Karis
Heat engulfs my body, warring with the agonizing pain as it rips through me. I’m barely able to even breathe past the intensity, but when I do, I catch the faintest whiff of unfamiliar scents. Where the hell did Brennen take me? And that’s when I hear it. A soft sound singing a song, as if it’s being pulled out of my dreams.
My love, my love, don’t cry.
Let the suns guide you.
Let the moons shield you.
I know that voice. It’s the one that follows me into my dreams at night, the one that comforts me when I’m alone.
My love, my love don’t cry.
Shelter is found in the morning.
In the burning suns that warm your skin,
In the haunting moon as it guides your path,
All along the dusty road.
I claw through the dense fog of unconsciousness, needing to find the source of that sound. It can’t be in my head. It doesn’t sound the same. It’s not so far away.
My love, my love, don’t cry.
Salvation comes on the wing of the yungrins,
On the horns and hooves of the springbok
On the scales of the crounterads.
It’s as if I can reach out and touch them. The voice is in my ear, surrounding my head. Am I dying? Is that why I’m in so much pain? It claws at my insides, slithers through my body as it converges to the mark on my shoulder.
My love, my love, don’t cry.
My face will see you in the dawn,
In the rising of the suns,
In the shifting of the moons.
Are they removing the bond? Is that the agony I feel? I long to cry out, to beg them to stop. As much as I didn’t want Altris marking me, I can’t imagine my life without the bond deep inside. True, it hurts more than anything at times, but in the moments where it doesn’t, I no longer feel alone. As long as I have that bond, there will always be someone who won’t leave me, won’t abandon me.
My love, my love, don’t cry.
I will forever be with you,
By your side,
For all eternity,
Until Ilaria guides you home.
At the end of the song, my eyes flutter open, but not enough to really let me see. Shafts of dimmed light accost my senses, but still, I cannot make out the person singing. Perhaps it is in my mind after all. Fresh tears gather at my eyes as my heart aches and splits apart.
The pain is so much more than the agony racking across my body. It’s as if my entire life converged on this moment and, once more, it got yanked away. Everything was there. It was at my fingertips. My mother was there, singing to me, calling out for me to join her. And now, she’s back to where she belongs—in the recesses of my memories.
“Welcome home, Karis.”
My body lurches towards the sound as I try to open my eyes again. A figure sits next to me, her soft face swimming in and out of view. It’s so familiar. So, so familiar. As my vision clears, her face comes into focus. It’s as if she’s stepped out of my brain and into real life.
“Mother?”
The woman smiles down at me, her white teeth almost blending in with her pale skin. “No, my child. I am Ignatium. I am your aunt.”
I pull back and sit up, ignoring the wrenching pain in my shoulder and the spinning of my head. “My aunt?”
“Yes. I am your mother’s twin sister.” She looks down at the bedcover and picks at the design for a few moments before looking back up, tears staining her cheeks. “I am so sorry about your mother. I wanted to come get you, to tell you and Annora both that you were not alone, but I couldn’t. Not with your father still alive.”
My heart stops at her words. “You’re wrong. He died with my mother. Annora -. She…” Did she lie about this too? Did she somehow keep my father from me as well?
The anger that started to leach out before comes slamming back in, filling my being with rage. In kind, I feel the bond writhing inside me, as if my fury is causing Altris pain. Pulling back, I try to breathe, letting my anger turn to ash instead of burning brightly inside.
“No. No, child. You must understand. Annora didn’t know either. He watched you both from afar, protected you, but he was an Alpha, and I am an unmated omega, one that pledged my life to the service of Ilaria. If he saw me, there’s no telling what he might have done. His heart already held so much pain.”
She pauses for a moment, as if to collect herself. “We live by a code of balance above all else. There’s no way I could have brought you into our fold without two others having to be displaced. And as a mouthpiece for the goddess, I could not leave to be with you unless one came to take my place. I wanted to get you. I ached for you and Annora. You carry the same gift as your mother, as I do. I sang to you in your sleep, stirring up your memories so that you would not forget. I wanted so desperately for you to feel loved.”
I hear the agony in her voice. It calls to me like a balm, soothing my heart. Someone else suffered this loss right alongside Annora and me, even if we didn’t know it. Reaching out, I gather her hand in mine and give it a squeeze, my heart and brain unable to fully process everything.
“Where am I? Where is Brennen?”
She smiles at my questions and motions towards a ball in the center of the room. Until now, I hadn’t noticed it, but it looks like the light sources I saw in my vision. With a wave of her hand, the ball turns black, plunging us into darkness. After a few moments, it shimmers inside, and the image slowly morphs into that of a sandy desert.
“Seems your mate is a very violent man. He made a quick death of your captor.”
“Magic,” I whisper as the image starts to become clear.
She chuckles as she walks closer to the orb. “You would think that, but no. We are just a bit more advanced than your Stanlion. I imagine it’s tied into the fact that we can have visions. Some here dedicate their lives to the advancement of our city-state, and it shows. What I’m showing you is not magic, but an image taken from one of our ships and beamed back here. I just like to have a little panache.”
Unable to fully process her words, I stare at the orb in front of me. Lying there, face up in the sand, I stare at Brennen’s form. Already, animals are picking him apart, but there’s enough still there that I know it’s him. Turning, I place my hand over my mouth, trying to hold back the bile as it rises in my throat.
Without saying a word, my aunt glides over, her dark robes barely whispering over the floor as she hands me a bowl and slides my hair out of my face. My insides clench as vomit pours from my mouth and into the basin, quickly filling it up. She only pauses long enough to pass the bowl to another female and put a clean one under my face.
Over and over, we play this dance until there’s nothing left in my system. The more I throw up the contents of my stomach, the less my body hurts, especially the mark on my shoulder. It’s the only reason I keep going, purging myself until the pain is just a faint memory that tingles along my body.
“Good. You will be well now.”
Once she hands off the last bowl, she urges me to lie back down and places a cool rag on my forehead. The only thing that’s not dissipating is the heat that engulfs me. It’s similar to just before I went into my heat, but this time, it doesn't hurt. There are no achy joints, no feelings of being stretched far too tight.
“Now that the poison is out of your system, your fever should soon break. You’re very lucky we got you here when we did. Any longer, and we might have had to take your arm. Your claiming mark was infected, almost beyond repair. It’s what caused you to pass out.”
I go to reach up, to feel the damage, but she swats my hand away. “You must leave the pellisputrescere to do its job.”
The word doesn’t make sense as I roll it around in my head, but it’s obviously some form of plant. From the small bit I could feel before she forced me away, it had a rough, almost prickly feeling to it. The tactile sensation was so unpleasant that I’m completely fine leaving it alone.
My body, however, is not okay with that. It’s as if it needs to explore the thing on my shoulder, unable to leave well enough alone. I just need to distract myself. Sliding my hands under my butt, I lie down in the bed and look over at my aunt, studying her soft face for a moment.
She’s so calm, so serene, as if nothing has ever plagued her life or made it hard. It’s such an odd expression and not one that I’m used to. No one in Stanlion has this look except the omegas, but even then, how much of that is reality versus what the High Echelon wanted us to see?
I ease a hand out from its entrapment and reach forward, taking her hand in mine so I can hold it. The familial love eases into my body, releasing some of the stress and tension I’m holding. We sit there for what feels like hours, saying nothing, just occupying the space. It’s like magic.
I glance back over at her and watch as she flips through a book with her free hand. She mentioned visions. Could that be what I’ve been having? Does Annora have them too?
Without looking over, her lips curl into a grin. “You seem quite intent on asking me something, and yet, you just stare, as if the question will just appear out of the ether. I cannot read minds, you know.”
“I - I didn’t know that, actually. Everything around here just feels so….”
“Mystical?” Her soft chuckle helps to make me feel less like an idiot. “To outsiders, it may seem that way, but here, it’s as natural as breathing. Now then, what is your question?”
“You mentioned visions, but I wasn’t really sure what you mean by that.”
Pulling her hand away, she stands up and starts to pace, her finger tapping against her lip. “There is a lot that I cannot tell you, not until you’re officially a Laxian, but what I will say is that everyone has a similar reaction. Of course, there are the outliers, but we’re all about the same in that respect. Tell me, have you experienced something you wish to share?”
I bite down on my lip, trying to figure out how to explain it. “It’s as if my body freezes and then either disjointed images or films go across my mind. I don’t seem to understand what they mean.”
My aunt beams down at me, her smile infusing my body with her love. “That sounds about right. The older you become and the more you practice, you will be able to go for longer, diving deeper into the visions to see the entire message.”
“And you said my mom had these visions?”
Her eyes cloud for a moment as she turns back to the orb and rests her hands against the smooth surface. “She did. Ultimately, it’s what took her from here and led her to Stanlion. She was convinced that your father was her life mate. By joining with him, she would help further the people of Stanlion.”
“And then she died.” My voice is barely a whisper as tears prick my eyes.
Once more, the agony of her departure tears through me. Even though I barely remember her, I feel her loss keenly. It’s a fissure in my life that will never be repaired, only filled with something else. My breath comes out in a gasp as I feel the bond vibrating inside me as Altris pours his love and protection into me.
Perhaps he’s what will take the place of this loss. That is, if I allow him in. His words of encouragement brush against my brain, nearly making me sick again. It’s not the same as earlier; it’s not as if there’s poison still in my system. This is different. Guilt churns in my gut as Altris remains firmly entrenched in my heart and brain, showering me with his unconditional love.
We may not know each other, but we are bound to one another. We are one. We are more than just a pairing; we are soul mates. Closing my eyes, I conjure up the image of when I first saw him. He was bathed in light, a force to be reckoned with. He was my intended, the Alpha I begged the gods for, and now, I may never see him again. I may never be able to tell him how sorry I am for everything I’ve put him through.
His actions blur through my brain, but none of them were ever out of anger or hatred towards me. On the other hand, everything I’ve done to him has been out of spite and a misguided fear of yet one more person leaving me. It’s not his fault. None of this is his fault, and yet, he’s paying the price. He’s tied to a mate that has done nothing but cause him trouble.
Sobs wrack my body as Ignatium slides in beside me to hold me. “Let it out, sweetheart. Let out all the anguish that still plagues you. It’s a side effect of the herbs we’ve given you. It allows your mind and body a better sense of clarity. It allows you to find the right way. Don’t hold it in. Cry all of it out. You will be better for it.”
Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pour myself into her, like a vessel tipping over. Everything starts to bubble up to the surface—memories I’ve long repressed, things that Annora did that I took as her just being mean. It’s as if my life is clicking into place, from childhood to this moment.
I look back and see all the sacrifices Annora made for me, the times she went hungry to make sure I was fed, the soft sobs that I reasoned away, but can no longer do so. It’s not quite the same as one of my visions, but it’s similar. I’m unable to move as my memories flood my brain. It’s as if I’m locked in this place between space and time, where everything becomes clear.
Guilt slips into those spaces, causing my gut to clench and my throat to close. All the interactions between us fly to the surface, smacking me in the face with my behavior. I was far too hard on Annora. I made life so much more difficult for her than I needed to. Anguish at our interactions covers me like a pall. Now that I’m forced to confront the childish actions I heaped upon her, I have no more room for anger. I’m the one at fault, not her.