Personally, my favorite thing about the LATFH experience (after the whole “getting paid” thing) has been the saga of a man named Beans.
It all started on April 29, 2009, when I posted this picture:
"Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I’m sorry to interrupt whatever kind of stupid street fair this is, but I need your attention for one moment. I’ve lost my little brother. I was over there buying a gyro and, while my back was turned, he simply disappeared. So, if everyone could please just keep an eye out for my brother. His name is Russell, but everyone calls him `Beans’ for short. He kind of looks like me, but with longer hair and a bigger beard. Oh, and he doesn’t wear glasses. Actually, he doesn’t wear much of anything. Basically, you should all be looking for a big fat dude wearing little boy’s underwear and high-top sneakers. Beeeeeaaaaans! Beans, wheeeere aaaaare yoooou?”
I found myself mesmerized by this photograph. I stared at it for hours. However, the longer I stared, the more questions I had. Who was this magical Beans character? What was going on inside that big hairy head? Where are his clothes? Is he braiding his chest hair?
Needless to say, Beans was an instant Internet celebrity. Within hours, readers started sending me e-mails, recounting their own personal Beans experiences, attaching photographic evidence of Beans sightings for me to analyze.
Beans became something like a hipster Bigfoot, only hairier and way more photogenic. Fans of Beans wrote to me frequently, aggressively demanding more Beans. Paradoxically, the more pictures I posted of Beans, the farther away he seemed from me. I knew I needed to find Beans myself, become Beans’s friend, and publish a book about him.
So that’s exactly what I did. I found Beans on Facebook and invited him to take part in a tasteful professional photo shoot. Beans said yes, and showed up at the studio that Saturday with a bag full of costumes. I told Beans he could do whatever he wanted, and he did just that. The following are pictures from that extraordinary event.
I’m not even sure if Beans is a hipster. But it doesn’t matter. He’s so much more than that. He’s majestic.
