39

‘You seem to be having a lot of trouble sleeping lately,’ Arthur sighed.

‘Lucky you. Were you asleep?’

‘In bed. Reading.’

‘How can anyone sleep with all these police sirens?’ Patricia asked as she watched the flashing lights and traffic below her window.

‘You’re the one who still wants to live in the middle of Redfern.’

Patricia ignored him. ‘Remember how they used to come for us for no reason?’

‘Sure do.’

‘Now, with all these drug pushers moving in, the coppers are occasionally doing something useful.’

‘It’s a shame what these drugs are doing to young people. Back in our days there were plenty of problems with the grog and people would smoke that funny stuff but these hard drugs, they’re something else.’

‘Even though they sometimes clean up the pushers, I can’t get over that deep hatred of coppers. I still remember how they would roughhouse us, that sound of bones cracking, the pain of being pulled by the hair or punched in the gut. And that’s just what they did to us girls.’

‘What’s on your mind?’

‘Our old friend Tony just left.’

‘How’s he holding up?’

‘He was looking better than the last time I saw him.’

‘He seems to be dropping by your place quite a bit lately. Don’t tell me you are falling for his old charms,’ Arthur joked.

‘I’m not fooled by something so obvious. No. Once his life started falling apart, I guess he hoped that I would give him some support. You know, like a big sister.’

‘You’ve always been there for us. All of us.’

‘I know. I’m a black Mary Poppins.’ There is a pause. ‘Arthur,’ Patricia says, ‘I think I might have done something bad.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, you know I think Tony brought a lot of his current circumstances upon himself, with his constant running around on Beth Ann. But I had a conversation with that young Rachel and I think I might have convinced her to leave Tony.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I let her know that everyone was talking about her and Tony.’

‘What did you do that for?’

‘To tell you the truth, I didn’t really think about it. I’m glad I spoke to her. She’s so beautiful, full of promise. But I didn’t do it for her. I could see the impact Tony’s behaviour was having on Simone, but that wasn’t the reason either. I did it for Beth Ann actually. I’ve always thought the world of her. At least, that was my motivation at the time, what I told myself. And you know, the more I sit back and see how things turned out, especially how miserable Tony is, I can’t help but think that maybe I just should have kept my nose out of the whole business.’

‘That’s quite a confession.’

‘I guess it is,’ Patricia answered.

‘What do you want me to say to make you feel less guilty?’

Patricia thought before answering. ‘I don’t know but I am open to suggestions.’

‘Well, I can do better than that. I have a bit of a confession of my own to make. I’ve asked someone out, someone I gave up years back because I loved Tony so much. I loved them both all these years,. But now I’ve decided that - if it comes to it - I’ll give Tony up instead.’

Patricia paused, looked out across the skyline. ‘That is a very big decision. Are you ready to do this?’

‘I can’t let her go again, not if I have a chance.’

When Patricia finally hung up the phone, she felt wide awake. She thought about the night that Tony had come over after Rachel had thrown him out, thought about his fumbled attempt at seduction. She’d known by reading his face that he didn’t mean it. He was drunk and blinded by his grief, scared that his life was spinning out of control, driven by desperation, not love. He was lost without Beth Ann and perhaps humiliated by Rachel’s rejection. He needed reassurance.

Even though she still longed for him, Patricia was too proud to take him on those terms. Besides, she knew that he wouldn’t stay. And there would be no being ‘ just friends’ again. There was shallow comfort in the way that Tony still came to her for solace, but he had never again made any move, any suggestion. Each time he had been to see her since it was only as an old friend - talking over old times, new problems, friends, enemies, politics, philosophy.

After each of his visits, she’d console herself. It wasn’t just the crumbs. This, she’d tell herself, was something.