22

Tony had back-to-back meetings so it wasn’t until the end of the day that he had a chance to reflect on his interview with Darren. Thinking about the political struggle over the years brought him to think of Simone. She was his greatest achievement. And yet, his pride was tightly entwined with sadness at the way their closeness now stretched into such distance.

Tony Harlowe’s third rule for survival was: always know who you are dealing with. It had served him well to find out all he could about not just his enemies but his allies and friends. Knowing their nature, what motivated them, their strengths and weaknesses had armed him in his public battles. It had served him well in his private ones as well, with the sole exception of Simone. His daughter was the one person he didn’t know how to deal with, didn’t know how to read.

She hadn’t spoken to him about what she had seen when she had walked into the office that day but had eyed him derisively. He was too ashamed to talk to her about it. What the scene revealed hung heavily between them. He knew that she knew but how could he explain? What did he possibly have to say for himself? The only thing that he would want Simone to understand was that Rachel was no throw-away woman, no ill-considered fling. However disposable his indiscretions had been in the past, Rachel was different.

Just as he was thinking of her, Rachel knocked at the door. His heart swelled when he saw her.

‘Hi,’ she said, ‘Ready to go?’

‘Give me fifteen minutes. I’ll come to your office.’

‘Sure,’ Rachel smiled and left.

He put his head in his hands. He was going to have to do something soon. He couldn’t keep going like this. He longed for Rachel all the time. As soon as he left her, he wanted to see her again. She crept into his thoughts every waking moment, distracting him. And when he was with her, what contentment he felt. He loved talking to her about legal matters, the way she questioned him about his work, about the community politics. He loved the way she felt - her skin so soft and smelling like flowers and honey. She was beautiful when naked, her body a confluence of curves and leanness. She was, he thought, the most perfect thing he had ever seen.

And so the idea that he needed to be with her, to make a life with her, had occupied his thoughts more and more over the last few weeks. He had even decided that he would give Beth Ann the house and half of the superannuation. He’d be generous. After all, Beth Ann had been there from the start and had done nothing wrong; she was the innocent party in all of this. He’d promised he would always look after her, especially when she had wanted to go to university or work fulltime. No, he had always said firmly, I’ll take care of you. And he wasn’t going to go back on his word now.

He loved Beth Ann, always would. She had been a good wife, a perfect mother. None of this turn of events, this fate, was her fault. But neither was it his. He would see her looked after but he also needed to travel this other path. He would sell the investment property and begin his new life with Rachel with the proceeds. His fiftieth birthday might be looming but Rachel gave him the energy to feel that life was starting over.

Tony’s musings were interrupted by the shrill ring of the phone. ‘I’ve got your mother on the line,’ announced Carol Turner.

‘Tell her I’m busy, that I’m in a meeting.’

‘I can’t. She’s deaf, remember, or as good as. Besides, you’re not in a meeting and it’s disrespectful to lie to our Elders.’

‘You’re supposed to be my assistant and look out for me.’

‘Lying to your mother isn’t in my job description. I’m putting her through and you can sort it out. I’m heading off. Goodnight.’

Tony heard the click of the connection.

‘Anthony, is that you?’

‘Yes, Mum.’

‘What?’

‘Yes, it’s me,’ he said louder.

‘Good. Now listen. I’ve just heard from Julia Murray that Pam Briggs’s son Matthew was killed last weekend. Car accident. Third fatal one at Wellington. All young people too. The council was supposed to do something about the signs but never did.

‘I was also up at the local Land Council last night. We’ve got elections coming up and they want me to stand. I told ’em I wasn’t going to if it meant that I’d have to put up with that Tom Riley as CEO. He’s a good-for-nothing. Remember when he took over the health service out here and almost ran it into the ground? The good Lord gave me plenty of patience but not that much. I told Jimmy when he was voted Chair last year not to put him on but, you know Jimmy, can’t be told anything. Always thinks he knows what’s best.’

‘Mum, I’ve got to go, I’ve got a meeting.’

‘What?’

‘A meeting. I’ve got a meeting.’

‘I know. That’s what I’m talking about. The Land Council meeting. I swear by the good Lord, if ever you listened to me properly I’d be so surprised I’d fall off my chair. So anyway, everyone was there and we have been asked by the Shire to sign an agreement and I said we shouldn’t unless it included being able to raise our flag on the council building and at the school. That’s not asking for much. Just a little recognition.’

Tony sighed. He tried again, this time speaking louder. ‘Mum, I’ve got to go.’

‘All right. No need to shout.’

That, thought Tony as he hung up the phone, was going to be another difficult conversation. ‘You can get an appetite while you are out but always eat at home,’ his mother would say. She was a strong believer in marriage and in fidelity. She was also very fond of Beth Ann. He couldn’t bear to think about how his mother would react to Rachel.

But it was Beth Ann whose reaction was going to be the hardest for him to bear. He had rehearsed his speech about how he felt they had grown apart and that he needed a change. That he wouldn’t be who he was without her but that he needed some time on his own. He would always love her and was hoping they could part as friends. Surprisingly, he found himself with a growing tenderness for Beth Ann now that he’d decided to leave her.

He’d decided that he would separate from her without disclosing his relationship with Rachel. Just so he wouldn’t hurt her further. After a period of time, he and Rachel could then make their relationship public. And in the meantime, he relished the idea of new rituals and routines - Saturday morning reading the papers, Sunday brunch, late afternoon movies. He would always acknowledge that he would not be who he was if it hadn’t been for Beth Ann’s support but with Rachel he could see the promise of a new era. As a team, with his experience and her education, they would be a formidable force.

He’d also rehearsed how he would tell Rachel that he was leaving his wife for her. He’d not said it yet, waiting to be sure, not wanting to get her hopes up until he was certain he would be able to finally break with Beth Ann. But when he imagined letting Rachel know that his love for her was so profound, that he had decided to forsake the life he had to build a new one with her, he imagined her surprise and her acute happiness. And the thought of her reaction gave him strength to execute what would be the most difficult of all - the discussion he had to have with Beth Ann.

But not tonight. Tonight he would continue with the lies.

He rang Beth Ann and was relieved when he got the answering machine. ‘Hi, love. Just ringing to let you know that I have a late work meeting. Should be there at about nine. I’ll have dinner out so don’t worry about me.’