Toadstools at Midnight
It was a long wait until midnight. Since I didn’t have my computer to tinker with, I just fooled around with a couple of unsuccessful experiments I’d been working on after I’d finished my homework. And, of course, I talked things over with the pets. They were very excited about Miss Switch picking me up by broomstick. She had done it before, but it had all happened so quickly, they hadn’t even seen her. I promised them I’d delay climbing aboard a few minutes so they could at least catch a glimpse of her through the window. But they were also pretty anxious about the trip to the museum.
“Look,” I said, “I shouldn’t have made you all upset about this. What could go wrong on a silly little trip to a museum?”
“You said it sounded fishy,” said Hector.
“I shouldn’t have,” I said. “What do I know?”
“Well, we must all remember that Miss Switch will be with them,” said Guinevere. “If there’s any problem, she’ll know what to do about it.”
“Maybe not,” said Caruso. “You remember what Rupert said about witchcraft versus witchcraft.”
“Look here,” I said, “we haven’t even seen the next word from Saturna. There may not be any problem at all.”
“I wish you’d take me along, Rupert, just in case,” Fred piped up.
“See here, Fred,” I said, “we went through this before. What exactly could you do if there’s a problem? What could any bird do?”
“You never know,” he replied. “Take canaries. Miners used to carry them along into the mines to sniff out dangerous gases.”
“I don’t think there are any dangerous gases in a museum,” I said. “Besides, you’d have to go in my pocket. I know you were there before, but that was for about an hour. This would be for three hours, at least. How would you like that, Fred?”
“If it was the same pocket with the hole in it for breathing purposes, I wouldn’t mind,” he said. “And I’d pack a lunch. It would be an interesting experience.”
“Three hours is a long time. What if you needed to—er—poop?” I asked.
“I’m a big boy now,” Fred replied. “I’d take care of that before I left. You wouldn’t have a thing to worry about. I’d really like to go.”
“Well, I’ll think about it,” I said. “But don’t count on it. Anyway, I’d better get ready It’s about time for Miss Switch to show up.”
I’d barely thrown my jacket on and stuffed my trusty flashlight into a pocket when there was a knock on my window, and Miss Switch was hovering outside it. Then I remembered I was supposed to drag my feet just a little so the pets would have a chance to see her. But I had a better idea. I opened the window and stuck my head through before starting to climb out. It was only about nine hours since I’d seen her as Miss Blossom, so I really had to pull myself together seeing her out there hanging in midair on her broomstick in her flowing black cape and tall, pointed black hat. But I was happy to see that Bathsheba wasn’t with her for what I had in mind.
“Miss Switch,” I said, “would you consider stopping in my room for a couple of minutes to meet my pets? It would mean a lot to them.”
“Oh, absolutely!”
Almost before I realized what was happening, she was climbing through the window. The broomstick was in park, and just hung outside the window, not going anywhere. “Miss Switch,” I said, pointing as I gave out each name, “may I introduce Guinevere, Hector, Caruso, and Fred. Pets, this is Miss Switch.”
“How do you do,” said Miss Switch.
“H-H-How do you do, your … your royal witchness!” Caruso said, and promptly fell right over on his back. I knew, of course, that he’d been trying to do a stage bow, but he never seemed to learn that a turtle couldn’t do that. I didn’t say anything but just went over and turned him right side up.
“‘Miss Switch’ will do just fine,” she said at once.
“How do you do, Miss Switch,” said Guinevere.
“P-P-Pleased to meet you, Miss Switch,” quavered Hector.
“M-M-Me, too,” added Fred in a trembling chirp.
“Well, it’s a real pleasure to meet all of you,” said Miss Switch. “I’ve heard a great deal about you. Rupert is really fortunate to have such good friends.”
I stood there speechless. I’d never heard Miss Switch—that is, as Miss Switch and not as Miss Blossom—ooze so much charm. The pets were frozen with awe, but she had them thawed in no time. In a very few moments, they were all chattering away at warp speed.
“I wish we could offer you some refreshments, Miss Switch,” Guinevere said finally “I mean, something besides guinea pig feed and birdseed.”
“Why, that sounds delicious,” Miss Switch said without even blinking. “But I’ve stayed much longer than I should, and Rupert and I must be on our way.”
As the pets all knew the importance of what Miss Switch and I had to do, there was no arguing with this. “Good-byes” had to be said. I waved to them as I climbed through the window after Miss Switch. As soon as I was settled on the broomstick, we took off, heading straight for Pepperdine.
I have to tell you there’s nothing in the world like this mode of transportation. It was as great as I remembered it. And, of course, I’d never flown to school before. I couldn’t help wondering when we arrived at the Pepperdine playground what Peat-mouse, Banana, and Creampuff would have thought if they’d been sitting on the monkey bars and seen me zooming overhead on a broomstick toward the Room Twelve window. At any rate, we climbed through and made our way to the computer room. Bathsheba was sitting there waiting for us.
“The coast is still clear, but you were gone long enough. What kept you?” Bathsheba growled.
“I went in for a few minutes to meet Rupert’s pets,” Miss Switch replied. “For your information, Bathsheba, they all have exquisite manners. You could learn something from them.”
“Introduce me!” said Bathsheba, coolly flicking at her whiskers.
“Yes, and watch you pick bird feathers out of your teeth for a week!” said Miss Switch. “Now, let’s get on with this, Rupert. Who’s going to do the honors?”
“Carry on, Miss Switch,” I said.
She did, and then we just sat there staring at the screen together as Saturna’s new message appeared. It was very long. It was no wonder Mr. Dorking and Miss Tuna had to sit there half the night waiting for her to compose it.
“Oh, gnawing rats
And stinging gnats,
Oh, brimstone boil
And poisons roil,
Oh, witch’s brain
Sunk down the drain,
To trust the school
To such a fool.
How all was hung On twisted tongue
I can but guess,
But nonetheless
I can guess well
How came the spell.
But one mistake
Is all you’ll make,
Or what you’ll get
You won’t forget.
But not too late
To seal their fate,
No you know who
To spoil the stew,
But I want clear
They disappear.
My shrinking trick
Is what will stick.
You have the stuff
But just enough
To work one spell,
So do it well.
The field trip fling
Is just the thing,
And, oh, what joy
To get that boy.
Revenge at last,
Oh, what a blast!”
“Boy, you sure were right about the twisted tongue thing, Miss Switch,” I said.
“There was never any doubt about it, Rupert,” she replied. “But that’s been and gone. What we have to think about is what’s to come. Saturna seems to have given Neptuna and Grodork the ingredients for the shrinking bewitchment, her specialty. I suspect they were to use it to begin with, but he got giddy with his own powers and we know what happened with that. As for the field trip, I have no doubt that refers to our visit to the museum tomorrow.”
“I knew it sounded fishy,” I said, “coming up all of a sudden like that. But this time around, Miss Switch, we don’t just know where and when, we know what. I sure don’t like the sound of shrinking. You can have all your anti-bewitchment stuff ready, can’t you?”
“Of course I can!” snapped Miss Switch. “However, Rupert, I must tell you we may know where, when, and what, but there is still one big problem. We don’t know how. Her shrinking bewitchment requires a medium. It could be anything, and a trip to the museum doesn’t suggest a single one to me.”
“Maybe they’ll serve us grape punch when we get there?” I suggested hopefully.
Miss Switch’s response to this was a glassy-green stare with a couple of sparks thrown in for good measure. “No, Rupert,” she said at last. “If the truth be known, we’re not much better off than we were with the twisted tongue. There is, however, one difference. I will have with me the anti-bewitchment formula. It will only be useful if I can discover where to use it. But at any rate, I won’t have to leap into a janitor’s closet to perform any last-minute hocus pocus.”
“Where will you be leaping, Miss Switch?” I asked.
“Into Room Twelve, and right now, Rupert. We haven’t time to lose. This particular anti-bewitchment formula takes a few hours to mellow. And I’m going to need your help.” Miss Switch jumped up from her chair, turned on the flashlight, turned off the computer, and strode to the door. “Come along, Rupert. Come along, cat!”
“Brow-ow-owl!” Bathsheba leaped after her, and I came scurrying along behind.
“M-M-My help, Miss Switch?” I stammered. I mean, what did I actually know about spells, and anti-bewitching formulas? Actually, nothing. “Wh-Wh-What am I going to be doing?”
Miss Switch waited until we had entered Room Twelve before replying. “I have here with me the vital elements needed for the formula: wart of toad, three hairs of hog, claw of vulture, and tail of lizard, along with the more common elements of wing of bat, and your eye of newt. However, I’m still missing one very important ingredient. And that’s where you come in, Rupert.”
As she was talking, Miss Switch was pulling out the Bunsen burner, a flask, a measuring cup, and a small empty bottle with an eyedropper in it, all from the class science supply cupboard. Then I had to keep on waiting for my instructions as she lit the Bunsen burner and filled the measuring cup with a little water from the class sink.
“What I want you to do, Rupert,” she said, “is to take your flashlight, go out to the playground, and bring me a few toadstools.”
Now, I’d been out hunting toadstools in the past for Miss Switch. In the Pepperdine playground. At midnight. Alone. I have to admit I didn’t enjoy the experience.
“Did … did you have any special variety in mind, Miss Switch?” I asked nervously
“Why yes, I did, Rupert,” she replied briskly “It’s the toadstoolius enlargius instantium.”
“Gee whiz, Miss Switch, how am I supposed to know one when I see it?” I complained.
“It’s a common variety, Rupert. Just scoop up a bunch of toadstools, and I assure you there will be several among them. I’ll have everything else ready when you return. Don’t forget to take along a paper sack from the art cupboard.”
Anyway, there I was in the Pepperdine playground. At midnight. Alone. And I didn’t care any more for the experience than I had the first time. But the thing was that midnight seemed to be a very good time for toadstools. I harvested a bunch of them and when I got back, Miss Switch was busy adding the last of crumbled hairs of hog to the measuring cup. I handed her the paper sack. She emptied it at once onto her desk and began sorting through the toadstools with her long fingers.
“Ah,” she said, “just as I expected, several excellent specimens of toadstoolius enlargius instantium. But what have we here?” She picked up two toadstools and examined them closely. “Hmmm, these are rare finds, indeed. The Pepperdine playground never ceases to amaze me. Nothing I can use right now, but I am getting some strong vibrations indicating that I may be able to use these very toadstools soon.”
“What are they, Miss Switch?” I asked as she shoved them into a pocket.
“Not now, Rupert, not now. This spell requires concentration,” she said, crumbling one of the remaining toadstools into the measuring cup. Then she started mumbling to herself as she picked up the glass rod. “Pour into flask. Shake, don’t stir. Place over Bunsen burner. Don’t begin spell until five bubbles rise.”
As soon as this had all happened, she began swooping and swooshing around, waving her arms over the flask. Then she began to moan the words,
“Higglety pigglety, oh, what, slop
The shrinking game you have to stop.
Snakes and spiders, fleas and flies
Bring them back to their right size.
Ricketty, racketty, hullabalooly
Or face the wrath of yours truly.”
I have to be honest. This didn’t sound a lot better than the poetry Saturna was dispensing via computowitch.com. Still, a spell is a spell, and if it does what it’s supposed to, who am I to comment on it? All in all, Miss Switch put on quite a performance. I might even have been scared if I hadn’t seen her do something like it before.
When it all ended, the liquid in the flask had boiled down to practically nothing, just enough to fill the small bottle with the eyedropper.
“It’s powerful stuff, Rupert,” Miss Switch replied. “A tiny drop is all that is needed for this particular unbewitchment. If only I knew exactly where I’m going to have to use it!”
Well, we had done all we could do. We cleaned up Room Twelve, and then Miss Switch flew me home.
The pets were waiting up for me. I really didn’t want to tell them the whole story of my trip to Pepperdine because I knew it would worry them. But I’ve always been honest with my pets, so I didn’t hold anything back. Besides, what if I returned as, say, a lizard, or a beetle, or didn’t return at all? They had to be prepared. At any rate, I have to say that nobody went to bed very happy that night.