I guess I am like any other person who has finished writing a book about their life. I really do not want this epilogue also to become my epitaph. Nor do I want the story in this book to be seen as a complete measure of the life that I am still living today.
A few days after my release, my mom sat me down beside her and told me very sincerely that I had a duty now I was free. She explained that for me not to be a nice man would mean a waste of everyone’s time. I needed to always be polite and respectful for the gift of this new life. She then told me I needed to be especially kind and respectful to women because of the lie I told about Mrs Craig. She told me I would never stop paying for that lie, so I should pay for it with a smile and grace.
This motherly advice set me on my course of ‘brain training’. It is a personal challenge and I have not had one single session of psychological counselling – not one – but each day, I have worked so hard to be super-positive and have thrown out so much upbeat energy and kindness that I have managed to totally reshape my outlook and approach to life.
I have been blessed to become a father since my release from prison. I have love and opportunity in my days as well. And best of all I have found the meaning of my life in my gift to share my experiences through my writing and speaking.
The past twelve years have contained some truly remarkable experiences, which I never could have imagined when I was in prison. I have spoken before governments, major universities, and in national and international TV interviews. I love these events, and thrive on my ability to speak to students and adults globally about education and self-belief.
The one thing everyone asks me is what happened to Walter Ogrod and Ernie Simmons, the two men I promised to help when I got out. Ernie Simmons is free. He is living in Pennsylvania and has escaped his Death Row ordeal. Walter Ogrod still sits on Death Row and I am hoping this book and other efforts I make will lead to his release one day. It preys on my mind that Walter is still there but I have hope and I will never quit fighting for him.
For myself, though, that particular story is over. Although the DNA from the Linda Mae Craig murder case has been put into the DNA databank, thus far no DNA in the system matches anyone known to the police. However, in December 2007, when I settled out of court for the civil rights abuse and prosecutorial misconduct I suffered, I was at last able to say that my involvement in the legal process was behind me.
I have learned and grown so much these past twelve years of freedom. I will always work so hard to make my story one that is shaped by the positives, as I refuse to feed into the negatives. My soul, once poisoned by what I had been through, is no longer owned by anger. I don’t need to forgive anyone for what was done to me – that is a notion brought on by ego. I know that my outlook is much more meaningful if I understand my Death Row ordeal as a toll I needed to pay in order to be a nice person in life. I was given a way to pay for all the wrongs I had done and I paid fully. I do not quibble over what was asked of me or what I paid. My rewards have been endless and my life so enriched that I hardly see what I went through as a loss.
That is my secret, I guess. I trained my brain and I gave myself enough education to have separation over what was done to me. The rest is just accepting what I had to go through. It has given me the chance to find a side of myself that I can love, and to share my message with others.
Nick Yarris
July 2016