a

Sweat is pouring from every inch of my body. I scream as pain radiates from my side. I try to get up from the bed - unsuccessfully. I notice that I’m back in my room and lay my head back down on the pillow. I place my fist in my mouth and bite down as the pain intensifies.

I try to get up again. I don’t know how I do it, but I manage to get to a standing position. I knock a bunch of stuff off my end table as I grab it for support.

“Shit!”

I stumble around and use the wall as a guide until I make it to the bathroom. I flip on the light. I pull up my shirt as I lean hunched over the sink. My stomach is wrapped in layers of bandages. I pull them off as I scream in pain. After I peel off all the layers, I see stitches. I start pulling them out one by one as quickly as I can, screaming as each one rips my from my skin.

Blood starts oozing out slowly, but the flow becomes heavier and swifter the more I take out, but it’s still not enough. I want to bleed to death. I want to die. I notice the more I move, the more blood spills out. I scream and cry as I make myself move. My vision blurs from the pain, and I fall to the floor, grabbing the shower curtain on my way down.

I see a small bulge on my leg and remember the gun. I desperately try to pull up my pant leg to get the gun. I’m finally able to retrieve the gun with weak hands. I slowly place the barrel to my head. I’ve just clicked off the safety as someone grabs it from me.

“Give it back!” I scream as I try with all the strength I have left to get the gun.

“What the hell are you doing?” Kyle asks while he clicks the safety on then sets the gun on the floor. He nudges it with his foot even further from me.

He kneels down and grabs a towel to apply pressure to my side. I look at him, sweat pouring down my face, and laugh a little. I then start laughing hysterically.

“It hurts so badly!”

“And that’s funny?”

I shake my head and close my eyes. I touch my hand to his hand that is trying to stop the bleeding. I look down at the floor and smile when I see a puddle of blood. “Let me die.” I look directly into his eyes. “Please,” I beg.

“Orion-”

I put my finger to my lips. “Shhh. Go back to your room. I want this. I want it more than anything.”

“Death isn’t allowed here.”

“And neither is living.” My eyes droop closed then pop open again when I hear footsteps and lots of them. “Who’s coming? Who’d you tell?”

Kyle ignores me and looks over his shoulder. “We’re in here!” He stands up and moves out of the way as white suits pile into my room. They insert something into my neck that makes me immediately numb. I can’t even move my eyes.

They’re carrying me somewhere, but nothing is in focus, so I can’t tell which way we are going. I hear Kyle talking; then I hear Marah reply. If only I could understand what they’re saying.

“This will make her sleep,” is that last thing I hear from an unfamiliar voice before my eyes close and everything fades to darkness.

I OPEN MY eyes then quickly close them when the bright florescent lights burn them. I ease them open again and shield my eyes with my hand. I feel something pull my arm and pressure on my chest and legs. I turn my head and hold up my arm to find an IV with dark red blood flowing through the tube and into my veins. I hear whispering and try to sit up to see who it is. However, sitting up is impossible right now because my legs and chest are strapped to the bed I’m on.

“Who is that talking?” I ask and lift my head a little to attempt to put a face to the whispers. The whispers stop completely, and I don’t see anyone. Maybe no one was in here, and I’m going insane. I laugh out loud at the realization that I’ve been insane for a long time, but I’m a complete freak show now.

“Orion, calm down. You’re making your heart race.” I hear Plath’s voice and swear I just vomited in my mouth at the sound of it.

“Leave,” I get out through a clenched jaw. I want to curse the part of me that wants to ask him to stay.

“I can’t. I’m supposed to sit in here with you until this blood transfusion is over.”

I laugh coldly. “Right, because they want the person who stabbed me to make sure I’m okay.” I turn to look at him which was what I was trying to keep myself from doing.

He looks down at the floor instead of my eyes. He shakes his head. “No. I’m supposed to keep you from trying to sabotage the blood transfusion.”

I turn my head facing up and look at the ceiling. “I’m strapped to a damn table. It’s highly unlikely I’ll be able to do that.”

“You have no idea what you’re capable of, Orion.” I look at him, and our eyes meet but only long enough for us both to regret it. He looks away, and so do I.

“So, how long does this transfusion take?” I close my eyes and take deep breaths to try to keep myself from thinking too much about being strapped to this table. I don’t like being confined.

“Four hours.”

I groan. “How long have I been in here?”

“Two.” I hear him shift around in his chair.

Since we’re in here for two more hours, I might as well try to get some answers out of him. “What did you mean when you said I have no idea what I’m capable of?”

I look over at him before I can talk myself out of it. It’s a huge inconvenience that I find him attractive even after all he’s done. He grins a little then laughs but doesn’t respond. Instead he lays his head back on the chair and closes his eyes.

I sigh heavily. “Fine, asshole.”

I close my eyes and try to forget that he’s in here, but it’s impossible. How can one person affect me so much? And one that I don’t even like? I hate him. I love him. Shit. Damn myself for being such a girl.