17

MONEY MATTERS

Sorting out the finances

In most cases, the couples I contacted reported that it was the non-Asperger partner who looked after the financial side of things in the relationship and largely, this seemed to work quite well. Problems could arise, however, if the Asperger partner had an expensive special interest, such as collecting rare old coins or buying goods online. Be aware of what is happening to the finances, especially if money is not abundant. In a few cases where the non-Asperger partner was not allowed any control of the finances at all, there were massive debts.

Whether or not poor money management skills are a consequence of Asperger syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) is impossible to say as I have also talked to men and women who say their Asperger partners are excellent at dealing with the finances. Adults with Asperger syndrome often show an inclination towards extremes, by either being very capable at doing a particular task or by finding it very difficult. This area has not been studied sufficiently, however, and certainly, financial problems may occur in any relationship, whether one of the partners has Asperger syndrome or not. The difference Asperger syndrome makes in a relationship is that it introduces an extra level of difficulty when trying to discuss financial problems. It may be hard to get your Asperger partner to talk about monetary matters and to establish the rules and boundaries.

Knowing what is being spent

It is important to know what is happening on the financial front regardless of whether you are male or female. If at all possible, either deal with the finances yourself or at least maintain some form of independence. This is not so difficult to do today as it was a few decades ago, as many women now are able to control their own finances. As mentioned earlier, telling others is not high on the list of priorities for people with Asperger syndrome, so it could be the case that you will be the last to know about any financial problems that have been building up. This is probably because your partner is frightened of telling you what is happening and the reaction it might provoke, which is especially likely to be the case when the money is being spent on their special interest.