I followed Natasha into the house and straight into our bedroom, where she started to pack her things.
‘Right,’ she said. ‘You heard the man. I’m off. Come with me, Libby. Pack some things in a bag and come to Madrid. It works for everyone. Aunt Amy gets some space, you get your adventure, and I get my twin. You know I messed that up. I feel terrible about it. Let’s let her calm down while we go off and have a look at the rest of the world.’
I shook my head. ‘I’d like to,’ I said. ‘But I can’t just run away.’
‘Why not?’
‘She needs me.’
‘Why? She needs Sean, and she has him. What does she want for you most of all?’
‘She wants me to be happy.’
‘By …?’
I sighed. I knew what she meant.
‘She wants me to have adventures while we still can.’
‘So? Are you sending me to Madrid on my own?’
I had no idea what I ought to do, or what I wanted, but Natasha kept firing questions and I started to see that she was right. My going to Madrid with her might work for everyone.
Still, I called Sean before we left.
‘If I go to Madrid with Natasha,’ I said, ‘do you think that would be OK? Will Mum be all right?’
He spoke quietly. I could hear from the background sounds – the birds, the odd car – that they were still outside.
‘Actually, Libby,’ he said, ‘I think it would be a good idea. Enjoy yourself. Have fun and don’t worry. I’ll take care of her.’
I picked up my suitcase. I put it on my bed and opened it.
Madrid was a half-hour bus ride away, so I was hardly getting on a boat to New York. I wasn’t running away forever. I was just going with Natasha – who had lost her dad, who had said she couldn’t stay still or the grief overwhelmed her – and in a day or two I would come back.
And then we would all suffocate when the air ran out, and in millions of years, when the planet had recovered and people had evolved again, a future civilization would dig out our bones and put us in a museum and marvel at the weirdness of a society that knew it was destroying its own habitat but carried on anyway. Except that even that wouldn’t happen, because the sun would be running out of power by then.
Nothing mattered. I felt it seep through my body until every cell was energized. I needed to go. I was reckless and ready for it. Why not? I had nothing to lose. Nothing at all.
‘Where will we sleep tonight?’
‘Somewhere good.’
I walked across the room and opened a drawer. I took out all my underwear and put it into my suitcase, and then took most of it out and put it back, because I was only going for a few days. I took a few things from the rest of my drawers and packed them too. I put in my phone charger, my iPad, my book.
I went to the drawer in the sitting room and took out my passport, just in case we did end up going to Paris, like the Svengali notebook had said. I had my purse, and my debit card. There was some money in my current account. I was pretty sure I had enough to stay away for a couple of days, and I also had the card to my big savings account, just in case I needed to dig into that.
I wrote them a note.
Mum! Take care of yourself. I’ll be in Madrid for a couple of days. You wanted me to have adventures, and it was so exciting the other day.
I don’t really understand what happened but I’m sorry about it. I know you probably need a break, so we’ll give you a bit of time. I feel like this is the right thing to do. I hope it is. Sean said it was.
We’ll be fine. I’ll come back soon, maybe at the weekend.
Love you, Mum,
Libby xxx
Natasha was watching me. I zipped up the case and looked at her.
‘Ready?’ she said.
‘Ready,’ I said.
We walked out on to the terrace, and I looked around. This place had been idyllic enough to distract me for weeks, and now it felt closed in, cloying, with its high walls, metal gate and wild plants.
‘It’s like leaving the Garden of Eden,’ I said, staring around. ‘Don’t you think?’
‘It is. And we’re heading to The Garden of Earthly Delights,’ said Natasha, and, even though I kind of hoped we weren’t, I knew what she meant.
I left my suitcase and ran to the tomato plants near the pool. Harry the tomato was huge and red now, and although he would get riper over the next few days I knew this was his moment. I picked him and took a huge bite, as if he were an apple. The tomato pips ran down my chin.
I handed Natasha the tomato, and she took a big bite too.
‘And that,’ she said, ‘means it’s time to get the hell out of Eden.’
We opened the metal gates and walked back to the main road. I thought for sure we would see Mum and Sean on their way back to the house. But we didn’t. We walked to the bus stop and only passed a couple of people.
It was half past eight, and there were plenty more buses listed this evening. We stood for a while on our own, and then a bus arrived. It was a number 671. The driver flipped a switch when he saw our bags, and the side of the bus hissed and slowly lifted on a hinge so we could put them under it.
Natasha bought tickets and marched me to the back seat, and we sat there, side by side, as the bus left the stop. We were like the cool kids on a school trip. She took my hand and squeezed it.
‘Thank you, Libby,’ Natasha said. ‘This means the world. It really does. I’m not sure why it went so wrong, and I really wish I hadn’t said it. You coming with me actually is the most wonderful thing that’s happened all year. And Sean’s got her. He really has.’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry about … whatever that was.’
‘Oh God, don’t be. I touched a nerve, much more than I realized. I had no idea or I never would have gone there.’
‘Who is Violet? I thought she was your girlfriend in London?’
‘No. That’s completely different, and actually that was Violeta. Your mom’s Violet is a voice in my head.’
I wanted to ask a million questions, but I was scared.
Mum will tell me when she wants me to know, I thought. We’re giving her a bit of space, I thought. I’ll go back in a few days, and then we can talk properly. If Mum has a secret, I don’t want to hear it from Natasha. That would feel all wrong. It would be a betrayal, like reading someone’s diary.
‘OK,’ I said.
It was properly dark by the time we arrived. The city appeared, sparkling, on the horizon, all its street lights shimmering, and then the bus was driving through city streets and stopping at traffic lights, then going down a ramp and into the underground bus station lit with harsh lights. Everyone got off, and we took our bags from the luggage compartment and all the people dispersed.
Madrid was a completely different place at night from the way it had been during the day. It felt as if everyone was going somewhere quickly.
We walked towards the Metro. I was wheeling my case and Natasha had hers on her back. She looked like a proper backpacker would if they were played by a Hollywood actor, and I looked like a clueless tourist filling the ‘clumsy best friend’ role.
‘Where are we going?’ I said. My suitcase had a wonky wheel, and it made a loud sound when I pulled it. I ran a little bit to keep up, then tried to get my case on to an escalator.
‘How much money do you have?’ she said.
‘On me? About thirty euros. I’ve got more in my current account. And then I’ve got some in savings. How about you?’
‘I need to make some cash, so let’s do that. Let’s fund ourselves without dipping into anything. However.’ She looked at me and her face lit up in a wicked grin. ‘We’ll do something good first. Two nights in a great hotel – without touching savings – and then we’ll worry about everything else after that. I’ve got enough for that, and you have too, right?’
I liked that. Two nights in a great hotel. Then we would go back to Mum and Sean, and talk about whatever had happened when Natasha had tried to pass on that message, and be sensible again.
‘Right,’ I said.
In the Metro hall, with people bustling past us, Natasha stood shamelessly in everyone’s way and fiddled around on her phone, while people tutted and walked round her. Eventually she looked up and nodded.
‘Come on,’ she said. ‘You’re going to love this. Madrid is so empty and the hotels are mostly still open. I’ve found a five-star hotel that is cheaper than some of the three stars. One of those weird algorithms. Can you chip in a hundred euros? I’ll take care of the rest.’
‘Sure. I’ll have to go to a cashpoint.’
‘Oh, don’t worry for now. I’ve put it on my card. It’ll go through OK, I think, and if it doesn’t, I’ll get some transferred from my other account. If you can get a bit of cash tomorrow, we can throw it all in together and work it out.’
‘Of course. Thanks, Natasha.’ I was giddy with all this.
‘You’re welcome! This is going to be fun, Libby-libs. And – one other thing. You remember how you told those fuckwit men to fuck off at the bar?’ I nodded. ‘So this is going to be the opposite of that. We need to be as charming as we possibly can. Make everyone adore us. Things become much easier that way. You’ll see.’
I told myself that Sean was looking after Mum, that I was seventeen and that my own mother had told me to go and have adventures. I switched my phone to silent. I was with Natasha now. Although I was still unsettled, this felt like the best thing I had ever done.
We sat side by side on the Metro. I didn’t feel like speaking and Natasha didn’t push it. Every now and then she would look at me, and I met her eyes and then looked away. I was trying to work out who I was, because this was not the kind of thing I had ever done before, but at the same time I had never felt more like myself. It was ten o’clock and the train was quite busy. I wondered where everyone was going, what they were doing, what their lives were like.
The woman directly across from me was tiny and brilliantly dressed, with grey hair that was partly pink. Her silk scarf and trousers were lilac and she was wearing a perfect white blouse with frills down the front. Her shoes were high and lilac, and her make-up was perfect. She was about eighty years old and she looked as if she had stepped out of one of those brightly coloured Spanish movies.
Two men got on at the next stop and looked over at us. Natasha gave them a cheeky smile. They had some music playing out of a phone, and they both started to sing along to the chorus. Natasha started humming it too.
When we got off the train I just followed her. We pushed through the barriers like everyone else, and went up to the street, where I was surprised, although I shouldn’t have been, to see that it was dark. We walked along the pavement, with grand buildings on either side of us, in a part of Madrid I didn’t know, or at least didn’t recognize, because I had only been to the tourist centre. Everything felt like a hallucination.
When Natasha said a polite hello to a doorman and set off up some steps to a grand-looking hotel, I hung back. We couldn’t really be going to sleep here. Could we? The doorman saw me hesitating and misinterpreted it. He stepped forward and took my suitcase, motioning me up the stairs in front of him.
‘Thank you.’ I was paralysed. I wanted my bag back because I didn’t know if I was meant to tip him for taking it. ‘I mean, gracias.’
‘You’re welcome, señorita,’ he said.
I caught up with Natasha at the reception desk, where she was laughing and chatting with the man and woman who were staffing it as if they were her oldest friends. I had never been inside a place like this. It was so grand. It smelled beautiful, like oils and perfumes, with a little bit of tapas underneath. The ceiling was high and bookcases went right up to it, like in the library in a country-house murder, except that it had a reception desk and a bar.
I imagined the bad air creeping in here, and everyone dying.
The check-in woman was thin and stylish, with glossy dark hair and deep red lipstick.
‘Here you are,’ she said. ‘We’ve given you an upgrade as we’re not so busy right now. Everyone is at the coast. Not many people want to be in the hot city. It was forty-seven yesterday! So you have a superior twin suite. Enjoy your stay, both of you!’
‘Thank you so much,’ said Natasha. ‘You are just adorable and wonderful.’ I caught the quick look she gave me and knew it was my cue.
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Thank you. This is a beautiful hotel.’ I said it, and my words came out fluently and I marvelled at myself.
‘Thank you!’ The woman looked genuinely delighted by our words, though she couldn’t have been really. Then the doorman took Natasha’s bag too (she was far more gracious about it than I had been) and walked us to a lift.
‘You take this one,’ he said, pushing a button. ‘I will bring your bags. Here.’
I watched as an old-fashioned lift clunked down and stopped inside a grating. The doorman pulled the wrought-iron frame back and ushered us into a strange antique lift with a banquette to sit on and art deco fixtures. ‘Press number four,’ he said to Natasha, and he closed the grille and clicked it shut.
As we bumped upwards I widened my eyes at her.
‘I feel a bit of a mess,’ I said.
‘You look great,’ she said. ‘Your make-up is impeccable, remember? You managed to run away from home without crying one single tear.’ She was right. ‘I knew we could get them to upgrade the room. After this we’ll go downmarket a bit, but hey. That’s fun too.’
Actually, I thought, I would go home. I would just get on a bus whenever I was ready to go back. I wasn’t committing to anything beyond two nights in Madrid to give Mum a break.
The lift jolted and stopped at floor four. Natasha yanked the grille open and pushed the door on its other side, and we were out.
We looked for our room, which was 432. It was down the corridor. There was a long way between each door: it was not at all like the Premier Inn, where Mum and Sean and I normally stayed.
I was definitely not thinking about my family. I was not thinking about Zoe, or about the end of the world. I was just thinking about the moment, about Natasha and me, in Madrid, on a hot evening at the end of days.