Denise took up with the kids right away, and Maize took up with her, trying to hit on her even though she was four years older than him. She started giving him girl advice after she got it out of him that his first time getting looked at was here at The Dream. For Maize, the Dream afforded him way more than the educational experience. He’d always missed out on the social aspect, except being the brunt of jokes or hazing. Now, he was right there in the thick of all of the action. He found himself a little crew, and they were always walking the halls together, sitting at lunch at the same table, and were covering each other’s’ back. Maize always wanted that life, and now at The Dream, it was possible for him.

Denise kept throwing me strange glances as the day went by. Finally, I mustered my courage and asked her, “What you keep wearing that look for? I see the way your eyes are all quizzing me.”

“You passed up on a date date for a family date? Why?”

She didn’t quite get me yet. But I was sure she would, by the end of it. Even if it took her through her whole undergraduate degree to get smart on me.

“We kinda come together perfect, all of us. I’m more me when I’m with them, not worrying about them or wondering.”

How to explain to someone who didn’t have to share an existence with her family the way I did? She was an only child. And she had her own dorm room now—totally different planet than I would ever land on. And even though I might have a semblance of a future now, it was still up for grabs what God would reveal for me.

“What do you think would happen to them? If that’s what it’s all about, then I’ll baby-sit Bell here at Soul Food for my night shift. She won’t get in the way like she would on a date.”

Her tone was light, and I knew that she wasn’t knocking on Bell or me. So, I didn’t take offense.

“They won’t get in the way with me and Ray. Ray gets it.”

He came up behind me. I could sense it by the way Denise seemed to shut down, as if we were talking about something secretive.

“I do get it—and Denise, don’t start trying to change my woman now. I love her just the way she is.”

He squeezed my hand before passing by to the next table.

She shrugged. “Love, huh?” Her face had fallen, right down to the tile.

Ray heard her sour tone. “It’s going to be fine with you, Denise. You’ll meet a nice man. Maybe even in the seminary school. Be patient. Don’t look so hard. Just let the Lord work for you. I’m proof that if you trust and wait, the perfect one will appear at your door.”

That reminded me of Ray’s apron, and then of what Daddy had been hiding, not ready to testify. I whispered to him while the kids were busy filling up the salt and pepper shakers for Mrs. Sunshine.

“Can I peek at your apron now?”

He nodded. My hand was shaking as I opened the drawer behind the counter. He had it folded inside out, and I had to twist it to read those Bible words. But one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I folded it back up neatly, rubbing it gently in my hands. Was it when Mrs. Sunshine gave him the apron that he wised on up? Or was it my words, or the pressure of the universe, or seeing me lying on my back on the floor of number seven? I sighed, looking at Daddy—maybe for the first time. He was watching me with that same look of intent. When he was ready, I was sure he was going to let me in on what had been plaguing him. Maybe it was about Ray and me, or about that wallet of his that somehow had more money in it than Mrs. Sunshine had divvied out. Maybe it was the responsibility of trying to own his life, not borrow it.

He came up to me behind the counter. I still hadn’t moved, thinking of how the Lord had worked us up and down and all around to this very spot. He stood beside me, looking out at the youngins. “Well, what are you thinking about, Sweet Potato Pie?”

How to say it all? “God knows it all, and it’s all good. No point in hashing out pasts or what-ifs.”

He nodded again. “Good sum-up. Now about this night out. What are you expecting from it?”

“You to go to that hotel and get that pink dress and her sandals and her little, pink bows. Maybe me and Denise can make her over.”

I blinked back tears, watching Denise and Mrs. Sunshine doing the bump. When Bell jumped into the mix, Mrs. Sunshine’s big hips about knocked her clear into the next booth.

“What you expecting for you, Sweet Potato? I’m talking about you and you alone, for once.”

“Me? I don’t know what you mean, Daddy.”

His mustache was twitching like he was making up his mind about something.

“You really want to marry this boy? I’ve only heard Ray doing the talking. I ain’t heard nothing from you.”

His voice was low, and I was sure that he didn’t want to have this conversation here and now. Probably never, honestly.

“Daddy. We’re talking about a first date. But yes, I want to marry this boy. No matter how strange it might sound to the world. I’m not of this world, I guess, I go by my own way.”

He put his hand on my arm. “You don’t run away on me. You stay put. You hear me?”

I frowned. “What are you talking about, Daddy? I ain’t never the one running. Why do I keep hearing about this? I think you’ve covered that one for the both of us.”

“You’re always running away, Sweet Potato, even though you’re right here. You’re like one of those big projection screens at a picture show. You take in. You only release the colors that have been given to you. You play the part and say what has to be said, then close the curtain. Nobody can grab hold of you, because you are up in that little room, away from it all. You can’t do that with this boy. You just got to be you. The you I know you can be.”

He wasn’t making a bit of sense. “I’m like a movie? What? Daddy, what are you saying?”

“You ain’t taking the kids with you tonight. I decided I’m not letting you.”

He crossed his arms and braced himself for a showdown.

“You decided, huh? But what if I’ve decided I need them there with me?”

“I think it’s downright hilarious that we keep going ‘round and ‘round the mulberry on this one, Sweet Potato. I’m pulling rank on this. You can’t hide behind them youngins forever. You need to stand on your own two feet, not octopus legs. So there.”

Ray came out of the swinging doors, holding his cleanup bucket. Daddy motioned for him to follow him outside. Great. Go on and tell Ray that I’m some movie, or whatever you were trying to get at. Was he going to warn Ray I acted my way through life? Did he think I was that shallow? I was deep in it with this family, and he better never forget it.

“Oh, Lordy, no!” I spoke out loud without meaning to.

Mrs. Sunshine rushed over. “What’s the matter? What happened?”

“I done happened to get myself in a load of mess.” The tears started to form. I double-dog-dared them to show up now.

She followed my gaze out the window to where Ray and Daddy were apparently discussing how to buy tickets to my movie.

Mrs. Sunshine positioned up. “What now? You need me to go storming out there talking to your daddy?” She rolled her quarter sleeves up to her biceps.

“Just find out if I’m off to the Ray date alone, that’s all.”

I knew I sounded ridiculous. That should be what I wanted, right?

“You sound like that’s a dreadful thing, baby girl.”

I bit my lip. Ray was laughing through the window. The joke was now on me. Oh, Lordy!

Denise leaned over the counter. “You’ll be alright, Sweet Potato. It’s just Ray.”

Could she not see that was the problem? Just Ray was the best thing in the world. What if he got me alone and figured me out to be nothing? As empty as I felt?

What about Bell having a wonderful night? But it wasn’t about Bell in a pink dress. She could save that for Sunday singing. I knew that. She didn’t look too disappointed when Daddy sauntered on over to give them the news. She actually looked at me and winked, letting me know that she probably had something to do with this. What was I ever going to do with these youngins?

I rushed to the bathroom to check my face in the mirror, to see if it looked like something from one of those low-budget horror films from the forties we had to watch in English class for comparative analysis—that fake, plastered-on look, all pouty-mouthed and wide-eyed. But it was plain ol’ me, with those eyes full of quiet serenity.

I leaned over the sink. “What you trying to say to me, Momma? What is it, doggone it?”

Momma didn’t answer. Her voice wouldn’t come to me. I looked down at my watch. It was getting to be about that time.

There was a knock on the door.

My voice echoed. “Huh? Hello?”

Maize coughed. “Come on out, Sweet Potato.”

I slid through the door, even though I could have opened it all the way. “What? You got to use the girls’ room?”

He took my hand. “No. Come on out.” He led me outside. What was this? A meeting out on the street?

“Why you trippin’; going to hide in the bathroom? Daddy told me you didn’t want to go out with Ray. I thought you wanted to be that boy’s girlfriend. Has he been pressuring you? You in trouble? Let me find out.” He wiped his brow. The Lord was turning up the heat, and I was about to boil over.

“No! You know I love Ray, Maize. But … alone? I don’t do well without y’all to help carry me. You know that about me more than anyone.” I inched closer to him.

He shielded his eyes from the sun. “Listen to me, big sis. You need Ray like the crops need rain. Like the farmers pray for it.”

“I know about Ray. I don’t know about me.”

“I know about you, and you are hands-down the model of what a woman should be. You got this, sis. You know that no one deserves you. You shine that golden. But if it has to be anyone, I guess we gotta stick with Ray.”

Maize knew all about my insecurities. I hid them from everybody else, but Maize and I were closer in age and experience, and I knew he struggled with them on his own level. I protected Bell from all my secret misgivings and doubts about myself. Bean was in his own, little zoo yard. Me and Maize, we played the survivor game. He was always trying in his way to build me up, and I loved him for that.

“So, your sayin’ you approve of Ray?”

“Yep. Something like that. Go out and have fun, Sweet Potato. Tell me all about it, so when I start asking them lucky ladies out, I’ll have a database of moves.”

“Whatever. I ain’t telling you nothing, but I’m going to ask you for one thing. Pray for me, Maize.” I was afraid to speak it too loud, in case the Devil caught wind of my next insecurity. “Pray that he’ll love me once he gets me alone.”

Maize gave me a big, sweaty hug. “I don’t have to pray for that. I know that to be the truth. I don’t know about the praying stuff, but I do hope you’ll figure out how much you are worth.”

“For a little brother, you’re awfully sweet.”

He swung open the door for me like a gentleman, already practicing his lady-killing skills. “I heard that it’s running in the family today. Might as well jump on that train.”

Bean came bouncing up, jumping on Maize’s back. “Hey, did you hear about the time when the train came to town?” Bean and another homegrown joke.

We all said in unison, “No. What happened when the train came to town?”

He laughed before he could even get it out. “It went kissy-kissy-choo-choo … All aboard the love train. Next stop, Rayville.”

I hid my face in my hands. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that I’d got the chance to have a date alone with Ray. He might not love me at the end of the night, but it sure wouldn’t be because my fanatical, little brother scared him off. I’d have to do that all by myself.