Mum leaves early Sunday afternoon, once Rain and I are back from Mass and a cup of tea at Nana’s. I warn Rain not to tell Nana that Mum is staying away overnight. She promises not to say a word, but I get nervous that maybe I’ll let it slip, so I make an excuse as soon as we’ve had our tea, and rush home, leaving Nana to eat Sunday dinner alone and probably feed most of the stew she’s cooked to Derry.
Mum makes us peanut butter and jam sandwiches for dinner and has stocked up on Coco Pops and yoghurts. ‘You’ve got food, money and my number. And remember not to open the door . . . unless it’s Gina.’
‘How will we know it’s Gina?’ Rain asks. It’s the first time she’s spoken to Mum since the park.
‘Ask,’ Mum snaps. Then she remembers herself. ‘Right, so be good. I love you both, and I’ll see you in less than twenty-four hours. Cross your fingers and toes for me.’
‘Good luck,’ I manage to say.
She is wearing a short, red dress, puffy at the sleeves with lace across the back. Her hair is backcombed so it looks a bit like a wasp’s nest. She doesn’t look bad exactly, but she doesn’t look like she’s going to find work, that’s all. She clip-clops down the stairs in her high heels.
‘What about your coat?’ I call after her.
‘Coats are for cowards,’ she shouts back.
And she’s out the door.
I look at Rain. Rain looks at me.
‘The library’s closed,’ I say.
‘And no good films on TV until after seven o’clock.’
‘We could read,’ I suggest.
Rain shakes her head. ‘I’ve finished all my books. I’d have to read one of yours, and I think they’re all about kissing.’
‘They are,’ I admit.
‘Ugh.’ She pauses to caress one of Jenny’s hands. ‘We could knock for Del and ask him to take us to the fruities again. That was fun.’
‘It was,’ I say. ‘Let’s do that.’
Del opens the door before I knock. He’s got beads in his hair and I think he’s wearing black eyeliner. He’s swapped his wellies for heavy boots with the laces undone.
‘I had a hunch it would be you two,’ he says. He hitches up his jeans, which are hanging, crumpled and loose on his waist.
‘How?’ Rain asks. She is beaming at him like someone in love. But she’s ten. She can’t be in love. Can she?
‘I’ve got spidey-sense, which is weird because I’m actually Batman,’ he says.
‘He’s got binoculars,’ I tell Rain, and point at the pair hanging around his neck. ‘Who have you been spying on?’
‘Let’s just say, I might have seen two bare bums today . . . So, what’s the plan? Bit of ballroom dancing followed by some carjacking, topped off with a dash of fly-fishing?’
‘I hate fish,’ Rain says. ‘Especially octopuses.’
‘We could always go ice skating and do the fishing and other stuff another day. What do you think?’ Del asks.
‘I think, yes,’ Rain says.
‘You’re bankrolling this operation, I hope,’ he says, looking at me. I smile. I can’t help it because when Del looks at me he really looks at me, never at my legs or hair or anything else. He sees through all that stuff.
‘I’ve got loads of money,’ I say.
And we head off to the ice rink.
It’s only once we’ve put on our skates and wobbled across the rubber mats to the rink that Rain wonders whether ice skating might be dangerous while she’s carrying Jenny.
‘Could be. You want me to watch her while you two take a few laps?’ Del asks.
Rain shakes her head. ‘I want us to go on together.’
‘I saw a crèche on our way in. We could leave Jenny there to play with the other babies, if you think she’d like that,’ I say. I don’t expect her to agree, but after considering it for a few seconds, she nods.
‘Great! I’ll be back in a minute,’ I say. I take Jenny from her and head for the crèche. But if I show up with Jenny they’ll think I’m as loopy as Rain – loopier. Besides, why would I waste three pounds leaving her in the crèche when I could stuff her into my locker for free? Rain need never know.
I almost have to fold Jenny in two and twist her head right around to make her fit in my locker, but eventually I manage to get the door closed. I’m so used to acting like Jenny’s real, I feel a bit bad leaving her.
When I get back to the rink, Del is leading Rain on to the ice. She looks like she’s about to slip. Even so, she is smiling.
‘Was Jenny OK when you left?’ she asks.
‘She was perfect,’ I say. I try not to think how bent out of shape Jenny looked when I closed the locker.
‘Come on. Let’s fall over and soak ourselves silly on the ice!’ Del says.
And that’s exactly what Rain and I do. But Del is an ice skating pro. He zips across the rink like he’s powered by petrol, weaving in and out of wobbling skaters and dodging small clusters of children. And he can go backwards.
I’ve only been ice skating once before, so within an hour the knees of my jeans are wet. But I don’t care. I shuffle around the rink without hanging on to the barrier, sometimes even gliding a bit, and whenever I fall, Del cheers, which makes me laugh so hard I can barely stand up. He grabs my hand a few times and pulls me along fast. I scream, but not seriously. And he leads Rain along too, helping her keep her balance and showing her how best to fall over, so she won’t hurt herself.
Once our legs start to burn, we leave the ice. ‘I’ll get Jenny,’ Rain says. She heads for the crèche.
I jump in front of her. ‘No, no. Here.’ I hand her some money. ‘You buy the Fanta and chips . . . I mean French fries . . . and I’ll meet you upstairs.’
‘I want to see the crèche,’ Rain says.
I give Del a long look, and he understands. ‘Rain, help me!’ he calls out. He lumbers up the rubber stairs to the café, still wearing his skates. He grins and flails his arms like he’s about to fall. Rain giggles and totters up the stairs after him. I sneak off to the lockers where I retrieve Jenny.
‘Sorry I left you all squished up in there. Come on, let’s go and find Mummy,’ I say aloud. I hold Jenny close.
Then I hear a snigger. I go rigid.
When I turn around, Pilar and Donna are watching me.
‘I’ve heard of Doctor Dolittle talking to the animals, but who are you meant to be?’ Donna says. She nudges Pilar who laughs nervously.
‘Apple?’ Pilar says. She looks genuinely worried, like I might actually have fallen off my rocker. I want to say something, but how can I explain talking to a plastic doll? Pilar doesn’t know Rain exists, and even if she did, I still couldn’t really explain Jenny to her.
‘Is that why you haven’t been at school? Have you been caring for your baby all day?’ Donna laughs.
My throat closes up. My eyes well with tears. Donna thinks she’s really funny. She can’t know how close to the truth she is. ‘My sister . . .’ I mutter, thinking that an explanation might make sense after all.
‘She’s your sister? Ah, that’s lovely. Did your nan have her?’ Donna is doubled over laughing. She tries to prod Jenny, but I pull away to keep the doll out of her reach.
‘Honestly, Pilar, you told me Apple was a bit immature, but you never said she still played with dolls. I mean, that’s so abnormal. Come on, let’s go.’ With a titter, Donna struts off.
Pilar stays where she is. ‘What’s going on, Apple?’ she asks.
I wish I could tell her everything that’s been happening. She’s meant to be my best friend. We used to share our biggest secrets with each other. But I can’t trust her any more, so I let myself cry and eventually Pilar slogs after Donna like a well-trained dog.
In the café, Del and Rain are sitting by a glass window overlooking the rink. Del is doing impressions of animals, and Rain is screeching.
‘Your chips are getting cold,’ he says.
‘I don’t care. We have to go home. Now.’
‘I thought we’d take another turn around the pond before spring arrives,’ Del says, trying to be funny as usual. But none of this is funny. Not Mum going away overnight and leaving me to take care of Rain, and certainly not Rain’s weird belief that Jenny’s got a soul. I don’t know why I’ve been spending time with Del messing around instead of facing up to my life. It’s getting me nowhere.
‘Can we go please?’ I say. I practically throw Jenny at Rain and march off down the stairs, trying not to fall over in my skates.
‘Wait up!’ Del runs after me. ‘What’s wrong? What’s happened?’
‘I don’t want to do any more of this, that’s what’s happened. I just saw Pilar and Donna from school who thought that me talking to a doll was hilarious. And then I realised, it isn’t hilarious at all. If I was a bit gutsier I would have told my mum that a long time ago. But I didn’t. And do you want to know why I didn’t?’
Del stares.
‘Because I wanted my mum to think I was cool. How sad is that?’
‘I dunno, I mean . . .’
Rain has caught up with us. Her mouth is covered in ketchup. ‘Can’t we stay for a few more minutes?’ she asks.
‘Apple’s a bit upset,’ Del says.
‘Yes, I am. And you know who I’m upset with? Myself, that’s who, because to win Mum over I kicked Nana aside even though she’s loved me non-stop for thirteen years. And maybe she is strict, but she cares. And it’s more than I did. I’ve made a mess of everything. Everything.’
Del nods like he understands. But how could he? He lives with his hippy mum and dad who buy him frog jumpers and eat seeds for Christmas dinner. ‘You know what you need, Apple?’ he says. He takes my hand and pinches it lightly.
‘A bit of wine added to my Coke to help my nerves?’ I ask. ‘Have you ever had a calimocho? I can make you one. I couldn’t before, but I can now.’
He shakes his head. He doesn’t look impressed. ‘I’m actually serious for once. You need to go home and get some sleep. My mum always says a new day shines a bright light on a dark problem.’
‘I’m so tired,’ I say.
‘I know. Come on, let’s go home,’ he says.
We unlace the skates and swap them for our shoes. I spot Donna and Pilar heading for the ice, arm in arm like proper best friends. I turn away so they won’t know I’ve seen them – so they can’t show off how happy they are together.
Del waits at the bus stop then waves us off. The bus judders up the hill towards home. When we get there, a note from Gina is pinned to the front door: I called when you were out. Any probs, I’m working at the Hungry Horse until midnight.
So much for keeping an eye on us. I rip the note into small pieces and throw it behind me on to the shared porch.
We’re watching a Discovery programme about polar bears when Rain slides closer to me and tucks her bare feet under my legs.
‘It’s me,’ she says.
‘What?’
‘Mom would be happy if I was never born. She went to America to be an actress but then I came along and ruined everything. I’m still ruining everything.’ She pauses. Her voice is as fragile as a ladybird’s wing.
‘Mum’s busy, Rain. I’d hate a lazy mum, wouldn’t you?’ I say.
‘I guess,’ Rain says. She lifts Jenny’s bum to her nose and sniffs. ‘Poop,’ she says.
‘Oh, Rain.’ I groan.
‘What?’ she asks. She screws up her face and squeals as though she really can smell poo.
‘Nothing,’ I say.
Because what can I say? She’s totally round the bend.