On the seventh day, I give him me.
I do this by going over and saying hi. I do this by dissolving the distance between us. I do this not knowing how he’ll react. Perhaps this will be the one thing that I give to him that he returns.
I find him in the morning because I don’t think I can wait until the afternoon. He hasn’t even hit his locker yet—I wait for him on the school steps, the morning light still new. He sees me and I walk over. I hand him my fifth letter and say hello. The envelope is green. When he holds it up, it brings out the green of his eyes.
“Paul …” he begins.
“Noah …” I begin.
“I don’t know what to say.” The tone of his voice is more I don’t know what to say because I’m speechless instead of I don’t know what to say because you’re not going to like what I have to say. This is a good sign.
“You don’t need to say anything.”
We sit down next to each other on the steps. Other kids walk into the school around us.
“Thanks for the letters. I re-read them all last night.”
I imagine him in his wonderful room. I’m glad my words have been there, even if I’ve been banished.
“I wanted to write you back,” he continues. “But then I decided to do something else instead.”
He pulls an envelope out of his bag and hands it to me. My hands are shaking a little when I open it. Inside I find four photographs. They are snapshots from our town, flashes from the night. Each one is a single word, but I am so familiar with the town that I can tell where they come from as well as what they say.
From the sign outside the Jewish Community Center: wish
From a Lotto advertisement outside the stationery store: you
From the inscription on the cemetery gates: were
And then, the last photo—Noah reflected in a mirror he’s placed in his studio. One hand holds the camera to his eye. The other is holding a sheet of construction paper, with a single word written on it.
Here.
I look at these images and it’s like they’re the only thing I’ve ever wanted. How could he know that?
“Serendipity,” he says. “I was up all night developing. I took photos of a hundred words, and these were the ones I wanted. That’s what my instinct told me.”
“And what’s your instinct telling you to do now?” I ask him. I feel entirely undeserving.
There’s a pause.
Then he says, “It’s telling me to ask you to the dance on Saturday.”
I twinkle. “So what are you going to do?”
“Do you want to go with me to the dance on Saturday?”
“I’d love to. It’s not that kind of dance—people don’t have to ask dates or anything—but I would love to be your date anyway.”
I can’t leave it at that. I have to add, “I’m sorry about everything.”
And he looks at me and says, “I know.”
“I’ve missed you so much,” I say, reaching up to touch his face.
He leans in and kisses me once. He says he’s missed me, too.
I know this is right. I know he’s not going to be amazing all the time, but there’s more amazingness in him than in anyone else I’ve known. He makes me want to be amazing, too.
I float through the day. Of course everybody who helped me out over the past week wants to know how it ended up. All they need to do is take one look at me and they know.
“Way to go!” Amber cheers. Ted punches me on the shoulder. It hurts, but I know he means well.
Infinite Darlene says, “Don’t mess it up again, honey.”
I tell her I won’t.
I swear that I won’t.
Even Kyle hears. He doesn’t say anything to me about it, but when we pass in the hall he gives me a silent nod of approval.
After school, I meet up with Noah and we head to the I Scream Parlor. He gets a blood-red sundae while I get the sorbet with gummi worms in it. He tells me what’s been going on with him (his parents were in and are now back out of town), and I tell him what’s been going on with me. I tell him about the whole Joni saga, and about what Tony’s been through.
“We should go over there, cheer him up,” Noah suggests.
“Are you sure?” I ask. It’s not like he and Tony are friends, really.
“Yeah. We have to stick together, right?”
“Absolutely.”
We call my brother, who’s more than happy to take us to Tony’s. (He also seems happy that I’m with Noah; I didn’t know Jay had it in him.)
Tony’s on the phone with Kyle when we get there. Caught up in the happiness of things, I almost tell Tony to invite him over. Then I realize what a colossally awkward move that would be (with Noah there) and keep my big mouth shut.
Even though Tony’s parents aren’t home, we stick to the kitchen. This works well, because we’re all in high snacking gear. If we’d been stranded in the dining room, we’d be in big trouble.
“I have some news,” Tony tells us. I love how he’s welcomed Noah as if it’s natural for him to be here. I love how Noah fits right in.
“What’s your news?”
“I want to go to the Dowager’s Dance.”
This is news. Last year, Tony’s parents wouldn’t let him go.
“Great,” Noah says. “You can come with us.”
Tony sighs. “It’s not that easy. You see, my parents say I can’t go. But I want to go anyway. I don’t want to sneak out—that would be a bad scene.”
“So what are you—what are we going to do?” I ask.
“Here’s the thing. I figure if enough people come to pick me up—if my parents see it’s a whole big group of girls and guys—then maybe they’ll let me go.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I say. “We can gather everyone up.”
“I’m in,” Noah volunteers.
“As am I. Jay can drive us. I’m sure we can get Laura and Emily and Amy and Amber—”
“Who’s Amber?” Tony asks.
I’ve forgotten how new Amber is to my life.
“She’s this girl on the committee. You’ll love her.”
“Oh yeah—Kyle’s told me about her.”
I have to ask. “So will Kyle come, too?”
Tony nods. “He’s in.”
“And Joni?”
Now Tony’s look wavers.
“I don’t know,” he says.
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“She wants to….”
“But?”
“I don’t think Chuck wants to.”
“I don’t see what one thing has to do with the other,” I say. But of course I do. I know exactly what’s going on, and it makes me furious. I am so angry at Joni right now. Words can’t describe it. I don’t mind her dissing me. Dissing Tony is beyond excuse.
I know Tony will feel even worse if I show him how bothered I am. So I start talking about the dance itself. Noah reaches into his book bag and takes out some of the photos he took in the cemetery. They are extraordinary—spooky, but in a spiritual way. I can tell Tony’s as impressed as I am. At one point when Noah has to go to the powder room (we figure this is allowed, even if it isn’t in the kitchen), Tony gives me this all-knowing look and smiles.
“It’s all because of you,” I say. “You told me to show him and I did. Honestly, I wouldn’t have trusted myself to do it if you hadn’t suggested it.”
“It was all you,” he says back. “And was it worth it?”
I nod as Noah comes back into the room.
“What?” Noah asks, sensing he’s walking into the middle of a conversation.
“Nothing,” Tony and I say at once, then look at each other and laugh.
“We were just talking about you,” Tony says.
“Only bad things, I assure you,” I add.
Noah takes it in stride. After an hour of hanging out and home-working, Jay returns and Noah and I take our leave. Jay drops Noah off at his house; I walk him to the door. He ruffles my hair a little before he goes inside. I ruffle him back. We smile and say good-bye. We look forward to hello.
When I get back to the car, Jay turns for home. But I tell him we have one more stop to make.
I need to talk to Joni. Now.