| |
––––––––
ALESSA
––––––––
Ronan leads me along a path through the trees. My pulse is racing from the fright he gave me, and from the anger I felt afterwards. How could he go from almost kissing me on the beach, to scaring me like that? Did he do it because I stopped him? Or because he knew I was afraid and he wanted a reaction? Is he going to behave this way every time we face something he knows scares me?
His idea of fun is twisted.
But then, his whole life has been twisted in ways I can’t imagine.
He’s from Wonderland.
He’s spent however long in Neverland.
Maybe he’s right when he said he’s done me a favour. If I want to be able to face what’s coming, I need to be tougher. I need to be able to control my fear. Although I don’t think I overreacted with my anger towards him, maybe I need to try to understand him better before I condemn him. Maybe if I had trusted him while we were flying, my fear would not have overtaken me so much.
And that almost kiss ... Why did I stop him?
I touch my mouth, recalling the moment his lips brushed mine before I said his name. My chest tightens painfully, as though I’m mourning a loss.
What is wrong with you, Alessa?
I glance at Ronan’s profile as we walk, wishing I could find the words to explain what’s tumbling around in my mind. I’m so confused by Ronan and all his contradictions, but I smile when a memory of Alice pops into my head. The first time she encountered the Hatter, she found him to be quite rude, and she never thought she would ever go to another of his tea parties.
Ronan seems to be the kind of person who grows on you. Whether that growth is a barnacle or a rose, I’m yet to figure out. He has been a mixture of cocky, rude, confusing, charming, alluring, and so much more since I met him. I’m certain I won’t stay angry at him for long. Until he does something else to send me over the edge.
We emerge into a clearing beside the riverbank and my breath catches. The landscape in front of us is nothing short of beautiful, and there are not enough words to describe how much so.
The sun hangs low in the sky, a half circle behind the mountains in the distance. Under its rays, the surface of the lake sparkles like a rainbow of precious gems. The trees that line the bank look as though they are covered with diamond encrusted leaves. I step down to the shore and stand beside one of the weeping willows, then reach up to touch its leaves with my fingertips. Crystals drop from the tree into the water.
“The trees sustain the lake and all the memories it has the potential to remember,” Ronan says, coming to my side.
I crouch and dip my fingers into the water. “Potential? I don’t understand.”
“I originally made the lake to uncover something I’ve forgotten. The lake can take your memories and show them to you, even if you can’t show them to yourself. But it’s not foolproof. It doesn’t always show you what you’re looking for.” Ronan stares at me, a sad smile on his lips.
“Did it work?” Alessa asks. “Did you get your answer?”
Ronan presses his lips together and shakes his head. “No. But I’m still hopeful.” He looks out over the water. “We’ll need to go deep. Out to the middle. The depths are where the magic is most potent.”
I straighten and smooth my hands down the front of my altered gown, following Ronan’s gaze out over the lake. A waterfall tumbles down a cliff face on the far side, creating foaming ripples on the surface of the water.
“How did you create something so beautiful?” I whisper.
Ronan presses his shoulder lightly to mine. “I grew up in Wonderland. Anything is possible when you put your heart into it. Even someone like me creating something like this.” His gaze floats back to me. “But I know of more beautiful things.”
I drop my eyes, worrying at my bottom lip. Despite Ronan’s roundabout compliment, I press my hands to my fluttering stomach. The lake may be beautiful, but beauty often hides terrible things beneath the surface.
“I’m scared.” I look up at Ronan again.
“No need to be. I’ll be right here with you.”
He retreats from the water’s edge a few paces and strips off his jacket. Then he kicks off his boots, removes his belt, and pulls the tie on his pants.
“What are you doing?” I ask, heat rising into my cheeks.
Ronan grins. “We can’t swim with our clothes on.”
He drops his pants to his ankles. I let out a small cry and turn away, covering my mouth with shaky fingers. Ronan chuckles, obviously enjoying my discomfort, then steps back to the water’s edge and faces me, wearing nothing but a pair of linen drawers. My face burns, and I’m horrified at myself because I take far too long to look away.
Ronan laughs again, then walks backwards into the water. “Time to dive in. I promise I won’t look while you undress.”
“I should certainly hope not.” I glare at him.
His shoulders shake with laughter, but he drops into the water up to his neck, then turns his back and swims away from the shore. I grip the lapels of my coat and stare at his mussed-up mop of hair, hesitating before letting the garment fall to the ground at my feet. He could turn and gawk at me at any moment, so I quickly remove my belt, boots, and clothing until I’m down to my chemise and drawers.
“How are you going, love?” Ronan doesn’t turn around, staying true to his promise.
“I’m coming.” I step into the water, expecting it to be frigid, but warmth engulfs me as I submerge myself. Carefully, I walk along the bottom, but stop when it falls away. “Ronan,” I say, and he faces me. “I ... I’m not a strong swimmer.”
He comes towards me, the water rippling around him as he moves through it. “You’ll need to put your head under for the lake to read you. We won’t be able to stand in the depths, but I’ll hold your hand if you like?”
I nod, reaching for him. He slips his fingers between mine, then pulls me towards him. My feet scrabble for purchase on the silty bottom, and I flail my free arm, splashing water around us.
“It’s all right. I’ve got you.” Ronan’s other arm snakes around me.
He keeps me afloat. I stop flailing and rest my hand on his shoulder, barely an inch between us. His bare skin is warm beneath my touch, and I resist the urge to run my fingers over the contours of his chest. They are hidden below the surface of the water now, but the image of him standing practically naked on the shore is seared into my brain, and it stirs something deep in my belly.
Our faces are inches apart, and I can’t help staring at his mouth. His lips are turned up in his cocky half-smile, and when I look into his eyes, they sparkle like the water around us. My heart hammers against my ribs, and my breath catches.
I want him to kiss me. To close the tiny gap between us, because it seems so big, and more painful not to. But I’ve never kissed a man before, and certainly not one like Ronan. His gaze devours me. Heat fills me from head to toe, as though I’m burning from the inside out.
“Are you ready, love?” he asks, his hair tickling my forehead.
I part my lips to reply, but no sound will come out. My head spins and I close my eyes for a moment, then Ronan’s mouth is on mine. His lips move gently, as though he’s asking if it’s all right. As though he’s expecting me to push him away. I thought he would be rough, but his touch is soft. He seems to hold back, and I cling to him in the water, wishing he wouldn’t. I twist the fingers of my free hand into his hair. His grip on my other hand tightens. Our bodies press together in the water, and he deepens the kiss, parting my lips with his tongue.
Then Ronan pulls back, leaving me panting and wanting more.
He rests his forehead on mine. “We really should ...”
I nod, untangling my fingers from his hair. We don’t speak as Ronan keeps hold of my hand and swims us out to the middle of the lake. I’m not sure I could form words, anyway. I’ve never done something so improper before in my life, and I don’t know what to say.
Ronan stops swimming and floats me back into his embrace. “Take a deep breath, then when you’re under, think about doorways and creating them.” He treads water, keeping me afloat. “Tell the lake what you need to remember. Nerida will guide you, but don’t panic, she won’t hurt you. She’s the Mermaid of the Lake.”
I nod again, because words still won’t come out of my mouth. We take a deep breath together, then Ronan pulls me down into the depths. My chest tightens, I kick my legs, and I struggle not to breathe. Then Ronan squeezes my hand, drawing my attention to him. He holds my stare through the dim water, and I settle, allowing the lake to hold me in her embrace.
Calm washes over me, as though the lake is caressing my skin and lulling me into submission. Fractured rays of light penetrate the depths, and my hair floats in waves around my shoulders. A face appears in the dimness, coming slowly into focus as it gets nearer.
The mermaid blends with the water, as though she is made of the lake and the lake is made of her. She smiles, light shimmering off the scales on her cheeks and jawline, then she reaches out and touches my face.
She does the same to Ronan, and a bubble forms around his mouth and nose. I suck in a breath as the bubble encasing my face dances in my peripheral vision.
Images appear all around me, flashing randomly from one scene to another in quick succession. Alice. Me. Us together during some of the happiest moments of my life so far. Sitting in her room, while she told me tales from Wonderland and drew pictures of its many inhabitants. Walking in the gardens of Hargreave Manor, talking about Wonderland.
Always Wonderland.
I lock my stare onto Ronan again. Can he see my memories? Is the lake showing him what I see? Am I baring my soul to him? He smiles, then mouths, doorways. I remember what he said.
Think about creating doorways.
Ask the lake what I need to remember.
I clutch Ronan’s hand while moving my other arm through the water so I can turn to look into the darkness that lies beyond us. Nerida has faded but is still there, floating around us as though she is cradling us in the currents of the lake. She nods at me again.
How do I open doorways? Show me what I’ve forgotten.
More images—memories—flash around me, moving so quickly I can’t keep up with them. My heart races as I catch snippets of Father yelling at Alice when I was too young to understand why he was so angry. Alice being scolded about Wonderland. Alice crying into her pillow when she didn’t think I was watching. Alice being taken away from me.
Then Wesley appears. His smiling face fills my vision until I can’t see anything else. He’s exactly like he was when I saw him last, right before we jumped into his rabbit hole. His face is smooth, apart from the smile creases around his eyes.
Why am I remembering Wesley? I had never met him before Ronan fell into my life. And this isn’t a memory of one of Alice’s drawings, because she never showed me any of him. This is the real Wesley. He seems so happy. His eyes filled with kindness and love.
Dizziness washes through me, and it’s as though I’m being lifted. Wesley moves to the side of my vision. There’s a phantom feeling of arms around me, and I squeeze Ronan’s hand to keep myself grounded. Is Wesley carrying me? Why?
Blackness covers everything for a second.
Then Alice is in front of me, smiling and laughing. But I’ve not seen this version of Alice before. She’s younger than she is now. It’s as though I’m looking into a mirror.
“You’re going to love it, Alessa,” she says.
For a moment, I’m elated to see Alice so happy, but what is she talking about? I have no idea what this memory is of. I try to look away, to find Ronan’s face, but I can’t. I’m stuck looking at what’s playing out in front of me and my eyes follow the scene involuntarily.
Small feet swing below me. A tiny fist rises in front of me. Alice moves aside, revealing a lush green clearing with a long table at its centre. An array of cups and saucers, teapots and sugar bowls, and flowers cover its surface. The white tablecloth hangs to the ground.
A tea party?
“Welcome to Wonderland,” Wesley says.
I sense my feet touching the ground, then unsteadiness as the memory moves me forward. Flowers with heads the size of dinner plates line the edge of the clearing. I catch a glimpse of a figure crouched high in a tree, but then arms circle me again and I’m whisked into the colour and magic of the tea party table.
“Alessa, don’t eat those,” Alice says, shuffling plates around. She pushes a pocket watch aside to pull a sugar bowl towards us.
“I’m glad we can finally do this,” Wesley says.
“How did you manage it?” Alice pours tea into a cup covered in tiny red roses.
“Hatter is at the castle. He’s with the Queen. I’m expected there soon.” Wesley takes a sip from the cup. “But we have to stay alert. No one can know about Alessa.”
Why? What is he talking about?
Again, I try to look at Ronan, but I’m stuck inside the memory. I desperately want to know if he can see what I see. If he knows what is going on. I have no recollection of ever going to Wonderland, but apparently, I have been there before. Why didn’t Alice tell me?
“I know. But you really ought to be nicer to him,” Alice says. “Ronan means well. If we told him before he—”
“No!” Wesley rubs his forehead. “Please don’t ruin this, Alice. You don’t know him like I do. You think you can trust him, but ... just let it be. He won’t be here much longer.”
Wesley lifts a teapot but his hand stops mid-air, tea sloshing from the spout. The ground shakes, and the cups and saucers on the table tinkle as they knock against each other. He sets the pot down with a thunk, then peers into a teacup at the place beside him. A chain dangles over the edge of it and snakes onto the table.
Déjà vu washes over me, and it takes a second for me to remember that I’ve seen this before in one of Alice’s drawings.
“Something’s wrong,” he mumbles, pulling a pocket watch from his waistcoat.
The pocket watch!
My hand goes to my hip, but my pocket is on the bank of the lake with my other clothes.
Wesley reaches over and snags the chain that’s hanging from the teacup, pulling another pocket watch out. Tea drips off it and splashes onto the tablecloth. The clock hands spin frantically, forwards, backwards, so fast they become a blur.
Tea explodes from a cup farther along the table, followed by more plinking sounds. Several pocket watches lay on the table in various places. The face explodes off the front of one, and a wave of dread churns through me.
“What’s happening?” Alice asks.
I stare up at her and my heart feels full, but a deep frown mars her young face. She cocks her head, and the phantom feeling of being touched returns. Is she holding me?
Wesley jumps up. “Someone’s coming.”
The memory tilts and goes dark. I squint into the depths of the lake. Is it over? No, I can still hear muffled sounds. Light leaks in around me, a line along the ground. The vision moves me forward. More light. A small hand in front of me, holding the tablecloth aside.
Why did Alice put me under the table?
Someone bursts into the clearing. I vaguely feel Ronan’s hand tighten around mine, but I’m too invested in the memory now, and he seems so distant. The memory forces me to look up, and my heart stutters at the sight of the Hatter standing on the grass.
He looks the same as he does now, only he’s dressed as the Hatter and not as a pirate.
He races to the table, out of my view, and all I can do is listen.
“What did you do?” Wesley says, his voice raised. “From the look on your face, I know you’ve done something.”
“I ... nothing ... I ... the Queen ... Time ...” the Hatter stutters, his voice devoid of confidence. He grabs his hair and pulls. “I can’t remember!”
“What?” Wesley yells over the chatter of crockery. “Can’t remember what?”
“Wesley, calm down,” Alice says. Her legs appear in front of me, and I can’t see what’s going on.
“Calm down—?” The ground shakes again, cutting Wesley off.
A deep rumble sounds, and the tea ware clinks and rattles more violently.
“I don’t think that’s all,” the Hatter says. “The Jabberwock ...” his voice trails off into a fierce whisper.
The memory allows me to peer around Alice’s legs. Wesley clutches his pocket watch. Its hands are also spinning. Then plink, the glass cracks.
Wesley’s eyes go wide. The ground shakes again, so much so I can feel it vibrating through me. Then Wesley stumbles and drops the timepiece. It hits the ground and bounces under the table. Seconds later, the cracked watch face fills my vision, its hands stuck at six o’clock. Then I’m looking at Wesley again.
“What about the Jabberwock?” Wesley asks.
“She wants to send me away,” the Hatter says, ignoring his question. “Actually, she wants to cut off my head first. She says Wonderland is better off without me. That all I ever do is ... break things.”
My heart lurches, because the Hatter seems so timid and fragile. He’s nothing like the man I know him to be.
“That’s because you are broken,” Wesley snaps. “And I’m sick of fixing everything for you. You can’t keep breaking everything! One day, I won’t be able to fix it. And then what? What do you think will happen to Wonderland then? You behave like a child. It’s as though you don’t want to grow up.”
The Hatter’s lips move as he mutters words I can’t hear clearly enough to understand. He scratches his head, his eyes taking on a confused, vacant look. Then he fixes his glare on Wesley again, and he changes, his jaw clenching and his eyebrows drawing deep over his eyes.
“You!” the Hatter shouts, shaking his fist at Wesley. “I’ve never been good enough because of you.” His voice deepens. “You should have been their son. Not me. Not the Mad Hatter.”
The ground shakes and Wesley and the Hatter stumble. An ache trails up my arm, and I see in the memory that I’m clutching the pocket watch in my small fingers.
A giggle sounds as my hands come together. A red glow emanates from the back of the pocket watch, then a door appears behind the Hatter. Mixed emotions course through me. The innocence of a child, mixed with the cold fear of a wiser adult. How did I do that? I still don’t understand. I try to move forward, but the memory holds me back. I can’t reach into it to help. All I can do is watch.
More shaking.
Alice shrieks.
Teacups rattle.
The door flies open.
“No!” Wesley yells.
He grabs Ronan and throws him to the side, then runs to the door, slamming it closed. Someone appears beside Ronan, reaching out with talon-like fingers.
Ronan runs.
A mix of happiness and confusion slams into me, my memory emotions warring with my real-world ones. The figure is slender, her ears pointy. I recognise her from Alice’s drawings.
Chess.
The cat-like woman’s mouth widens into her telltale grin. Then she sighs, staring off in the direction Ronan went. “Need some help?”
“Get him back to the castle,” Wesley answers.
Chess disappears bit by bit, starting with her feet and working her way up until all that’s left is her smile. Then she’s gone, as though she has simply winked out of existence.
Alice lifts me into her arms and Wesley turns to us. He takes the pocket watch from my grasp, staring at the timepiece before looking directly at me. “Alessa, did you open that door?”
“Mean man,” a small voice replies. My voice?
But am I talking about Wesley or the Hatter?
“How ...?” He looks at the watch again, running his thumb over the glass in his monocle. Then he looks at Alice. “Take Alessa home. If she can open doorways ...” Wesley glances around the clearing, his eyes full of fear, then faces Alice again. “The Queen can’t know about any of this. I’ll come to you as soon as I can. As soon as I sort out Ronan and what he’s done.”
The trees rustle above as the ground shakes, more violently this time, and leaves rain down around us.
“Wesley, I’m scared,” Alice says.
Wesley raises his hand and a white circle appears on the end of his finger. He flicks it at the ground where it lands in the centre of the clearing, dirt and grass exploding as it swirls and opens a rabbit hole.
He grips Alice’s arm and kisses her quickly. “I know you’re scared, but you have to go. Now! Our daughter isn’t safe in Wonderland.” Then he pushes us into the rabbit hole, and everything goes dark.
