(1969/Toei/MGM) VHS
Rave Reviews
“The most laughably unconvincing monsters of any Japanese production in years."
—Michael Weldon, The Psychotronic Encyclopedia of Film
“Some of the worst American actors meet some of the worst Japanese special effects in this multinational fiasco."
—Harry and Michael Medved, Son of Golden Turkey Awards
“One of the funniest made-in-Japan Sci Fi monster movies ever."
—Los Angeles Times
Plot, What Plot? Some bad movies are so amusingly bad, they’re still memorable thirty-five years later—even if you were bombed off your butt when you first saw them. Green Slime, with its ridiculous dubbing, ludicrous creatures, and curvaceous female lead Luciana Paluzzi, is one of those films.
It opens with a classically schlocky rock ’n’ roll theme song, with lyrics like, “Is this just something in your head? Will you believe it when you’re dead? Green Slime!" Our plot is then set in motion when scientists on Space Station Gamma 3 (which looks a lot like those balloon animals hired clowns whip up at kids’ birthday parties) find out that a giant asteroid (a megaton orange crumb donut floating through space) is on a collision course with Earth, and will impact in a matter of hours. With no time to lose (and no budget either) they call in retired astronaut and Clutch Cargo lookalike Jack Rankin to blow the bugger up. His hair dyed a bright, phony-looking orange, his face pulled back into a permanently sardonic expression, and his stony features rarely moved by any emotion, Rankin is played by Wagon Train veteran Robert Horton.
Drat the luck, both Rankin’s ex-fiancée and her current beau are working on Gamma 3, so things could get tricky. But first things first—Rankin and a small crew land a rocket ship on the asteroid and implant detonators into it. While there, one of them collects a sample of something that looks like your aunt Helen’s green Jell-O-and-fruit salad, except that it pulsates and is capable of oozing upward. Rankin tosses the jar of Jell-O from Jupiter against a rock. It shatters, and a loogie-like clump of green goo sticks to one of the astronaut’s pant legs.
The crew achieve their mission and save Earth by blowing it out their asteroid, and back on Gamma 3 champagne corks pop, ’60s Day-Glo miniskirts dominate the dance floor, and Rankin and the new beau, played by the even-stonier-faced Richard Jaeckel, exchange loaded glances as each boogies with Paluzzi. Suddenly a scream is heard over the PA, the lights go out—and the party’s over. What started off as a loogie on someone’s leg has now grown to the size of an eight-year-old dressed in a giant pickle suit, complete with tentacles and a glowing red eye—in its mouth.
One of the scientists figures out that these “creatures" thrive on energy, grow at an alarming rate (duh!), and that even one drop of their green blood can grow into a complete new “creature." In other words, everybody on Gamma 3 is doomed. Panic sets in, and soldiers with only motorcycle helmets for protective gear start whizzing all over the space station on miniature Zamboni machines, looking for new “creatures" in every nook and cranny. As the head of the station’s infirmary, Paluzzi is entrusted with diagnosing and caring for the wounded. Her expertise is brought to bear when, taking the pulse of an obviously deep-fried victim of El Green-O, she concludes: “He’s … dead!”
Eventually it becomes clear that the only way to completely destroy the Slime is to completely destroy the entire space station. Naturally, both Jaeckel and Horton volunteer to be the last one off after the crew has been evacuated. And of course, Luciana faces a choice as to which of them she hopes survives. We won’t give away the ending, but here’s a hint: Paluzzi’s puppies will definitely have phony-looking red hair.
Hailed in 1969 as a camp classic, Green Slime is today a time-capsule piece, reminding us of an era when a gimmick as simple as running newspaper ads using green ink could draw crowds to theatres. In fact, Slime was so successful on the drive-in circuit that it became a reissue staple as filler on double bills for many years after its original release.
Dippy Dialogue
Captain Martin (Robert Dunham): “Space Center reports our power output has dropped so low, they can’t activate guidance by remote control!”
Lisa Benson (Luciana Paluzzi): “What does that mean??"
Fun Footnote
Literally translated, this film’s original Japanese title means, “After the Destruction of Space Station Gamma: Big Military Operation."