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Andrew was grateful Saturday was almost here, and at the same time he’d yet to figure out what to say to Lucas when the time came. He’d play it by ear, most likely.
He gathered his laptop from his temporary office, so he could work over the weekend, and sent Kandace a text. You free tonight?
No. Sorry. Lucas has therapy and then dinner with friends. Her message came back too quickly for his liking, especially given the content.
He twitched his thumb over the screen, not making contact. It was tempting to ask where the therapist’s office was, so he could go pull Lucas out and put his foot down over the boy ever going back.
His phone beeped in his hand, startling him. And I’m not giving you the therapist’s info, his sister texted.
I wasn’t going to ask. There went that idea. He wouldn’t mind a bit of friendly company to distract him if Susan was free. As he made his way into the lobby, a familiar voice drifted to his ears. “Dad wanted me to drop these off, so they’ll be waiting for Ian Monday morning.”
Susan. How convenient.
“I’ll make sure they’re on his desk,” Mindy said.
Andrew rounded the corner, to see the two women chatting, a manila folder on the reception desk between them. Susan’s smile grew, her eyes twinkling when she saw him, and a rush of possessiveness flowed through him. He wanted that look to be for him alone more often. He shook aside the random notion.
“Hey.” Her greeting was as bright and genuine as her look.
“Ladies.” He gave a short bow in Mindy’s direction, then turned back to Susan. “Do you have plans tonight?”
Susan raised her brows. “Is this for another lesson?”
Of course she was going to ask him that in front of a witness. He’d have to talk to her later about what Mercy doesn’t find out meant. “Nope. I’m simply looking for a dinner companion.”
“Sounds like fun.” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth.
That was cute. And a bad sign. Odd, errant thought. “When are you free?”
“Now. I was dropping off some paperwork for Dad and then heading home for the night.”
It was early for dinner, but he liked the idea of hanging out. “Now it is, then. Have a good weekend, Candy Cane.” He waved to the receptionist, and then joined Susan outside. “Anywhere specific you’d like to go?”
“The Bistro is always nice.”
“The one at my hotel?”
“Is that where you’re staying? Totally forgot.” There was a slight pause in her step, before she resumed walking.
It was a good restaurant. “The Bistro it is.”
*
SUSAN WAS SURPRISED Andrew couldn’t hear her heart hammering against her ribs, and shocked that she managed to keep up her half of a conversation on the drive back to his hotel. Since Tuesday night, she hadn’t been able to get him off her mind. Not only the kiss, though that had played on a loop in her head. The text from Rissa on Wednesday, teasing that Susan was friends with a porn kingpin and still couldn’t get laid and asking if she was defective, didn’t help.
What haunted her the most were his stories. How open he was about sex. The way his just-detailed-enough-to-be-tempting tales kept her company when she was alone with her vibrator. It led her to calculate a plan. It was stupid and insane, and there was no way she expected a chance to act on it, but who better to take her virginity than a guy who seemed completely uninterested in commitment, and knew more about sex than probably anyone? It was a bonus that he was kind and considerate. And on top of all that, he invited her back to his hotel.
“Since we’re here, do you mind if I stash my laptop in my room?” he asked as they entered the lobby.
This was going way too smoothly. She swallowed, to keep her anticipation and nervous excitement in check. “No problem. I’ll head up with you.” She had to pin her arms to her sides to keep from tapping her fingers against her leg on the elevator ride up.
He let them into his room and set the computer bag on a desk near the TV. She had no idea how to do this. What to say. A billion half-formed words jammed into her thoughts at once, none making sense. She closed the distance between them when he turned around, and stared at her in surprise.
“Didn’t mean to nearly step on you.” He laughed.
She managed a chuckle but couldn’t think beyond that. It was now or chicken out forever. She draped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his, before she could think herself out of it.
A shock raced through her at the kiss. Apparently her memories of the other night weren’t as vivid as she thought. And he was kissing her back. It wasn’t only that he knew what he was doing—dropping his hands to her hips and nipping at her bottom lip—there was also a feeling to it she couldn’t describe, but that left her craving more. Lord, this was amazing.
He dug his fingers into her skin, gripping tight, and she pressed closer. Her heart hammered in her ears, and his erection dug into her stomach. She whimpered against his mouth, unable to think about anything but how good this felt and what came next. Would it hurt? She didn’t care, if it was wrapped in this kind of intensity.
He shoved her back to arm’s length, let go, and put a couple more feet between them. “What the fuck?” His gravelly question was breathless.
Not quite the response she hoped for. “I was thinking... sex?” That was less than intelligent. She struggled to make her brain work again. Despite his question, he didn’t look angry. She’d seen the expression before, though. The first time he watched her dance, at R&T. The other night when they kissed. Lust? That had to be it.
“Whatever I’ve said, I’ve obviously given you the wrong impression about our relationship.”
She frowned. “I thought we were friends. You invited me to dinner for company. We enjoy hanging out.”
“We are,” he said. “I adore spending time with you, Suzie-Q.”
“I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend. I’m tired of being a virgin. Friends help each other out, don’t they? It’s not like I’m saving myself for marriage.”
“Which—good on you. But I’m not the guy you want to do this with.”
The rejection stung more than she expected, burrowing through her chest and into her gut. “Why not?” She tried not to let the hurt worm its way into her voice. “There’s attraction. You know what you’re doing. It’s because of me, isn’t it? I’m too inexperienced.” She should have considered that. Of course he wasn’t interested in someone who had no idea what they were doing. It was a selfish request.
He closed the distance between them, gripped her shoulders, and guided her to the edge of the bed. Then he pulled a chair from the desk, placed it as far back from her as the room allowed, and sat. “You don’t want this to be your first time.” Great. Now he sounded like he pitied her. “It doesn’t matter if you’re saving yourself or not. An intense experience like this, especially if it’s done right, will make you feel an emotional connection. You need a guy you already have that with. Even if you decide you’re okay with casual sex down the line, don’t make it a starting point.”
The condescension hurt as much as the rejection, and venom bubbled inside before she could stop it. “You’re not worried about me getting attached. You’re scared of what Mercy will say if she finds out.” She wanted to take the words back before he furrowed his brows, but she couldn’t find the strength to do so.
“For someone who wants to outgrow her sister’s shadow, you sure do talk about her a lot.”
Susan had steered the conversation down a lane she didn’t want it drifting anywhere near. And that didn’t stop her from hopping on for the ride. She was too hurt to let this go the way she needed to. “If I were more like her, would you tell me yes? I know you never got over her.”
“I’m going to tell you this once, and if you mention it again, it will probably be the last time we speak. I’m not fucking in love with Mercy.” He ground out each word separately through gritted teeth
Her brain screamed at her to shut up, but her heart kept moving her lips. “Really? What would you call this intense devotion then?”
“I call it devotion. I owe her my life.”
“Wow. That’s melodramatic. You’re right—that’s not love. It’s obsession.”
“You’ve got a lot of opinions about a world you don’t understand.”
“I’m trying to learn, and I keep getting cock-blocked by people who think they know what’s best for me.” Frustration slid into her voice and clenched her lungs.
“So stop listening to them and do what you think is best for you.”
She wanted to scream incoherently. Let out a long roar until her throat was raw and her ears ached. “You’re one of them.”
And like that, his anger vanished behind a blank slate. “Consent goes both ways.” His tone was cool and completely infuriating.
“You didn’t say, no, I don’t want to have sex with you. You fed me a bullcrap line about how this was for my own good.” Why couldn’t she be as chill about this as he was? Every time she opened her mouth, she made a bigger fool of herself.
“And you didn’t believe me, so I’m changing my answer. If you don’t like the opinions of those around you, walk away.”
“Like Mercy did?” Where the hell did that come from? Right. From years of resentment at her sister, for abandoning the family to go have fun.
“That’s not—”
“I’m not interested in leaving the people I care about and who care about me, to explore the world. There’s so much for me to learn here. The world can wait until I have my friends by my side.”
“This has been eating at you for a while.”
“Damn it. Stop. Don’t be calm. Or rational. Or condescending. Do you feel?” She clenched her jaw, to keep more words from tumbling out, and forced herself to count to ten. When he didn’t interrupt, she tried to sound more reasonable. “She walked out of the house with barely more than a goodbye, and left her family and friends behind because... why? She wanted to go screw guys in other countries?”
Andrew’s chuckle sounded bitter. “Is that the version your father told you? He kicked her out. Disowned her. Your brothers refused to talk to her. He told her there would be consequences if she reached out to you. He cut her off from the entire family.”
That wasn’t right. Dad would never. “He was so upset about her being gone.”
“Because her choice was to conform or leave, and she chose to leave. It’s the same choice he’s about to give you. She didn’t abandon her friends. She never lost contact with Liz, and I spent countless nights listening to her sob because she couldn’t go back home.”
Righteous indignation soured to doubt and churned inside with embarrassment, until Susan was sure she was going to be sick. “He welcomed her back. He’s been happy to have her around again. Once she accepted the olive branch he extended...” Was that true?
“I don’t know the man.” Andrew stared at his clasped hands. “He’s softened, or she exaggerated, or he thinks she’s respectable now that she’s with Ian. I can only tell you what she told me. But I trust her, and her pain at being cut out of your lives always seemed real.”
“Then he’s changed.” This wasn’t only about how upset Susan had been at Mercy for leaving. If this was true, it was possible Dad would do the same to her. She couldn’t believe that. “Losing her made him see he was wrong. He won’t make that mistake again.” He wouldn’t actually kick Susan out for pursuing dancing.
Andrew shrugged. “Like I said, I don’t know him. My opinion is you can’t assume he’s bluffing. You grew up with him, though.”
“So you’re saying I should quit?” How did they go from her wanting to lose her virginity to Andrew suggesting she give up her passion?
“No. Jesus Christ, nothing like that.” He met her gaze, intensity burning in his dark eyes. “You should pursue this for all you’re worth. I wouldn’t be helping you if I didn’t see a gift in you that deserves to be nurtured. You’re brilliant when you let go. I’m saying you can’t assume your dad is joking. I’m sorry.” He said the last bit so quietly, she wasn’t sure she heard right.
“I can’t give up my family.”
“If you really want to do this dancing thing—teaching, performing... If that’s what drives you? You can’t give that up either. If you walk away, you’ll always regret it, and regret makes people hateful and hard.”
Indecision built inside, threatening to tear her heart in half. Susan had never felt this kind of intensity before, and she wanted to rip it out and stomp on it, to make it go away. “If I walk away from the people I love, I’ll regret it.”
“Do you want to know how Mercy saved my life?” Andrew asked.
That was the last thing she needed. “I’m not up for a story that’s glamor and glitz, wrapped in the kind of sex you think I’m too fragile to handle. Especially if it involves Mercy.”
“This story is anything but glamorous. There’s no sex, and I promise it comes back to you.”