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—Simone—
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Time warped and the minute details of the cottage were stark as I limped around the next day, collecting my belongings. I packed them systematically and carefully. This wasn’t a whirlwind departure: it was filled with heartache so profound it left me lost and lifeless yet grasping at the straws of hope.
I mourned for the connection I’d forged with Banks and grieved for my heart. How could fate be so cruel to take away the one I loved the most, hand me another, then taunt me with a twist I didn’t see coming?
My tears got roughly palmed away as I added the final item to my suitcase: Reagan’s cologne bottle.
I took a second to look around the pre-furnished house, now stripped of all traces of my presence. I’d fully packed aside from two items: the cottage keys and the little kit that housed my knife. One I’d give back, the other would stay close to my side like an old, reliable friend.
With my car loaded, more painkillers under my belt, and while ignoring the burning in my chest, I locked the cottage door one last time.
A gnawing in my soul told me I’d regret leaving, but if fate was on my side, I would have received a sign to stay by now, surely.
To compound my fragile state, I knew I should say goodbye to Banks but couldn’t bring myself to face him. God, I hoped he forgave me.
I sniffed and picked my way down the front steps to my car. Reversing down the driveway stung as the reality of me truly leaving struck.
Swiping at the falling tears, I slowly drove down the street, then turned into Leif’s property next door. Since he was the owner of the cottage, I intended to leave the key for him to find when he returned on the weekend but was surprised to unexpectedly find him at the house.
He noticed my arrival and met me at the open front door. The friendly smile soon slid from his face and became replaced with deep-seated concern. “Is everything okay, Simone?”
My lower lip wavered as I tried to hold it together. Utterly failing, I shook my head. “Not really.” I bit down and willed for just two more minutes of composure. “I’m sorry for not giving you notice, but I’m leaving town for a while.”
Leif didn’t accept the key when I held it out. Instead, he crossed his arms and leaned a shoulder on the doorframe.
“Keep it for when you return. How long are you going to be gone for?”
Irritation rose, and I thrust my hand at him again, silently begging to take the damn key.
“I don’t know when I’ll be back,” I stated through a thickening throat.
His eyes narrowed. “It sounds like an if, not when.”
The look on his face caused my tears to overflow.
“Darlin’, does Banks know?” he asked quietly.
My voice cracked. “No.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“I... I can’t face him right now.”
Leif straightened, seemingly offended. “He was giving you what you wanted—space—so you should at least give him the courtesy, right?”
A bitter, humorless laugh left my twisted mouth. “If I’m honest, I have no idea what I want aside from life to stop being so fucking hard.”
Leif pursed his lips, huffed out of his nostrils, then opened his arms. “C’mere, girl. My brother is in shreds over this.”
I limped into Leif’s hug and failed to hold back a sob. “You know about what happened?”
“Of course. Banks has been nothing but sick with worry about you. He doesn’t give a fuck about himself. In his eyes, you’re most important in all of this. It’s killing him that he can’t find a way to fix it.”
“I’m not sure it can be fixed.”
“Everything can. You just gotta give it a chance. Those conversations are never nice to have, and fuck they hurt, but if I was you, I’d take that chance before leaving town. You’ll forever be left wondering if you don’t.”
“I’m scared,” I whispered.
“So is Banks, but he’s scared about losing you, not what can’t be changed.”
Leif squeezed me tight as I cried. There was no hiding my emotion; it shook my entire body.
When he finally released me, he held me at arm’s length. “Take my advice, Simone. One conversation with Banksy, that’s all I ask. Please.”
I pressed both palms to my eyes, yet nodded, knowing in my heart of hearts that Leif was right. After everything Banks did for me, I owed him this.
Leif took my pause as avoidance, so added, “What have you got to lose?”
I looked him square in the eye. “Everything.”
He smirked, damn him. “I’m glad you realize that, darlin’. Good luck.”
Not wanting to stick around for another Gatlin brother’s smug I told you so, I set the key on the porch railing and turned to leave.
“Goodbye, Leif.”
“I’ll see ya ’round, Simone.”
I hobbled away without responding. Dread made each step harder. It pooled and congealed in my stomach and rolled with nausea at the thought of what I needed to do.
~
The drive to Banks’s house passed in a blur. Pepin barked at the gate as I turned off the engine and sat in the car trying to gather both strength and confidence.
After a final large inhale, I exited the car and bypassed the front door to greet Pepin. She barked and wagged as I approached, then put her front paws on the gate while I made a fuss over her.
“Hey girl, is Banks home? Where is he?”
Her lolling tongue eagerly licked my hand, trying to commandeer my attention for as long as possible. After giving her one last pet that signaled our goodbye, I retraced my steps to Banks’s front door.
My hard knock on the large oak door went unanswered, as did the doorbell when I rang it multiple times. Profound disappointment speared through me, more painful than the thought of leaving without saying goodbye. Now that I stood at his doorstep, I desperately wanted one last chance—just one—to make peace.
I envisioned this visit going differently: Banks opening the door and me crashing into his arms while declaring I’d made a massive mistake. But reality was different and harsh. It emphasized how desperately lonely I was without him turning each day upside down, shaking it, then righting it on its feet for the better.
I inhaled a shuddering breath and let more tears fall as I pressed the doorbell one last time. When the house remained devastatingly silent, I turned to leave with a heavy heart.
After giving Pepin one last pet and kiss, I drove from Gatlin Falls with tears streaming down my face, more broken than when I’d arrived and been harboring so many regrets.
As if I hadn’t already had a shitty enough day, not even three miles out of town, a cop car roared up behind me, lights flashing and siren screaming at me to pull over.
“For fuck’s sake!” I cursed to myself.
Of course leaving Gatlin Falls would be anything but simple.
