Lila’s heart missed a beat. Sam’s voice was solemn, different from his usual cheerful self. “Then it will be a good thing to talk,” she said, wondering if he finally had realized marriage would never work.
“I’ll pick you up at seven,” he said and then was gone.
She replaced the phone and felt a squeeze to her heart. At the same time, she nodded. “Finally, Sam,” she whispered.
She dressed carefully, a simple sleeveless navy dress that fastened beneath her chin and had a straight skirt that went to midcalf. A conservative dress she usually wore to work. She had the feeling that Sam might be ready to tell her goodbye, which should make her feel relieved instead of empty and dreading the dinner with him.
When she stepped into the living room to wait for Sam, her mother walked by, saw her and came into the room. “It’ll be nice to see Sam again.”
Lila ran her finger along a table. “Mom, I think this is goodbye for us.”
“Lila, it won’t be goodbye. You are going to be parents, and for years Sam will be part of your life.”
“Not a major part,” she said.
“Think carefully, honey. Sam is a fine person.”
“I know. And he wants a wife just like you. I’m not that woman. Speaking of,” she said, seeing Sam drive up. “I’ll go on out. I might as well get this over with.”
“Lila, make sure you don’t want Sam to be a major part of your life. Be very sure of what you’re doing.”
“I’m really sure,” she said, knowing this was definitely for the best. “The hurt will go away,” she whispered. She walked out to get into his car, hoping to get seated before he was really out, but he had already walked around and he held open the passenger door. Her heart thudded at the sight of him. He looked more handsome than ever in his charcoal suit, white dress shirt and red tie. Her determination to tell him goodbye made her hurt even more. One look at Sam’s face and she knew it would be goodbye tonight. He had a somber expression she had never seen, a hard, angry look.
“I have reservations at Willow Hollow. I thought we might see fewer people we know and have fewer interruptions.”
“That’s fine,” she replied, relieved they weren’t staying in Royal where they would see friends all through the evening. Willow Hollow was in a neighboring county and was an excellent restaurant, but she had lost her appetite again, which had been happening more and more, lately. He closed the car door and she watched him walk around and climb in.
“Are you resting up a little from the work?” he asked after they were on the highway.
“I suppose. That and packing up to get ready to return to California on Monday.”
How polite they were with each other. She felt a rift between them as if Sam had put a wall around himself, which was totally unlike him. She should have felt intensely relieved, but so far the feeling hadn’t happened.
“I got a call today from Roddy.”
“Oh, really? Did he have a construction question?”
“Sort of. He offered me a job and suggested I think about moving my business to California.”
Shocked, she stared at Sam and then she laughed and shook her head. “Roddy can be so cold to people he doesn’t know. He was bowled over by your work. What a compliment, Sam. I know you have no interest—what kind of job did he offer you?”
“He wants me to build his new home,” Sam said, smiling for the first time that evening.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake! I knew he had talked about having a home built, but he lives in a very nice mansion. I bet he wants you to build him some kind of Georgian or Colonial or Greek Revival, something like his great-aunt’s house or one of those in Mississippi.”
“You’re right. I thanked him. The offer was flattering and he also has a film project he wanted to hire me to do. He made a big sales pitch, which was very flattering.”
“Roddy? I can’t imagine. He’s used to ordering people around and pushing them into doing things. What kind of sales pitch?”
“How great my construction company would be in L.A.”
“That’s probably true. Have you told Josh?”
“I will. He’ll just give me one of his looks and go on to the next thing on the agenda.”
“I’m surprised, but that’s very complimentary. Wow. You really impressed Roddy. He does know construction. His dad had a successful business.”
“Roddy is a nice man.”
She laughed and shook her head. “He must really want you to build his house. He could hire you anyway and you could work on his house from Texas.”
“Actually, he talked about that, but I don’t think that would work. I’m not into flying back and forth.”
She thought about their baby and wondered how they would ever work out sharing a child. That sobering thought made her forget Roddy and ride in silence until they were at the restaurant.
She was barely aware of the linen-covered tables, the dahlias in crystal vases on each table, the candlelight and soft music. All she could see was the handsome man across from her, the father of her baby, the man she was somewhat in love with. For the first time, his smile and the sparkle in his blue eyes were gone.
She ordered tomato basil soup. He ordered his usual steak and as soon as they were alone, he took her hand. “I’ve thought over all you’ve said. I’ve thought about our future,” he said, and her heart dropped. “What may be most important, I stood on the sidelines as the movie was filming. While I didn’t see you at work, I learned a little about your job and your hours. I finally listened and thought about all you’ve said to me and I have to agree with you. You’re right, Lila,” he said.
These were words she had thought she wanted to hear, so why did they cut like a knife to her heart?
“We’re not wildly, deeply in love with each other,” he continued in a somber tone.
His declaration hurt more than everything else. She had said the same thing to him, but when he said it, the words stung badly. A knot came in her throat and she tried to fight back tears, aggravated at herself for reacting this way when he was merely echoing her own sentiments.
“I want a wife who is home with my children. Maybe that is old-fashioned and chauvinistic, but that’s the way I am. A lot of people don’t have a choice, but I’m fortunate to have been successful enough that my wife can afford to do that and that’s what I want. Call it selfish—I can’t see it that way. You want to work and pursue a career. You’re very ambitious, very independent and you don’t need me and the kind of man I am in your life.”
She looked down and tried to control her emotions. She needed to answer him. He was silent, and she was certain he waited for her agreement, but she was scared if she met his gaze or tried to answer him, she would burst into tears. What was the matter with her?
Knotting her hands in her lap, she looked up. “I’m glad you realize that, Sam. We’re friends and we both like each other, but it isn’t real love. This is the sensible thing and we’ll work out life for our baby.”
“After the first year, I’d like equal time. Actually, with your folks in Royal and with me being close friends with them, I think they’ll be happy for me to have our baby a lot of the time.”
“Half?” she said, frowning. She had never imagined having to give up her baby half the time. “We’ll work it out,” she said with a long sigh. Sam could be exactly right about her folks. “I’m glad you see this,” she said, barely able to get out the words and looking down at her fingers locked together in her lap. “We will work it all out. We still have some time before this baby’s birth.”
“When will you tell the rest of your family? I want to be ready for your dad.”
“I’m telling him before I get on the plane Monday. I can’t live with him otherwise.”
She looked up and Sam frowned slightly. “You don’t look happy. I just did what you’ve wanted all along.”
“I do want that. We were never meant for each other. It’s just a hard decision and I like you. We’ve had a great time together and you’re a friend.”
He gazed at her solemnly and said, “I hope to hell we’re not making a big mistake.”
“Think about my career and you’ll get back on track.”
He looked away and inhaled deeply. When he turned back to face her, he looked more composed. “You’re right. All I have to do is think about how you’ve been working fourteen or so hours each day lately. That brings me back to reality.”
They became silent as the waitstaff delivered their dinners. After several sips of her soup, she felt she couldn’t get down another bite. She looked at Sam to see he wasn’t eating either.
“Isn’t your steak all right?”
“The steak is fine. I’ve lost my appetite. We’re being sensible, Lila, but all I really want to do is take you to bed with me.”
“If you’re not going to eat and I’m not going to eat, I think we should just go home. We’ve said what we needed to and it’s time to move on,” she declared flatly, hurting more than ever over his last statement. She wanted to be in his arms, she wanted his kisses and lovemaking, to flirt with him, but this was the only way and they weren’t making a mistake. She would get over him. She had to.
On the way home they talked about inconsequential things and the whole time she tried to avoid thinking about the evening or what he had said. In a few days she would return to California and they wouldn’t talk, maybe until Thanksgiving. It was finally over with him except to work out custody. Half the time. He wanted custody and he might be right about her parents wanting their grandchild in Royal often. Thinking what a muddle she had made of her life, she rubbed her forehead. For a moment she half expected Sam to reach over and touch her, to reassure her the way he had before, but he concentrated on driving and rode in silence.
At the ranch he walked her to the door. “Goodbye, Lila. I know it isn’t really goodbye, but in a way it is. We’ll share a baby but not much else. I will work with you, but sooner or later we can start going through our lawyers. I’ll marry someday and have a family I can be a daddy for all the time and a wife who’s there for me and our kids. You’ll have your life. I’ll still be a dad for our baby, too. I won’t give up on my child even if we are halfway across the country from each other.”
“I know you won’t,” she whispered, fighting tears more than ever. “We’d better cancel the date for Saturday night.”
“Sure. Seems pointless now.”
“Goodbye, Sam.” She hurried inside.
To her relief, no one was around. She rushed to her room and closed the door. The tears came and she couldn’t understand her reaction. Sam had finally agreed with her, done just what she wanted, so why did it hurt so badly and seem so incredibly wrong? She had a wonderful career she loved and she couldn’t come back and settle in Royal, marry Sam and only do volunteer work, but at the moment California loomed as a lonely place. Once she was back in her own home and could walk on the beach and see the ocean, when she was back in the routine of work, back with her friends, she would feel differently.
“Sam,” she whispered. “If only you weren’t so old-fashioned....”
* * *
Friday morning she waited to go to breakfast until she knew her dad would be out of the house and more than likely her brother would still be asleep. Her mother was still in the kitchen and turned to study her. “I take it you and Sam won’t be going out tonight.”
“No. He finally has realized we aren’t suited for marriage.”
“I’m sorry, Lila. Want to go shopping? What would you like to eat?”
“I have a lunch appointment today, Mom, but thanks. Maybe tomorrow morning. I’m not really hungry.”
“Eat something, Lila, so you don’t get sick. You’ll feel better. You can go with us to the TCC tomorrow to the end-of-summer party. You won’t go with Sam now, will you?”
“No, I won’t.”
“It’s a fun evening and you’ll enjoy it. They’ll have an open house in the new child-care center with tours for those who are interested.”
Lila thought about the previous night and how little she and Sam had even talked to each other. She poured orange juice and got a muffin, picking up the paper and sitting at the table to try to eat a little and to try to stop thinking about Sam. Did he give her any thought or had he picked up and gone on with his life?
* * *
Sam showered and shaved, getting dressed for the day. In the midmorning he had an appointment at the TCC. This afternoon he had a house to look at. He hadn’t slept and he still thought about Lila and missed her, but he expected that to diminish. He felt a pang and tried to think about her job, her damnable career that he couldn’t deal with.
He was scheduled to meet with a client at the TCC and they would talk about business over lunch. He had reserved a meeting room and ordered lunch brought in so they could keep working in privacy without interruption.
Sam talked to his secretary and left, driving the short distance to the Texas Cattleman’s Club.
He was meeting Tom Devlin, another TCC member. With his thoughts on Lila, Sam parked at the club and stepped into the cool front. He saw one of the signs that carried the TCC motto and had hung near the entrance for as long as he could remember.
Some member wasn’t true to the motto, Leadership, Justice, Peace, or was it misguided loyalty that had caused someone to tamper with the alarm system in the children’s center? Had the person thought they would be doing a favor by delaying the center from opening?
The alarm system had already been repaired. The center would hold an open house the night of the party, so the tampering really had no long-term effect. Someone was shortsighted or maybe just angry enough to want to cause trouble even when it did not stop progress.
As Sam passed the dining room, he glanced inside. All his breath left him as he gazed across the busy room and saw Lila having coffee with a man Sam didn’t know. He felt as if a fist had punched him in the middle. The man was in boots, slacks and a Western shirt. A broad-brimmed Western hat was on an empty chair. The man laughed at something Lila said and Sam felt another twist to his insides.
Who was she seeing? The man was a stranger, but Lila had to be having a wonderful time with him. In minutes, Lila laughed. Sam realized how he was staring and moved out of the doorway, stepping down the hall, wanting to go back and look at them again. She was bound to go out with other men, but he hadn’t expected it this soon. He hadn’t expected her to date while she was carrying his baby.
Who was the man? How serious was she? It had to be a casual meeting.
Sam went to his appointment and for the first half hour tried to concentrate but could not focus on what Tom was saying. He tried all through the appointment and it finally finished. As soon as Sam was alone, he gathered papers and put them in a briefcase. As he left, he walked past the center, the billiard room and the dining room, but Lila was nowhere to be seen.
“Hi, Sam,” Beau Hacket said, shaking hands with Sam. “You’ve sent Lila a lot of flowers this summer. Rather impressive.”
Sam didn’t care to discuss his and Lila’s relationship with Beau. “I thought I saw her here earlier.”
“Oh, yeah. Earlier she had lunch with some friends and then she met with one of those ranchers to thank him for allowing the film company to shoot part of the movie on his ranch. It was Bob Milton. No telling where Lila is now. She does her own thing.”
Relief swamped Sam and he let out his breath. Suddenly the day had brightened and he could think about something besides Lila. He talked a few more minutes to Beau.
“I was sorry to hear about the alarm system failing the inspection. I think it upset Lila,” Sam said, beginning to decide that Beau knew little about his daughter at this point.
“I’m sure it would, but her heart is in California and that job of hers. And she knew the alarm would be fixed and pass inspection. Frankly, I don’t think it was a smart thing to do, but what’s worrisome is it had to be one of us. That’s what’s bad.”
“I agree.”
“Probably all of us who voted against the center are suspects. I’ve already talked to Nathan, and I think he is talking to each member. There’s no way to know everyone who voted against the center.”
“You’re right. I hope they catch the culprit quickly. It’s good to see you, Beau.”
“Good to see you, Sam,” he said as they shook hands again.
Sam walked away feeling enormously better, in euphoria until he was in his car and then he sat still with shock. To hurt so badly and be as upset as he had been over seeing Lila with another man, how strong were his feelings for her? Had he already fallen in love with her and hadn’t realized his own feelings?
Stunned, he sat in the parking lot staring into space again while the question consumed him. Was he already deeply in love with Lila? If he was, could he let her go out of his life? Could he let another man try to win her heart and take her away forever? If he truly and deeply loved her, how could he win her heart? How much would he have to change his life—and could he change?
Deep in thought, questioning his own emotions, he replayed the morning. His thoughts skipped to the times they were together and their lovemaking.
He had already realized that he had never dated another woman like her. She could excite him more, entertain him more, be a friend. He just plain enjoyed being with her. He had wanted her in his bed at night—every night—since that first time together, but he had tried to cool down that wish.
Was he in love and hadn’t even realized it?
And if in love with her, how could he let her go?
Lila was absolutely the epitome of the independent woman. Could he adjust to her need for a career? How would he ever convince her he loved her? He couldn’t win her over with flowers or diamonds or proposals. How could he let her know that he would support her projects as well as his own?
He thought about Roddy’s sales pitch to move his business to California. It had seemed absurd at first, but then Roddy had wanted him to build a mansion and work on a movie project. If he moved to Los Angeles, he would have contacts through Roddy. Could he leave Royal? How deep did his love run for Lila? Was it deep enough to change his whole way of life and his most basic beliefs?
In love with Lila. How had she captured his heart? One night of lust should not make him fall in love with her. Yet it had. From the first, looking back, he loved her. He had never been able to get her out of his thoughts after that first night.
Astounded by his own reactions, he continued to sit in his parked car while he thought about his feelings for Lila.
He loved her—now if he could just convince her that he did. And change her opinion of him, because she would never fall in love with him as long as she saw him as old-fashioned and chauvinistic.
How could he alter Lila’s view of him? The question plagued him and he had no answer.
He pulled out his phone to call her. The minute he heard her voice, his grip tightened on his phone. “Lila, it’s Sam. If you’re free, I still want to take you to the TCC end-of-summer party. We shouldn’t part the way we did and I need to see you.”