A day, two days, Happy wasn’t sure. She was overwhelmed with pain. She lay and cried and cursed and wanted to feel nothing. But the thoughts kept creeping up on her. Ask Darren for more pills. All the pills. Take them all. This only made her cry more. Sleep, cry, curse, and repeat. The cycle was familiar but more painful than ever. John was her biological father. Her real father was dead. And her real mother was alive and well and selfish and a fucking bitch. A lying fucking bitch. Happy had decided to hate her. She would somehow leave that shitty town and never see her again.
She refused to eat. No matter how many times Belle and Eddie walked in and out of the room with plates of food and drink for her. Even Darren showed up a couple of times, begging her to get up. She was stuck, petrified, and lifeless. She couldn’t move.
The energy of the room was unchanged each time Belle walked in. Happy was lifeless. Belle took a deep breath in and switched on the dimmest light, so as not to alarm Happy in an uneasy way. She walked gently, like she was trying to avoid waking an infant child. Happy lay stiff with the comforter still covering her body.
“She has to be sweating with this thing on her,” Belle whispered.
She was gentle with removing the comforter, slowly exposing Happy’s upper body and the matching sheets. Happy remained still.
Belle softly spoke, “Happy. Honey, it’s time to get up.”
Happy didn’t move.
Belle sighed and had a brief thought. A terrible thought. She swiftly moved the rest of the heavy blanket and sheet, exposing her daughter laying on her stomach, her face gathered up in the pillow. Belle felt her body for heat and nudged her two times. Happy’s legs curled in defense quickly turning her back to Belle, and coiling her body into a ball.
Belle sighed in relief.
“Happy!” Her tone was louder. “You have to get up now! It’s been well over two days you’ve been…”
She stopped speaking suddenly as she noticed the wet spot on the bed. She frantically looked around the sides of her daughter’s body and about the bed to see if there was an empty water bottle. There wasn’t.
“Happy! Get up now! You peed up the bed!”
Belle began pulling the sheets and comforter off the bed forcefully. Happy finally rose up and looked at the giant wetness of her bed and clothes.
“Go in the bathroom so I can clean up your mess!”
Without looking at Belle, Happy rolled herself off the king size bed and stomped into the bathroom, shutting the door vehemently.
“You got some damn nerve!” Belle yelled toward the bathroom door. Eddie walked in having heard the shouting.
“What is going on in here?”
“Happy peed all over the bed. She couldn’t even get herself up to pee.” She began to weep.
“Alright, calm down. I’ll help you clean it up.” He walked over to his wife.
Happy sat on the toilet, peeing and crying. She remembered the time she had to buy a new mattress because the urine smell was beginning to stink up her bedroom. She took off her wet clothes and ran hot water in the tub and sat in it until she knew Belle and Eddie had left the room.
She walked out of the bathroom, her towel covering her body. She was dry after sitting in the bathroom for what felt like forever, waiting patiently for the coast to be clear. She gathered some clothes to wear. Panties, bra, a T-shirt, and a pair of cotton shorts. Nothing matched. She sat down on the corner of the bed, her head down. Her face raw from crying. She stared at the floor. All she noticed were the patterns of gold leaves on the floor mat swaying this way and that. It was too terrifying to think of anything else. She knew she had to leave but could not muster the strength to pack and drive away.
She thought about calling Josh to come pick her up. He would. But did she want to explain this to him? She didn’t have the capacity to lie. He would eventually find out who she was and that was something else she didn’t have the strength to think about nor deal with. The ball gathered in the pit of her stomach once more, evoking the pain that led to her face frowning in anguish. Then more tears followed. She could muster up only enough strength to lay back down on the pissy mattress. She placed her listless body at the bottom of the bed where she was sure there was no urine and covered herself with the fresh blanket she found on the chair.
Minutes later someone entered the room. Eddie found Happy laying across the bed, wrapped up in their quilted blanket.
“Young lady, you usually go laying down on pissy unmade beds?”
Happy didn’t move. She heard him and hoped that he would get tired and leave. She just needed some more time to get up the strength to pack up and leave.
Eddie pulled the chair from the corner of the room and sat at the foot of the bed right in front of Happy’s covered head.
“I’m not a talker or a speech maker, so I’m gonna make this short and sweet. You now have two choices. Choice one is for you to get up out of this bed and get dressed on your own. Choice two, I can call the county hospital and report that you are suicidal, and I’m concerned for your safety, and they will come get you. They don’t get many calls so I’m sure they’ll show up in lighting speed, ready to wrap you up and take you to the hospital. I’ll wait till you have made your choice.”
Hospital? He wouldn’t. But what if he could? I can’t go to the hospital for a suicide call. This could follow me back to Brooklyn. He wouldn’t. Why can’t he just leave me alone? I’ll get up. I always eventually get up. This is what happens when you leave the house and go far away, Happy. If you were home, you’d be left all alone to die.
With reluctance and amplified frustration, she got up and flung the blanket down on the floor. She stomped off to the bathroom.
“Hold it now! I have to tell you, this is my house, so don’t try locking that door ‘cause I hold all the keys. I’m only giving you ten minutes. Find something decent cause we’re going for a ride.”
“I don’t feel like going for a ride. I’m going home.” She pouted almost like a child.
He looked at her sternly with all the seriousness he could show her to get his point across.
“I gave you your two choices. You have no more for the day. Get dressed, fix your hair, and be in my car. You now have eight minutes.”
Eddie walked out of the bedroom and left Happy standing wondering where he was going to take her.