Nolan
I’m not showing yet. My jeans will barely zip, but that’s what hair ties are for, right? I need bigger hair ties because I’m gonna need to stretch this button a lot more pretty soon.
The trip here was brutal. Everyone had to come. Buck was coming no matter what, which I expected, and Sarah had to be here. I guess I could have stayed home, but I wanted to be here for Reed. And Peyton and Rose didn’t want to be left behind, plus I really needed Rose’s help with Buck. Why is it that a family emergency turns into a vacation?
I’m not sure this is what Reed expected, but it’s what Buck insisted on—a family invasion.
It’s just after midnight, and my feet are killing me. I drove the rental van all the way to the hospital, and there were times I only could keep one eye open. It’s a miracle I didn’t turn all of us into emergency-room patients by driving off the road.
Reed’s waiting for us at the entrance as I pull up. He comes to my door, opening it and burying his head in my lap. He’s so lost and frightened. I can tell he never showered from the game, and he’s wearing borrowed clothes from the hospital. The media is camped out just a few car-lengths away, and photographers are catching all of this—seeing him hurt. I hate that. I’m just grateful that the hospital won’t let them get closer. And at least it’s just photos. Nobody’s shouting questions. It would be just like them to ask him how he’s coping, then start drilling him about his contract.
“Reed, is he out yet?” Sarah’s body is hanging over mine from the seat behind me. I lift Reed’s head and our tired eyes meet.
Jason went into emergency surgery almost instantly for a massive blockage in his heart. He’s fitter than most, but a genetic predisposition to blockage really ramps up the effects of steak dinners and beer, I guess. That’s how the doctor explained it. He was still in when our flight took off.
“The doctor said it went well. We can see him in a few hours. Maybe you should rest, Sar…”
“I’m not leaving.” My friend’s insistence is met with understanding eyes. Reed nods.
“I know,” he says, his eyes somehow sagging even more.
He’s worried. I can tell there are things he isn’t saying because of Sarah, but I don’t want him carrying it all on his own.
“Let me drive. I’ll park and meet you inside,” Reed says, taking my hand and helping me from the driver’s seat.
“I’m not letting you walk back up here alone,” I say.
He gives me a small nod.
“They found a private waiting room for us on Jason’s floor. The nurse at the desk knows who you all are, so just tell her,” he says to Sarah as she slips out first. She’s shivering with fear, and without pause Reed takes her into his arms and holds her tight. He doesn’t say anything or make any promises. He just knows she needs it right now. He needs it too.
I help Rose and Peyton with Buck’s chair and Reed helps his father get out of the van, stopping before he jogs back to the driver’s side to hug his daughter. He kisses her head as if she’s been missing and was just found.
I climb in to the passenger seat and we circle around to the garage and begin weaving for open spots.
“Hospital feels busy for such an odd hour,” I say through a yawn.
“You should get to the rental, get some sleep. Babe, this isn’t good for you,” he says, glancing my way and grabbing my hand. He doesn’t let go, and I don’t let him. It feels desperate, this meeting.
Reed finds a spot on the third floor, and before I’m even able to open my door, he’s rushed around to the passenger side to open it for me.
“I just need to hold you for a little while more,” he says, pulling me to him. My feet slide to the ground and I fall into his arms just like I did when we were kids. When we went through this with his dad.
“He’s gonna be okay.” I know he is. Jason’s too young—too stubborn.
“Your dad is insisting Jason sees one of the U of A doctors down in Tucson when he gets home,” I chuckle, feeling Reed shake with a laugh against me. Buck is of the opinion that any doctor that didn’t graduate from U of A is simply pretending.
“Jason’s gonna be out of commission for a while.” Reed pulls away but keeps my hand. We shut the passenger door and lock the van to begin the long trek inside.
“How’s Sarah?” he asks.
I shake my head. Sarah’s never really faced something like this. She’s been through it with me, but that’s about it. Her family is small and tight, and healthy.
“I think she’s better now that she’s here. She felt helpless,” I say, feeling the sting of that word. That’s how I feel sometimes with Reed, when he’s hurt, or when my imagination just thinks he will be.
“Mmm,” Reed hums with a nod. He feels the sting, too.
We’ve both felt helpless at times.
Our brief alone time ends the moment we step back inside. Reed shifts into caregiver mode for everyone. I’ve never seen him like this, almost manic about making sure everyone’s all right—including his brother. It’s like he’s trying to hold the entire world together all by himself. Whenever I try to help, he just starts focusing on me, and our baby—something we haven’t told anyone else in this room about yet, and that’s on me. I’ve been too nervous. I don’t want all of the questions that come with it.
“Do they know if you’re high risk?”
“Aren’t you a little old?”
“What does this mean for Reed’s career?”
Reed’s career. Not mine.
I breathe in and hold it in my chest, exhaling all of the thoughts as I sink into the stiff waiting-room chair and lean my head in a miserable crick to get a few minutes of sleep.
I feel his breath first, against my cheek and neck. It’s warm, and it smells like cinnamon. Reed has probably chewed through an entire pack tonight.
“Mmm, I just dozed off.” I blink my eyes open wide and shift in the chair to focus my vision on him. Sun is spilling through the blinds to my left and there’s a buzz of people out in the hallway. Reed and I are all alone. He’s smiling.
“You were so tired. You slept for four hours,” he says with a breathy laugh.
I stretch out my arms and notice that somewhere along the way I unbuttoned my jeans from the makeshift hair-tie device. My mouth is dry, and I know any minute I’m going to be sick. Happens like clockwork every morning right about…now…
I push past Reed and rush to the bathroom, flinging open a stall door only to throw up what little I ate the night before. Reed’s hand is on my back a second later, his other hand gathering my hair away from my face.
“You probably shouldn’t be in the ladies’ room,” I say, shaking a little from sudden weakness. Reed helps me up from my knees and leads me to the sink.
“I’m pretty sure they get a lot of pregnant ladies in this place, and I think they’d understand,” he says, wetting a paper towel and running it along my lips. His touch is so gentle and sweet. For the first time this morning, I realize he’s happy. The worry isn’t there.
“Jason’s okay,” I say through a stretched smile.
Reed nods.
“He’d love to see you,” he says, his head falling to the side.
My body tingles with happiness—for Reed, for Sarah…for all of us.
“Yes! Where? Do I look okay? Do I smell?” I tuck my nose to my shoulder and sniff. Reed lifts my chin with a laugh.
“Not that anyone will care, babe, but you look great. You smell fine,” he says through a chuckle. “Now, come on.”
“Okay,” I say, wide-eyed and sure he’s lying about all of that no-smelling business. I’m in forty-eight-hour-old clothes, and I slept on orange vinyl.
I follow Reed through a pair of doors when a nurse buzzes us through. We get to a round bank of rooms around an incredibly busy nurse’s station. It’s the CCU, for cardiac care. It doesn’t look much different from the rooms I’ve been in with Buck.
“Is everyone in there?” I scan the area trying to pick out Jason’s room.
“No, Rose drove Buck and Peyton to the rental to get some rest. It’s just Sarah, and she’s not leaving,” he says, holding open the last door we get to on our right.
My best friend looks up at me, lifting her head from Jason’s chest where he rests on a bed, a million machines beeping, dripping and pumping at his bedside.
“Hey,” my friend says, standing and hugging me harder than she has in our lives. Her voice is so raspy. She’s been crying all night. “Did you hear? He came through like a champ. Doc said he was lucky, and that with a little diet change, he should be okay.”
“They said no beer,” Jason says with a gravelly voice behind her. I move closer to the bed and reach for his hand.
“I think you Johnson boys could all use drinking a little less beer. It just gets you in trouble,” I say, lowering my eyes at him. Reed rubs his belly at my other side and lifts his shirt.
“Are you saying I have a beer belly?” he jokes.
I pat it with a cupped hand, making a smacking sound.
“Not at all,” I deadpan. It makes Jason laugh but then wince.
“Sorry, I’ll try to be less funny,” I say. I move up to his head and hug him, kissing his cheek.
“Hey, did you hear the news?” I step back and pull my brow in, my own belly quivering with nerves all of a sudden. Did Reed tell them?
I glance to my husband, and his expression is tight, his shoulders hunched. I’m about to slap his arm for breaking the news without me when Jason shifts everything.
“Dallas wants him. Three years. I couldn’t take the call, obviously, but my assistant did. It’s on the table—the dream gig.”
My breath stops along with my heart. I can feel the rush of blood leaving my face and chest and dropping down my legs. I steady myself on the edge of Jason’s bed and beg myself not to say the words streaming through my head.
“Oh,” I blink rapidly and shake my head.
Smile, Nolan. Make your lips curve up.
“That’s…” I look to Reed, his eyes squinting more with the lift of his cheeks, his own brand of pretend smile covering his teeth. This isn’t how he wanted me to find out about this.
I swallow rocks. With another shake of my head, I will away the sting of tears, and without even thinking, my hand moves to my stomach. Reed’s eyes catch the motion and his fake smile breaks just a little.
“That’s…amazing. Just…wow,” I say. I know Sarah can hear the difference in my tone. She won’t question it now, not with Jason where he is and with all of us in the room together. She knows how I feel, how I’ve been hoping. She just doesn’t know about the pregnancy, and now I really don’t want to tell anyone.
I let Jason share a little more. I stare at things in his room until my vision starts to blur and I have to move my focus on to something else. I nod and smile, and I grab Reed’s fingers loosely, then let my hand fall. It happens a few times, like the will to hold on just isn’t there. When a nurse comes in and sends Reed and me away to give Jason rest, I’m grateful for the break from faking it. But I also don’t know what to say to my husband. I don’t know anything.
He waits until we get to the elevator. Once we step inside, behind closed doors, his breath shakes and his body turns to me.
“It’s just an offer. I didn’t want to get into details with him…now, ya know? I haven’t decided anything…”
“Sure…yeah,” I say, my brow bent and my heart burning.
“Noles, I didn’t know this was coming. He was just excited and I think he’s scared after everything that happened.”
“No, yeah…I get it,” I say, flitting my eyes up to him and reaching for his hand. I squeeze it hard this time, but I still let go.
“I think I’m just…I’m exhausted. That’s all. My neck hurts and I’m really hungry, so…yeah. We can figure it out later, or after…”
I swallow and Reed does the same when our eyes meet.
“After,” he nods.
My lips pull into a tight smile, more pretend, and I say that meaningless word again.
“After.”