In the four days I’ve been here, I figured out that we are in Germany, that I actually like all of the Sphere Hunters I’ve been living with, which is funny because I’ve spent so long hating Sphere Hunters, and that Plath will always make me insane and happy at the same time.

I’ve avoided Plath even though I’ve wanted desperately to fall into his arms and allow myself to fall for him all over again. But we don’t live in a world where we are capable to love anyone. Especially when you’re the most important piece to this majorly messed up puzzle. It’s like people with a lot of money. How do they know their friends are truly friends and not just after their fortune?

I sit outside in the grass and stoke the fire I built. It’s damn cold here at night, and I didn’t feel like sitting in the house with a bunch of drunken men. I like them, but they are loud and obnoxious when under the influence. I look up when Plath comes walking over.

He sits down close enough to tempt me to lay my head on his shoulder.

“Why aren’t you in there having fun?”

Plath hands me a beer after popping the top off. “I wanted to come see how you are.” He also hands me a pack of cigarettes.

“Still trying to get on my good side I see.”

I pull one from the pack and take the lighter he’s holding out to me. I light it and take a long hit. I inhale and cough a little as I exhale. It’s been awhile since I’ve smoked.

“Maybe. You never answered my question. How are you?”

I take another hit as I raise a brow at him. “I didn’t think that was a question. You said you came to see how I was, and you see that I’m warm and sitting by a fire. You never specifically asked.”

He takes a hit off his own cigarette and laughs as he exhales. “Orion, how are you? Please do tell. I’m dying to know.” His cocky, sarcastic tone makes me smile.

I stare at the bottle of beer before deciding to drink it. I take a long drink then look at the fire. “I’m okay.”

“You really should be in the house with all of us. We’re having fun.”

I shrug.

“Fun isn’t my thing right now. Plus, I’m still processing everything. My mind is having a hard time accepting what you told me four days ago, and I just don’t feel like being around everyone. I’d be a fun-sucker. Trust me. Everyone would rather me be out here.” I flick ashes from my cigarette then take another hit. “So, tell me again. What happens when I die? What if I never have kids to pass on the gift to? Or rather curse; something like this isn’t a gift.”

“That’s part of their plan for you. They planned on-” He stops and takes a drink of his own beer. “They planned on Kyle getting you pregnant,” he says so nonchalantly that I have to replay what he said several times in my mind. How could he say that like it was no big deal?

I finish off my cigarette as I think about this. It makes sense now why the few times Kyle and I had been alone we didn’t get in trouble. I was also his mission like I was Sage’s. No wonder it was so easy to sneak out onto the deck with him. And is that why he came in the room after I was beaten to a pulp? Did they let him so I would look at him as a hero or something and happily have sex with him? My stomach twists in knots.

“Kyle was a part of their plan too. He knew that, didn’t he?” I look at Plath.

He nods. “But Kyle told you to run. He got you out of there, Orion. He was on your side too.”

I down the rest of my beer. It’s not long, and I feel a tiny buzz. I’m a cheap drunk.

“I should thank him one day,” I say sarcastically. He should’ve been honest with me from the get-go. He let me go with no idea of what was going on. How is that helping me?

“That might be hard to do.”

“Why?” I set the bottle down on the ground.

“They killed him this morning.” Again, Plath says some crazy shit like he told me it was going to rain tomorrow and to be sure to bring an umbrella if I go out.

Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry. Dammit. Tears pool in my eyes.

“Because of what he did for me?” I feel sick.

“Yes.” Dammit. “They normally don’t kill those with abilities but what he did was unforgivable in their eyes. They don’t condone heroics, especially when it’s letting go of their most wanted Vesper. The keeper of the Sphere.”

“He shouldn’t have done that for me,” I say quietly, my voice cracking.

“He did what any real friend would have done.”

Real friend? That’s funny, Plath. Good one. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. As I let it out, I stare at the fire.

“Life used to be normal, but I didn’t realize it then. Or was it? Who knew the outsider, the loner, the weird girl with blue hair, was the one who could somehow fix all of this or ruin everything? Is it bad that I want to go back to being the girl who didn’t have a clue who she really was? To just conform to their bogus laws and just live in peace?” I avoid his eyes to stay clear of the pull. The pull that draws me to him. Damn the pull. Damn him.

I feel his hand brush against mine, and every muscle in my body tenses.

“I don’t think it’s wrong for you to want that. I think we all crave normal, Orion. But the truth is, you will never have normal.”

I stare at our hands that are touching. His thumb gently sweeps across the top of mine. Just a simple touch is risky, but I don’t stop him.

“Plath?”

“Yes?”

“I’m scared,” I admit for the first time out loud, and what’s even crazier is I admitted it to him. My enemy. The devil himself.

“Me too,” he answers honestly, and our eyes meet. We stare at one another, speaking without words as we let down our massive walls and let one another in.

Plath gently touches the side of my cheek then brushes his thumb softly over my lips. A tear escapes my eye, and I am well aware of what I’m allowing to happen. It’s what I’ve tried so desperately to avoid. He moves his hand into my hair and lets his fingers run through until his hand is free. He then lets his hand find my hand again.

“I won’t let them have you.”

“I believe you.” And for some unexplainable reason, I do. I close my eyes and concentrate on his hand touching mine.

“Orion, look at me.” I open my eyes and stare into his. “I’m serious. I won’t let them.”

“I told you I believe you.” And I meant it.

He nods. “I know. I just wanted to hear those beautiful words one more time.”

“What now, Plath?”

Did I let him back in too easily? What if I’m making a huge mistake? His mouth begins to move, and his eyes lock on mine - hypnotizing me.

“You tell me.”

I lean forward and press my lips against his. This was the bravest, most insane move I’ve made yet. Braver and more insane than running away from the Sphere, braver and more insane than running from the Constable Headquarters, and braver and more insane than turning myself back in to them. I’ve let Plath back into my life and nothing is braver or more insane than that.

Plath deepens the kiss as he tangles his fingers in my hair. Our lips move perfectly against each other, and even if I regret this later, this moment was worth it. I pull away, breathless, and rest my forehead against his chest.

“What did that mean?” He asks quietly.

“That I’m trying.”

“Trying to do what?” He lifts my chin so he can see my eyes.

“Forgive you.”

He kisses my forehead and holds my head against his chest. I listen to his heartbeat and concentrate on the steady movement of his chest rising and falling as he breathes.

“I could never ask you to forgive me. I don’t want you to forgive me. I don’t deserve that. I just want you to do what is right for you, and I can only hope that it involves me.”

I don’t respond, because I’m not making any promises, and I don’t want to say something that will screw up this moment. Things feel sort of okay right now, and I need to hang on to it for a bit longer.