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ALESSA
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Warmth prickles my cheek, and I blink my eyes open, greeted by a stream of sunlight falling across my face. I’m sprawled on my belly, my head to the side, and when I move, my neck aches in protest.
How long have I been asleep?
Long enough to wake up stiff and sore from lying in the same position for a while.
I brush the hair from my face and take a deep breath. Salt and pine tingle my senses, and I breathe in again.
Ronan.
I’m in his bed!
I push myself to sitting, scanning the cabin, but he’s not here. The memory of him putting me to bed surfaces, and either he slept beside me last night, or he sacrificed his bed for me. Heat creeps into my cheeks, and I’m glad he’s not here to see.
I massage my neck, then rub my eyes, stifling a yawn. Two plates sit on the table, one containing the remnants of a meal and the other stacked high with pancakes, syrup, and berries. My stomach growls. I stand and stretch my arms over my head, my muscles sore in places I never knew existed, then I sit at the table and tuck into the pancakes.
When was the last time I ate?
When I’m done, I stand and grab an apple from the bowl. Juice runs down my chin as I bite into it.
The belt from my waist is gone, the weight of the vorpal sword absent from my hip. After losing it in the Neversea, Ronan probably won’t want me to wear it anymore. I’m not sure I want to anyway after what I saw in the lake. My heart pounds for a moment as I check beneath my skirts, searching for the pocket watch, then I breathe a sigh of relief when my fingers find the edge of its familiar shape.
The key!
Ronan has the key now. I think back over last night. I tried to ask him about it, to tell him what I learned from Nerida, but Ronan insisted that I rest, and I fell into bed, exhausted.
We need to get moving so we can get to Wonderland and to Alice.
I need to know what will happen when the watch is wound. Will it fix itself? Will it send us to Wonderland? Open a doorway? What? I still don’t know exactly how I’ve opened the doors in the past. But I do know the key and the timepiece are linked somehow. And not only to each other, but to Ronan as well.
I finish the last few bites of my apple, toss the core onto my dirty plate, then move to the cabin door. When I open it, I’m greeted by a shower of pink glitter as Rose bumps into my face.
“Oh, Alessa!” she cries. “I’m so sorry.”
I cough and wave my hand in front of my eyes. “That’s perfectly fine.”
“I was coming to wake you, if you don’t mind that is,” the faerie says. “Ronan has been pacing the boards all morning. He’s getting agitated. He’s annoying when he’s agitated.”
“He’s annoying most of the time,” I say. “Why didn’t he wake me sooner?”
“He wanted you to rest,” she says, hovering at my shoulder as I step out of the cabin. “He ordered all of us to get some sleep, but now, he’s raring to go again.”
Rose moves closer, but seems to hesitate. Then I remember that this version of the tiny faerie only met me last night, and she doesn’t know me like her future self does.
“You can sit on my shoulder if you like,” I say, smiling.
“Thank you,” she squeals. She claps her little hands and takes up her familiar position. “Oh, and Tiger Lily is here,” Rose adds in a hushed voice.
“And that’s ... bad?” I whisper, walking onto the main deck.
“She likes to reprimand Ronan. A lot.”
I can’t imagine Ronan caring too much about anyone telling him off for something, let alone a tiny faerie.
On deck, the crew is busy around the ship, and a few members nod as I pass but still look at me as though I’m a stranger. I turn my attention to the quarterdeck, where I spot Tiger Lily standing on the railing, facing the helm.
The orange faerie has her back to the main deck, her hands on her hips, and her stance oozing authority. Add Ronan’s crossed arms and sheepish expression to the mix, and my guess is Tiger Lily isn’t happy.
“What’s this all about?” I mumble.
“Don’t worry.” Rose pats my cheek. “This is nothing compared to the last time Tiger Lily made a trip to Vengeance.”
My boots click on the steps leading to the quarterdeck. Wendeline stands to the side in her usual position. She scowls at me in her usual way, too, even though this Wendeline doesn’t know me yet. Am I that unlikeable?
Ronan moves his gaze to me, his expression shifting as he smiles and unfolds his arms. He runs his hand through his hair, his coat falling open to reveal his cutlass on one hip and the vorpal sword on the other.
I’m reminded that we’re in the past, supposedly living out a new present on another time line. It’s enough to give me another headache thinking about it.
Ronan rests his hand on the small of my back when I stand beside him. “Tiger Lily, this is Alessandria. Alessa, meet Tiger Lily. She’s the leader of the fae—”
“And a royal pain in Ronan’s ass.” The faerie offers me a smile.
“Actually, Tink is a pain in my ass,” Ronan says. “You. You’re just wonderful.”
“Stop trying to butter me up.” Tiger Lily crosses her arms and taps her foot, her gossamer wings vibrating at her back.
“I think you missed my attempt at sarcasm,” Ronan says.
“What’s happened?” I ask. “Because, clearly, I’ve missed something.”
Tiger Lily opens her mouth, but her words are drowned out by a deep rumbling. The deck boards shake, and Vengeance lurches over a huge rolling wave, tossing her from side to side. I grab Ronan’s arm to steady myself. The rumbling recedes and Tiger Lily narrows her gaze at Ronan.
“What I was about to say is that Ronan can’t keep going on like he has been. His actions are so far beyond irresponsible that I can’t even ...” The orange faerie purses her lips. “But we’ve already discussed this.”
“At length,” Wendeline mumbles.
“And now we need to fix it,” Tiger Lily finishes.
“It didn’t do that much harm.” Ronan clenches his fist behind my back, tugging on my coat.
“I’ve warned you about using the Time Tunnels,” Tiger Lily says. “There are always consequences. You can’t keep creating more timelines. The magical fabric of Neverland can’t sustain them. Have you even eaten any neverberries since arriving?”
“This is the reprimanding I mentioned before,” Rose whispers in my ear.
“I had some for breakfast.” Ronan leans around me and throws her a scowl. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been a little preoccupied until now.”
“When are you not?” Wendeline scoffs.
“Neverberries?” I ask, frowning at Ronan.
He waves his hand. “It’s a minor magic thing.”
“Minor!” Tiger Lily screeches. “It’s how this entire place exists! And you know you need to eat the berries regularly, otherwise you’ll lose the connection.”
“Connection?” I stare at the tiny orange faerie. “I’m so confused.”
“Wait until we get to Wonderland.” Ronan winks at me.
“Focus, Ronan!” Tiger Lily says.
As confused as I am, everything Tiger Lily has said sounds bad. Ronan never mentioned any consequences to using the Time Tunnels. Just that if we weren’t careful, we could end up anywhere and anywhen in Neverland. Which I guess is a consequence, but one he assured me we were safe from.
“What else haven’t you told me?” I look up at him.
Ronan opens his mouth, but Tiger Lily beats him to it. “Travelling through the tunnels puts a huge strain on the magic in Neverland,” she says, launching off the railing and flying over to hover in front of us. “And to make matters worse, you haven’t returned to the point in the future where you left from, so now we have another timeline to deal with. To put it in layman’s terms, he broke stuff. Again.”
“It’s not that bad,” Ronan says.
“That’s what you used to say in Wonderland, and look where it got us!”
“You didn’t have to come with me, you know,” Ronan shouts, removing his hand from my back and stepping forward.
Tiger Lily moves, too, until she’s right up in Ronan’s face. “If we didn’t come, who would protect you from yourself?”
Ronan sighs and grips his hair with his fingers. “Don’t forget, you wouldn’t even be a faerie if it wasn’t for me. You’d still be a flower.”
“Actually, Tinker Bell made us faeries, not you.”
Ronan turns away and goes to the side railing, standing beside Wendeline to look out across the sea. She nudges his shoulder and looks up at him, a wordless exchange passing between them. I shouldn’t be jealous, but my heart clenches at how they seem to have an unspoken understanding about everything, always leaving me on the outskirts of their shared knowledge.
Will I ever understand Ronan in the same way?
I approach Ronan and put a tentative hand on his shoulder. “How bad is it?”
He faces me, propping his elbow on the railing. “Bad enough for me to need to fix it as soon as possible. Which means we must stay here before we can return to the time we left.”
A faint red glow pulses beneath his shirt, and I drop my gaze to his chest. “The key ...”
“I know, love.” He fiddles with the key that’s now hanging from the leather cord around his neck, then stares back out over the water. “I hate to say it, but it has to wait. Neverland needs my attention first. Before it literally rips apart at the seams. If Neverland falls on this timeline, it might not be there when we return.”
“Another reason you should never have used the tunnels in the first place,” Tiger Lily grumbles.
Ronan throws her a stabbing glare. I worry at my bottom lip and shift my gaze back to his face, following his line of sight to where it rests on Wonderheart Lighthouse in the distance.
Wait? My stomach churns. After finally getting what we’ve been fighting so hard for, he wants to wait? I want to scream at him ... To hell with Neverland! Wonderland and Alice are more important.
But the sadness in his eyes, and the droop of his shoulders, stops me.
Instead, I say, “Can I help?”
He looks down at me, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth. “With this? Not really. But having you by my side is help enough.”
Wendeline coughs, then moves away from us, stomping over to stand near the helm.
I swallow the lump in my throat, unsure if it’s one of sadness or fear. Sadness for not being able to get back to Alice as fast as I’d hoped. Fear of never getting there in the end. But I return Ronan’s smile, because he needs me, even if I don’t know why.
“Don’t worry,” he adds. “We have plenty of time. Almost two weeks passed here while we were only days in London. Alice won’t be in Wonderland yet.”
“Two weeks! We can’t wait that long,” I say.
Ronan works his jaw. “Wonderland isn’t going anywhere.”
But is Alice? What if we get there too late? Or too early?
I want to say it out loud, but I don’t. I simply nod and hold my smile in place. If someone told me losing Alice was the hardest thing I would ever have to do, I’d tell them they were wrong. Knowing where she is and not being able to get back to her and having to smile through it ... That’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Why is Ronan doing this? It’s as though he changed the instant he had the key back.
“Nibs,” Ronan says, pushing away from the railing. “Set a course for Wonderheart.”
“Aye, Captain,” he replies. “Wonderheart!” he yells down to the crew, and they fly into a frenzy of organised chaos, turning Vengeance until her bowsprit faces the island in the distance.
“More wind in the sails, Captain Hook?” Rose asks.
“Aye, off you go.” He winks.
The faerie launches from my shoulder, flying up to the mainsail and working her magic. Tiger Lily hovers near us, her tiny neck craned so she can watch her sister as she coats the sails in her pink glitter. The ship surges through the water, and for a moment, I concentrate on the wind brushing my face so I don’t have to think about anything else.
“You ready to fly again, love?” Ronan asks. He hands me a small leather pouch, similar to the one he wears on his belt. “I think you’re ready to do it on your own.”
“What ...?” I take the pouch, knowing already what’s inside, but unsure why he’s giving it to me. So far as I know, he and Wendeline are the only members of the entire crew who have their own supply.
“Your own faerie dust,” Wendeline says, an edge to her voice. “Apparently, you’re that important. Who are you, anyway?”
“Wendie,” Tiger Lily says. “She’s Wesley’s daughter. She’s from Wonderland, so yes, Alessa is important.”
I gape at Ronan. “You told them?”
“Was I not supposed to?” He scratches his temple with the point of his hook.
“A good captain doesn’t keep secrets from his crew,” Wendeline says. “He’s told us everything that’s happened since he went through that door.”
I spin and face the pirate girl. “You mean, he doesn’t keep secrets from you. You forget, Wendie, that I know you far better than you know me, and if you did know me, then you’d also know that I have never done anything to warrant your treatment of me. I have always been nice to you. The least you could do is show me the same courtesy. It wasn’t Ronan’s secret to tell in the first place.” Anger rises inside me, pricking my skin from the inside. Why did Ronan think it was okay to talk about my personal affairs? Especially when I’m still reeling from the shock of discovering the truth.
“Are you done?” Wendeline snaps. “You want to know more about me, so we’re even? My father was a pretentious ass, and my mother was having an affair with the gardener. Get over it.”
Ronan steps between us. “Ladies, please. We have work to do.”
“No, you have work to do.” Wendeline grits her teeth. “You’re the one with the magic. So off you go.” She waves her hand at Ronan. “Go and fix what you’ve broken. Again.”
Ronan clenches his fist and works his jaw. “You have the ship while I’m gone. Anchor in Fae Refuge.” Then he turns and storms down the steps to the main deck.
Unsure what to do, because I’m mad at Ronan and Wendeline, I decide following Ronan is the lesser of two evils. He has the key now, which means I should probably forgive him so we can get on with it and get to Wonderland.
Vengeance slows as we gain on the lighthouse island, and Nibs steers the ship into the cove. Ronan stands in the centre of the main deck. Tiger Lily hovers at one shoulder and Rose at the other.
“Tiger Lily and I need to pop over to the lighthouse.” He fixes me with his stare. “We shouldn’t be long. Would you like to come?”
“You should say yes,” Rose whispers in my ear. “No one except Ronan and the fae are allowed to go to Wonderheart.”
I look into his dark eyes. “And then we can talk about the key?”
“I promise.” He puts his hook over his heart.
“No time to waste, then.” Tiger Lily darts to my hand and snatches the pouch of faerie dust, prising the drawstring open. She sprinkles the orange glitter over me, then fixes the pouch to my belt. Ronan coats himself with faerie dust as well, then kicks into the air. Tiger Lily follows.
He wasn’t kidding when he asked if I was ready to do this on my own.
“You’ll be fine.” Rose pokes my cheek. “Off you go.”
With a deep inhale, I stand with my feet slightly apart, bend my knees, then spring upwards. The air rushes over my face. I glance down, panic gripping my chest as the deck of Vengeance recedes.
What am I doing?
Tiger Lily appears beside me. “Don’t think too much, just fly.”
I glance at her. “Happy thoughts, right?”
“You got it.” She darts ahead.
Ronan is a dark splodge against the blue sky, but then his features come into focus as he soars towards me and circles around to fly at my side.
“You all right, love?”
“No,” I reply, dropping a few metres and letting out a small cry.
Ronan drops beside me and slips his hand into mine. “Happy—”
“Thoughts. I know. I’ll be all right when I can see Alice.”
“Which will be soon.” He tightens his grip on my hand.
We touch down on the island and Ronan releases me, striding towards the base of the lighthouse. The huge chess piece towers over us, the sun glinting off the glass sphere at the top. I stare up at the heart-shaped windows that circle the watch room, then focus on the lantern inside the glass ball. It’s an oddly familiar shape, but I can’t quite figure out what it reminds me of.
Ronan stops abruptly, staring at his feet, his eyes roving over the ground between where he stands and the wall of Wonderheart. There’s a crack in the earth wide enough for my foot to fit into and longer than Ronan is tall.
“When did it start?” He looks at Tiger Lily.
“I told you, while you were in the tunnels.” She glides over to Ronan. “Promise me it’s the last time.”
The rumbling we heard earlier onboard Vengeance starts again, and I stumble a couple of steps as the ground shakes. Ronan jumps back as the crack widens towards him. He doesn’t speak, promising Tiger Lily nothing. He frowns and scans the ground again, then walks to the lighthouse and presses his palm to the smooth surface. Light seeps from beneath it. Seconds later, one of the black squares swings open. He steps inside, and I hurry to where Tiger Lily waits at the opening.
I don’t ask if everything is all right, because I know it isn’t, but the way Tiger Lily presses her lips together and tilts her head suggests she senses my worry.
“It seems I can protect this place from the rest of Neverland, but I can’t protect it from Ronan,” Tiger Lily says. “Back home, his magic was ... unpredictable. It didn’t always work. But it works too well here, and as a result, he’s become careless. He built the tunnels to try to get back to Wonderland, and he nearly destroyed Neverland in the process. He knew this could happen again.” She darts inside.
I step into the base of the lighthouse to follow the man I thought I had come to know. But I don’t really know him at all. There are so many versions of Ronan—the Hatter, the pirate, the magician, the charmer, the risk taker—but when I try to piece them all together, they don’t fit properly.
My boots click on the polished black-and-white tiles as I climb the spiral stairs, wondering where I fit into all of this. Where do I fit into this jumbled mess of pieces?
I climb higher towards Ronan and the top of the lighthouse, feeling as though I’m trying to force a square peg into a round hole. Only Ronan is the peg, and the hole is my heart.
