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“I want to run something by you,” James said, waking Gideon out of his sleep. Gideon groaned as he sat up from his cot and rubbed a hand through his short hair.
“Still not used to this,” he muttered. “Any way I can get someone to shave this off?”
“I take it that you want me to do it?”
“That would be ideal,” Gideon said, flashing him a smile. His teeth shined through the dark cell. “Especially if you still want to keep me a secret.”
“No, thank you,” James said, folding his arms. “Someone else will be able to grant your request soon enough. I told the new leaders to meet me here in ten minutes.”
“You told everyone?” Gideon’s eyes lit up. “I’m going to be freed?”
“That’s up to them. But at least you have an opportunity.”
“And that doesn’t scare you?”
“Should it?”
“I would be.”
“If you come after me and my friends again, I won’t hesitate this time. I will kill you. I hope you understand that.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Gideon chuckled. “Oh man, for the first time in weeks I have some hope.”
“As do I.”
“That’s right,” Gideon said, throwing the blankets off his legs. “You wanted to run something by me.”
“More like I wanted to hear your thoughts on a matter.”
“Speak your mind, friend of mine.”
“In your studies, have you ever seen anything about the former Sages’ code? Their way of life and what they believed in?”
“You mean you?”
“No. Further back. Before the Sage Academy was even erected.”
“Hard to find a text on that since Lakrymos and his men were seen as first generation Sages.”
“I understand that, but we know that there had to be Sages born even before then. Someone had to be the first Sage.”
“Sorry. But I have nothing. Why the interest?”
“A personal mission of mine. I’m leaving the Academy.”
“For good?”
“I might not be back. Although you might see us as enemies, I wasn’t lying when I said that we could learn from each other. I plan on seeking out the original Sages and learning about what they did. I want to know what a Sage is supposed to be doing.”
“You might not like the answers. There’s a reason they left the general population.”
“I was thinking something similar, but I’d still like to know.”
“And what if their beliefs aren’t so noble? What if they left because they had to shield themselves from the atrocities they committed? Funny enough, when you meet them, you might end up being the Solon, fighting against the Sages that neglected them.”
“It could happen, but I won’t know until I try. Just like you.”
“And you may lose, and your opponent might not put you in a cell. Are you taking people with you?”
“Anyone that wants to come.”
Gideon shook his head. “And why won’t you go alone? Scared?”
“No, because there are others that might want the same answers as me. I’m not going to deny them the opportunity.”
“If only you had been so willing to include others in the past.”
“I’ve apologized for my negligence, and nothing will change what I did decades ago, but I can atone for my mistakes. Telling the new leaders about you is part of the changes I’m trying to make.”
“What are they like? The new leaders?”
“They’ll be here in a couple of minutes,” James replied, raising the palm of his right hand above his head, the tip of his white eidolon sticking an inch out of the top. He sheathed it and lowered his arm. “You can find out what they’re like directly.”
“You know, if I was able...I would come with you.”
“No, thanks,” James laughed. “And to be honest, part of leaving so soon is that we can put some distant between us in case you are freed. Let me ask you this though. Just between the two of us...what are you going to do if you are let go?”
“I don’t know,” Gideon sighed, staring at the floor. “I didn’t leaving this cell was a possibility. At least until you had completely obliterated the Solons’ way of life.”
“It shows what you think of me,” James said, shaking his head. “If you had come to me and discussed your concerns with us, things might have went in your favor.”
“People don’t often change until they are put through the fire,” Gideon replied, standing to his feet. James noticed that he had gotten thinner, and his eyes had lost some of their luster. “And I was more than happy to provide the flame. You can thank me at any time.”
“Take care of yourself, Gideon,” James said. “I hope that we don’t see each other too soon. Remember my threat.”
“Yep,” he said as his eyes darted to the left. Lucy and Harry were cautiously entering the dungeon, looking at each of the cells with concern on their faces.
“Don’t tell me he’s down here,” Harry said as James stepped backwards, allowing them to see for themselves. Harry rubbed a hand across his forehead once he saw his leader behind bars.
“How many know?” Lucy asked.
“Just me and my...inner circle,” James replied. “But if it’s any consolation, they weren’t too happy about it. They knew that it would only ruin any trust I was trying to develop.”
“They were right,” Harry said, shaking his head. James wondered why Gideon wasn’t saying anything yet. Was it so he would look more like a victim?
“Why did you do it?” Lucy asked. Based on the tone of her voice, she was looking for understanding, not aiming to judge.
“Because he was dangerous to all Sages,” James said. “And even when I found out about the Solons, I didn’t know who were dangerous and who weren’t. Gideon killed people, and until I understood who he was and what the intentions of the Solons were, I had to keep him locked up. But now I see that he took on the burden of his people. I don’t think he’ll be dangerous from here on out, but I would keep an eye on him just in case.”
“Gideon,” Harry said, stepping closer to the bars and putting a hand to his own chest. “My name is Harry and this is Lucy. We are the new leaders of the Sage Academy, and we want to apologize on behalf of all of us...I need you to know that I’m a Solon, and if I knew where you were, I wouldn’t have idly stood by.”
“I don’t want to pretend as if I didn’t know what I was doing,” Gideon said. “But I hope you realize that it was for the good of all the Solons. Without gaining the Sages’ attention, and presenting myself as a viable threat, we would not be where we are today. I would not get to stand here and speak to a Solon as the new leader of the Sage Academy.”
“We have to take your crimes into account,” Lucy replied. “But you will be given a chance to integrate yourself back into society. You may be isolated for a little while still, but at least you won’t be in a cell.”
“There is still fear of you amongst the community,” Harry said, “so it has to be a slow process, but if you truly want what’s best for everyone, you will comply.”
“Of course,” he chuckled. “Anything’s better than being in a cell for life.”
“And what about you?” Lucy asked James. “Are you okay with this decision?”
“It doesn’t matter what I think. I’m going to be leaving.”
“Soon?” Harry asked, and James nodded.
“You don’t have to,” Lucy said. “There is still room for you here.”
“It’s something I have to do, and I think it’s best that I’m removed from the equation. There won’t be any influence from me.”
“Should you return, the Academy may be very different than how you remember.”
“I understand,” James said, looking to Gideon. “Although there is both a Sage and a Solon as leader, this is the time for the Solons to show what they can do, and if what they believe in is what’s best for all of us.”
“We won’t disappoint,” Gideon said. “And for what it’s worth...I’m sorry for what I did to your friends.”
“It’s okay,” James said. “They’re stronger than you think. I’m sure they’re just fine.”
***
SHE DIDN’T WANT TO scream this time. That was the goal. But of course, that had been the goal that last seven times the images flashed through her head. The memories were relentless, bombarding her with violent clarity and sharpness. They cut through her will like a blade and severed any connections she tried to make with reality.
She had not been in control.
But she saw it all.
The blood blurring her vision. The limbs soaring through the air. The cries of children as their parents were taken from them, and then their silence as she turned her longsword upon them. Chloe couldn’t handle it.
The faces were the worst.
She had killed before. This was true. But there was a difference between killing and murder. Those lives she had taken in the past had been warriors. They sought to cause her harm or that of her friends and family. Her actions were justified.
But these faces were not hardened.
They were soft and scared and concerned. They were disturbed.
And what saddened her most was that she had seen these faces before.
They were the kind of faces that appeared when her husband was near.
“Are you okay?” Kyran asked, putting a gentle hand on her back. Chloe snapped her head toward him and glared at him hard, causing him to back away in surprise. She felt her face immediately soften.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, breaking down into tears the moment she spoke. She grit her teeth and tried to stop, but her body wasn’t listening. It had betrayed as much as her mind.
“If there’s anything I can do to help,” he said coldly. She knew that he cared about her deeply, but his voice annoyed her now. It sounded as if he wanted her to get over what happened, as if it was no big deal when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“You can stay here with me,” she said, closing her eyes tight. That might help. With the tears, but not the images.
“I...yes,” he said. She knew that he didn’t want to. It pained him to see her like this, but she needed him now. She was used to his cold demeanor, but there had to be times in which he could show some compassion. Even a little.
“I can’t get them out of my head,” she replied.
“You weren’t in control,” he said. He stood tall over her as she stayed on the floor. He pushed one of their couches out of the way and looked around him. She hadn’t broken anything...this time. But this episode wasn’t yet over.
He began walking around the room and pushing chairs and tables out of the way. Since they were living in a log cabin, it didn’t matter if the floors were scuffed. They could easily be worked out, or another plank replaced. The furniture, however, would not be replaced. They were simply donations from the local Delilah, those that didn’t mind giving to Sages anyways.
“Here,” Chloe said, breathing heavily. “I need you here. Right here.”
Kyran kicked a chair to the side wall and strolled over to his wife. He crouched down and put a hand on her back again, but it didn’t seem to alleviate her pain.
“You did not kill those people,” he said, as he had told her so many times already. “Gideon did. He used you.”
“And what if that’s not completely true?” she asked.
“I don’t like where this line of thought is heading.”
“I’m serious,” she said, lifting her head and glaring at him. Her green eyes were usually comforting and vibrant. Now they were hazy and distant. Kyran tried to keep his composure.
“You’re the sweetest person I know,” he said. “It’s impossible to think that you would enjoy...killing someone.”
“How do you know? I mean, what do you truly know about me?”
“I know enough. Enough to know that that is not who you are. “
“You might be wrong,” she replied, her head dropping down to her chest. “I’ve always wondered what it was like...to...to do what you do. I really did. You’ve protected me for so long, but I don’t know if that was the right move. I’m not prepared for this, but I could have been. If I had gone with you on your missions, then I could have—”
“—NO!” Kyran shouted. The action was so sudden and unlike him that Chloe stopped crying instantly. She stared up at her husband in shock. “No,” he whispered, folding his hands together. “You...you are my soul, Chloe. I feel at times as if I literally have none inside of my body. No soul, and no heart. But I am comforted when I see you because I believe that you hold it for me.”
He paused to stoop down and he stared directly into her eyes.
“I hold your burdens, and you hold my heart and soul. That is why we survive. You are so kind and joyful. It is because you have two souls and two hearts to give you all of that life and energy. This is why I love you. Because you are the strongest human being I have ever known, and you don’t even know it.”
“Then what happens?” she asked with a pained expression on her face. “What happens if I can’t carry them anymore? If my heart and soul begins to darken to the point that I can no longer keep yours? What happens then?”
Kyran didn’t answer. He stood to his feet and turned away from her. He probably shouldn’t have, but he couldn’t bear to think about the possibility. Chloe may be haunted by the faces of her victims, but he was devastated by the thoughts of a future without the love of his life. If she became like him...he didn’t know what he would do.
He already hated himself.
Being in her presence, and seeing the light in her eyes whenever he appeared, was the only thing that made him forget. It was all that kept him from killing himself at times.
He needed her more than she thought, but he was too proud to admit it. He didn’t want to become weak again for he was still needed for horrible, horrible things. And the last thing he wanted was for Chloe to take up the mantle, and take on his burdens too.
What would he be then?
What was left?
What were they if Chloe was the one handling all of the beauty and ugliness of the world and he was nothing but a husk?
Kyran turned to face her. She was still on the floor crying with her hands over her face. He sat down and crossed his legs, even though his black trenchcoat was awkward over his knees. He didn’t care.
“I don’t forget,” he said. She didn’t respond, but he was sure she was listening. “The key is not to forget, because that makes you completely cold. It’s the difference between an assassin and a serial killer. An assassin acts out of objectivity and purpose. A serial killer is all about satiating the ego and pleasure. The moment you start enjoying what you’re doing...that is when you are lost.”
“But how do you cope?” she sniffled. “How do you function?”
“We are different,” he said, unsure if he should say this. “From the beginning of my...job...I considered the bigger picture. Allay needed someone to act on her behalf, and I stepped in because I saw how little I felt about things in general. I didn’t realize how human I was until I made my first kill. I shed a tear for him. It was a four year old—heir to the Langoran throne and a sort of retaliation for the attempt on Catherine’s life. By succeeding, it exposed the ugliness of targeting children. None have been outright targeted since amongst the five Kingdoms.”
“Not until Altostratus,” she wept. “Not until Gideon controlled me.”
“But that is the difference. You would never have done that. You weren’t yourself.”
“But you would have,” she said. Kyran was surprised by how much the comment had hurt him.
“That is not up for discussion.”
“Kyran, I need you to tell me everything,” she said. “No more secrets. I want to know everything. About your missions. Your thoughts. Who you are. I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t act like everything is okay when it’s not.”
Kyran nearly fell to his knees.
He didn’t know she was faking her happiness with him. What else was she keeping hidden?
A knock at the door nearly sent him into a frenzy.
“What is it?!” he growled, his head darting toward the source.
“We need to talk,” he heard Bastion’s say from behind the door.
Kyran turned back to Chloe and clenched his jaw tight. “One minute.” He bent down and grabbed Chloe’s arms, helping her to her feet. “Chloe, you need to go into the bedroom. Bastion and Lily are here.”
She nodded but didn’t say a word. Kyran let go of her and she stumbled like the undead down a side hallway—hidden from view—and disappeared. Kyran sighed and wiped a bony hand across his face, trying to see if there was anything that would give away their prior predicament. He didn’t want the kids to be concerned.
Kyran took a deep breath and opened the door. Bastion and Lily were standing before them with sunken faces and bags under their eyes. It was obvious that they hadn’t gotten much sleep. Bastion was in a long torn white t-shirt and a pair of shorts while Lily was in her signature lacy white dress. But it hadn’t been washed in days. The white had faded into grey and the lace was beginning to unravel.
“Come in,” he said and they walked past him without another word. It was almost like they were in the same state Chloe was in. “What seems to be the problem?” he asked, closing the door behind him.
Bastion and Lily sat on the closest sofa and then both turned their heads toward him in unison.
Bastion was the first to speak.
“I think I’m ready to die.”
