Scott rapped his knuckles on Lee’s open office door and entered.
Lee glanced up from the computer. “Maddie sure didn’t look too happy about having you on her case.”
Shutting the door behind him, Scott nodded. “I don’t blame her. She did agree to keep my past quiet, though.”
“That’s a relief. You said there’s more you needed to tell me.” Lee picked up a glass paperweight etched with the badge number of a fellow cop killed in a drug raid he had worked with Scott. He kept his gaze on the object as he smoothed a thumb across the top. “We’ve dealt with some heavy shit in our line of work. What happened while you were in Mexico?”
A heaviness settled on Scott’s shoulders. He and Lee had done everything by the book, but there was no book when it came to undercover drug raids. Anything could go sideways, and they’d lost a good friend. He sat and turned to face the open window. “This was personal, not job-related. My brother Justin died of a drug overdose when I was away.”
“What? When did this happen?”
“Eighteen months ago. He left me a voicemail saying he was in trouble and needed help. I was so deep in the drug cartel cases that I got the message too late.”
“Oh man.” Lee rubbed his forehead. “I had no idea. I’m really sorry.”
“Me, too. I’ll never know what he called about. His addiction, debts, or maybe someone was after him. Could be anything.”
“I don’t understand. Justin never did drugs.”
Scott shook his head. “He was clean when he lived at home. Shit, I turned down assignments and stayed in the city to be there for him, like I’d promised my mom. When he left for college, I figured he was good to go.” He ran a hand down his face. Maybe if he hadn’t been so busy chasing drug lords, he might have visited his brother and seen the signs. “The irony bites. I’m a DEA agent, and my own brother dies of a heroin overdose in a fucking tent in Utah. Didn’t even make it to twenty-four. I should have known and stopped him.”
“How could you? No one gets personal calls while undercover.”
Scott stood and went over to the water cooler. He rested a hand on top. “Anyway, hardly anyone knows about my brother, including Maddie.” And he’d keep it that way because if she did, with her big heart, she might forgive him. Much safer for her to stay furious at him. He had to keep as much distance as possible from her and not give Mole a weakness to exploit.
“It might help if you told her now.”
“No. It’s better this way. I just wanted to let you know the situation. I need to get back to work.”
Lee opened the door to the quiet station room.
He had been one of those cops who lived and breathed danger every second on the job. The hairier it got, the higher he rose to the occasion. Scott locked gazes with him. “From what you’ve said, crimes like this burglary are rare around here. Do you miss it? The action?”
A sad smile formed on Lee’s face. He glanced at the framed picture of his wife. “Not as much as I’d miss her.”
Scott’s heart pressed against his ribs. Lee had chosen his wife over the job, while he had left Maddie dangling in the wind. But they weren’t married, and he owed it to his brother to put away the monsters who supplied drugs.
As he stepped out of the office, Lee called, “Hey, Scott?”
“Yeah?” He swung around.
“Your brother’s death. It wasn’t your fault.”
Like hell. If he’d been around to help him, Justin might still be alive. The vise on his lungs squeezed harder. “I’d better get to work.”
He headed toward his desk. As always, he’d channel his energy and concentrate on the mission at hand. Whatever it took, he couldn’t let Maddie know his feelings for her still ran deep. Chasing the scum of humanity had scarred him. She deserved to be with a whole person. He might need to use every trick he’d learned while undercover to hide his emotions, even if it meant hurting her.
Hurt was better than dead.