42

I call Mum again and again and again, but every time I do, it goes straight to answerphone. I’ve no choice but to stick a note on the front door for Rain telling her to call me if she gets back before I do, and head out to search for her. I jam Jenny into a dress, strap her into the carrier and bring her with me. I can’t leave her in the flat alone – not after what I’ve done.

I close the front door behind me and pull up the hood of my coat. The streets are deserted and all I want to do is go back inside. I want to hide and pretend none of this is happening. But I can’t do that with Rain missing. Not after she was so upset. And especially not when it’s my fault.

I turn right at the end of the road then left on to the high street. The shops are closed, the shutters down. Homeless people in sleeping bags are curled up in cold doorways. A van rattles along the road, stops outside the newsagent’s, and a man throws a bundle of newspapers by the door. The bakery is dimly lit and a smell of fresh bread wafts its way on to the street.

I trek up and down the high street three times. But Rain is not here. I don’t know why I thought she might be.

A woman in white dungarees is fiddling with a key in the lock of a car door. She sees me and stares. ‘You all right, love?’ she asks. She coughs and drinks from a thermos.

‘Have you seen a little girl with curly red hair?’ I ask.

‘Is someone lost? Do your parents know you’re out in the dark?’

I swallow. ‘Yes, of course. My sister is missing. Mum and Dad have gone to the police station,’ I lie. And as I say it, I know that’s exactly where I should be: at the police station filing a missing person’s report, not jeopardising Rain’s safety by searching myself. Then I think about Mum and what would happen to her if the police got involved and I know I can’t go anywhere near the station. Not yet. I just have to look harder.

‘Thanks anyway,’ I tell the woman and take off down the high street towards the pier.

I hear the ocean before I see it – the heavy sound of the night waves roiling against the sand. I walk along the pier and it creaks under my feet. Gulls circle the navy sky. It’s still too dark to see along the full length of it. Water growls against its bones.

A few metres ahead is the silhouette of a man in a rain jacket. The figure turns my way. ‘Hello?’ he calls.

My hands sweat. My heart pounds. I walk towards him.

As I get closer, I see he has a fishing rod propped up against a bucket and a line dripping into the sea.

‘I’m looking for a little girl,’ I tell him.

‘Not seen no one,’ he says. His face is in shadow.

I turn and head back to the promenade.

‘What’s her name?’ he calls after me.

I ignore him and check my phone for the hundredth time to see if Mum or Rain have called. They haven’t, and it’s six thirty already. It means Rain has been missing well over an hour at least. I put my arms around Jenny. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone.

But I might have one friend I can call on for help.

Then I’ll have to go and see Nana with the terrible news.