Three hours later, Nana gets discharged. We order a cab to take us home. On the way, Mum finally calls. I should be elated. I haven’t even got the energy to feel relieved. I look at her name lighting up my phone, and wait a few rings before answering.
‘Oh, Apple, what’s going on? I’m on a train and I got your messages. Is everything OK? Apple?’
‘Rain’s missing, Mum,’ I tell her.
She doesn’t answer.
Nana snatches the phone from me and yells into it. ‘Where the hell are you, Annie? On a train? A train to where? I don’t know how you can call yourself a mother. Rain’s been missing since last night and you’ve only found out a day later. Just so you know, if anything’s happened to that child, I’ll make sure you pay for it. Do you hear me? Annie? Annie?’
Nana stares at the phone. ‘She cut me off,’ she says.
‘Is she on her way back?’
‘Who knows?’ Nana says.
I help Nana into her favourite chair, not that it’s easy with Derry jumping all over us, and go to the kitchen to put on the kettle. Making tea seems like such a shallow thing to do with Rain still missing, but I’m out of ideas. We’ve filed a missing person’s report with the police, and they have alerted all of their squad cars in the area. They’ll wait until eight o’clock tonight to start an official search.
I already feel in my heart that it’s too late.
The kettle gurgles and my phone beeps.
It’s Del again. Where r u? Egan’s bro needs the car. He’s dropping me home but I’ll search by foot once I’ve told Mum where I am. OK?????
I’ll be at urs in 10 mins, I text back.
I make Nana a mug of tea and some toast with thick-cut marmalade. ‘I’m going out to look for Rain again,’ I tell her.
Nana blows into her mug. ‘No, Apple. I don’t want you getting lost too.’ She reaches for the phone. ‘I’ve remembered that Patricia Barnet’s son is an inspector over in Southend. I’ll see if he can pull a few strings with some friends at the station here.’
‘Nana, I have to find Rain,’ I say quietly.
‘I already told you –’ she begins.
I interrupt. ‘I know what you told me, Nana. But I’m not a baby any more, and if we’re going to be friends again, you have to start trusting me.’
‘After this? How can I, Apple?’ The clock on the mantelpiece chimes. It’s six o’clock – twenty-two hours since I last saw Rain.
‘I never tried to lie. I was protecting Mum. I knew what you’d think if I told you she went to London and left us,’ I say.
‘Everyone has been so irresponsible, Apple. You and your mother.’
‘I know, Nana.’ I put my phone into my pocket. I kiss Derry on the nose. Then I head for the hall. Jenny is lying at the bottom of the stairs. I strap her against me.
‘Apple!’ Nana shouts. She can’t come after me with her sprained ankle; she can only shout and be disappointed.
‘I’ll be back soon. I’m on the phone if you need me.’ I pause as I open the front door. The street lamps are flickering pink. ‘I love you,’ I say. And I’m gone.
Del is sitting on his front wall swinging his legs. ‘We searched everywhere,’ he says.
‘I know you did,’ I tell him. I sit next to him and he pats the top of Jenny’s head. He looks tired and much sadder than I’ve ever seen him. ‘What do you think’s happened to her?’ I ask.
He takes my hand. ‘We should retrace our steps one last time. Look more carefully. Anyway, she won’t have stayed in the same place all day.’
‘We could try the arcades again,’ I suggest.
‘Exactly,’ he says. He hops off the wall but keeps hold of my hand. A few days ago I would have pulled away. But I don’t today.
We weave in and out of the crowds at the arcades. Everywhere we go it’s blank stares or definite noes. A man in a grey jacket smiles when he sees Rain’s picture on my phone. ‘Pretty little thing, isn’t she?’ he says.
My insides curl up. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Come on,’ Del says. He drags me away.
‘What if he kidnapped her?’ I shout. I point at the man who is now smirking at me like he knows something I don’t.
It’s after seven o’clock. Less than an hour until the police search party is sent hunting for Rain. I press my nose into Jenny’s head and breathe in her smell, which is Rain’s smell too.
Back on the promenade, Del squeezes my hand. ‘This isn’t your fault, Apple,’ he says. I stare at him. I wish I could forget what’s happening. I wish I could just disappear. I’m so sad I feel like my heart is a flower whose petals are gently falling away.
Del lets go of my hand and points at me. ‘Did you hear what I said?’
‘Yes, I heard you,’ I say. I already feel like I’m drifting off somewhere else.
‘You don’t believe me. But it really isn’t your fault. What could you have done?’
‘I just wish . . . I wish I’d been nicer, that’s all.’
Del laughs into the sky. ‘That isn’t really your style.’
‘But I knew she was upset. I mean, there was this one morning that we came down to the beach and she tried to wade in. The waves would have swallowed her up, if Jenny hadn’t been tied to her.’ I pause. Del is staring at me. Why didn’t I think of this earlier? It was the most obvious place. ‘You don’t think . . .’
Del shakes his head. Shakes away the idea. ‘We checked the beaches. All of them. She’d have washed up. She’d . . .’ He isn’t convinced. He looks terrified.
‘I have to go,’ I say, and hurtle along the promenade. Del is shouting something behind me, and then he’s level with me, and we are running together as fast as we can in one last-ditch effort to find Rain. Dead or alive.
The moon is reflected in the ocean like a giant white plate. If you had to choose a place to be kissed, or a place to die, this would be it.
I squint, checking along the shore for a figure, and when I see one, narrow and disappearing into the distance, I almost don’t believe my eyes. I point. Del nods.
‘Maybe,’ he says. ‘You go.’
I run awkwardly along the soft sand towards the figure. The closer I get, the less convinced I am that it’s Rain. Adults can resemble children from a distance. But then I am on her, and when she turns, her thin face drawn and tired, I can’t do anything except fall on my knees in front of her and cry.
‘Apple?’ Small fingers comb my hair.
‘Rain, it’s you,’ I say. I stand and wrap my arms around her, squeezing her so tight I almost take Jenny’s head off. I kiss the top of her head – her chaotic red curls.
‘I was about to come home. I did earlier but you weren’t there. I thought you’d gone to school,’ she says.
‘School? I was looking for you all day. Didn’t you see my note?’
‘What note?’
‘Rain, the police are about to start their official search any minute. I thought something awful had happened.’ But it hasn’t. Rain is safe. My little sister, who I realise I love more than I even knew I could, is safe.
‘I’m sorry,’ she says.
‘No, Rain, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said about Jenny or hurt her like I did. It was cruel.’
Rain stares at Jenny, and gently, I take the doll from the carrier and hand her over. Rain takes Jenny from me and kisses her.
‘Thank you for taking care of her for me. But I don’t think she’s real, is she?’ she says.
‘It doesn’t matter what I think. It only matters that you’re happy.’
‘I’m not,’ Rain says. ‘I’m really not.’
The waves break and the surf tips the toes of my trainers. ‘No,’ I say. ‘Neither am I.’
‘And I’m hungry,’ she says. She grins. And I do too. Because I have my sister back.
And she’s hungry.