I guess I wait too long to answer,
because Aunt Bee says,
I just want to know that
we made the right decision.
She turns a mug around and around
on the table beside the couch,
like she needs something
to do with her hands.
What would she do if I said
I didn’t like school?
Would she send me back
to my old one, where
Josh and Brian would ignore me
in the halls?
The thought of that makes me say,
I like it all right.
I look her straight in the eye
so she’ll believe me,
since I don’t want to go back
to a school where every kid
knows what my daddy did.
Aunt Bee lets out a long breath.
Okay, she says. Okay.
I just wanted to make sure.
She takes a sip from her cup
and then sets it back down.
She looks at me again.
I try not to look away.
It’s not easy to make friends
in a new place, she says.
She touches my hair.
It’s not easy to trust people with your heart,
after all you’ve been through.
I wonder, how does
Aunt Bee know
exactly how I feel?
But sometimes we have to try, Aunt Bee says,
and I don’t know if she’s still talking
about me anymore.
Sometimes we have to risk
the heartbreak
because we’re tired
of trying to live life alone.
and it’s not until she takes
another drink from her cup
that her eyes come back to me.
Anyhow, she says,
and there’s nothing else.
She turns on the television,
to some station that reports news
all hours of the day,
but I’m not interested in seeing
more protests or hearing about
a new school district
or kids who’ll be voting this election year
on account of the voting age changing,
so I go back to reading my book.
Except I’m not really reading,
since the words in my brain
are running into the words
on the page.
I think Aunt Bee is wrong.
living life alone.
The opposite of friends
isn’t lonely.
The opposite of friends
is safe.