Sophie
Someone was knocking. I snuggled farther into Phil’s warm body. I knew it was him because I could smell amber and rosewood.
The knock came again.
I didn’t open my eyes. “Stop knocking.”
“Hmm...I’m not. You are.”
The knock came again.
“Phil,” I groaned, and slowly opened my eyes.
He still had his eyes shut.
There was another knock. I turned my head and saw Claire and Ethan peeking through my bedroom door.
Why are they here?
The events from the previous night rolled through my head. I closed my eyes. Crap. My face grew red, and I hid my face back in my pillow.
The creak of my door opening wider rang through my ears.
I guess I can't pretend last night didn’t happen.
“You guys decent?” Ethan called out.
“Decent enough,” I mumbled.
Ethan and Claire were soon sitting on my bed.
“Please tell me I’m not starting to dream of Ethan’s voice,” Phil said with his eyes shut.
Claire giggled.
“Or Claire. Although that is better than Ethan.”
“Ha, ha!” Claire grabbed an extra pillow and hit him with it.
“Ouch!” Phil opened his eyes.
“Your phones are both off,” Ethan pointed out.
“There’s a reason for that,” I told him.
“What time is it?” Phil wanted to know.
Claire looked at her watch. “It’s after two.”
Phil sat up. “Seriously?”
Ethan laughed. “Yeah, but it’s Saturday and a holiday weekend, so calm down.”
“How did you both get in here? Do we have security issues again?”
Claire laughed. “Nope! We have full clearance and an emergency key.”
“This is an emergency?” Phil raised his brow at her.
“When your phones are both off, yes.” She grinned at him.
Slowly, I grabbed the covers and sat up in bed. I bit my lip and looked at Ethan.
“Soph, how’s your head?”
“Fine. Do you have any bruising?” I was guilty, and I knew it. I winced at him.
He laughed softly. “I’m good. You won’t be winning any Ultimate Fighting championships.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“Yes, I do.” I stared at him.
Ethan gazed back at me.
Phil cleared his throat. “Any chance there’s coffee around here?”
“I’ll go make some,” Claire volunteered.
“Thanks.” Phil nodded at her.
“I’ll go with Claire so you guys can put on some clothes.”
“How do you know we aren’t wearing any clothes?” I smirked.
Ethan glanced around the room. “Maybe because your clothes are all over the floor?”
Phil’s face got red. I just rolled my eyes.
They left. Phil leaned over and kissed me. “Hey, Petal. Morning.”
I smiled at him. “Can we pretend they aren’t here and just stay in bed?”
He laughed. “I don’t think so.”
I stuck my head in the pillow again. “I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know what I said last night.”
He kissed my shoulders. “Please don’t tell me you don’t remember what we did last night.”
I laughed. “No, I remember that.”
“Good. Come on, then. Before they come back here.”
Yep, I’m not going to be able to hide.
We slowly got out of bed and threw on clothes.
Phil turned his phone on, but didn’t look at it and put it back on the nightstand. “Do you have an extra toothbrush?”
“Second drawer next to the first sink.”
He walked into the bathroom, and I followed him. We brushed our teeth and walked out to the kitchen.
Looking at Ethan, I took a deep breath. I might as well get this over with. “How bad was it?”
“You were with friends.”
“So bad that you won’t answer my question.”
He shrugged and smiled.
Claire started pouring cups of coffee. Ethan handed them to us across the island.
“Are you going to tell me what I said?”
Claire concentrated on the coffee maker, and Phil shifted in his seat.
Ugh. I knew it was bad and that I’d cried about Eric, but I didn’t remember what I had said about it all.
Ethan came around the counter. “Soph, let’s go talk.”
I rolled my eyes and released a big breath, but grabbed my cup of coffee and walked down the hall to my study. We went and sat down on the couch.
“How big of an ass did I make of myself?”
“I wouldn’t exactly phrase it that way.”
“Ethan.”
He grabbed my hand. “Soph, you gotta let this go. What Eric did…well, that’s on him. It wasn’t your fault, and you need to stop blaming yourself for it.”
“I didn’t answer the phone call, Ethan. He called, I didn’t answer. I was too busy studying when, only ten days earlier, I had stopped him from blowing his brains out with a gun. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to not blame myself for that.” I didn’t have tears in my eyes. Today was just anger. Maybe I’d used all my tears the night before?
“Sophie, he would have done it a different night, or maybe even the same night had you picked up the phone. You need to get past this. You didn’t pull the trigger. He did.”
I started to fidget with my fingers.
“I had to forgive myself, too,” Ethan said quietly.
I jerked my head at him. “You didn’t do anything!”
“He’s my brother. My room was right next to his. I knew he was depressed. I didn’t go check on him that night.”
“That’s not your fault!” I cried out.
Ethan tilted his head at me. “I thought for a long time it was. I went and saw a counselor, and I want you to go see her.”
I shook my head. No way.
“Sophie, you need to get past this.”
“I’m not going to see anyone. I’m fine.”
“Stop saying you’re fine. You are not fine.”
“Look, I’m sorry I was drunk last night. I won’t drink like that again.”
“It’s not only because you were drunk, Soph. You need to work on getting past this. Just go see her.”
“No.”
“Please. She’ll help you.”
“No.” I could hardly talk about it with Ethan. How was I going to talk about it with a stranger?
“Okay Soph, just keep blaming yourself, getting drunk, and treating Phil like shit until he’s done with you. Great plan.”
“What does Phil have to do with this?”
Ethan shook his head. “From what I can see, in less than forty-eight hours you’ve gotten pissed off at Phil several times for no reason and left him wondering what the fuck is going on.”
“That’s between Phil and me.”
Ethan scanned my eyes. “You’re lucky he’s here. He was done with you last night. He’s not one of your douchebag dudes, Sophie.”
“Yeah, I know he isn’t,” I snapped at him.
“He’s not going to take your shit forever. He’s a good guy and obviously cares about you…and I know you really like him. So stop letting this shit from the past rule your life. It’s time to move past it.”
I glared at Ethan. “You have a lot of room to talk.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Before Claire…” I snottily raised my eyebrow at him.
Ethan peered at me. “What about before Claire?”
“You made your way around the girls at my parties.”
“Yeah. Before Claire. Before being the keyword. And the minute I met Claire, I knew not to mess it up.”
“Don’t tell me you weren’t trying to screw your demons away, Ethan.”
He squinted at me. “Yeah, it didn’t work out very well. How’s it working out for you?”
He had all good points. But I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction that he was right.
“I’ll let you know the next time I do it,” I hurled at him.
Ethan stood up and threw a card down on my ottoman. “Sophie, I went to counseling and stopped that shit, and you should, too. I love you, but you need to sort yourself out…whether it’s so you can have a normal relationship with Phil, or someone else.”
I glared at him.
He started to walk out, then turned back to me. “By the way, last night I had to pull a douchebag off you who was trying to fuck you against the wall of D’s VIP room. The entire time you stared at Phil, trying to make him jealous. You also tried to fight the douchebag off but couldn’t because you were too drunk. So if you still think you don’t need to go get some help, you’re more fucked up than I thought.”
I gaped at him. I didn’t remember that.
Why is Phil here if I did that to him?
“I’m going to go now before I say something I regret.” He stormed out of the room.
I sat for a minute and thought about what he’d said. I got up and ran down the hall. “Ethan!”
Claire and Ethan were near the front door. He turned around.
“I’m sorry.”
He nodded, but said, “I don’t think I’m the one you need to say that to. Let’s go, Claire.”
Claire gave me her I’m sorry look, and they left.
Crap. Ethan was the only person I had in my life who was family to me. He was really pissed at me.
I turned around and saw Phil watching me. I started to feel my heart race and felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Phil cautiously walked over to me. “Petal, you okay?”
I closed my eyes as I tried to breathe. Why does he have to call me Petal and be so sweet to me after I’ve been so horrible to him?
Phil wasn’t anyone's doormat, and I knew it. So why is he still here?
Strong arms went around me, and my face was pulled into his chest. His hands stroked my head. I started to feel like I was going to have a total breakdown.
Except this time, I wasn’t drunk. I was sober, and that was so much worse. There would be nothing to blame it on.
I needed to pull it together, but I wasn’t sure how.
I inhaled his amber-and-rosewood scent as he pulled me more into him.
“Breathe, Petal. Everything will be okay.”
My body started shaking. I tried to stop it, but it wouldn’t stop.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Phil whispered, and kissed my head.
My arms squeezed around him tighter as my body continued trembling against his, and my heart raced faster. A tight feeling in my chest got worse, and I thought I was having a heart attack.
Phil pulled out of the embrace. “Sophie, breathe. Your face is turning purple.”
I didn’t realize I was holding my breath. I let it out.
He led me over to the couch and sat me down on his lap. “Breathe.”
A few minutes went by while he made me just breathe. My shaking started to slow.
“Tell me what’s going on, Petal.”
I started to shake my head.
He held my head between his hands. “No. You need to tell me what’s happening. No more running, Sophie. Tell me.”
I scanned his eyes and whispered, “Why are you still here?”
He took a deep breath. “Because I’m crazy about you—the real you—and staying away from you is harder than dealing with you, so I’m not going to let you push me away anymore. Tell me about all the things that I need to make you forget. The small things. The big things. All of it.”
My lip trembled with fear.
He pushed my hair back behind my ear and gently asked, “Want me to start for you?”
I nodded.
“You tell me if I’m right or wrong.”
“Okay.”
“You need to forget you're famous and can’t go anywhere without being hounded or showing up in the tabloids.”
“Yes,” I breathed out.
He leaned in and kissed me. “Good, Petal.” He stroked my cheek. “You need to forget that several different men are stalking you, and that it scares the crap out of you.”
I blinked back tears. “Yes.”
Phil nodded. He scanned my eyes. “You need to forget that you’re scared of whatever you and Ethan just talked about.”
A tear fell down my face, and I sniffled.
Phil wiped the tear off my cheek. “Tell me if I’m right, Petal.”
I managed to get out a “Yes.”
He kissed me again and put his head to my forehead. “You need to forget you didn’t pick up the phone.”
More tears fell. I couldn’t answer. I closed my eyes and nodded.
“Okay, Petal,” he whispered, and kissed my lips. He pulled back. “Open your eyes, Petal.”
I opened my eyes.
“You need to forget that Eric killed himself.”
I turned my head away from Phil’s.
He grabbed my face and turned it back to his. “Tell me yes or no, Petal,” he softly said.
“Yes.”
He took a deep breath. “There’s one more thing, isn’t there?”
I looked at him, and my lip started to shake again.
There was one more thing, and somehow, I don’t know how, but it felt worse than all the others. And he knew it. I whispered, “Don’t say it.”
He blurted out, “You need to forget that you’re not supposed to feel anything or fall in love with me.”
My heart once again seized up. I couldn’t look at him. I turned my head, and he pulled it back, but I closed my eyes.
“Tell me yes or no, Sophie.”
I didn’t want to admit it. If I said yes, it meant that I had feelings for him. It meant that I wanted to have feelings for him. As much as I knew it was true, I couldn’t let myself have it. So I lied. “No.”
Phil peered at me. “No?”
“No,” I repeated, this time with a little more conviction.
“I don’t believe you.”
“The answer is no.”
Phil stared at me as my insides started to quiver once more. “You’re shaking because you’re lying.”
“No, I’m not. The answer is no.”
Sitting farther back into the couch, he took a deep breath. I could see his brain turning. After a few minutes, he leaned in, kissed me on the lips, and pulled me off his lap. He got up and started walking to the bedroom.
My hands got clammy. I followed him into the bedroom.
He snatched his phone off the nightstand.
“Phil—”
He turned toward me. “I have a lot of work to do, Sophie. I’ll see you around.” He left the bedroom and walked to the front door.
“Phil!”
He spun. “Yeah?”
I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure what to say.
He shook his head a little. “That’s what I thought.” He opened the door and walked out.
Shit. I had really done it now.