We got back to the house early in the evening, when the light was golden and the shadows were long. Mum and Sean were waiting for us with a home-made tortilla that they were very proud of.
‘Maybe Libby and I could head out for a drink tonight?’ Natasha said over dinner, a glass of rosé in her hand. ‘We had such a great time in Madrid, but it was so hot. It would be lovely to sit in that square in the cool evening, you know? I love that cafe. I mean, you guys could come out with us, if you like?’
‘Oh God,’ said Mum. ‘That’s so sweet of you, Natasha, but I can’t face going out tonight. Finding something presentable to wear, and so on. I’m ready to crawl into bed tonight. I’ve been busy with work and meditation all day.’
‘Sure! We’ll go then.’
I watched my mother hesitate. She knew she ought to say yes, but she didn’t want to. She froze, staring down at her plate. Then she said, ‘Please, not tonight, Natasha. I know it’s hypocritical, when last night I was telling you to have adventures. But I’ve been worrying about you all day and then you came home. Now I just want to go to bed. I can’t wait up. There’s plenty of drink in the house; we’ll be upstairs asleep and you two can sit up drinking wine as late as you like. Go out another night, but I couldn’t rest until I knew you were home.’
I saw Sean looking at her. ‘I’ll wait up,’ he offered.
‘I’d have to too,’ she muttered. ‘I’ve spent the whole day worrying.’
‘Sure,’ Natasha said lightly. ‘We understand. No problem. I guess worrying about your daughter is part of being a parent. It must be hard work. Another night, and maybe the four of us could go.’
‘Tomorrow might be good?’ said Sean.
‘It sure would!’ said Natasha.
Going out drinking was not a thing I ever did – was not a thing I had ever, actually, done, unless you counted that house party – and I was pleasingly tired after our day out. I was glad when Mum vetoed it and gave her a grateful smile, which she didn’t notice because she was looking at Natasha with an odd expression on her face.
As soon as we’d finished eating, Mum said, ‘Right. I’m done in. I’m off to bed in a minute. See you in the morning. Girls, help yourselves to anything.’
I had planned to have a late-night swim, but when it came to it I couldn’t even be bothered to do that. I changed into my big T-shirt and brushed my teeth.
‘Night!’ I said to Mum, who was still clearing things up in the kitchen. She kissed my cheek.
‘Night, darling,’ she said. ‘Love you.’
I tried to reach for the words I needed.
‘Mum,’ I said. I lowered my voice to a whisper. ‘Are you … OK? Is something wrong?’
She looked at me for a few seconds. In a sense she looked more healthy than I’d ever seen her (her skin was glowing, and her hair was amazing) but her eyes were lit up with something wild.
‘Libby,’ she whispered. ‘How much have you wished for a sibling all your life?’
She said it as if it were the most urgent question there could be.
‘You’re not pregnant.’ I was horrified.
‘Oh God no! I mean, of your own age.’
‘Thank God. Yeah, I used to wish that every day. I wished for a big brother or sister. I’m sure I wouldn’t have been shy like this if I’d had someone looking out for me.’
I thought of the babies again. Sofie would look out for her shy little brother as they grew up. If they grew up.
Mum nodded. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I sensed that. Does Natasha being here make you feel a bit better in that respect?’
‘Yes. I know she’s not my sister,’ I whispered carefully, ‘but it’s the first time I’ve had that feeling in real life.’
Mum nodded and hugged me very tightly for a long time.
When she and Sean went upstairs I switched on my fairy lights and got into bed. I listened to them walking around up there.
As soon as their footsteps stopped Natasha came in, switched our light on and clapped her hands (quietly). ‘At last!’ she said. ‘I thought they’d never go. Come on, Libby! Get your shorts back on. We’re going out, but I’m not having anyone waiting up for us. That was a masterstroke actually getting into bed. You’re better at this than I expected.’
I was already half asleep and didn’t really follow.
‘But we’re staying in?’
‘Like hell we are! We’ll have to climb over the wall because we might wake them if we open that clanking gate.’
‘Oh.’ I rubbed my eyes and tried to compute this. I didn’t want to go out. And yet it was impossible to say no to my cousin. I found myself doing the exact things she told me to do. I climbed back into my shorts. I changed into a nice top (I was no longer even self-conscious about my body in front of her) and let her sort out my face, which took much longer than I would have thought.
When she finished I looked at myself in the mirror and giggled. Natasha giggled too, but then shushed me. I had sleepy hair that had already been mussed up by the bed, so it was hanging down my back like Barbie’s hair when it gets matted, but my face was made up like a Hollywood starlet’s from the forties. I had smoky eyes smudged with black, and my cheeks were so delicately rouged that it looked like a natural healthy glow. My lips were amazing. They were bright red and magnificently shaped. I cringed to remember my own attempt at make-up for Vikram’s party.
‘Voilà,’ Natasha whispered. ‘You look spectacular, Ms Olivia Lewis.’
‘What about you?’ I whispered back. ‘Aren’t you doing your own make-up?’
‘Nah. I’m OK. I just wanted to have a go at painting your face. You’re so pretty.’ She paused, thoughtful, and then said: ‘Actually, maybe I will do mine. You’re right. Let’s see what we’re like, matching.’
I sat on the bed and watched her do the same to her own face as she had to mine. The end result was strange. We looked as if we had faces painted by the same dollmaker (I imagined a spooky man from a Victorian story), but apart from that we were different. My hair was blondish and messy and long, and hers was sleek and dark. My body was curvy, and hers was muscular and strong. I was in shorts and a flouncy top, and she had pulled on a tight dress.
‘There you go,’ she said. ‘Something for everyone.’
I smiled. ‘You do know we’re in a little village? We could go, I don’t know, to a nightclub in New York or something dressed like this, couldn’t we?’
She laughed. ‘An underground jazz club in Paris! Yeah. I’m just having fun. The bar’s our backdrop. Whatever, you know? It’s for us. Not them. I would love to go to a Parisian jazz club. Can we do that one day?’
‘Maybe.’
We crept out of the house, leaving our bedroom shutter open with the window slightly ajar, and then scaled the wall beside the metal gate. That part was very difficult for me. I had to stand on the hinge at the side of the gate, and kind of launch myself up the wall next to it, then dangle down, hanging on by my fingers, and drop to the street. It took ages, and I scraped my leg and I felt ridiculous and exposed, like an inept burglar. When I had done it, Natasha somehow hopped over elegantly with one bound in her dress.
‘How did you do that?’ I was still whispering, just in case.
She shrugged. ‘I’ve escaped from places in my time.’
We set off down the street. The sky was filled with billions of stars, and the air was sweet and glorious with everything that was growing. Occasionally a dog barked as we walked past a house, but mainly it was silent except for our footsteps.
‘Are you sure people go out at midnight?’ I had been in bed long before midnight every night I’d been here. I had never seen a Spanish midnight sky.
‘No bar in Spain will be closed at midnight. Not one. I mean, this is my first time in Spain, but I’ve done my research.’
In five minutes we had reached the bar we’d been to for Coca-Cola and street magic the day before. It was, of course, open. There was music coming out of the door, and a few people were sitting at the outside tables. The night was warm and lovely, and Natasha took my hand and led me to a table as if I were three years old.
I didn’t mind. I sat where she told me to sit.
‘Right. You stay there,’ she said. ‘I’ll go in and get drinks. Back in a minute.’
She hadn’t asked what I wanted. I leaned back and smiled. There weren’t many people here (it was Thursday night, in a small town, after all) but a group of three men at a nearby table looked over at me and talked among themselves. I fiddled with my hair, wishing I had something to do with my hands; I almost wanted to take up smoking. I was uncomfortable, feeling those men staring, and the more I tried to look casual, and to pretend I hadn’t seen them, the worse it became. I looked at the door of the bar, willing Natasha to come out before the men started speaking to me. I could, of course, have got up and gone in there after her, but for some reason it didn’t occur to me.
When one of them shouted something in my direction I ignored him. I kept my eyes on the door of the bar.
Another one said something, and then the third said, ‘English?’
I looked round.
‘Oh, English!’ said the first one, and he seemed to take this as an invitation to come over and sit at the table.
‘Sorry,’ I managed. I frantically tried to channel Carmen and switched to Spanish. ‘My friend’s sitting there.’
I hated myself. I should have sworn at him to go away. Instead I had apologized.
He sat down anyway. ‘What’s your name?’ he said in English, and I shook my head and looked away. ‘Come on! I said, what’s your name? It’s not very polite to not tell me. Why would you come to Spain if you don’t want to talk to Spanish people?’
‘I’m just waiting for my friend.’ I looked at him and looked away.
‘My name’s Miguel.’
He looked at me expectantly, and back then I was so cowed and silly that I muttered, ‘Olivia.’ I didn’t even make up a name, let alone tell him to fuck off.
‘Olivia.’ He smiled at me. ‘On vacation?’ I didn’t reply. ‘Here? Airbnb, right? Vacation for the end of the world? It’s true, everyone should see Moralzarzal before the world ends. This is what they say.’
I wasn’t going to tell a strange man exactly where I was staying. I nodded and looked away. When I realized that Natasha was coming towards the table with a huge glass of beer in each hand I wanted to leap up and kiss her. She put the glasses down on the table and said some things in very fast Spanish to the man, who shrugged and argued back. I should have been able to follow their conversation, but all I could make out was that he was saying I’d invited him over and Natasha was loudly not believing him. It didn’t take long. He called us both some rude words in English and in Spanish and went back to his own table.
‘Oh, Libby – you didn’t call him over, did you?’ she said, a hand to her mouth. ‘Have I just massively messed things up for you?’
I laughed. I laughed a bit too much, because I had been so anxious.
‘Of course I didn’t!’
‘I thought not. I should have checked, though.’
‘I wouldn’t.’
‘I know,’ she said. ‘I do know that.’ She held up her glass and we clinked beers. I didn’t even like beer, but I was going to drink it now. For Natasha, for the hot Spanish night, for the fact that we still had air to breathe.
‘You know, you’re different in real life, Libby. You’re very interesting. When you were writing, you were so open. And, like you said, you’re much more nervous in the flesh. I don’t know why, though. If I looked like you I’d be parading around, getting everyone to be my slaves and bring me peeled grapes.’
I looked away, unsure if she was taking the piss. ‘I don’t believe you. If I looked like you …’ I tailed off, shy.
‘Are you kidding me? You’re completely gorgeous. Look at your hair! And your lovely face. You’re perfectly perfect, Libby Lewis. We need to teach you a bit of serious assertiveness and confidence. Because here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter if some people don’t like you. Fact. That jerk was rude to you, and you need to get rid of creeps like that. He called us bad names – who cares? We can call him bad names right back, but more so because he started it. So, in your emails you talked about the cute girl. How are we going to get her for you?’
I was excruciated inside. ‘Zoe?’
‘Yes. Zoe.’
‘We’re not. Not now.’
‘We will. I mean, we’re not going to head to England and throw stones at her window tonight. But it starts here. Focus only on Zoe. Have you got rid of that Max yet?’
‘No.’
‘Well, it’s up to you, but he sounds like someone who drags you down. It’s time to take charge. So here is your task five: stop being polite to creeps. Start to open up to the person you do like. Two sides of the same coin. Before we leave this bar, we will have taught that guy a lesson, and you’ll have told him to fuck off. Right? We will get you confident by the end of the summer, and you’ll head back home ready to turn her head right away from that girlfriend. No matter what else happens. Maybe you’ll have a week of bliss before we all die. Maybe you’ll get married and have a huge family.’
I sipped my beer. ‘And I’m going to do that with street magic and swearing at aggressive men?’
‘If that’s where it starts, that seems fine to me. That and your Parisian jazz club look, which is pretty damn hot.’
I smiled and sipped my beer. I still didn’t like it, but I would drink it.
‘How about you?’ I said. ‘I mean, you’ve never mentioned a partner or anything. Boyfriend? Girlfriend?’
‘Me?’ She smiled. ‘Oh, I’m not fussy.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Boys. Girls. Whoever takes my fancy. I’ve had some adventures, but it will not surprise you to know that I’m terrible at relationships. I can’t do that give-and-take business.’
She was laughing, and I found that I wanted to hear all her stories.
‘Who was your last …’ I searched for the word. Partner sounded too bland. ‘Conquest.’
She looked to the side, smiling at a memory.
‘It was a girl I met in London when I was there. Her name was Violet. She was very cool.’
She looked me in the eye, and I nodded, waiting for more.
Natasha shrugged. ‘She was passing through too. She was from … I can’t remember. Maybe Argentina? Actually she was Violeta. We spent a couple of days together and didn’t even swap details. That’s the way I do things.’
‘I didn’t know you even went to London,’ I said. ‘I thought you came on the ship to Southampton, and then stayed in Winchester, and then came here.’
‘Straight here,’ she said, ‘via a couple of steamy days in London. I had to go there anyway for the Eurostar, so who’s not going to take in the city on the way? I mean, it’s fucking London!’
The dates didn’t add up, but I couldn’t quite focus on that. The beer was cold and the night was hot. I would never have thought myself capable of drinking a huge beer like that one. It had to be bigger than a pint. The glass was enormous, yet that particular evening it slipped down. My head started to spin, and I relaxed, and Natasha spent ages telling me I looked adorable, that I was adorable, that she would like to spend the rest of the summer with me, and that we could go on trips all over Europe and come back here in between.
‘Do you have enough money to do that?’ I said, though I knew too that I had enough money. Dad had given me all the money my grandparents had saved for me, and those had been Natasha’s grandparents too, so if she needed me to, I would share it with her. I didn’t say that, though.
‘I know how to make enough money,’ she said. ‘How about you?’
‘I don’t know how to make money,’ I said. I spoke carefully because my head was spinning. ‘But I do have access to some. I’ll be fine.’
‘You shouldn’t use savings,’ she said. ‘That’s being negative, and assuming you won’t need anything in the future. We’ll make our own money. It’ll be easy this summer. Everyone’s spending. Everyone is going absolutely wild. Oh, Libby. I know it’s gorgeous here. But let’s get out there and scream along with the rest of the human race.’
‘Yes!’ I said. ‘You know when you said we’re privileged to be here now? You wrote that in an email.’ She nodded. ‘Well, that changed things for me. It made me look at this time differently. It gave me a chink of … hope.’
I was happy.
We talked about her travels, and about magic tricks, and about Hieronymus Bosch. I found I could say anything: the words just came. I opened up, properly, and it felt like the universe was opening right up with me.
‘Right,’ she said after a while. ‘Come on. Let’s have a little fun. Time for you to complete your fifth task.’
Against my better judgement, I followed my cousin – my favourite cousin, my perfect cousin – over to the table of annoying men. I had no idea whether they’d been looking at us while we talked because I’d only been interested in Natasha, but I could see that the moment they saw us coming they sat up and got ready for … something.
‘Hola,’ said Natasha in a cheery voice, putting our glasses on their table and pulling two chairs over. ‘Sit down,’ she said to me.
The men looked wary but she started talking in fast Spanish, immediately making them laugh. Again I should have been able to follow, but my head was spinning and so I just sat back and watched. I pretended not to notice the guys looking me over. After a while Natasha got out a pack of cards.
I was suddenly very tired. I didn’t want to be playing cards with horrible men. I didn’t want to be drinking beer in the middle of the night. I wanted to be asleep. I yawned and leaned back in my chair. There was a skinny cat under the next table. I watched it prowling, wondering where it lived and whether it was feral.
‘Don’t worry,’ Natasha said quietly. ‘Watch. This is just to teach them a lesson.’
And she did. I didn’t see the details of how she did it, but she dazzled them with card tricks, bought everyone another drink, then got them to start to bet. It took about an hour from beginning to end, but then everyone’s money was on the table, and she did her trick, and they all shouted because she had won. She scooped up the money.
‘Hasta la vista,’ she said, and she nudged me.
‘Fuck off,’ I said to the men, completing my task. I looked at Natasha and laughed. Then we set off. Two of them got up to come after us, and we held hands and ran as fast as we could, the coins jangling in Natasha’s handbag.
‘Lesbians!’ Miguel shouted, and we laughed and laughed. We ran randomly around the village streets, and then stopped when we had shaken them off, and leaned on a wall and laughed some more.
‘Justice,’ she said. ‘Take that, Miguel. Thanks for giving us all your cash.’
I linked my arm through hers. ‘Revenge.’
‘Sorry you were so bored. Let’s get your Spanish woman – what’s her name?’
‘Carmen.’
‘Yes. Let’s get Carmen to help you out and then we can work as a double act.’
I laughed. I was feeling a bit drunk, and I wondered what it would be like to be Natasha’s partner in crime, powered by an imaginary Spanish woman I’d made up to help me through exams. As we walked home I decided I was excited about the future. I hadn’t felt that way for a long time, but even if the future was only going to last a matter of weeks, I knew there was a lot out there. There were still infinite possibilities.
We couldn’t climb back over the wall because there wasn’t a hinge on the outside. We ended up running through a neighbour’s garden and scaling a tree, then dropping down next to the pool.
‘Shall we?’ said Natasha, indicating it with her head, stripping off her dress. I pulled off all my clothes, and jumped in. The water was like velvet against my skin.