Logan Airport
Meredith found an empty seat at the gate and sat down with a weary sigh. She still couldn’t believe the past 24-hours had really happened. That after fifteen years of service, of pouring her blood and sweat and tears into her ministry, it had come to such a crashing end.
Maybe it couldn’t have been helped. She’d seen the handwriting on the wall a few years ago, hadn’t she? But still, she’d founded Living Grace. Who would have thought it would carry on without her? Could it carry on without her?
Time would certainly tell.
She watched holiday travelers bustling past her gate, men and women and children off to Christmas dinners and vacations with grandparents. Meredith didn’t have any close family. The ministry had been her family.
Which made what she’d just gone through akin to divorce.
No, not divorce. More like watching your child torn away from you, knowing how helpless you were to intervene.
Maybe she’d feel differently if she’d been asked to resign as a result of some kind of sin issue or scandal. No. The board asked for her resignation and showed her a copy of the press release that would come out Wednesday. Because we feel God has called us to walk down different paths … It made it sound so holy, so righteous.
Well, some things couldn’t be changed. The last thing Meredith wanted was to become a victim. She’d already decided to allow herself exactly two days of pity. That was all. And then she was moving forward.
She didn’t have any other choice.
Just a few more hours until she was back home. Back in her cozy Grand Rapids condo, where she planned to heat herself up some hot chocolate, bury her feet in her favorite slippers, put on some nice, relaxing worship music, and allow herself a good cry. Until then, she planned on holding it all together.
After all, she had a plane to catch.
It felt strange sitting here. How many times had she flown in and out of Boston to meet with the Living Grace board? How many days out of the past fifteen years had she spent in the air? Meredith thought back to the prayer she prayed when she was in her twenties, dreaming of a speaking career, ministering to Christian women. Meredith asked God for the chance to preach to women in all fifty states. Well, she had that checked off her bucket list. And quite a few foreign countries too. In the past fifteen years as the director of Living Grace Ministries, she’d spend thousands of days away from home. Weeks away from home.
Years away from home, if you were to add up their cumulative effect.
And all for this.
She didn’t want to get bitter. She didn’t want to be angry. She promised herself not to allow bitterness to take root in her wounded soul. In spite of how betrayed she felt, in spite of the terrible, sinful mistake she knew the board had made, she had to be the bigger one. The mature one. The forgiving one. And maybe once she got home, soaked away her sorrows in a scalding hot bubble bath, she’d feel more gracious. Right now, she had to resist the urge to whip out her phone, log onto social media, and tell the entire world what just happened.
But she wouldn’t. Before she told everyone she was stepping down from Living Grace — a fancy way of saying she was fired — Meredith had to give herself time to heal. Get over the initial shock of it all. She made a promise to herself not to update her blog or post anything online until things were officially announced. Living Grace wasn’t putting out their press release until next week. Quite gracious of them, Meredith thought. Really living up to their name.
Come on, Meredith told herself. You’re the bigger woman. You don’t need to get bitter.
Her stomach growled as passengers scurried by. When was the last time she’d eaten? Usually when she traveled, she wouldn’t think twice before treating herself to something fancy. A mocha that cost five times its worth. A seafood salad at an actual sit-down restaurant if she had a long layover. And why not?
Why not, indeed?
And now it was time to pinch pennies again, just like she had in the early days when Living Grace’s headquarters doubled as her studio apartment. She had her salary covered through the end of May. Something told Meredith the board of directors expected her to fall to her knees in gratitude when they mentioned her severance. And sure, it was better than nothing. But even though she wasn’t destitute yet, she couldn’t find the appetite for a twelve-dollar muffin or fifteen-dollar fruit salad. The five dollars she’d just spent on a bottle of water felt like enough splurge for one day.
Flights were getting canceled left and right, the result of a big snowstorm hitting the western US. It was scheduled to hit Michigan by tomorrow evening, but Meredith planned to be sequestered in her home by then, safe, sound, and warm.
What would it feel like to wake up tomorrow without several dozen items on her to-do list? Her assistant, Angie, would spend the next few days canceling all Meredith’s upcoming speaking gigs. Apparently Living Grace saw fit to demand her resignation but were magnanimously willing to keep Meredith’s assistant employed. Oh, well. Nobody could blame Angie. Four kids, Christmas right around the corner … Angie needed her job.
Which was the irony of it all, really. Because this was never a job to Meredith.
It was her life.
And she loved every minute of it.
“Excuse me.”
Meredith glanced up in surprise at a petite woman with white hair. “Yes?” Meredith’s smile was automatic.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I saw you sitting here and just had to come introduce myself.” The old woman reached out a wrinkled hand, which was surprisingly soft and warm when Meredith shook it.
“My name is Lucy Jean,” the woman said, “but my friends call me Grandma Lucy. And I am such a fan of yours. Our ladies’ Bible study just finished your series on Ruth, and I was so blessed by the words of wisdom and encouragement you had to share.”
Meredith was used to being recognized out in public. How long would it take for the world to forget she’d ever existed?
She thanked the old lady, feeling a spark of actual, genuine gratitude. After the discouragement of yesterday’s board meeting, Meredith’s spirit soaked up Grandma Lucy’s kind words like a parched desert floor.
“Is this your flight?” Grandma Lucy glanced at the sign in the terminal. “You’re on your way to Grand Rapids?”
Meredith nodded.
Grandma Lucy squinted at the sign above the check-in counter. “Looks like you have a little time. Can I buy you a cup of tea? My treat.”
Part of Meredith wanted to decline. By this time next week, Grandma Lucy and all the ladies in her Bible study would know about Living Grace. Would know that Meredith had lost her job, her position, her ministry.
But Grandma Lucy’s smile was so genuine and sincere. So different than the expressions of her former friends who’d faced her in the board room yesterday. Meredith sighed and grabbed the handle of her carry-on. “You know what?” she said. “I’d love something to drink. Thank you so much for asking.”