(1964/Metropolitan International Pictures) DVD / VHS
Rave Reviews
“Lame…. Undoubtedly one of the top five worst movies of all time."
—Michael Weldon, The Psychotronic Encyclopedia of Film
“Lots of bad acting, a worse script, laughable sets and a ridiculous monster." —VideoHound’s Golden Movie Retriever
“Reputedly the worst film of all time… an example of superior ineptitude." —John Stanley, Creature Features Movie Guide Strikes Again
Plot, What Plot? This is the legendary low-budget feature to which the production crew “misplaced" the entire audio track, couldn’t afford to replace it, and so resorted to the kind of hokey voice-over narration in which Ed Wood’s films specialized. Add to that the fact that in postproduction the filmmakers inserted random, often badly out-of-sync dubbed “dialogue" and phony, prefab sound effects, then slathered the whole thing with a $1.98 music score, and you have the makings of a Classic of Ineptitude.
When you first glimpse the “monster from space" that is the film’s main source of “terror," you’re in for a unique bad-movie-watching treat. Moving like Ethel Merman with her girdle down around her ankles, and apparently made from carpet remnants cadged from a Dumpster, the film’s monster seems to be an ambulatory cow pie with a giant pinecone for a head. Stumbling through forests and fields at the pace of a snail on Sudafed, this “beast from another planet" requires its victims to literally feed themselves into its maw, their flailing feet the last thing the creature “swallows."
After our Big Bad Beastie lumbers away from camera the first time, we discover that it has a soul mate still strapped in the spaceship from which it came. Soldiers, scientists, and the local sheriff all climb into the ship to get a gander at this ghastly creature, which consists of squirming vacuum cleaner hoses and a body that resembles a wad of ABC (already been chewed) chewing gum. In a totally un-special “special effect," everyone who sees this monster is shown with a flashlight held below camera and “eerily" turned on and off.
The horror mounts as the escaped beast heads first for Lover’s Lane (where it overturns a hot rod and sucks its occupants from the car), then to a nearby “hootenanny," and finally to that popular teen hangout, the local “dance hall." Several minutes of footage is shown of town teens “twisting" up a storm, some of them writhing in ways that telegraph the “terrors" to come. Since the creature moves so slowly, it does take several reels for it to reach the dance floor, but when it does, its people-eating movements are actually more in sync with the rock music than the dancers’ ever were.
Having snacked on dozens of local denizens, the creature must somehow be stopped. What sophisticated weapon do the Earth folk use to dispatch this dust bunny from another world? A simple hand grenade, thrown into its mouth. Its evil twin is then destroyed using a 1956 Ford sedan—don’t ask! And whatever you do, don’t miss this world-class example of how not to strike terror into the hearts of movie audiences. Sure, you will be screaming, but it’ll be with uncontrollable laughter.
Dippy Dialogue
Narrator (Larry Burrell): “Life has its way of making boys grow up. And with marriage, Martin’s time had come …”
Choice Chapter Stop
Chapter 8 (“At the Dance Hall”): The Carpet Creature cuts in on some twisting teens.