CHAPTER 17

The Compatibility Quiz

You’re Dateworthy.

And so far…so is he.

However, your being Dateworthy and his being Dateworthy does not necessarily mean that you should be Dateworthy together! (That’s kind of the equivalent of those friends who mean well, but only fix you up with someone on the basis of “She’s single…he’s single…perfect!”)

RelationTip: No matter how incredible you both are individually, it does not guarantee you will bring out the best in each other.

If you’ve decided to take the chance, get rid of your spares, and give a relationship with this seemingly good guy a try—I’m rooting for you. But I also say…why leave it all to chance?

I’m about to suggest something that your guy is just going to hate. But the mere act of him going along with it suggests that he is certainly worth spending some valuable time and brain cells on.

I’m going to ask you two to take a compatibility quiz.

Here’s how it works. He’s hanging at your place, and you say, “I wanted to do this short couples quiz, but then I read that studies show that guys just aren’t as good at doing them as girls—want to give it a shot anyway?”

I know, I know…we’re appealing to that two-headed being ego again. But so what? It’s not like that’s a lie…

Okay. Now grab two pens and two separate sheets of paper. Take turns doing the quiz, then compare results. Answer honestly and without too much analyzing—this is pretty simple! And let him know: There are no right answers…only honest ones.

The Quiz

1. When it comes to socializing, you prefer to:
   • Hang out with close friends and family.
   • Be around lots of new people.
2. When you have a problem, you often:
   • Keep it to yourself—you don’t like to burden others.
   • Talk about it—you like getting feedback and ideas.
3. If someone had to describe your personality, they’d say you were:
   • The quiet, behind-the-scenes type.
   • The party spark plug.
4. Being alone:
   • Is good for the soul sometimes.
   • Is never fun.
5. It’s more important to:
   • Enjoy what you do.
   • Make enough money to do the things you dream of doing.
6. If you have downtime, you would rather:
   • Curl up with a good book.
   • Invite a friend over to watch a movie.
7. When it comes to family:
   • You’re very close and like to be involved with one another.
   • You love one another, but only get together for events.
8. You just got a big old bonus at work. You:
   • Spend a little, save a lot.
   • Spend a lot on something you really want, save the rest.
9. Your place is a mess. It:
   • Makes you crazy—you get to it ASAP.
   • Can wait—no one’s coming over anytime soon.
10. The cashier just gave you too much change. You:
    • Tell her and give it back.
    • Give it back only if it’s more than $5.
11. If you had to narrow it down to one word, you’d say you were:
    • An intellectual.
    • Creative.
12. Your friends:
    • Always like your dating choices.
    • Never get along with your dates.

Okay. Prepare to compare! Add up your answers and give yourselves one point for every one you answered the same.

Score (you):____ (him):____

9–12: Extremely compatible! You two see eye to eye on a lot of important issues that crop up in relationships. Just make sure that your choices are based on your needs first, and not entirely on what you think the other person needs you to think.

5–8: Compatible, but needs compromise-ability. You have a lot in common, but there are times when you both need to do your own thing. If you two can find a way to take turns allowing the other to have a say—there’s definitely a way to make this relationship work.

0–4: Opposites can attract—but if they don’t find common ground, there may be grounds for a breakup. It’s hard to let someone go when he or she is an incredible person, but best to do so that he or she—and you—can find their incredible compatible puzzle piece.

 

If you two scored terribly—the good news is that this is not a definite pass/fail on your relationship outlook. Actually…it may be just what you two need to analyze and discuss the things that you like to do, and see whether they are set in stone, or whether there’s room for compromise.

Compatibility is not about being the same person…it is, however, about sharing similar principles, goals, and values, and being able to appreciate each other’s strengths and weak points. It’s about opening yourself up to embracing someone’s unique identity—without losing your own. It’s what my mom has always called my dad: “Similar…but different.” And forty-five years later…it’s certainly a Portuguese wisdom!

So…if you two find that as you continue on in your relationship, you don’t have what it takes to be together?

You move on.

And you do that by being honest: “I don’t really think that we have anything in common, and I think we need to break this off.”

And firm: “I’m sorry, but I’m sure about this.”

And kind: “It’s not you…and it’s not me…it’s that ‘us’ doesn’t work.”

And if you do seem to have what it takes to move forward? Perhaps we need to have a little talk about being exclusive!