fifteen

When Zeke tugged on her arm, Julia leapt off the blanket with her heart as light and soaring as a helium balloon. The weight she had carried since seeing Zeke in the hotel lobby was gone now. He knew everything there was to know about Hunter, and her conscience was clear.

He rolled his Levi’s up to his knees, and with her hand tucked in his bigger one, they walked toward the water. Pismo Beach was long and shallow, the kind of shore where waves stacked on waves and broke gently. She stayed close to his side, reveling in the contrast of the shame she’d felt an hour ago to the forgiveness and grace lifting her heart now.

With their fingers entwined, they stepped from dry sand onto the cold, flat apron left by the last wave. Thirty feet in the distance, a wave broke with a rumble and sped toward them. Holding tight to Zeke’s hand, she braced for the shock of cold water covering her ankles. When the wave hit, she did a little dance complete with a chorus of “Oh-oh-oh!”

Zeke caught her by the elbow. Chuckling while she splashed, he held her steady as the retreating water sucked sand from beneath her feet.

Before she knew what was happening, they were facing each other. His hands slid up her arms, and in the next breath his face was an inch above hers. When she looked into his eyes, her breath caught while her heart pounded madly. Slowly, giving her time to change her mind, he matched his lips to hers.

The kiss was small and sweet, but it recalled a thousand that were big and bold. When he lifted his head, she froze with her face still raised to his. His mouth dipped back to hers and he kissed her again, lingering until she pulled back.

With her pulse racing, she searched his eyes and saw everything she could ever want in a man. Passion. Integrity. Respect. The faithful heart of a man who put God first.

Zeke rubbed her back the way he had in college. Old feelings came alive, and she dared to wonder about a fresh start. But then the present crashed into the past. Hunter wouldn’t like it if she started to date again, and he’d be especially hostile if that man were Zeke. On the other hand, she couldn’t allow Hunter to dictate her choices. Like her mother said, she needed to be brave. But fear boiled out of a crack deep in her psyche. If she upset Hunter, he’d use Max to manipulate her the way he had with the zoo trip.

Trusting God with her own well-being was one thing. Trusting him to protect Max required a depth of faith beyond Julia’s experience.

Weak and still shaking, she took a big step back. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

With one brow arched, he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Why not?”

“A lot of reasons.” She didn’t even want to breathe Hunter’s name. “My life is complicated. Max. My business. My mother too.”

“And Hunter,” he said for her.

“Yes.”

Another wave, a big one that would eat the ones in front of it, roared toward them. Quick as a blink, Zeke snatched her hand and guided her higher up the beach.

Facing her, he clasped her cold arms with his warm fingers. “You’re in limbo right now. I get that, so I’m going to be very direct. I have feelings for you, Jules. Strong ones. I want to give those feelings a chance to grow, but you have responsibilities and so do I.”

“I feel the same way.” Her voice quavered.

“So let’s take our time. Tonight doesn’t have to change anything. First and foremost, we’re friends.”

She tried to nod, but her brow lifted in doubt. Friends didn’t kiss the way they had just kissed. Not once, but twice. That second kiss was still burning through her.

“I know what you’re thinking.” His mouth hinted at a smile. “Friends don’t kiss the way we just did. So let’s draw some lines.” He dragged a toe in the wet sand. “The first line is for Max. He comes first. Always.”

“Yes.”

“You make the rules concerning your son, and I’ll follow them to the letter. Kids are vulnerable. No matter what the future holds for you and me, I don’t want Max to be hurt.”

Her biggest concern, and it was Zeke’s biggest worry too.

He drew a second line parallel to the first. “This is the ‘we work together’ line. Caliente Springs goes wild with gossip. You don’t need that kind of attention, and I don’t either. I’m in the public eye there. People watch, including Ginger, so we need to be ultra-professional.”

“Especially about Tiff’s wedding. We can’t let anything interfere with it.” So far, he was reading her mind.

He took another step back, drew a third line longer and deeper than the others, and stared at it for several seconds. The angle hid his face, but she saw tension in his neck and jaw. When he looked up, the light was gone from his eyes. “That third line is for me. It’s a reminder that we’re not the same people we were in Berkeley. You’ve changed. So have I.”

His bleak tone bothered her. She knew how she had changed, but Zeke was the same good man he’d always been. Tonight, even with all the turmoil, he’d put her first.

Before she could ask him what he meant, he aimed his chin at the fire. It was smaller now but still burning bright. “I’m starved. Let’s eat.”

Close but not touching, they walked back to the blanket. A land breeze blew her hair back and chilled her skin. Before adding wood to the fire, Zeke helped her into a hoodie and put on one himself.

While he stirred the embers, she opened the picnic basket, saw hot dogs, and smiled. “You’re cooking dinner for me.”

“Hot dogs,” he said with his trademark grin. “My specialty.”

They’d done this before at St. John’s, only instead of cooking for two, he had cooked for two hundred at a fundraiser. He fed a lot of people that day, rich and poor alike. But that was Zeke. He took care of people. And tonight he was taking care of her.

Snuggling into the hoodie, she dared to hope that today was indeed the start of something brand-new.

Ellen was seated on the sofa next to George with an empty popcorn bowl between them. The closing credits for The African Queen scrolled on the flat-screen TV, and her foot was propped on a pillow on an ottoman. Still aglow with the happy ending for Charlie and Rose, aka Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn, she turned to George.

“Good movie,” he said.

“It’s old.”

“It’s a classic,” he replied, his voice pitched low. “Those just get better with time. Don’t you think?”

Ellen paused. “Yes. I suppose they do.”

They weren’t talking about the movie anymore. They were talking about themselves in the same clever way she used to talk with Ben. She couldn’t help but like George. He understood her in ways no one else did, and looking into his eyes, she—

Julia’s key rattled in the front door.

Ellen startled like a teenager caught on the couch with a boyfriend, which was ridiculous. She was decades past acne.

“I’m back,” Julia called from the door.

George lumbered to his feet. “Looks like it’s time for me to head out.” Aiming the remote, he clicked off the movie.

Julia walked in, saw the fading screen, and looked first at Ellen then at George. “Don’t leave because of me.”

“The movie just ended,” he assured her.

Ellen expected him to say good-bye and head for the door, but he didn’t budge. Instead he crooked a brow at her the way Humphrey Bogart teased Katharine Hepburn for sitting primly in the African Queen.

Julia cleared her throat. “Thanks for helping out tonight, George. I really appreciate it.”

“My pleasure.”

When he still didn’t move, Julia excused herself, went to the kitchen, and turned on the faucet to make a curtain of white noise.

Ellen focused on George. He took two steps, stopped in front of her, and looked down. She stayed on the sofa and looked up.

Those eyes were the same ones she’d mooned over as a teenager. Only now they were wiser, twinkling with mischief, and challenging her with a look that made her toes curl.

Ellen hadn’t kissed a man since Ben. The few times she had dated, she dodged that awkward moment. But tonight was different. The kiss hung between them, waiting to be taken or given. The choice, she realized, was hers. George was giving it to her out of respect for her grief and maybe for Ben.

The temperature in the room shot to 150 degrees. The change had nothing to do with Ben or George. She was having a hot flash, the kind that made her drip like a mop. She usually joked about having a personal summer, but she couldn’t bring herself to make a crack about hormones to George.

“Good night,” she said in a too-high voice.

Instead of leaving, he planted his big feet in front of her, reached down, and trailed two fingers down her cheek. “Good night, darlin’.”

Perspiration beaded on her brow. Hot flashes were unstoppable. In another thirty seconds she’d be a puddle. Hoping George would take the hint, she glanced at the door.

“I’ll let myself out,” he murmured.

He left, but Ellen stayed on the sofa with both the hot flash and his touch burning through her.

“Mom?” Julia stuck her head out of the kitchen. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” Ellen hoisted herself up on her crutches. “Did you have a good evening?”

Julia pulled in a ragged breath. “I need chocolate.”

So did Ellen. Still perspiring, she hobbled into the kitchen, where Julia was seated at the table with the open bag of Milky Way Minis. While Ellen maneuvered into the chair, Julia counted out three for each of them.

“I told Zeke about Hunter. He took it well.”

“I thought he would.”

“I’m the one who’s tied in knots.” She shoved the bag of candy to the side. “Zeke’s a good guy.”

“Your dad liked him a lot.” Ellen wished Ben were here. He’d know what to say to their daughter, though he’d tease her terribly about crushing on George.

“I like him too,” Julia said in a low voice. “But I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I was so wrong about Hunter. I don’t trust my judgment anymore. And now there’s Max to consider. If Hunter thinks I’m dating someone, I’m afraid he’ll use it against me.”

When it came to giving Julia advice, Ellen prayed a lot more than she talked. But tonight she had something to say. “You can’t let him control your life.”

“I know that.”

“Yes, but—”

“Mom, don’t.” Julia slumped back in her chair. “You know what will happen. If I do something Hunter doesn’t like, he’ll twist things around and Max will end up in the middle.”

“What I know is this.” Ellen tapped the tattoo under her sleeve. “We can trust God, or we can live in fear.”

Wearing a slight but deliberate smirk, Julia handed Ellen another Milky Way. “For the record, I think George is perfect for you.”

Ellen didn’t want to talk about him, especially with another hot flash climbing up her neck. When it came to men and dating, Julia lived in a different universe. She took the future for granted, while Ellen coped with the fragility of every breath. She wasn’t afraid of loving again the way Julia was; she was afraid of losing the people she loved.

Julia grinned. “You’re blushing.”

“I am not.” She fanned herself to prove it. “It’s a hot flash. I had a Coke during the movie. You know what caffeine does to me these days.”

Ellen waved her hand even harder to fight the perspiration, but it didn’t help. She was a pinprick away from a fight or maybe a crying jag. She didn’t want this turmoil, and she didn’t need it. She was done with the drama of love, except for old movies and the Hallmark Channel.

She snatched up a napkin and blotted the perspiration from her face. “Hot flashes are miserable.”

Julia fetched a glass from a cupboard, filled it with ice water, and handed it to her.

“Thanks.” Ellen drank it down. “I’m going to church with George on Sunday morning. Why don’t you come with us?”

Julia let out a frustrated sigh. “I’d love to, but Hunter’s leaving Sunday. We’re trading Max back at checkout time.”

“Hunter again.”

“Always.” Julia stood and put away the candy. “I’m beat. Do you need anything before I go to bed?”

“No, I can manage.”

“Be brave, Mom. It’s what you’d say to me.” Julia kissed Ellen on the cheek. “I’m going to check on Max.”

Ellen watched her leave, her own heart full and aching. She and Julia were friends as well as mother and daughter, sisters in Christ now, and joined by a history as complex and beautiful as a tapestry. She hoped Ben was watching from heaven, because he’d be proud of their daughter.

“I am, Ellie. I am.”

“I miss you,” she said out loud.

Ben didn’t answer back, not even in her mind. But somehow she knew he was proud of her too, and that he’d like George Travers very much.