Grace felt terrible. The chemo was finished at last, for this time anyhow, but her whole body felt like it had been steamrolled. Everything hurt. She couldn’t keep anything down. If it weren’t for Tara continually shoving food down her throat, she wouldn’t have even bothered to eat. It was a waste of time, because it came straight back again. One of Grace’s favourite sayings used to be ‘I’m losing the will to live!’ and she had used it many times over the years. But never again, as now she really understood what the words meant.
Poor Jack didn’t know what was going on. He had so much change in his life at the moment. First of all his Daddy appeared out of nowhere. That must have been traumatic for him, even if it was a good thing. And now this week he’d been shoved from pillar to post every day after Montessori while she was recuperating. Then in the evenings, despite her determined efforts, she couldn’t manage more than five minutes with him before having to go to bed. If it weren’t for her friends, she wouldn’t have managed. The doctors had said yesterday following her last chemo treatment that her blood count was good. She knew she should be happy with that, but right now she was just too tired. Jack was with Liam again for the day. She had practically thrown Jack at Liam when he arrived an hour ago and now she just wanted to sleep.
What felt like five minutes later, Grace awoke to the ringing of her mobile phone and the buzzing of her doorbell. She looked at her watch – shit, it was four o’clock already. She’d been asleep since eleven this morning. That had to be Liam and Jack back. She jumped up, glancing at herself in the mirror. She looked awful. She looked thin, and pale, but God what did she expect? Her plan had been to sleep for a few hours, then have a bath and make herself look presentable for the boys when they got back. She didn’t want to scare Jack, and didn’t want Liam to guess anything was wrong.
‘Sorry, I was asleep and didn’t hear the bell,’ Grace said to Liam as she answered the door. ‘Hi sweetie-pie did you have a good time?’ Grace winced as Jack threw himself at her for a big cuddle. It felt like every bone was about to jump outside her skin.
‘Grace, you okay, baby?’ Liam asked. He was worried. She looked terrible and was far too thin. Before Grace could answer, Jack chimed in.
‘Mommy, I’m starving. Daddy said we couldn’t have another McDonalds. He said chips once a day was enough for one boy, even a big one like me!’
‘He never stops eating,’ Liam said. ‘We had lunch at one o’clock, and ice cream an hour ago. I don’t know where he puts it all!’ Liam was worried Grace would think he wasn’t feeding Jack properly, but she didn’t seem to be listening.
‘Mommy, can I watch my programmes?’ Grace obliged him by putting Disney Junior on. Mickey Mouse would once again have to take care of Jack right now.
‘What’s going on Grace? You look terrible,’ Liam said.
‘Thanks a lot. You certainly know how to charm the ladies.’
‘You know what I mean, Grace. Don’t try and deflect.’
‘I had a crap week at work that’s all. Demanding client who doesn’t know what she wants. I just needed to catch up on some sleep. A bath and I’ll be fine.’
‘Something to eat too by the looks of it. You’ve lost a lot of weight. You’re not on that crazy low-carb diet like Tara, are you?’ Liam said with irritation.
‘No you daft fool,’ Grace laughed. ‘You know me; my weight has always been up and down.’
‘Right, I’m not saying I believe you, but I’ll go along with your charade for a while longer. But here’s the deal. You go up and have that bath, and I’ll see what kind of dinner I can manage to put together. Non-negotiable Grace. Go!’
Grace hadn’t the energy to argue and to be honest the thought of a hot bath was lovely. To add insult to injury, she felt like she was getting the flu too.
An hour later, Grace came down feeling like a new woman. The bath was glorious. Gerry had brought over a beautiful beauty hamper from Benefit yesterday and she’d indulged herself totally. Afterwards, she threw on some combats and a baby tee. She’d have to borrow some of Abby’s clothes soon. She’d spent most of her adult life being a size 12-14, but she’d lost a stone and a half in the past month. And all her clothes were getting too loose. Grace came downstairs to the beautiful aroma of chicken roasting. She had planned on making a roast dinner for Jack and herself this evening.
Jack was panned out on the sofa, dead to the world, his cartoons playing away in the background. He looked so innocent sleeping there. Looking at her son, she knew she couldn’t give in to this evil illness. She had to beat it for his sake. She sat on the sofa beside him and lifted his head onto her lap, stroking his hair. God, she loved him so much it took her breath away. She was in awe that she’d actually created him.
‘You look better.’ Liam had come into the room and was watching her.
‘Thanks. It wouldn’t have been hard. I looked like the bride of Frankenstein, didn’t I?’ Grace asked sheepishly.
‘Nah, you were still gorgeous, even if you did look a bit rough!’ Liam dodged the cushion Grace threw at him.
‘Dinner will be ready in about an hour. I raided your fridge, its roast chicken and veggies. That okay?’
‘That’s great Liam. I appreciate it. But if you want to get off now, go ahead. I’m sure you have plans made for a Saturday night.’
‘Nope, no plans at all. Sure where else would I be on a Saturday night, but with my two favourite people in the world. Besides, I couldn’t leave right now, even if I wanted to. I’m at a delicate stage in the cooking. I’ve got to get the veggies in to roast in about five minutes, not to mention making the gravy. A chef’s work is never done!’
Grace smiled at him and their eyes locked. He couldn’t look away and neither could she. She looked so vulnerable sitting there with her legs curled up under her. And so young, with her hair tied back and no make-up on. Grace was the first to turn away. ‘Can I help?’
Liam walked over to Grace and told her to stay put and relax, leaning down to give her a kiss on her forehead as he left. It was only when he walked out into the kitchen that he realised what he’d done. He’d kissed Grace and she didn’t go ballistic. He started to whistle as he chopped the carrots. Maybe he had a shot here after all!