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“Wow,” Sarah breathed as they walked inside the chapel. The church that had seemed like an impersonal building from the outside was anything but. Sarah had been warmly greeted as soon as she had entered the building by several members of the church, and a candle pressed into her hand by one of them. Wishing them a blessed Christmas she had continued into the main area of the church behind Don, Emily and Jamie. It was here that Sarah now stood, feeling a reverence for the sight before her.
Two columns of wooden pews on either side of a central carpeted aisle beckoned people to enter and sit. On the end of every pew were lit candles, well protected behind glass casings. At the front of the church along the pulpit and the altar were more candles, all sitting in glass hurricane vases. The atmosphere was incredible, taking Sarah’s breath away.
As she trailed behind Jamie up the aisle she marvelled at the people sitting in the church, watching them as they greeted one another with warm smiles as they slid into the pews and sat down. Children were waiting for the candles they’d been given to be lit so they could join in with the celebration, their legs kicking backwards and forwards under their seats with excitement.
Sarah could see warmth and joy in the room and had to stop for a moment to remind herself that she actually was a part of it. I want to remember this for the rest of my life.
As they reached the row Don had led them to he walked in first, followed by Emily. Jamie waited for Sarah to follow in next, ahead of him. Stopping Sarah tried to encourage Jamie to enter before her, but he shook his head.
“After you,” he encouraged her.
“But they’re your family, you should sit next to them,” Sarah insisted quietly.
“Hurry up you two,” the loud whisper made Sarah turn her head. Emily was beckoning them from where she was already sitting. Rather than argue she moved into position followed by Jamie.
Sarah sat silently looking about her as the last few people filed into the church and took their seats. Soon an organ began to play and on the wall from an unseen projector somewhere behind them flashed up the message ‘Please rise for the procession of the cross’. Following the directive Sarah stood as did all the other churchgoers, the organ still playing. A young girl of five or six moved down the aisle carrying a large wooden cross in front of her as she walked, the priest following behind her. Stopping at the top of the aisle she turned around and lifted the cross high to show it to the congregation before hanging it on a hook on the wall. As the little girl skipped away Sarah smiled as she saw her take a seat next to a couple that she assumed were her parents. The priest turned to address everyone in the church and the organ fell silent.
“Welcome everyone to this very special candlelight service here tonight in Penwick to celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ. We say hello to our church members and to any of you who might be visitors with us. This is a very special occasion and we hope you enjoy your time with us tonight. Shortly members of our church will stand at the head of each pew and offer to light your candle with their own. We ask that you in turn light the person’s candle next to you and so on. Just as Jesus is our Light, tonight we spread light in this way. Will you please join with me in singing ’Hark! The Herald Angels Sing’.”
As the organ began its introduction to the song the priest took a seat on the front pew of the church alongside a young family, ruffling the hair of a small blonde headed boy as he sat down. They must be his family, Sarah thought warmly as she saw him share an affectionate smile with the woman who was sitting in the pew alongside the children. The woman sat with a baby in her arms and as the congregation began singing the baby began to cry, arms outstretched to the priest. Willingly taking the baby he began to soothe the child as only a parent could.
That’s what family is. Sarah felt privileged to witness what was to her a particularly touching moment.
As the carol reached the chorus a number of people moved up the centre aisle with their lit candles, each stopping at a different pew. Leaning in to the first person in each row they lit their candle using the wick of their own, before that person turned to the person next to them and lit theirs. Sarah watched the spectacle, her heart filling with a fullness she hadn’t felt in years.
Feeling a nudge at her side Sarah looked across to find Jamie’s smiling face looking at her, his candle lit and offering to light her candle with his. The light from the candle made his green eyes seem to flicker and sparkle just as the wick of the candle was. Lifting her own candle to his the wick soon took light. Watching the flame carefully as she separated her candle from his Jamie caught her eye and winked. Smiling in return she turned to offer her flame to Emily to light her candle the smile still on her face.
Resting against the hard wooden back of the pew with her lit candle Sarah gazed at the spectacular scene that was unfolding before her. Looking at the various people who had chosen to attend the service that evening Sarah began to realise her expectation of the evening had been completely blown out of the water. Two parent families, families with only one parent in attendance, young couples, elderly couples together, a group of five women who looked to be in their early twenties sitting together all sang along to the carol.
Marvelling at the diversity of the people in the church Sarah gasped as the lights of the church were switched off leaving the candles as the only illumination in the building. Looking around the church once more her breath caught in her throat. Every person in the church now had their candle lit and their faces were glowing in the dim light. On each and every face she saw the one thing that she knew was currently being reflected on her own.
Happiness.
Looking across to Emily who was singing along with the carol she linked her arm with hers and leaned across to her. Stopping her singing for a moment Sarah leaned in to Emily.
“Thank you for inviting me,” Sarah said quietly.
Emily beamed at her. “Thank you for coming to Mount Kiernon. You’re an absolute breath of fresh air, dear.”
Sarah didn’t know what to say. The sincerity in Emily’s voice floored her and made her feel bewildered and humbled. Unwrapping her arm from Emily’s she wiped the few tears that had sprung to her eyes away with her fingers and faced the front of the church. Gripping onto her candle with both hands she allowed the voices of the people singing around her to continue to fill her with happiness.
The carol came to an end and the priest rose once more. He spoke for the remainder of the service of the Christmas story, the miracle of the virgin birth and of the three wise men, all interspersed with various carols throughout the evening. As the church stood as one to sing ‘Joy To The World’, the final Christmas carol for the evening Sarah found herself singing along as loudly as anyone else in the church.
As she sang a wisp of her hair that she had chosen to wear down for the evening found its way into her mouth. Holding on to her candle with one hand and lifting the other she brushed it away, tucking it safely back behind her ear. Dropping her hand to her side she continued to sing as she gripped her candle with the other. As they reached the final chorus Sarah felt a warm hand slip in hers for a moment.
It was so quick, barely the briefest of touches that she thought for a moment that she imagined it. But she knew she hadn’t. Jamie’s hand had found hers and he’d given it a tender squeeze before he’d let it go again.
Before she could think about it any further the priest moved to the front of the church grabbing her attention. As he stood to address them this time holding the little blonde boy against his chest, the boys small chubby arms were wrapped around the neck of the priest holding on tightly as he rested his head on his shoulder. Wishing them all a blessed Christmas the priest invited the churchgoers to stay for a coffee or tea in the foyer.
As the main lights in the church were turned back on Sarah sat there blinking, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the brighter light. Blowing her candle out as those around her had done, she felt a moment of sadness for the end of the service. It had been a simple service, but the fact that it was had made it seem to Sarah to be even more beautiful.
As they filed out through the church and outside into the cold night air Sarah pulled her scarf around her neck tightly.
“Cold enough for you?” Don joked to Sarah.
“I love the winter. But it’s a bit of change getting a winter like this.” Breathing out Sarah could see her breath misting in the air in front of her. What are you doing?! Think before you speak. These people can’t know anything about you, no matter how much you like them. You know how important it is to keep it quiet.
“Bit more mild where you used to live?” he asked.
“It was. So how far away are these streets that we’re going to look at?” Sarah asked trying to divert Don’s attention away from where she used to live. While people knew in the area that she was originally from Burnleigh Sarah didn’t want anyone pressing for more information about what her life was like there.
“It’s only a few minutes,” Emily assured her. “When the boys were little we used to drive, but it would be nice if we walked it this evening. Do you mind? We might see a few extra things along the way.”
“It’s fine. I don’t mind at all,” Sarah assured her.
“In that case give me a moment to quickly say hello to Glenda and her family to wish them Merry Christmas then we’ll head off.”
As Sarah watched Emily’s back disappear into the group of people that was milling about in front of the church Sarah’s gaze caught that of a young woman looking at her. She turned her head away quickly, but not quickly enough before she saw the look on the woman’s face.
It was a look she knew only too well.
The woman knew who she was.
Not now. Please not now. I’ve only just settled down. I like it here. I don’t want to leave. This is home. Please not now. Please not now. Sarah begged the universe that her secret stay safe and quiet.
“Cheryl?”
Sarah knew the voice was directed at her. Fastidiously she kept her back turned, pretending not to have heard the name instead focussing on the conversation that Jamie and his father were having with one another.
“Cheryl?”
This time the woman touched Sarah on the arm to get her attention. Turning to face the person speaking Sarah already knew the voice would belong to the woman she had seen looking at her only a moment ago. She was smiling at Sarah as if she knew her deepest darkest secrets.
Which she did.
Sarah felt her gut tighten as her heart began to race.
“Ah, no, sorry. I think you’ve got me confused with someone else,” Sarah apologised to the woman. Believe me. Please believe me.
“Oh. Sorry.” The woman’s face fell slightly a brief look of confusion crossing her features. “Sorry to have disturbed you.”
“That’s okay. Merry Christmas,” Sarah offered.
“You too.” Before walking away the woman gave Sarah a searching look before walking towards her group of friends.
Standing next to Jamie and Don, Sarah’s heart kept pulsing at a rate that was alarming. Breathe, just breathe. You can do this. Breathe. As she stood there she knew the men were talking but she couldn’t concentrate on a word they were saying. As she surreptitiously ran through her breathing exercises her heart rate slowly but surely began to decrease. Forcing herself to join in with the conversation the men were having Sarah felt her body relax as Jamie told his father about a call he’d had with one of their suppliers earlier in the day.
“Everyone ready?” Emily asked as she joined the group once more.
With nods all round Don, Jamie and Sarah began to head away from the church and towards a footpath on the other side of the road. As they waited for a car to pass in front of them Sarah saw the woman who had spoken to her about to get into a car with her friends. The woman was looking at Sarah again, a slight frown on her face as she began to step into the car.
That was a little too close for comfort, Sarah breathed with relief watching the woman.
She saw the moment the woman changed her mind. The woman’s back stiffened and she spoke quickly to her friends who all got into the car without her. Turning back to Sarah she walked determinedly towards her. As she approached them where they stood Sarah swallowed hard.
Please don’t do it. Don’t give away my secret. Not here. Not now.
“Why don’t you go ahead? I’ll catch up in a moment. I’ve just seen a customer that I just want to wish a Merry Christmas to.” Sarah lied smoothly walking away from her group before they could protest.
Heading directly to the woman they met face on.
“Please don’t,” Sarah begged quietly.
“You’re Cheryl, aren’t you?” the woman didn’t accuse, just stated the fact.
Sarah nodded silently. There was no point denying it anymore. There was also no point in saying anything. Sarah already knew what came next. She’d lived through it so many times before.
The pointing. The accusing. The name calling. She had no doubt her secret was about to come out.
“I don’t know why you’re pretending not to be but all I wanted to say before was that I think you’re incredibly brave. I always believed you, right from the start. I wish there were more people like you in the world who stood up to their bullies.”
Sarah’s body quivered and her breathing became ragged as she listened to the woman speak. Seeing Sarah become distressed the woman stilled. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“Ye...yes. I just...I wasn’t expecting you to say..”
“What? Something nice? Not everybody believes what they read in the papers you know.” She offered Sarah a smile and paused a moment before continuing. “Do you live here now?”
“I...uh...I’m just visiting Penwick,” Sarah stammered.
“You know what? Don’t tell me. I know you disappeared for good reason and it’s none of my business anyway. You don’t have to worry. I don’t live locally so you probably won’t see me again anyway. I just came home to visit my parents for Christmas. Your secret is safe with me. I promise. I won’t tell anyone where you are.”
Sarah looked at the woman wide eyed and hopeful. “Really?”
“Really,” she assured Sarah. “No one should ever go through what you did. That jerk got everything he deserved.” The woman began to turn away from Sarah before seemingly changing her mind and turning back. “Can I ask you one question though? Is that okay?”
“Yes,” Sarah’s voice was soft.
“Are you happy now? Are you safe?” Sarah could tell the woman was genuinely concerned for her wellbeing.
Sarah couldn’t help herself. Looking across at Don, Emily and Jamie who were standing to the side waiting for her she smiled. “Yes. I am.” She was growing braver and more sure in what she was willing to reveal, sure that the woman only had the best of intent in her heart. “I’m safe, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.”
The woman rushed at Sarah and gave her a crushing hug. “That’s just brilliant,” she enthused warmly. As she released her she gave another look towards Jamie. “He’s cute too. Does he treat you well?”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Sarah attempted to clarify but stopped. “He does. He treats me very well.”
“The best men always are your friend first,” the woman assured her. “Anyway, I’ll leave you to it. I just wanted to say, well, you know.” The woman gave a small shrug before turning to walk away.
Sarah stepped toward her and reached out, surprised at her own boldness. Touching her arm the woman turned back to Sarah.
“Thank you,” Sarah said gratefully. “You have no idea how much what you said means to me. For believing me. Thank you so very, very much.”
The woman just smiled at Sarah before turning once again and walking away. Standing watching her go Sarah felt a surge of hope build within her.
See. It really is home. And you really are safe.
***
It was only a fifteen minute walk through Penwick to get to the few particular streets that they were headed for. As they walked along the footpath Don and Emily walked together ahead of Sarah and Jamie, who quietly walked side by side. Sarah’s mind was busy mulling over the conversation she’d had with the woman in front of the church.
She could have outed me at any time. She believed me and she didn’t out me. A smile crept on to Sarah’s face as she walked along at the thought. Her secret was still safe and her heart was full and happy from the joy she had seen on the faces of those around her at the church service.
“You’re quiet,” Jamie mused as they walked along. “You alright?”
“I’m fine. I was just thinking about the church service, that’s all,” Sarah assured him as they walked together leaving out any mention of the woman. “I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything quite like it before. It was really beautiful.”
“Yeah, it’s always pretty special. Just wait until you see some of the houses where we’re going. The people who live there go all out.”
From ahead of them Sarah could hear the sound of Emily’s laugh floating back to her. “Your parents really love each other, don’t they?” Sarah asked the question with a touch of wonder in her voice.
“They do, but they have their moments just like anyone, but they always seem to work it out.”
“I can’t imagine your parents ever having an argument. Not a serious one anyway.”
“They have. They’ve had some pretty huge ones actually. But Mum’s got this thing that you should never go to bed angry, so they always talk it out. No matter what. And I mean proper talk, not just stay up yelling at each other.” Jamie seemed to get lost in thought for a moment. “I remember this one time, I think I was maybe about fourteen at the time, they’d had this massive fight. God, I can’t remember what it was about now. Probably some dumb thing that me or Andy did and Dad was defending us. They were sitting at the kitchen table trying to get each other to see their point. When I woke up to go to the bathroom at something like four in the morning they were sitting there trying to work things out.”
“That’s dedication,” Sarah admired. They lapsed into silence as they continued to walk along the street. “I’m sorry if I caused you any problems with Fiona,” Sarah blurted suddenly.
“Hey? What makes you think that?” Jamie looked across at Sarah, his hands buried deep in his pockets as he walked.
“I heard the two of you,” Sarah confessed. “In the hall when your mum asked me to find you for church. I heard the two of you talking about me.”
“Ah.” Jamie looked away from Sarah his thoughts kept to himself. “She just gets a bit jealous sometimes. She thinks that you have designs on me.”
“Designs on you?” Sarah laughed emitting a snort as she did. “Designs? What is this, 1860?”
“Hey, those are her words not mine.” Jamie chuckled softly along with Sarah. “Fiona’ll be alright, she’ll get over it eventually. She always does.”
“So not the first time then,” Sarah pointed out.
“First time for what?” Jamie asked.
“That the two of you have had a fight.”
“Nope, not the first time and probably not the last,” Jamie admitted letting out a loud sigh. “She can be a bit of a hard nut that one, and she sure as hell doesn’t believe in talking things out.” Jamie said the last part with a touch of bitterness in his voice. “You should’ve heard the fight we had when she realised I have dinner at your place every week.”
“But that’s for work stuff. How can she have an issue with that?” Sarah asked perplexed.
Jamie gave a half grunt. “Because I haven’t told her about the plot. She doesn’t know about JP’s and I haven’t told her that I’ve got anything to do with Dawning.”
Sarah stopped walking, stunned. “How can you keep something like that from her? I thought everyone knew about JP’s by now.”
Jamie shrugged, stopping to stand still next to Sarah. “Around Kiernon, maybe, but she lives in Penwick. If you’re not from around Kiernon people don’t really know about JP’s. Besides it’s got nothing to do with Fiona, so I’ve never told her.”
“Will you?”
“Probably not,” Jamie admitted. “I was out at dinner with her and a few of her friends the other week and one of them mentioned an idea they had for a small business. She turned into this sergeant major going over the top telling the guy what to do with it. He was completely railroaded. I won’t let that happen to me.”
“Why are you with her?”
Sarah didn’t ask the question to be rude, nor to try to dissuade Jamie from being with Fiona. It was out of genuine puzzlement. “I mean, I only met the woman for two minutes but you don’t exactly sound like a man who’s falling in love when you talk about her.”
Jamie looked up towards his parents where they were still walking together in the distance before looking back at Sarah. “It’s because I’m not. I can’t ever see it happening. Not with Fiona.”
“Then why be with her?”
Jamie turned and began walking. Sarah joined him matching his pace as they walked along. “She’s the wrong person, I know she is, but I needed someone.” Jamie confessed after a beat. “The person I wanted didn’t want me and I needed to not be hung up on her any more. For all the issues that me and Fiona might have she’s helping me get over the other woman.”
Sarah gulped. She didn’t want to ask who the other woman that Jamie was trying to get over was. She already knew he was referring to her.
It took Sarah a long moment before she was able to say anything. “I’m glad she’s helping you,” she settled on saying. “Besides, I’m sure when you get to know Fiona she’s lovely. It’s just that she comes across like a pineapple.”
“A pineapple?” Jamie queried, a half smirk on his face.
“Yeah, you know. Prickly on the outside but sweet on the inside.”
Jamie let out a bark of laughter. “God you make me laugh sometimes,” he commented as he wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. “So what about you? Anyone looking likely on the horizon for you?”
“There’s no one. You know I’m not looking to date. Besides, I’m too busy with Dawning. That’s my first love these days other than Tristram.”
“But if the right guy came along I’d bet you wouldn’t turn him down,” Jamie pressed.
Sarah laughed bitterly. “The right guy? I don’t think the right guy exists for me.”
“Never say never Walker. I bet there’ll be some guy one day. It’ll be some tragic thing like from one of those crap romantic movies you like. He’ll walk into Dawning, your eyes will meet and you’ll fall in love. Then you’ll ride off into the sunset and leave the rest of us behind pining away for you and a decent cup of coffee.”
Sarah laughed. “Who knew there was such a romantic under all those layers of dirt and grease?” She laughed harder as Jamie placed a hand over his heart acting as if she had wounded him with her words. “I can’t see it happening for me but I’m okay with it.”
“Bullshit. You’ll fall in love one day.”
“Nope.” Sarah laughed.
“Yeah you will. Let’s face it, Spence’ll wear you down sooner or later.” Jamie flashed her a cheeky grin to show he was joking.
“Well, he has kissed me. So who knows,” Sarah joked back.
“What? When did that happen?” Jamie was genuinely surprised.
“Last night at the pub. I was under some mistletoe and didn’t realise it and he planted one on me. Possibly the wettest and noisiest kiss I’ve ever had in my life.” Jamie laughed loudly at her description. “I’m pretty sure he was about ready to run a victory lap around the pub after he did it.”
“Sounds like Spence.” Glancing ahead Jamie noticed that his parents had managed to get a fair way ahead of them. “We better hurry up. The old people are leaving us young ones behind.”
Sarah walked a couple of quick steps ahead of Jamie before spinning around to face him. “I am so telling your mother that you called her old,” she declared with a laugh before spinning around again and taking off at a run.
With a loud whoop Jamie broke into a run and chased her down the street, both of them laughing like children, the sounds of their merriment ringing out in the cold night air.