When I wake, I’m still here, wherever here is. I eat in the vessel common room and retreat back to my cabin. In my bag, I find changes of identical black clothes, toiletries and a manual on what is required of a Monitor. It’s short with lots of small words. My job is to watch and record. Thinking is discouraged. I could really do with a book on how not to think.
According to the manual, Davistown is the location of a military base that trains guards for the water desalinators, the people I’ve been tasked with defeating.
The Cause wants everyone to have water. Trident wants to control it for themselves. Is anyone telling me the truth? That portrait of LJ Phillips Carter has me rattled. When I close my eyes, the reflection of my aged face looks down on me.
We travel across the ocean much faster than I expect. When the motion stops, I pull my hair back into a ponytail and wash my face in the small bathroom with a damp cloth. Water is rationed even on a vessel with its own desalinator plant. I sling my bag over my shoulder and head out on deck. We are tied to a dock in a large bay and the air is cool, despite the sunshine. Low buildings stretch out before us with green hills behind.
“Welcome to Davistown, Antarctica,” a crew member tells me.
“Where’s the snow?” I ask. He laughs.
“It only snows in winter,” he says.
I walk down the gangway slowly as if my next move will come to me if I allow it enough time. On the shore, I hover nervously, glancing around. There was nothing in the handbook about where to go. Workers on the dock ignore me as they go about their business.
“Are you the new Monitor?” A familiar voice by my side makes me jump.
I flinch when I look at the face of the girl wearing the same skin-tight outfit as me. Tayla wears a blank expression and her long auburn hair has been chopped short and jagged.
“I’m meant to meet the new Monitor,” she states.
I open and close my mouth several times before any words form. I glance around, expecting the other girls to appear and tell me the last several days have been an elaborate joke. It doesn’t happen.
I’m used to Will in these alternate lives and occasionally Elizabeth. I’ve never encountered anyone I know from my real world. Without Will, I have no reference point.
“Monitor Luce.” I remember to use my new name.
“I’m Monitor Tai.” She holds her hand out for me to shake and leads me to a waiting vehicle with the words, ‘Trident Water Corporation’ marked on the side.
She slides into the driver’s seat and waits for me to get in. I take one last look around the dock, but find no better option. I take the seat next to Tai. I don’t look at her, instead staring at the green countryside as she directs the automated vehicle to her requested destination.
Antarctica should be covered in ice and snow all year round. My mind is unable to connect what I see with what it knows, so it shuts down, my expression as blank as Tai’s.
We pull up at a gated facility where we present our IDs and the guards scan the vehicle. We’re cleared to enter and Tai stops the vehicle by a building at the side of the complex.
She opens a door to a simple bunk room, the only wall space taken up with a painting of Neptune holding his trident. I leave my bag on the vacant bed, rake my fingers through my hair and re-tie my ponytail. Tai hands me a black wrist band that looks like a faceless watch, and a flat tablet computer.
“I know it’s old fashioned, but it’s all we get. The instructions are provided. Monitor your Trident Authority trainee and record the actions in the appropriate templates,” Tai says. I nod.
Tai leads me through the compound pointing out the various buildings I need to know from the canteen to the training rooms, while maintaining an air of vacantness. Then she takes me to the recreation room to meet the trainee I need to shadow while I’m here.
I enter the room behind Tai and he looks up at the sound of our entrance. Will’s brown eyes slide across us and return to his female sparring companion who has her back to us. I clamp my hand over my mouth to prevent any sound that may emerge. My hands shake.
“You are to monitor Trainee Willis.” Tai points to Will, who continues to ignore us. “The girl, Genfa is my Trainee. We don’t exist, never speak unless spoken to.”
Genfa turns away from Will and this time I do gasp. I’m in a room with Tayla, Jennypha and Will. For a second, Genfa’s gaze settles on me and her eyes open wide, before Willis topples her onto her behind. She glances up at him as he offers her a hand up. I hold my breath waiting for her to say something, but she doesn’t look at me again.
Tai grabs my arm roughly to stop me staring. The Monitors in the room all have the same vacant expression. I attempt to adopt the same as Tai shows me to a seat and runs me through the assessment forms I need to fill out on Will, some already completed by the last girl.
The Will I know would never support the wrong side of a war. I look at Will and I know I’m not dead. I’m in one of my dreams, but is it him or me working towards what is right? If I die here, I will wake up back where I started.
* * *
“Please wake up. Can you hear me, Lucy?”
In my dream I think it’s odd Mum wants me to wake up. I’ve been awake, trying to complete the mission I’ve been given. Also there is nothing wrong with my hearing.
“If you wake I promise we’ll do something special for your seventeenth birthday. I know it’s still a few months away, but we’ll invite all your friends and have a cake. Squeeze my hand if you’re there.”
Has she forgotten my eleventh birthday and every one since? I have no friends to invite. Will is here and Emma is dead. There is no one else. There won’t be any cake, especially if she doesn’t go to work.
I don’t move my hand, instead shutting out the sounds of Mum weeping and an irritating beeping near my head. I think I hear Willis calling my name. My eyes snap open.
* * *
Tai stands over the bed repeating my name. The Antarctic dawn creeps through the window of the room I share with the other Monitors. I crawl out of bed and pull on my uniform. I have a mission to complete before I can fade into oblivion.
The morning starts in the gym. There are six in Willis’ training group. I stand with Tai and four others by a wall and try to imitate Tai’s blank expression. As Willis does circuits of cardio and weights, I check his improvements over the six months he has been stationed at Davistown. Will is top of the group and yet the trainer pushes him and Genfa the hardest. I want to ask Tai why, but the look she shoots me as I’m about to speak, silences me.
The afternoon brings an exam. We sit quietly until they’re finished. Tai pinches me whenever I start fidgeting or thinking too hard. The trainees have free time when they are done and Willis leaves with Genfa. Neither of them acknowledges our existence. My stomach twists as they leave the room.
I take Willis’ paper and check the answers on my screen. I do it automatically, but part way through I start paying attention to the questions. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. What Will is reciting contradicts what I’ve been told.
Willis is training to protect the desalinators from terrorist attacks, from the people who have recruited me to take control of the water. These answers portray the people as evil, yet I have seen them as desperate and thirsty. Someone is playing both sides off against each other.
* * *
“How did this happen?” Mum sobs into Frank’s shoulder. I wish he would leave the room and take his cologne with him. I’ve never understood how Mum could stand so close to such an overpowering smell.
“I don’t know,” Frank lies.
He’s cheating on you, I want to say. Don’t trust him. But I have no voice.
“Is it my fault?” Mum asks.
“Of course not. Lucy brought this on herself…”
* * *
The band vibrating on my wrist snaps me awake. I’m still in my shared room in Davistown. Will is somewhere nearby.
“What’s going on?” I ask Tai as the others leave the room.
“Our unit’s been posted to McMurdo. A water tanker was hijacked on the Ross Sea and they want backup.”
“You seem awfully happy about this,” I say.
“We’re going to the main desalinator grid. This is the best opportunity we’ve had yet to find those codes.”
“What code?” I say. Tai rolls her eyes at me, so I try for a change of topic instead. “Where have the other Monitors gone?” I ask watching Tai shove her belongings into her bag.
“The trainees will be debriefed before leaving. We pack their bags.”
Tai walks with me to the trainee quarters. Several doors are already open with Monitors inside collecting items. I pause awkwardly outside the room marked ‘Willis Carter,’ but Tai marches straight by me and flings open the cupboards, before throwing an empty bag on the bed.
“A list of required items has been uploaded to your tablet. I’ll be across the hall in Genfa’s room.” Tai walks out leaving me alone.
The room is small and tidy, with everything packed away in cupboards. It could be anyone’s room except for the fact it smells like Will. I close my eyes, breathe deeply and remember our previous lives together. A drawer slamming in an adjoining room snaps me back to the present.
I’m working my way through the list, pulling items from the cupboards and drawers when my fingers brush over a hard container concealed behind Willis’ winter jacket. I glance over my shoulder, but I’m out of the line of sight of anyone passing the open door. I pull the non-descript box from its hiding place and pop the latch.
I force my eyes to focus on the words inside the lid, instead of the fact it’s my handwriting.
To my Grandson Willis,
Once upon a time, two friends called Lucy and Will travelled through time together, collecting memories and learning why life is worth living even through the bad times. This box of lucky charms holds their memories and the key to the future.
Love Grandma LJ
I tip the contents onto the floor and pick up a folded page. When I spread it open, I find my art assignment where I tried to copy Wu and my handprints on the cave wall. My signature is scrawled in the bottom corner along with the date.
Tears roll down my face. Something of my life has survived seventy years. I sort through the other items finding a lump of volcanic rock and a small cat statue before finding the gold locket. My hands tremble as I open the catch.
The miniature is fading, but William’s and my face still stare back at me. I use my fingernail to lift it out and check the reverse is as I remember. ‘William and Lucy 1746’ is still there. I put our picture back in its place and lay it gently in the box.
A second gold chain lies among the pile on the floor, a bullet hanging from this one. I roll it between my fingers reading the words, ‘Hawaii 1941’ engraved into it. I add it to the rest and pick up a thin black rectangle the size of a photograph. When I touch it with my fingers, an image appears. I fumble and nearly drop it.
Staring back at me is LJ Phillips Carter looking some years younger than she did in the portrait I saw in Sydney. She smiles as she sits on the grass under a tree, holding a young boy on her lap. He holds one arm bent to stop a silver bracelet from sliding off his small arm.
“Are you planning to report me for having non-military issued items?”
I jump at Willis’ voice behind me. I keep my back to him so he can’t see my tear strained face. I hurriedly pack the memories back into their box.
“I was packing your things.” My voice catches slightly. I shove the box into his bag and continue packing without looking at him. He moves to stand directly behind me.
“I’m trying to work out if you’ve been planted to spy on me by Trident or the Rebellion,” Willis says.
I think of George and the young boy begging for money to buy water. I recall the limp body of the girl who should be sitting in my place right now. Willis is committed to a cause he believes is right. He has probably never seen the poverty on the street that I saw. On top of that is the box of memories that have been and might have been.
“I don’t understand. I’m just a Monitor. My QI is not as big as yours.” He makes a noise behind me, struggling not to correct my deliberate slip.
“My last Monitor pretended to be not very bright. She disappeared after being suspected of working for the Rebellion. So are you her replacement or did the Trident get in first?”
When I don’t answer, he grabs my arm and spins me around. The silver bracelet fits his wrist now. Willis loosens his grip and tilts my head up so I’m looking into his familiar brown eyes.
“Why are you crying?” he asks gently. My eyes fall to the bag where I placed the box.
“Why have you kept those items in the box?” I ask.
“They’re just memories belonging to my Grandmother. She had a story for each one before she ended up at the Port Arthur Mental Hospital,” Willis says.
“She couldn’t have been. She was the leader of the Cause up until her death.”
“You’re spying for the Rebellion,” Willis says.
“I don’t know why I’m here. Why are you training to be a Trident guard?”
“Grandma LJ wanted me to take this job.” He spins the silver bracelet on his wrist.
I’m about to voice my confusion when I catch sight of Tai standing in the doorway with a look of betrayal on her face. I take a step forward causing Willis to glance over his shoulder and Tai bolts. Willis grabs my arm before I can follow.
“The Monitors are required to have the bags packed and ready in the next ten minutes.” He walks out of the room.
I dump the remainder of Willis’ belongings on top of the hidden box. I close the bag and drag it to the Monitors’ quarters to get my own things. Tai is not in the room and her bag is missing. I hurriedly pack my clothes and run out the door. I’m the last one ready.
The other Monitors and Trainees wait on the airstrip as I pass the bags over to be loaded. Tai is the only one not present. I really need to speak to her to let her know I haven’t betrayed the Cause. At least I don’t think I have.
“Has anyone seen Monitor Tai?” Genfa demands marching past our group as though expecting Tai to suddenly appear. I look straight ahead careful to maintain my blank expression. Willis doesn’t speak either. “Well, what are you waiting for? Go look for her,” Genfa orders.
We stand there like dumb children until one of the girls realises Genfa means us. The rest of us follow meekly behind her. An officer chases after us to make sure we look in different directions. We follow his orders.
I’m doing a lap of the perimeter behind the sleeping quarters when I notice the hole cut in the bottom of the fence. I glance around me, but this location was chosen for its lack of traffic. A short piece of wire lies on the ground. I bend down and use it to pull the fence back into shape. When I’m done, no one would notice the gap unless they looked very closely. I continue my search knowing I won’t find Tai anywhere on the grounds. We leave for McMurdo without her. I have to find the code on my own.
* * *
I can smell Frank’s cologne. It makes me need to sneeze, but I can’t move my body. There is an annoying beeping noise in the background. Frank places his hand over the machine as if willing the sound to stop.
We’re alone in the room together and my body is frozen in place. I don’t know how far he will go to keep his secret. Why is Mum not here to protect me? Frank leans in to whisper in my ear. My skin crawls like a thousand bugs are trying to make my useless body their home.
“Your mother and I are getting married. She doesn’t love you. No one wants you. You’re good for nothing. Do us all a favour; stop hanging around and just die.”
He runs his fingers across my cheek. I panic, trying to force my eyes open and get away from him at the same time. My body jerks and I’m falling.
* * *
My eyes fly open as I hit the floor wrapped tightly in my blanket. I gasp for breath, covered in sweat in the chilly room. I lie still on the floor of the sleeping quarters at McMurdo, listening in case my panic attack woke anyone. The sound of even breathing continues. The Monitors have been placed in the same room as the Trainees. I glance over to the only empty bed in the room illuminated by the continual twilight of the Antarctic night.
I scrub my cheek against my shoulder. I’m too tense to go back to sleep so I pull my skins on and slide a small torch up my sleeve. I focus on the present to force Frank from my head.
I pad softly over to where Willis’ clothes are draped over the end of his bed. His security tag is tucked into the top pocket. Someone moves in their sleep and I freeze in place barely breathing. I stand still for several slow minutes before I move to the door and slip into the corridor.
I avoid the areas I saw during the afternoon orientation, pausing when I reach a door marked ‘authorised personnel only’. Glancing around, the corridor is silent. I swipe Will’s security tag through the slot by the door. A small beep sounds and the door slides open. I step into the unknown.
The corridor is dimly lit with dull grey walls. I start walking. At the far end are three doors. The one directly in front of me is protected by a coded pad as well as the swipe card. The dull light on the touch pad illuminates four oily marks from people’s finger tips.
I try to calculate how many different combinations it could be assuming each number is only used once. It’s still a lot.
I try top to bottom and left to right. It doesn’t work. Neither does right to left. I realise I haven’t swiped the card. I try that and then the first combination. Still nothing. I swipe again and try the second combination. I jump when I hear a click. I push on the door and it swings inwards. I hadn’t expected my reasoning to be valid.
It’s dark inside and my footsteps echo making the space sound huge. I take a few cautious steps forward listening to the sound of each footfall. I tumble down a short flight of steps landing in a heap in the dark, with a twisted ankle and a banged elbow. I gasp in pain.
I lie still hoping no one is hiding in the shadows waiting to kill me. Silence envelops me. I pick myself up off the floor, feeling for the steps I fell down then I remember the torch up my sleeve. I retrieve it and switch it on.
I get to my feet and test my ankle. It’s sore, but I can still walk. I shine the torch around the space. The beam of light reveals the hulking shape of a fighter plane. This is a military base, so I shouldn’t be surprised, but it feels wrong, dangerous, evil and I don’t know why.
The torch slips in my sweaty grip. I want to get out of there. I turn to leave when I remember how excited Tai was about coming to McMurdo.
“What’s the worst that could happen? You’ve already tried to kill yourself,” I mutter to myself.
I approach the fighter plane and flash the light around. There are more lurking behind the first one, but the darkness makes it difficult to make out numbers. I shine the torch up onto the grey monster. The word, ‘Wellington’ is painted across the belly. I creep over to the next one to find ‘Canberra’ scrawled there. My ears pick up a faint click in the silence. I flick the torch off and stand in the darkness.
“Have you found the girl yet?” a nasally woman’s voice asks from over where I entered, the hangar amplifying the sound.
I forget to breathe. She’s the woman I overheard where I first woke under the bed in Sydney. Light floods the entrance to the hangar and I throw myself behind the wheel of the fighter jet.
“She’s disappeared into the inland settlements. My people are searching for her as we speak.” I feel like I should know his voice, but I can’t place it.
I peek around the landing gear to see the man speaking. He has his back to me as he leads the way to an office set back from the steps I fell down. The light comes on and the door stays open.
I strain to hear the conversation, but I only catch a handful of words, such as ‘assault’, ‘planes’ and ‘desalinator’. I can’t get any closer without giving myself away. I wait for them to hear my heart pounding from where they stand in the office.
My legs are cramping by the time the woman steps out of the room. I stay low, watching from the shadows, so I can see her face and recognise her in the future. The light flicks off and the man closes the door to the office. He turns around and I see his face. I gasp.
“Ready to go?” Ryder asks.
“I’ve seen enough,” the woman replies. She follows Ryder back out the door we all entered and the hanger is plunged into darkness once more.
I collapse into a ball on the cement floor, hugging my knees to my chest and whimpering. If there was any chance of finding the code, Ryder would have already done so. I can only assume he doesn’t want it to be found.
It won’t do me or Willis any good lying here. I pull myself together, shake my aching legs and flick on my torch, using my hand to dim the light so I have just enough to not trip. I’m glad Tai has disappeared already. There’s no need for us both to die attempting to achieve the impossible.
I limp on my sore ankle towards the office and ease the door open. It gives under my hand and I close it behind me. I take my hand away from the beam of light and shine it around the room. A map of the world hangs on the wall, only the polar ice caps are almost non-existent and there is less land mass than I remember.
I search the room in case a scrap of paper with ‘desalinator code’ written on it, lies out in the open. I bump the screen sitting on the desk and it springs to life. ‘Do you want to complete shut down?’ is displayed across the screen. I hold my breath and I touch the cancel button.
The operating system is completely foreign to me, but after touching multiple icons I find what I’m after. I don’t have a camera, so I sit down and commit to memory the details of an attack on the main population centres around the world. In another file are mock-up media releases blaming the assault on the Rebellion, who I know as the Cause. When they are done, the only habitable location on the planet will be Antarctica.
I shut the computer down and creep from the room. The sound of the door shutting behind me makes me flinch. I bound up the steps and find the exit button by the door. I yank it open and run all the way back to my room. I dive under my blanket and lie still trying to calm my breathing.
*
“You dropped this.” I pass the security tag quickly to Willis on the way to breakfast, but don’t meet his eyes. “If you lose it again I will have to record it,” I add. Willis looks like he is about to say something, but then he turns away and walks over to Genfa as if I don’t exist.
“Monitor,” a voice behind me says.
There are no other Monitors standing nearby. I turn around careful to maintain a vacant expression. I face Ryder as though I’ve never met him before.
“I need these taken to my office.” Ryder thrusts a box of computer tablets into my arms.
I glance behind me to where Willis sits next to Genfa. I’m not meant to leave his side, but I’ve also been given an order. I follow meekly behind the traitor. He doesn’t speak until he has closed the office door behind us.
“What have you done to your ankle?”
“I fell out of bed,” I say.
“How is the mission progressing?” he asks. I hug the box to my chest while I consider how to answer.
“No leads yet,” I say.
“What happened to Monitor Tai?”
“She disappeared. I figured you’d know.” I look him in the eyes.
“The Carter boy, any progress with turning him to the Cause?”
“That wasn’t the task I was given,” I reply.
“Good, good. You can put the box down here.” Ryder points to his desk.
“Is that all? I have to get back to my Trainee,” I say.
“Keep me up to date with any leads.” Ryder doesn’t look at me as I walk out the door and go in search of Willis.
I lose track of my checklists throughout the day. I monitor Genfa as well until a replacement is found for Tai, but my mind isn’t on the job. I sit at the back of the theatre with the other Monitors as the Trainees watch a film on desalinator security. I try to keep my eyes open and follow the talk about how William Carter created the current system, but the dim lighting and lack of sleep the night before eventually claim me.
* * *
“Come to finish the job?” Mum asks in a broken voice. “It was an accident,” Tayla’s mum insists.
“How dare you think you can come in here like you care about my daughter. You think Jennypha can get away with this because her father is a lawyer?”
“The girls have come to apologise for their part in this. I never said…”
“Shush!” A nurse arrives to see what the commotion is about. Mum storms out in tears.
Jennypha and Tayla shuffle forward and the scent of boronias waft through the room from the bunch of flowers Tayla holds. There’s a house in my street that has boronias.
“Do you have a vase?” Tayla’s mum asks the nurse. The woman hurries off to find something suitable. When she returns, she places the bunch gently in a lonely vase of water by my bed.
“Don’t they smell nice,” she says.
“They’re Lucy’s favourite,” Tayla replies. I’m surprised she remembers.
The nurse leaves the room and Tayla’s mum follows tactfully leaving the girls alone in the room with me.
Jennypha stands by my bed and recites her apology. I want to tell Jennypha it’s too late to apologise, but I cannot speak. I never could tell her what I really thought. I wish someone had stood up for me when I couldn’t find my voice. I wish I’d had the strength to do it myself.
“Luce.”
I’m drifting somewhere between here and there. I don’t know where I should be.
“Luce! Wake up.” I move towards Will’s voice.
* * *
I open my eyes to Willis standing over me. The lights are on and we are alone in the theatre. The movie has ended.
“Big night roaming the base with my security pass?” he asks.
“I was meaning to talk to you about that,” I say.
“I have someone who wants to talk to you too.”
“That doesn’t sound good,” I say.
“Don’t worry. He’s on our side.”
“Which side is that?”
“The right one hopefully,” Willis replies.
Willis strides from the room with me following after. We pass several people, but they don’t question us. We don’t see Ryder or the woman he was with last night.
Willis pauses at a non-descript door marked only with a number and raps on a panel twice. The light on the touch screen turns from red to green and he eases the door open. We step into a windowless meeting room.
One of the chairs is occupied by Jennypha’s doppelganger, while a man stands with his back to us as he studies a map of the world hanging on the wall. He turns to face us as we enter. He wears a military uniform with a rank I don’t recognise displayed across the shoulders, and holds a black tablet computer in his hand.
“Sit down,” he instructs. I do as I’m told, keeping my distance from Genfa. Willis sits between us. “I’m Major Stevens. I believe you already know Trainees Willis and Genfa.”
“Why am I here?” I ask.
“Genfa believes you can help us, although I’m not convinced yet,” the man responds. He glances between the tablet screen and me, before raising an eyebrow at Genfa.
“What’s going on?” Willis asks. “I thought we gathered to find out what Luce has discovered while she’s been here.”
“You haven’t worked out who she is, have you?” Genfa asks.
“She’s the Rebellion’s Monitor,” Willis says.
“Do you remember all those crazy stories Great Aunt Libby used to tell about LJ?”
“Of course I do. That is why everyone believed LJ was committed to the mental hospital when she disappeared.” Willis frowns.
Genfa stands and points at me. “She is LJ.”
All three of them look at me. Stevens has an expression of someone who has already heard this information, but is still sceptical, and Willis looks like he is waiting for the punchline of a joke.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say somewhat unconvincingly. I am not the leader they are looking for. I just want to be gone. I don’t have the strength to survive seventy more years of life.
“You’re denying this is an image of you?” Stevens slides the tablet across the table. It comes to rest in front of me and Willis leans over to see the photo displayed on the screen. It’s me, in school uniform, positioned between Jennypha and Tayla. We have our arms around each other and smiles on our faces.
“Jennypha and Tayla hate me,” I say. I’ve never seen this photo, nor can I conceptualise a reason for us to be hugging.
“Hate you? Tayla McKenzie and LJ Phillips were my grandmother’s only close friends. She had a hard time letting people close to her. She didn’t like anyone knowing her mum was an alcoholic,” Genfa says.
My mind sticks on the word alcoholic. Jennypha has a perfect life. She is popular and rich. She doesn’t have problems like me. Thoughts crash through my head like waves across a shallow reef.
“Jennypha pushed me in front of a truck!”
“I never heard that story.” Willis glances at Genfa, who shakes her head.
“So you’re saying you are LJ?” Stevens asks.
“What if I am?”
“Tell us the code to control the desalinators,” Stevens says.
“I don’t know it!”
“If you are who you claim to be, the Rebellion is your idea. Why are you here if not to help us achieve your own goals?”
“I don’t know! I tried to kill myself. I’m not even meant to be here!”
“Well, that’s not good,” Willis says.
“If LJ dies, there is no Rebellion. Trident will have already won,” Genfa says.
“If she doesn’t have the code, she won’t be any help to us. We can’t act without it.” The Major frowns. He glances towards Willis who silences the buzzing coming from the band on his wrist next to his silver bracelet.
“I’m being summoned,” Willis says. The Major waves him from the room.
“What if LJ is here to find the code and then plant it somewhere we can find it?” Genfa asks. I turn her suggestion over in my mind. It sounds complicated, especially considering I don’t know the first place to begin finding the code.
“LJ died several months ago. If she had done something like that, we would know already. We’ve been here too long. I suggest we go about our business as usual and continue with our original plan. We can’t act until we have the code,” Stevens says.
Genfa stands, salutes Stevens and walks from the room. I follow after her, a Monitor trailing behind her Trainee. We walk through the base looking for Willis. When we don’t find him in any of the common areas, Genfa heads towards the sleeping quarters.
I smell the burning paper as soon as we step into the room. I push past Genfa into the bathroom. Willis spins around at the sound of the door opening, dropping the piece of burning paper he held between his fingers. On the edge of the sink is a faded blue plastic folder like the students in my real life use to present their assignments. I can’t afford that sort of thing. I normally borrow a stapler from the librarian.
Willis grabs several more pages from the plastic sleeves and uses the flame from the last piece to light it. I reach out to read the contents. Only the cover page remains and ash has already burned through the title. What remains is the subheading: ‘A Story of the Future’. Underneath it says: by Jennypha A Grant and Lucy J Phillips.
In the depth of my consciousness, a memory of an assignment sheet I shoved into the bottom of my bag rises to the surface. I had no partner. Jennypha was probably paired with La-a like she was for every assignment.
“Where did you get this?” I ask.
“LJ left it to me in her will. It was delivered today.” He looks up at Genfa standing in the doorway.
“Tell Major Stevens we’re ready to act,” Willis says.
“You have it?” she asks.
“I know where it is,” Willis replies. She raises her eyebrow, but doesn’t question him. She backs out the door.
“Why are you burning it?” I ask.
“I’ve read it.”
“I never did the assignment,” I say.
Willis drops the empty folder in the waste chute and wipes the remains of the ash out of the sink before looking at me.
“You really believe you’re Lucy Phillips, you’ll do it,” he tells me.
“I die,” I say with as much conviction as I can muster.
“What happens to me then?” Willis says. “If you don’t live, I never have a chance to be born, to live, to make a difference. You’re throwing my life away and I have no say in it.”
“What if the world is a better place without me in it?”
“My grandmother made a huge difference to the lives of so many people. Now we need to go before we’re discovered in here.”
I see the woman as soon as I step from the room. She is flanked by two burly guards and heading straight for where I stand. Our cover has been blown before we can act. I frantically wave my hand behind my back hoping Willis will get the point and disappears from sight.
“Monitor, what are you doing in the hallway?” The nasally voice sends shivers down my spine. There is no doubt in my mind they have come for me.
“I was searching for Trainee Willis. I couldn’t find him in the cafeteria so I went to look in his room, but he’s not here either,” I ramble on as they approach, hoping they won’t smell the burnt paper.
“Don’t worry about Willis. I have men searching for him as we speak. You need to come with us,” the woman says.
I sprint away from the room as fast as I can, grateful for the grip on my Monitor issue boots. I make it several metres down the hall before something hits me in the back. I drop to the floor twitching in pain, reminding me of the time I accidently touched an electric fence, only so much worse. For a few moments I can’t breathe and then a tingling feeling spreads through my body.
The two men grab my arms, haul me upright and drag me down the hallway in the opposite direction to which I ran. As my head lolls to one side, Willis sneaks from the room and disappears unnoticed down the hall. I hope I’ve given him enough time to put his plan into action.
I come to in a sparsely furnished room. My hands are cuffed behind the chair I’m slumped in and my vision is blurred. The woman leans over and slaps me hard across the face, making me uncomfortably aware feeling has returned to my body. I think she suspects I’m a spy. The thought makes me swing between the urge to laugh hysterically and cry.
“Who is your commander?” the woman asks.
I remain silent, staring at her without seeing. I’m good at that, retreating into myself. I’ve had a lot of practice in life, learning how not to react. One of the guys behind me kicks out at the chair and I topple backwards, crushing my arms beneath me and smacking my head on the cement floor. Pricks of light spark across my vision. The woman looms over me.
“Who on this base works for the Rebellion?”
My head rolls to one side and I focus on a tiny bug scuttling across the dusty floor. If I try a little harder, I can tune the whole world out. The man’s hand moves at the edge of my vision pressing something cold to my neck. The bolt of electricity is worse than what I felt in the corridor. My body cramps and I stop breathing. When I regain consciousness, I’m upright in my chair and have blood in my mouth. I spit on the floor.
“This will go much smoother if you answer my questions,” she tells me.
“I’m not afraid to die.”
“You’re not going to die.” She laughs. “We have ways of keeping people alive until they – cooperate.” I swallow back bile.
“Where did Monitor Tai go?” the woman asks.
My mind goes blank as I try to recall the thought pattern I’d been on moments ago. Something about bugs running across the floor, closing my eyes, dying – the code. I still don’t have it. Just like I failed Bill, I’ve failed Willis.
The woman clicks her fingers and the second man steps in front of me. He flicks what looks like a small glass oil bottle at me. Several drops fall on the front of my uniform. I scream as the liquid burns into my skin.
“Where is the Monitor?” Tai. The girl who looks like Tayla.
“I don’t know,” I gasp. They haven’t found her. Perhaps she is gathering her people to join Willis in the fight against Trident.
The woman holds up her finger and the man steps forward again.
“I don’t know. She ran away. She thought I was working for Trident. She never told me anything.” Suddenly I’m laughing hysterically, in large gasping breaths that won’t cease. She slaps me hard across the face making my ears ring.
“Did you really think you could fool us? The last girl they sent was more subtle than you and we still killed her.”
“Considering Ryder escorted me here, I figured you already knew.”
Her eyes flash and she glances at someone by the door out of my line of vision. I think they exit, but I could be imagining it. I’m losing my grip on reality. I shake my head. What reality? I’m in the future.
I should probably be scared, but instead I’m dizzy. My head spins and I have difficultly focusing. The room is dimly lit, but I’m getting flashes of bright lights in my eyes that have little to do with being slapped. Both men stand several paces from me, but I hear whispers in my ears as though someone is leaning over me.
“Lucy, Lu-cy. That is your name isn’t it,” Will’s voice whispers.
“How many Monitors are part of your organisation?” the woman demands. I want to end this.
“They all are.” I give her a crazy look like the ones Emma was so good at.
“You’re lying.”
“Of course I am. I’m the best they have. They didn’t need to send anyone else.” I’m in a dreamlike state. The acid falls on me again and the haze of pain swallows me.
*
The chorus to the Sleeping Beauty song ‘Once Upon a Dream’ drifts over me.
“Hello?” The girl’s voice stops singing.
The darkness is so complete I can almost hear her listening for a response. Greyness swirls around me, lightening the space until I can see her face. It lights up in a beautiful smile.
“Lucy, I was wondering if you would join me here,” Will’s sister says. She is older than I’ve seen her before, around my own age although she is thin and fragile.
“You know me?”
“Of course. It’s me, Libby. Have you not been living the dreams also?”
“Where are we?” I ask.
“A waiting room. We stay here until our bodies are ready for us to come back.”
“What’s wrong with yours?” I ask.
“I’m having a transplant. When I wake up, I’m going to dance, sing, run, and do all the things I haven’t been able to do for so long.” Libby laughs and twirls in a circle with her arms above her head.
“What if I don’t wake up?”
“I don’t think we get another chance. If you die here, you’ll be gone forever.”
*
“Wake up,” Will says.
Icy water cascades over me, stinging my skin and jerking me back into the room and away from Will’s voice. The cold clings to my body making my tied arms ache.
“We can revive you every time. Why do you insist on throwing your life away for this one little code?” The woman tugs a small coil out of her necklace pendant and places the unrolled rectangle of plastic in front of me. The black lettering stares back at me.
A6λ#2g5JσdT48α-9.
This is what I have been searching for. I focus on the code, committing it to memory as quickly as I can. My lips move as I concentrate. Capital A, six, lambda, hash symbol, two…
An idea flashes through my mind of grabbing the strip of plastic and running for the exit. The door is locked and guarded. I wouldn’t make it out of the room, let alone get the code to anyone who could use it. Small g, five, capital J, sigma. My shoulders slump as I realise I have no way of getting it to Willis.
“What’s your real name?” The woman smacks the table making me jump.
“LJ Phillips,” I say.
Before I can flinch, one of the men steps forward and holds the cold device against my neck again. I scream as the electric current flows through my body making me jerk like a fish. Lights flash in my head as I try to hold on. Small d, capital T, four.
“Are you there, Lucy? If you don’t wake up, the machines will get turned off.” There is a pause. “Open your eyes.” Will’s voice is pulling me into the darkness.
I have to focus. I shake my head to clear the words. Eight, alpha, hyphen, nine. I repeat the code from the start to force it into my memory where it can’t be taken from me.
“You’re a bit young to be LJ,” the woman sneers.
“I’m a time traveller. Actually I’m crazy. You shouldn’t believe anything I say. I’m killing time, keeping you occupied while the Rebellion takes control with the code you’ve just given me. I’ll probably disappear soon.” My laughter turns into hysterically gasping, cut short by a blood curling scream as the acid lands on my chest again.
*
Libby sings a line from the Jungle Book’s ‘Bare Necessities’. Something about forgetting worries. We’re back in the grey waiting room.
“The thing is, I don’t think I can leave a dream without dying,” I say.
“Of course you can. You have to wake up,” Libby says.
“Why haven’t you left?”
“It’s not my time yet,” Libby says.
“I just wanted to be normal,” I say.
“Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?”
“I’m nothing special. I’m drowning,” I whisper.
“Then kick out. Put one arm in front of the other. That’s all there is to swimming.”
* * *
“Wherever you are, it’s not real. Wake up, Lucy,” Will whispers.
* * *
As I open my eyes to the woman grinning evilly over me, there’s only one way out of this room with the code. I have to wake up, go back so I can leave the code for Willis to find. If I wake, he has a chance.
“What do you know about the desalinators?”
“Everything,” I say. I focus on the code. It is a mantra against the pain. Repeat. Remember. I have to tell Willis.
An explosion outside shakes the foundations of the room. The woman clutches the table between us as though it will offer her protection. One of the men darts out of the room to investigate. Tentacles of smoke drift into the room.
“We’re under attack,” somebody yells from down the corridor, his voice drowned out by the roar of jets flying low over the compound. The woman pulls a knife from her waistband and holds it to my neck.
“What do you know of this?” she yells.
“WAKE UP!” Willis shouts in my ear, but he is not in this room. I follow the sound of his voice. I’ve never tried to go back before, to wake up.
Remember. Capital A, six, lambda, hash symbol, two, small g, five, capital J, sigma, small d, capital T, four, eight, alpha, hyphen, nine.
My world turns black.