Chapter Ten

Three wild ducks, dead, cleaned, and nestled in a bed of grass lay in front of the cabin door. Fear crushed her relief at seeing the food. Was it done out of kindness—or bait?

She tightened her grip on the empty rifle and glanced around in all directions. She should have reloaded while out in the woods. Another lesson learned.

Scooping up the ducks, she scrambled inside, slammed the door shut, and stood facing the slab of wood. Her respirations slowed from panting back to normal when it occurred to her someone could be lurking inside. She spun around, her gaze sweeping every nook and corner. Nobody was there except Kade, pale of skin, and labored of breath.

After barring the door, she started a fire in the hearth and cooked the fowl, some roasted, some fried. Regardless of which method, every scrap must be used, including the bones and tendons to be boiled for a hearty broth.

****

It had only been a day and a half, but the hours blurred one into the next, seeming to go on forever as she drifted in the land of purgatory, the haunted realm the Reverend spoke of. She existed between the hellish fear of losing Kade and the heavenly hope of having him return to normal.

Kade grew stronger, eating everything she gave him, but he did not return completely, and it was lonely without dog. Blind Deer wondered if Maggie would ever come home. She called to her several times and set out clean water in the old dented bucket. She even set out a precious scrap of duck for her to eat.

When not fretting over the dog, Blind Deer divided her time between ministering to Kade and wondering—no worrying—about who had left the food for them. Food nearly gone. Should she leave the cabin unattended to try hunting again?

Kade opened his eyes, smiled, then closed them again. Like a flash of lightning, he’d come and gone, and so did her expectations. She repositioned him on his side, the sheep skins piled behind him. Moving him about was good for his lungs and his skin, and so far both remained healthy. She hoped such small gestures were of comfort to him.

As if in answer he mumbled and reached out, and although his eyes remained closed, he instinctively found her wrist as she stood beside the bed. Drawing her hand to his chest, a peacefulness returned to his face. His breathing slowed and he rested easier.

Kade’s beard and mustache were of some consequence, the new growth making him appear older. She touched his cheek, just above the hairline, the skin smooth almost tender. Although a rugged man, he had a softer side too, like the kindness he’d shown her.

Not wanting to just stand and stare at him, she broke his grasp and backed away from the bed to begin the daily chores of housekeeping. If she did not stick to a schedule and perform these common rituals, she feared she might lose her mind.

She glanced at the empty bucket by the door. She should at least leave the cabin for water. Never before had the desolation of the prairie or the closed-in darkness of the woods ever intimidated her. The towering mountains and rolling hills and valleys were her home, her refuge. Yet recently, it felt as if eyes watched from afar, and nothing was safe or sacred.

Screwing up her courage, and knowing there was no other choice, Blind Deer set out, bucket in one hand, loaded rifle in the other.

****

Awareness washed over Kade. Eyes closed, he knew he was in his cabin, and he knew the warmth he felt was from the morning sun, not the cold silent hearth.

Cautiously, he felt around on the bed, half expecting Blind Deer to be there, warm and safe. Although he hadn’t been able to respond, he knew she lay beside him last night, at least for a little while. But the blankets were cold, the bed empty. Maybe her nearness had been but a dream.

Eyes open, he winced at the daylight but suffered little other pain. In wonderment, he passed his hand across his eyes and through his tangled hair. Images from what he assumed were the past day or two came to mind, but like shards of glass nothing fit together. At least he had improved a great deal since the last time he had returned to full consciousness.

After a deep breath or two, he inched his way closer to the side of the bed. Then slowly, ever so slowly, he slid his legs over the edge until his feet touched the floor. Pushing upright with his arms, he sat motionless except for his gaze. Where was everybody? Both Maggie and Blind Deer were conspicuous in their absence.

The splint was gone, and gaining his feet, he got his bearings and grabbed a blanket off the bed, wrapping the wool around his shoulders and naked body. The short shuffling excursion to the cabin door wore him out a bit, and he leaned against the wall before attempting to go outside.

Where was Blind Deer? The water bucket and rifle were missing. Probably gone down to the stream. She had been at his side since the accident. He remembered hearing her voice and the stories she had told. He remembered fighting to come back to her. She had been his warmth and light. Her spirit his only sanctuary in the fearful world he’d roamed alone.

Opening the cabin door, he stood in the sun, soaking up the healing rays as he awaited her return, a vision to fill his eyes and heart. Instead, an Indian brave materialized before him.

The solitary man stood several yards away, clothed only in leggings, a loin cloth, and moccasins. The man stared back, formidable and unafraid. The white talons of his bear claw necklace glinted in the sun, reminding Kade of another brave and the eagle claw that had ripped his leg open those many years ago. The man’s face was slashed with red and black paint, adding a terrifying bit of decoration to the already threatening spectacle.

Armed with a Missouri war axe, bow, and knife, the solitary figure stood stock still, a painted bag at his feet. The feeling he thought himself invincible radiated from his stance and demeanor, although he made no move to attack.

Holy mother of God, what a way to start his first day out of bed. Kade didn’t feel fit to take on a lame rabbit let alone an unexpected Indian. As nonchalantly as possible, he glanced around for Blind Deer. Had this man already found her? Did she lie injured or dead nearby? If she were unharmed, he hoped she had the sense to stay hidden.

“Easy, friend.” Kade straightened to his full height and tried not to weave about. “We weren’t expecting company.” He fought to keep the man in focus. “But you’re welcome. We’ve always lived in peace, wishing no harm to anyone, and expecting none to ourselves.”

The stranger’s reply came first in Indian, and then in French. Unfamiliar with either language, Kade didn’t understand the man’s intent.

The silence hanging in the air became increasingly uncomfortable, and Kade’s strength began to dwindle. Just as passing out seemed a possibility, he sighted Blind Deer approaching from behind their uninvited guest.

Rifle at her shoulder, she moved silently through the grass. When she was a few paces behind the man, she cocked the gun, and call out. The intruder appeared to recognize the language she spoke. From his topknot to his beaded moccasins, the warrior tensed for action and slowly turned around.

Sweat broke out on Kade’s forehead. Blind Deer only had one shot, and he had none. If she missed, they would both be dead before either could make a second move. Kade grabbed the door-jam, listening to the conversation flowing between Blind Deer and the stranger—their words did not seem angry. Then to his disbelief, Blind Deer lowered the rifle from her shoulder and put the hammer at half-cock. The expression on her face registered neither fear nor surrender. She stood proud and tall, not twitching a muscle as the Indian stepped closer.

Kade was about to make what he figured would be a fatal attempt at Blind Deer’s deliverance when he heard laughter.

The intruder stood at ease, his weapons turned aside. Their words were exchanged with increasing animation, and the Indian reached out and playfully tugged at Blind Deer’s hair. Then they spoke quietly for several moments, and the mood surrounding them changed. The man placed one hand on Blind Deer’s shoulder as if to console her. She hung her head then swiped at her face with the back of her hand.

Kade stiffened to attention as the man recovered the nearby painted bag and reached inside. A field-dressed wild goose was revealed and offered to Blind Deer. An expression of relief eased across her face. Kade’s shoulders relaxed.

The two spoke quietly a few more moments. Then the brave turned to squarely face Kade, his gaze intense. He shook his bow in the air as if in warning, and after a short speech in his own language and a couple of impressive war hollers, exemplifying his prowess, he departed. Not a trembling branch or whisper of sound marked the warrior’s return to the forest.

Blind Deer ran toward the cabin. She propped the rifle against the outside wall, and still holding the large bird by its legs, she threw her arms around his neck. The goose thumped across his back sending stray feathers floating through the air. Soft and yielding, her body pressed tight against his. Cocooned in his blanket, he couldn’t properly return her hug, but she was safe and that’s what mattered. His spirit sighed with relief, and at her closeness, his body ached with need.

Then the moment was over.

Standing on tip-toes, she sweetly kissed his cheek. “Thank the heavens you are back, Kade. At the sight of you upright and looking so well, my heart rejoices.” She glanced back over her shoulder. “On the same day in which it has also been badly broken.”

Kade grabbed up the rifle and allowed her to help him back inside.

“What do you mean? Who was that man?” He sat on the edge of the bed anxious to understand what was going on.

“He is my brother.”

“You mean like part of your tribe?”

“No. I mean my older brother, Nikota. One who playfully tormented, yet always protected me—until I went away.”

Stunned, he remained silent, trying to grasp the full meaning of her words. “You should have invited him in.”

“I did. He has made camp nearby. He does not trust easily, especially white people. We will talk again soon.”

“He had news then of your family, your people?”

“Yes, but the word was not good. Except for a very few, they are all gone.”

“Your mother and father?”

She nodded. Her chin quivered, and she turned away, fussing with the goose she had placed upon the cutting board.

He knew what it felt like to lose one’s parents. About to say so, a shiver of suspicion took hold of him instead. “How did he know where to find you?” Coincidence was always a possibility, but out here, it was hard enough finding folks on purpose let alone by chance.

“He crossed paths with a small Hudson’s Bay Party and their Blackfoot guides. Listening from afar, he heard them talking around the campfire. They groused about having to search for two free trappers and a Flathead Indian woman with green eyes and a bounty on her head.

“The description of the woman caught his attention. The next day, the brigade split up in order to more quickly cover the terrain. My brother approached a lone man in peace but was met with war. He won of course.”

There was pride in her voice, but not much else registered with him but one thing. “There’s a bounty on your head?”

“Yes. The Reverend has accused me of not only running away, but of stealing from the mission school. The local law is cracking down on thieving redskins, so they made a poster of me and offered a reward. They even alerted the Army.”

Words he couldn’t utter in her presence flooded his mind.

“This is bad doin’s. They’ll be looking for you at rendezvous. Tarnation, they’ll be looking for you everywhere, from here back to the Mississippi.”

At his words, the color faded from her cheeks. He hadn’t meant to scare her. Better change the subject. “What was your brother doing out there in the first place?”

“He too is heading for rendezvous, to trade for supplies. He crossed the HBC path by accident. They made so much noise, they were hard to miss. Since peace was not possible, he used cunning and bravery and took them out, one by one. The Blackfoot have always been our enemy, and now the HBC is too. Before the last one died, my brother asked him many questions. Searching for us, they had returned to the very site of the prior battle—where you shot me.”

Now it was his turn to feel the lifeblood drain from his face. “You didn’t tell him about that did you?”

“Maybe someday, but no, he would probably wish to kill you.”

He didn’t doubt her words for a moment. “How did he know to look for you?”

“Nikota saw the poster they carried. The drawing of me was true to life and stated a young green-eyed Indian woman with hair that curled was on the run from a missionary school in St. Louis. He felt in his heart it had to be me. Then although the trail was old and the English were too stupid to do so, and the Blackfoot too lazy, he tracked us from the battle site to your cabin.”

“But what happened to your tribe?”

Pain and sorrow erased away every bit of happiness at finding her brother.

“They are nearly all gone, wiped out. Nikota seemed reluctant to tell me the whole story. But he hinted the HBC was involved in that too.”

Kade stood and reached out with one arm and drew her near. “I’m so sorry, Blind Deer. You were so close to joining them, so close to fulfilling your dream of returning home.”

She clung to him, sobbing. Before now, she had never shown any signs of weakness. At least not in front of him or Tucket. Maybe she felt safer knowing her brother was nearby, or maybe she had begun to trust him just a little bit.

“They never got my letters. They never knew how I suffered, or how much I missed them. And I never got theirs.”

She pulled away and sniffed. An expression of grim determination replaced her sorrow.

“The English also talked of their Captain. His name is Sulgrave.”

Kade had heard the name before. A leader for the Company out of Fort Elise, this booshway had a ruthless reputation for mistreating the British trappers as well as his own men. Men like the soldiers who had originally captured Blind Deer—the ones he and Tucket had killed. Now her brother had killed more of Sulgrave’s men, and the Captain would be out for revenge on all of them.

“I must leave for this rendezvous, and then go back to help what few of my people are left. Your condition is much improved. You can stay here on your own. My brother and I will leave in the morning.”

“You’re not going anywhere without me.”

Brother or no brother, alarm shot through him at the thought of her taking off without him. He had to say something to convince her to stay, yet he really had no right to ask her to wait for him. No right to these grand new feelings and the overwhelming need to protect and care for her.

“Besides, you’re wrong. If you leave me behind it would be very bad for my recovery.” A lame excuse, and unkind of him to play upon her sympathy—but anything to buy him some time. He couldn’t imagine waking up to find Blind Deer gone for good. Couldn’t imagine living in a world without her.

“We’re partners now. And partners don’t turn their backs on one another.” The words came out sounding all riled up as the fear of losing her turned to anger. “You didn’t abandon me when I got hurt. Don’t deny me the right of seeing you safely to the Green.”

Her expression sobered even more, and she gazed into his eyes as if divining the true intent behind his words. “We will go together then, McCauley. But not tomorrow. In a few days. If we leave in haste and you sicken on the trail, you are too big for me to carry in a cradleboard.” She gave a little chuckle at her own humor.

Blind Deer wasn’t inclined to making jokes. Despite her sadness, seeing her brother had brought a new aspect to her personality. Maybe from remembering how life used to be.

“All right then.” He nodded in agreement, and the reprieve left him lightheaded. “We’ll go in two days.”

Standing beside the bed, she put a hand on his shoulder, encouraging him to sit on the edge.

“You must rest now. I will start a fire, and soon we will have roast goose.”

Still facing her, Kade let the blanket fall from around his shoulders to his lap. Before she could turn away, he reached out, placing his hands around her waist. She offered him no resistance as he drew her closer, immobilizing her between his still covered thighs. Leaning forward he lay his cheek against the front of her soft buckskin dress—and against her soft tempting woman’s body.

When she ran her fingers through his hair, cradling him closer, a powerful yearning took control of him—he couldn’t think, only feel, and he reveled in the gentle rise and fall of her chest and the quickening beat of her heart.

“You have recovered more than you let on, McCauley.” A breathless quality wrapped around her words. “Perhaps a ploy to draw me unsuspecting to your bed.”

“No.” He drew back and eased his hold on her. “I’ll not trick you into sharing my blankets.” Besides, he wanted their first time together to be his best effort, proving the magnitude of his love—and his prowess. Just imagining their bodies united in love set off a collection of body aches overshadowing the need in other parts of his body. Nothing was gonna happen tonight.

“Go cook.” The words came out gruffly, and remaining seated, he gently pushed her away. “Go, before I change my mind and really give myself a relapse.” He tried to be content watching Blind Deer prepare their meal, but he hungered for her, not for food.

“Where’s Maggie?” Suddenly, he remembered he hadn’t seen her in what seemed like days.

As Blind Deer bent to add more wood to the fire, she froze mid-motion. Recovering, she finished the task in silence. Standing tall, and dusting the bits of wood from her hands, she turned to face him. Her serious demeanor, and the hurt look in her eyes, had him grabbing the edge of the bed with both hands.

“Is Maggie hurt? What happened?”

“You were dying Kade. We were both starving. All the elk Tucket left was ruined by a greedy wolverine, and except for catching one small fish, my eyes failed me, and I failed you. Try as I did, I couldn’t find us any food. There was nothing left to eat—nothing. Do you understand? You were fading. And I despaired. Not thinking straight, I thought Maggie our only hope.”

By the grace of the Almighty, had she killed Maggie? Kade lurched upright, one hand instinctively clutching the blanket in place. Had she fed him his own dog? His stomach revolted as the vision took hold. He knew of tribes who ate dog, but he would have rather died than eat Maggie.

“You mean she’s dead?” He braced for the answer.

“Oh no, Kade. I could not kill her. At the last minute I fired to one side, hitting a tree, but the noise and betrayal scared her away. I think she is nearby. I left her a scrap of food after we had the ducks which Nikota left for us. I am sorry, Kade. I miss dog too.”

“She’ll come back.” Relief flooded his senses, and he slumped back onto the edge of the bed. “She’s been known to go roaming on occasion.”

To have considered using Maggie for food, Blind Deer must have been half out of her mind, just like he’d been most of the time. He knew she’d grown fond of the big dog. He tried to imagine her torment deciding between killing the dog and watching him grow weaker, maybe dying.

“You shouldn’t have been left here alone to fend for yourself. It’s my fault you had to go through this.”

“Do not blame yourself. If anyone is a failure it is I. Living with the white man has made me soft. I thought I could survive in the old ways, but I cannot. With each passing day, I realize more and more how much I have changed. I tried hard to remember the teachings from my childhood, but I have forgotten the little things. And lots of little things make a big thing. I must go back and try to help my tribe, but I do not feel like one of them, and I cannot go back East either. I belong nowhere, with no future. I have failed.”

There was anger in her voice.

Kade tugged lightly on one arm until she glanced at him. “I remember quite a bit of what you told me as you sat by my bedside. You gave me a glimpse of your soul, and what I saw there was beautiful—despite all the ugliness you’ve seen. You’re not a failure. If anything, you’re a testimony to what good you found in either group.”

Why couldn’t she see her worth, and a future together with him? If it meant following her rather than his own trail, he was willing to give it a try. He was willing to do anything—anything but give Blind Deer up. Somehow, he would make it his mission for the two of them to stay together.