I’ll have the best chance of getting away with stealing a Core transport when there’s hardly anyone in the flight ports, so I’ll wait until late tonight. In the meantime, I need to gather food and other supplies I might need on the journey, in case something goes wrong.
There are also missing pieces of the plan to work out. Someone in the Core needs to know I’m seeking an audience with the Qassan of the vul—someone who could warn the citizens that the vul army isn’t invading the Core to kill them, but to free them.
Logan would be the obvious choice. Only … I don’t think I can tell him what I’m doing, not if I want to keep him safe. He insisted on being sent to the Crust work camp alongside me back when I’d agreed to go undercover for the Alliance, because he didn’t want me sent into danger alone. He’d insist on coming with me to the Mardenite battle stations. He’d mean well, I know, but he’d be one more person I’d have to worry about losing when Fred’s bomb detonated, one more person I’d need to protect. I can’t afford to put him in danger for my sake. If my mission goes wrong, he’ll have the best chance of survival here in the Core.
I can’t tell Logan. But there’s another person I can go to—Lieutenant Dean. I know he wants to find an alternative solution to end the war that doesn’t involve setting off Fred’s bomb, so he should listen to me. Hopefully he won’t try to stop me from leaving.
The only problem is, I don’t know where he is or how to find him. My comm-band won’t let me send messages; it will only let me receive them.
So as Dr. Troy escorts me back to the main hallway of Restricted Division, I tell him I’m supposed to meet Dean at his apartment. I tell him Dean showed me where it was once before, but I’m not yet familiar enough with the division to remember where it is. Dr. Troy knows the general corridor where most of the lieutenants have apartments, so he takes me there. Then I’m on my own.
I walk slowly down the corridor, fidgeting with my hands, trying to guess which door leads to Dean’s apartment. Wishing another lieutenant would come outside so I could ask. The longer I wander here, the more likely someone will notice me on a security camera and think I’m up to something.
I’m about to give up and find a staircase to get out of here when a door opens. Skylar walks out into the corridor. A second person follows behind her—Lieutenant Dean. There’s tension in his jaw.
Skylar’s in the middle of saying something, but she freezes as soon as she sees me. She frowns. “What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for Lieutenant Dean,” I say.
“Why?”
“That’s none of your business.”
Skylar’s lips purse slightly.
Dean clears his throat. “Clementine, you can come inside. I’ll be right with you.”
I push past Skylar and move into his apartment. I’m surprised to find it’s smaller than the apartment Charlie gave Logan and me, but it has most of the same amenities. The same air of decadence.
I drop into one of the lounge chairs to wait for Dean. He’s still talking to Skylar out in the corridor, though I can’t hear what they’re saying.
As soon as he comes back inside and shuts the door behind him, I cut right to the chase: “I’m leaving. Tonight.”
Dean blinks at me, startled. “Excuse me?”
“I’m going to one of the battle stations, to talk to the commander of the Mardenite army. I spoke with the Mardenite we have in captivity. He told me … well, he showed me why the army came to Kiel. It wasn’t to kill us—it was because they needed our help.”
Dean stares at me, searching my expression for something. Trying to tell whether I’m making this up, maybe. But my anxiousness must be enough to convince him.
“Go on,” he says. “What did he tell you?”
I tell him everything that happened. How I went and saw the vul in the tank and realized I’d seen him before. How he transferred what could only be memories to me when our fingers touched through the glass. How he showed me his own capture in the last war, and that Marden is dying. Dean listens with apt attention.
“We’ve been looking for a way to defeat them,” I say. “But we need to help them. Negotiate peace and freedom for our prisoners, in exchange for some of us going back to Marden with them. I bet there are people who would go if they knew the whole story.” I pause. “I would go.”
“Even knowing the planet is dying?” Dean asks.
“Yes. Maybe it’s crazy … but I think the Tessar is right. I think we could make crops grow on the planet again, if the vul and us worked together. Besides, I don’t have a whole lot of fond memories here on Kiel. I want to start over somewhere else.”
Dean starts pacing across the room. “You know the Developers don’t really want peace with them. They want to slaughter all the Mardenites they can.”
“That’s why I’m going to the battle station,” I say.
I take a deep breath. This is the tricky part. Dean isn’t happy with the Developers’ plans, but I don’t know how deep his dissent goes. I don’t know for sure that he’ll want to see them robbed of their position of power.
But I tell him my plan anyway. I’m running out of people I can trust. At the moment, Dean is the closest thing I have to an ally.
When I finish, he looks thoughtful, not angry. Seems like a good sign.
After several moments, he says slowly, “I think I can help you free the citizens, if we can get the vul to the Core and take care of the Developers.”
“So, you’ll help me?”
Dean looks me in the eye. He’s hesitating again. “You realize how dangerous this will be?” He glances at his comm-band. “We have less than fourteen hours.”
“I’ve thought about the risks,” I say. “I’m going to go through with this. There’s no use trying to talk me out of it.”
“Maybe I should go with you—”
“No. I don’t need to put anyone else in danger. Besides, I need someone here in the Core to try to keep order once the vul invasion begins. You need to warn everyone the vul are coming to free them. The Developers are the only ones they plan on capturing.”
“I’ll do it,” Dean says.
This time, I give in to the relief. “Thank you.”
“Let’s figure out how to get you aboard one of the battle stations,” he says, taking a seat on the sofa across from me.
We figure everything out, to the best of our abilities. Tonight, he’ll try to create some sort of distraction while I’m stealing a ship, so I’ll have a head start before the Developers realize I’ve left the Core.
I realize there’s a big thing I’m worried about—that Logan will be incriminated after I’m gone. I don’t want him to be punished for my crimes. Dean assures me he’ll do everything he can to convince Commander Charlie that Logan had nothing to do with what I am about to do, to keep Logan out of trouble.
There isn’t a whole lot we can plan for when the vul invasion begins, except that Dean will do his best to get the citizens out of the way of the fighting, so they won’t be harmed. We won’t be able to do anything to knock them out of their submission until the Developers are overthrown, so that will be the primary goal.
Before I leave, I ask him one more question: “When did you change your mind about the Developers?”
Dean sighs. “I admit I didn’t for a long time. I grew up here in the Core, so this was all I ever knew. I wasn’t unaware of the horrible things they were doing, especially in the outer sectors … I just looked past them because it was easier. They’d given me a lot of opportunities, and they’d trusted me enough to let me live free of the control of their serums. I was grateful for that.”
He pauses to take a breath. “But after I learned about their plans to destroy the outer sectors completely, I started to realize how deep their insanity for power and their desire for a stronger race of humans went. I heard about the Alliance, and I almost joined up with them. But I didn’t know enough about their numbers or their plans. I was afraid the bomb would still go off and their uprising wouldn’t amount to anything. So I stayed in my position for my own safety, pretending I remained loyal to the Developers. After you and the other rebels overturned the Developers’ plans, I decided it was best for me to stay where I was and continue pretending, until blowing my cover could be of more help to your plans.” He looks at me with guilt in his eyes. “I apologize for not telling you sooner, and for treating you poorly when we first met. I hope you understand; I needed to keep up a persona.”
I press my lips together. I wish he’d told me the truth sooner instead of lying to me. But at the same time, I can understand why he wouldn’t want anyone to know. And he has done a great deal to help me since the first time we met. I guess I can forgive him for the rest of it.
“I understand,” I say. “Thank you for telling me now.”
Dean nods. “Of course. I was going to soon; I was just waiting for the right moment.”
There’s an awkward moment where we’re both standing there, unsure what to say. Then Dean pulls the gun out of his holster and hands it to me. “Take this,” he says.
The last gun he gave me was taken when I changed clothes for the Mod Tests, and I never got it back. I take the new one from Dean and tuck it into the waistline of my pants. “Thanks.”
“Good luck tonight and tomorrow,” he says. “Promise me you’ll be careful. All of us need you to make it back here.”
“I will,” I say. “Good luck to you too.”
I leave his apartment and head down the hallway. Dinnertime is already over, so Logan probably isn’t in the cafeteria anymore, but I still need to grab something to eat. I’ll need to smuggle a few extra food things out so I can take them with me tonight.
Then the only thing left is to say good-bye to Logan.
* * *
Logan is pacing on his crutches when I finally get to our apartment. He stops and hobbles toward me as soon as I walk in. The lines of stress around his eyes make my stomach clench with guilt.
“Where’ve you been?” he asks. “I thought you were going to meet me for dinner.”
I bite my lip. I wish I could tell him the truth; I’m just so tired of all the lies, even if they are to protect him. “I’m really sorry. I ran into Ariadne and we started talking and I sort of lost track of time. I was hoping you’d still be in the cafeteria when I got there, but I guess I was too late.”
He exhales, calming down. “It’s fine.” He plants a kiss on my forehead.
Logan turns away, wincing as he puts weight on his injured leg, and goes over to the couch. I twist my hands nervously, watching him sit down.
How can I leave him, knowing I might not make it back? I’m breaking the promise I made to him.
But there’s not any other way.
When he looks up at me again, I force a smile. “How did the meeting with the Mardenite prisoner go?” he asks.
“It was … interesting,” I say, walking over to the couch. “It turns out I’d seen him before.”
“What?” Logan’s brows furrow. “When? How?”
Sitting down next to him, I tell him how Beechy showed Ariadne, Oliver, and me the giant tank of captured sea organisms during one of the first days of Extraction training. How he thought the humanoid creature inside one of the cages was the last member of a species that had nearly died out here on Kiel. But he was wrong.
“The proper term for their species is vul,” I say. “Dr. Troy, the scientist I met today, told me the vul we have in captivity is called the Tessar. The vul worship him and believe he’s a creator of life in the universe, basically their savior. Whether or not he’s actually a deity, Dr. Troy has observed the Tessar do some extraordinary things. For example, he can help plants grow by touching them. It’s something to do with nerve connections … Dr. Troy’s description was complicated. The point is: We have reason to believe the Tessar is powerful. That’s why the Developers refuse to even consider turning him back over to the vul in exchange for a peace treaty. They’re afraid of him, and afraid of how much more damage the vul could do to us if they had his help again.”
Logan is quiet, drinking in this new information. A short strand of his hair falls onto his forehead, and I have the urge to reach out and brush it out of his face. I used to do it without thinking, back in the days before I was picked for Extraction, when neither of us kept secrets from each other. Now, I’m afraid the simple gesture would make it too hard for me to keep my emotions in check.
“So the Mardenite army came here because they want to rescue this … Tessar?” he asks.
“That’s the problem.” The rock in my throat makes my voice sound a bit hoarse. “I still don’t know. Dr. Troy told me the vul army believes the Tessar was executed centuries ago.”
“If he’s telling the truth, that would mean the army came here for revenge,” Logan says.
“It would seem so,” is all I manage to say. I don’t want him to believe the vul are vicious warriors who came here to destroy us, but I don’t know how to explain the real reason they came without giving everything away.
“Did you find out anything about weaknesses they might have?”
I shake my head. “Not anything substantial. I know the Developers have weakened the Tessar by starving him, but he’s only one vul. That won’t help us defeat the army. I wanted to speak with the Tessar himself and try to learn something more that could help us … but he could hardly communicate. And I was worried pressing Dr. Troy for more information would make him suspicious.”
“So, pretty much, we’re right back where we started, with no clue how to rescue the prisoners,” Logan says.
“Yes,” I say in a heavy voice.
I’ve told Dean to tell him the truth about everything after I’m gone, but Logan’s still going to hate me. What if he never forgives me for this? What if Commander Charlie executes him after I’m gone?
My eyes start watering, and nothing I do can stop them. Luckily, Logan seems to mistake my tears for worry that we’re not going to be able to rescue our friends. He puts his arms around me and pulls me closer to him on the couch. “We’ll figure something out, okay? We still have time.”
No, we don’t.
“Okay,” I say, clutching the bottom of his shirt with my hands. Wishing I could believe him.
“Maybe we should head to bed, so we can get some rest and get an early start tomorrow.”
I take a deep, shaky breath, still trying to calm down. “Yeah. Good idea,” I say, mostly because I need to be in the flight port within the next two hours. The sooner he falls asleep, the better. Though a big part of me also wants to keep him awake as long as possible.
Logan heads into the bathroom to change. I find a knapsack in the closet and put the food I’d stuffed into my pockets in the cafeteria inside it.
The coin Logan gave me after he won second place in the pod race earlier falls out of my pocket, and I pause, picking it up. I’d forgotten about it. I decide to take it with me to remind me of the person I’m fighting for. I stick it in the pocket of the pants I’m wearing tomorrow.
I also pack the gun Dean gave me, along with a change of clothes and a warm jacket. There should be a safety suit aboard whichever transport I take.
The sound of a door opening tells me Logan just came out of the bathroom. “Clementine?” he calls.
“Be right out,” I say. I quickly shove the knapsack out of sight and change into clothes I can wear to bed.
Back in the bedroom, I slip beside him under the covers. It hits me suddenly that this is a future we could’ve had, if both of us had been picked for Extraction. Logan and I could’ve climbed into bed in a room like this every night and woken up beside each other every morning. Safe. Happy.
“I could get used to this,” Logan says, pulling me closer under the covers.
The ache of sadness in my gut is unbearable. I blink fast so my eyes won’t start watering again.
He kisses me and I kiss him back harder, putting all the words I can’t say to him into the kiss. All the “sorry’s” I can’t tell him out loud. All the ache and worry I have that this could be the last night we’ll ever spend together.
Logan must be able to sense my worry, because he pulls away. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I say.
I don’t want to waste this night worrying about what could happen tomorrow. I want to be with Logan in every way I can be, before it’s too late.
I put a hand on his cheek and kiss him again, savoring the sweetness of his lips. I trail my fingers along the skin under the hem of his pants and feel a shiver run through his body. Getting a better grip on his shirt, I ease it over his head. His breath hitches and I pause, afraid I’m hurting him.
“Is your leg all right?” I ask.
“My leg is fine,” he says, pulling me back down to kiss me again. I can feel the need in his lips.
I reach to undo his pant buttons, but he stops me with a hand. “Are you sure?” He sounds nervous, almost more nervous than I am.
“I’m sure.” My heart’s fluttering fast, but I’ve never been surer about anything. “I love you, Logan.” It’s the first time I’ve said those three words aloud to him, understanding how much they mean.
“I love you too,” Logan says. “I always have.”
Our kisses become desperate. His fingers tangle in my hair and trace lines down my back, inching their way everywhere. He gets my shirt over my head. His bare chest is warm against mine, solid, comforting. I’ve longed for this closeness, and I can tell he has too.
I undo his pant buttons, and he moves on top of me. There’s nothing between us anymore, no secrets, no fears. Nothing matters but the feel of our bodies pressed close in the darkness of the apartment. We’re clumsy and unsure, but we find our way together.
Afterward, we lie on top of the covers, his arms around me and my head against his chest, the way we always sleep together. I cling to him, pretending we can stay like this forever, the two of us apart from the rest of the world. Logan kisses my eyelids and tells me he loves me again in the moments before he falls asleep.
If everything goes wrong tomorrow, at least I’ll have the memory of this last night with him to hold on to.