water as it was.

“I can’t,” she said, her voice harsher than she meant it to be. “Please, don’t ask that of me. If you ever—” She swallowed the words that would damn her even further in his eyes. “Just…please.”

“If I ever what?” he asked, rounding the desk.

She took a step back. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to work together on anything,” she said. “I’d be happy to deal with someone else from your company if you prefer.”

“If I ever what?” he repeated, not letting her evade his question.

“Julian,” she pleaded.

He crossed his arms and waited.

You’re the one begging him for help. Whatever he wants, he gets.

She knew the drill. He probably wanted his pound of flesh, and she was the only Abbott nearby.

Or maybe she was just the only one he wanted to wound.

Stay strong.

“If any of it was real,” she said, the words tasting like sandpaper on her tongue. “If you ever cared about me in any way beyond needing the right bride with the right background then please don’t make me manage the sale of my own company to a man who…”

Broke my heart.

Not that those were words she’d ever say.

She looked away. “These are all the amends I can make,” she said. “This is all I can do.”

She took a step back, but he jumped forward, stopping her with a hand on her arm.

She stiffened at the contact, half of her wanting to bury herself against him and the other half wanting to run.

“If any of it was real,” he murmured. “Isn’t that my line?”

“I lied about my name,” she replied. “And I kept the wrong secrets.”

“You tried to be someone else.”

She snorted. “Not very successfully.”

She didn’t flinch at the blank expression on his face. Points to her.

“And the rest of it?” he asked.

Her gaze dropped to his chin, unable to meet his gaze. “The rest of it was me being an idiot and getting caught up in a dream I should have known I couldn’t have.”

I should have kept my distance. I should have stayed as far away as I could.

She should never have let her emotions get involved.

“It was my mistake,” she whispered. “All of it. I should have stopped it.”

“Why didn’t you?”

A strangled protest escaped her. “Because for the first time in my life, someone saw me,” she said, raising her eyes to his. “And I didn’t know how to give that up.”

She stared up at a man she was going to have to walk away from, this time for good, and couldn’t make her feet move. How did she say goodbye to him? For better or worse, they’d been through a storm together, and the idea of disappearing from his life for good was yet another sledgehammer to her heart.

But she owed him this. At the very least, she could give him the one thing he wanted.

Her absence.

“I’m sorry,” she said, the truth tumbling from her lips. “I’m so sorry.”

Unable to help herself, she stepped closer and cupped his jaw. When he didn’t draw back, she rose to her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was light, barely more than a brush of their mouths, but it was enough for her. At least this time, they’d have a real goodbye.

What more could she ask?

She let her hands drop away from him and took a step back. “Goodbye, Julian. You’ll do far better things with my company than my father ever did.”

“Better than John, sure,” he said. “But I’m not sure I’d run it better than you.”

She blinked. “What?”

“I’ve been trying to figure out why you did what you did, and the piece I was always missing was your employees. I should have known.”

“Known what?”

The tiniest smile curved his lips. “That this had to be about something more. There had to be a better reason than trapping a rich son-in-law.”

She shook her head. “I never would have done that. My father told me we needed to do a round of layoffs, and that a merger would save us from it. Then Lillian up and left, and I thought I was doing the right thing, protecting the jobs and buying time. I didn’t plan on you wanting to date.”

“Layoffs?”

Her head hung lower. “I should have known there was more. There always is with my father. That was my mistake, too.”

“When did you learn about the bankruptcy?”

She looked away. “When Lillian came home. She knew.” She swallowed hard. “I didn’t know how to tell you the truth and protect my workers at the same time. All of this was one big mistake.”

“A mistake you played along with,” he said.

“And lost myself in the charade,” she whispered. Taking a breath, she glanced up at him. “If we’re finally being honest, what was I to you? Were you trying to win me over for the sake of the merger?”

He shook his head. “That might have motivated me at first but then…”

“Things changed.”

He inclined his head.

That brought a brief smile to her lips. “At least we can hold on to that. We met at the wrong time for the wrong reasons, but at least our feelings were real.”

That’s enough.

A salve on her damaged heart.

“For whatever it’s worth,” she said. “When I tried to say goodbye to you on the beach, I was telling the truth. I think you’ll be someone I’ll remember for the rest of my life.”

She stepped back. It was time to go. No more stalling.

She gave him a smile, not wanting his last memory of her to be a sad one, and slipped from the office. As she closed the door behind her, she exhaled softly.

It was done. Over. Finally.

And that knowledge had her gasping for air.

Blindly, she navigated the hallways to the elevator. Within minutes she was practically running across the lobby in a desperate bid to get outside.

Pushing through the revolving doors, she burst into the world, drawing in deep, gulping breaths.

Breathe. Just breathe.

Everything was over. She was free to fall apart now. There was nothing left to hold together.

Tears threatened even as she stumbled onto the sidewalk.

Looking up at the sky, she closed her eyes and let them stream silently down her face.

Will I ever love anyone the way I did him?

She couldn’t imagine it. What she felt for Julian was too raw to risk again. Better to draw back into herself. When she stood on the sidelines, life might be bland, but it wasn’t devastating.

And right now, she’d do anything to escape the cloying loneliness that pulled at her.

“What if I want to be more than a memory?”

The voice came from behind her, startling her eyes open. Julian stood there, breathing hard as if he’d been running.

“What?” she asked, swiping at her tear-stained cheeks.

Something gentled in his expression as he closed the distance between them and thumbed away a tear.

The touch was both welcome and terrifying. A simple brush of his fingers and all she wanted was to step into his arms. Instead, she forced herself to stand still.

“I don’t want to be someone you think of,” he said, cupping her cheek. “I want to be someone you can touch.”

Her breath caught. “I lied to you.”

“Yes.”

“How can you forgive me for that?”

“Because I know who you are,” he said, the words rough. “I know you’ll always put the good of others above yourself. If you thought you were protecting your workers, I understand the decision you had to make.”

“Don’t,” she said. “Don’t forgive me.”

“Why not?”

Because it will make me want everything I can’t have.

“I did everything wrong. Made all the wrong choices.”

“You made one mistake,” he replied.

“Just one?”

“Yes.” His arm wrapped around her. “You should have trusted me. We would have sorted out all the rest.”

“I would have,” she whispered. “If it had only been me on the line.”

“It’s just you and me here. Trust me now.”

“How?” she said.

“Tell me the truth. What was there between us?”

Tears pricked her eyes again, but she refused to let them fall. Staring up at him, she said the words she’d vowed never to speak. “I loved you,” she said. “Completely and utterly. And I wanted a future with you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

His mouth claimed hers in a fiery kiss that burned away all memory of their light goodbye embrace. This time he held nothing back, kissing her with equal parts passion and fury.

She clung to him and kissed him back with everything in her, trying to show without words what her feelings really were.

“Say it again,” he demanded against her lips. “Not in the past tense.”

“I love you,” she replied. “You’re the only person I’ve ever said those words to outside of my sister.”

“You’re the only one I’ve ever said them to at all,” he replied, smiling down at her. “You destroyed all my best-laid plans, and I love you for it.”

Her heart leaped in her chest. “You love me?”

“I think I fell in love with you when we were back at the B&B, when you were rushing around the kitchen with Judy and Pete.”

“Damn. Wait until you see me decorate for Christmas if that’s the way to your heart.”

He laughed. “You looked like the rest of my life that day,” he said. “I don’t want to lose that.”

“But all the rest of it…”

He pulled the ring box out of his pocket, stilling her words. “We made a promise to each other the first time I gave you this,” he said.

“Us against the world.”

“I meant my vow.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. “So did I. You’re all I want, Julian. A lifetime with you. I promise I’ll never lie to you again.”

“You trust me?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“You love me?”

“For the rest of my life.”

He took her hand and slid the ring back on to her left hand. “This is one promise I’m holding you to, sweetheart,” he said.

“Forever,” she replied.

“Do we have to invite your father to the wedding?” he asked as he leaned down to kiss her again.

“Absolutely not,” she replied with a laugh. “But my sister has to be there.”

“Not a problem,” he said. “After all, this time, I’m marrying the right Abbott.”

As his lips closed over hers, Holly couldn’t help but smile. He’d been the last man she was meant to love, and now he was the only future she wanted. For the first time in her life, she wasn’t the B team anymore. No more standing outside her life looking in.

With Julian by her side, the lifetime that stretched out ahead of them was everything she’d always wanted.

And she couldn’t wait to start it with him.