I’ve always been an advice person. I can honestly remember sharing some words of wisdom back in kindergarten with my friend Julie, who was trying to decide whether to play with blocks or finger paints. “Blocks,” I said, “because you’re wearing white, and paint will make you dirty.”
As for dating, well, that started as early—and came as naturally!—as the laundry advice. My very first day of kindergarten, I was approached by a brown-haired boy in plaid shorts named Etelvino Valdino. He stared deeply into my eyes and demanded, “I want you to be my girlfriend,” then ran away to play with the other boys. Fascinated by this new experience, I couldn’t stop watching him for a good thirty minutes, trying to figure out if he truly was my boyfriend just because he said so—and if he was, was that a good thing, like Yodels or being on the swings? When he got into a fist-fight with another boy who made fun of his short pants (and his long name) and was made to stand in the corner as punishment for his actions, I decided right then and there that yes, I would absolutely be his girlfriend. After that first day, we held hands every time we lined up to walk down the hall to the bathrooms and shared the snacks our moms put in our lunchboxes until his family moved away. Sigh.
It’s been a long and interesting road from finger paints and sharing Drake’s Cakes with boys in short pants to the very pressing, personal problems I get as the RelationTips columnist for USA WEEKEND and during my live chats at USAToday.com. Over the last four years, I’ve received thousands of letters from readers who are either at the end of their ropes or ready to tie one around the neck of someone they are just not relating to. The questions I am asked—especially the dating questions—are touching, disturbing, intimate, and sometimes downright humorous. What hasn’t changed is that, just as I did for Julie, I answer each question as personally, empathetically, and directly as possible.
Everyone wants to be a part of a couple, to be loved and be in love. People understand that dating is a necessary evil on the road to achieving this kind of happiness—but have no clue how to begin the process or what to look for in another person. The idea of baring their hearts (especially if they’ve been burned a few times) or of dealing with the new dating rules (especially for those who are just reentering the scene) is daunting. Faced with one failed relationship after another, many give up on finding true love, never realizing that perhaps the common denominator in all these relationships is their own technique.
That’s why I wrote this book. My goal is to help you recognize whether it really was the other person who wasn’t worthy—or whether it’s you who needs to work on your relationship skills.
The point I want to make: I never gave up hope, and neither should you! The motto? Crash and burn? Live and learn, baby—let’s move forward!