Michelle hadn’t been seeking Tessa’s number. She’d found the hypnotist’s card by accident in the back pocket of Nick’s jeans when she was preparing to do a wash. She’d taken the card and put it in her own wallet. Nick had told her of Tessa’s reluctance to continue with the regression after it had happened. She was a sceptic, not someone who specialized in these things. She’d done her research; there was a woman up the Dublin mountains who specialized in it. She’d looked at the website, seen that the process took three hours and cost 280 euros. She didn’t think that was excessive – 60 euros an hour was a general therapist’s fee. But what if the woman was a charlatan? The occult was full of them.
Tessa had regressed Nick by mistake; she’d never set out to do it. But there was a reason why it had happened. Michelle believed there was a reason for everything, including a reason why she’d met Nick. Nothing was random.
Since it had happened, she’d begun re-reading the books she’d read before – books about past lives. She’d always been fascinated by the idea, and now that she had proof that it was true, she was unable to rid herself of a desire to find out about her own past.
Now, Michelle took the card from her wallet. Nick had said that he was going to try to talk to that girl Louise, the one that Andy Quinn had told him about, so he wouldn’t get back until late. Michelle had asked him if it wouldn’t be better to talk to Caitlin first, but he’d told her it wouldn’t make much difference given that the two women didn’t know about each other. He’d also told her he planned on calling Caitlin too, to see if he could arrange to meet up with her. He imagined that Andy Quinn would soon relay their conversation if he hadn’t done so already, and it would be best coming from him, this offer to trace her missing husband.
Michelle looked at the card, at the hypnotist’s name embossed in gold ink, the credentials and number beneath. She couldn’t make an appointment for tomorrow as she had the soup run, and the following night she was giving a Zumba class in the community centre. So it was either today if Tessa could fit her in, or she’d have to wait until Thursday. In that case she might have to lie to Nick about where she was going, and she didn’t like lying.
She knew that she’d have to lie to the therapist though. Otherwise, the woman would never agree to see her. Michelle picked up the phone and dialled the number. As luck, or maybe fate, would have it, the woman had had a cancellation for an appointment at three thirty that afternoon. When Tessa asked what the problem was, Michelle told her that she’d been having panic attacks and that she’d like to try to get to the root of the problem. Tessa had sounded understanding. Michelle liked the soft, slow way that she spoke, and immediately she felt guilty for lying. At two o’clock though she left the house, bound for Valleymount, a tiny village near the Blessington Lakes in County Wicklow.
She enjoyed the drive out; it was nice to leave the suburbs behind. She took the route, which she’d checked on Google Maps, that took her around the lake until the road branched off and narrowed until it was little more than a boreen. She hoped she wouldn’t meet another car coming from the opposite direction. All the time, she was thinking about Nick, seeing the landscape through his eyes. She slowed as she drove past the row of neat houses just off the narrow road until she reached the long white bungalow, which had a sign that said The Arches. She rumbled over the cattle grid, pulled up behind a silver BMW and parked in the driveway. When she got out of the car, she could hear children playing somewhere round the back. She took her time walking up to the door, pausing to look round her. The lawn was littered with leaves, and through the bare trees the people who lived here must have a view of the lake – a silver disk under the white sky.
Unable to delay any longer, she pressed the doorbell. She heard a door open inside, and the sound of heels on a tiled floor. The door opened and a woman in her fifties stood before her. The woman looked at her, curious, and for a moment Michelle thought she’d come to the wrong house.
‘I’ve got an appointment,’ she said. ‘Michelle Carlin.’
‘Of course.’ Tessa smiled briefly and stood back to admit her. ‘If you’d like to come this way,’ she said, and Michelle followed her down the hallway. On a table stood family photos: the woman with a man Michelle imagined was her husband. She wondered what it would be like to work from this beautiful home.
Tessa gestured to a chair and walked round to sit at the other side of the desk. She picked up a pen and smiled reassuringly at Michelle. ‘So – you say you’ve been suffering from anxiety. When did this start?’
Michelle swallowed. ‘To be honest, that’s not really why I’m here.’
The woman looked up, eyebrows raised. ‘Oh?’
‘My partner, Nick Drake, is one of your regular clients.’
Tessa sat back, putting down her pen. ‘I see. You must know I’m not at liberty to discuss a client with anyone? That what happens here is completely confidential?’
Michelle nodded. ‘Nick tells me everything though. I know about the regression, about his past life. I haven’t come to ask you anything.’
‘Okay, so what can I do for you?’
‘I’d like to be hypnotized myself – not just hypnotized but regressed. I want to find out who I was before.’
Tessa sighed, she looked for a moment as if she were about to stand and show Michelle out of the room, but she stayed sitting.
‘I’m afraid you’ve come to the wrong place,’ she said. ‘I don’t work in that area. What happened with Nick was an accident. It wasn’t something I set out to do.’
‘Yes, but it happened. That’s why I’m here. I know what you’re saying and I know there are people out there who specialize in this type of thing, but many of them are charlatans and I don’t want to take that risk. I need to know who I was … if maybe I knew Nick in the past … Maybe it can help.’
Tessa eyed her over her glasses. ‘And what if you don’t like what you discover?’
‘It doesn’t matter. I’ll deal with it. I’m with Nick for the long haul. Nothing you tell me can change that.’
‘You say that now, but you clearly know how complicated Nick’s past is. I don’t think you’ve thought this through. What possible good could come from it?’
Michelle didn’t say anything for a moment. ‘I’d like to know. I’ve read that we meet the same people again life after life … soul mates …’
Tessa shook her head. ‘You might never have met Nick before; they say that people don’t necessarily meet in every life. And even if you were both from the same circle, you could be anything to Nick – a family member, a teacher, a friend.’
Michelle looked at Tessa. ‘I thought you didn’t believe in all this.’
‘I didn’t use to, but I’ve done a lot of research since meeting Nick. I’m not prepared to say that I believe in it, let’s just say I’m more open to the possibility.’
‘Will you do it? Will you regress me? Whatever happens, I’ll deal with it – and if it’s not helpful, I won’t even mention to Nick that it happened. My priority is to help him. I’m not after anything else … you don’t have to worry about that.’
Tessa shook her head. ‘I’m sorry, Michelle. I understand that you’re curious, but Nick is my patient, and I must consider what’s best for him. There are plenty of hypnotists out there, people who would be happy to do what you want. But if you truly want to help Nick, I suggest that you put your own curiosity aside, and focus on helping him in the here and now.’
Tessa stood, leaving Michelle no choice but to do likewise. ‘You won’t tell Nick I came?’ Michelle said.
‘No. Like I said, anything said in this room is not for me to divulge …’
Michelle stepped outside and shaded her eyes against the sunlight that bounced off the lake. Maybe Tessa was right – what good would it do them if she discovered something she didn’t like? She got in the car, a part of her relieved that Tessa had refused her, and drove out past the lake, in the direction of home.