‘Catherine, I haven’t been totally honest with you. I’m not working in the area today; I came specifically to talk to you,’ Liam said softly. Seeing the look of hurt cross Catherine’s face made him feel like shit. But he was here now and needed to continue. ‘Grace was terribly upset when you wouldn’t tell her about her father,’ Liam paused to let it sink in for a moment or two.
‘Why must you keep bringing this up?’ Catherine said agitatedly. She had begun to twist the ring on her finger.
‘I’m sorry Catherine. We’re not trying to hurt you, but please see it from Grace’s point of view. She needed to find out more about where she came from. So Tom said that he would help by doing an investigation.’
A look of horror passed over Catherine’s face. ‘An investigation into my life, my background, I take it,’ she said coldly.
Liam simply nodded, feeling lousier by the minute.
‘And just what did Tom find out?’ Catherine almost spat out.
‘Catherine please try to understand why we did this. Grace felt that you were lying to her when you said you didn’t know who her father was. It was an intuitive feeling, but she felt then, and still does today, that you were hiding something. And more importantly Catherine, we need to find Grace’s father. If he has had any other children there is a strong possibility that they could be a donor match for Grace. If the cancer comes back…’ Liam couldn’t finish the sentence.
Catherine walked over to Liam and shook him by the shoulders, ‘You stupid man. What do you take me for? I’ve lain awake at night thinking about Grace’s cancer and the possibility that it will come back. I’ve thought about all kinds of ways to find a suitable match. I know that the best chance is with a sibling. For God’s sake, if I thought for one moment that her father had any more children I would have told you a long time ago.’
Liam absorbed this information. His eyes never left Catherine’s face and he could see fear then resignation wash over her.
‘So what do you think you know? What has Tom found out?’ Catherine said weakly.
‘Grace and I never believed that you were the type of woman to get drunk and have a one-night stand with somebody you didn’t know. It just didn’t fit,’ Liam said, feeling really bad.
‘I could have changed. You have no idea what I was like back then,’ Catherine challenged.
‘We know. That’s why Tom went to Rose Tree Manor to try to fill in some blanks. For what it’s worth I’m really sorry we did it behind your back. But you wouldn’t talk about Grace’s father; our backs were against a wall.’
Catherine acknowledged this with a nod of her head.
‘Tom spoke with Mr and Mrs Murtagh. He also spoke to Ann Dalton, Mrs Doyle, Garda Hegarty and Fr O’Hara.’
Catherine paled. ‘Ann never told me,’ she whispered.
‘I’m sorry, but Tom did his investigation under subterfuge. He didn’t divulge that he knew you and just made general enquiries about No. 3, your house, to get some information.’
‘I see. And what did he find out in his “enquiries”?’ Catherine asked, sarcasm dripping with every word.
‘That you were pretty much the model citizen. Worked hard, didn’t drink, and didn’t sleep around. Had only one real boyfriend, Robert Hegarty.’
‘He’s not Grace’s father, if that’s what your investigation has turned up. We never even slept together,’ Catherine said bluntly.
Liam knew that even without the results he had of the blood tests, Catherine was speaking the truth. ‘We know. We did think that maybe he was the father at first because he was the only name that kept coming up with yours romantically. But he has the wrong blood type.’
‘Tom is very thorough,’ Catherine said.
‘Yes he is. Catherine we believe that Fr O’Hara is Grace’s father,’ Liam said as gently as he could.
Catherine sank into her armchair, putting her face in her hands. ‘Does Grace know?’ Catherine asked with horror.
Liam noted she hadn’t denied it. ‘No. Just Tom, Gerry and me. I thought it was only fair to come to you before we confronted Fr O’Hara.’
Catherine started to cry. Quietly, with her head in her hands. Liam did not know what to do.
‘Are you okay?’ he finally asked.
She looked up with a tear-stained face; she appeared to have aged ten years in the last few moments. ‘No I am far from okay, Liam. You have no idea what you’ve discovered. Yes, Fr O’Hara is Grace’s biological father. There, I’ve confirmed your suspicions. But he won’t help Grace. He’s an evil man, Liam. He may wear priest’s clothing, but he’s not a good man,’ Catherine said, clearly agitated.
‘Does he know that he’s Grace’s dad?’ Liam asked quietly.
‘Oh yes, but he won’t admit it. Not in a million years. He’s too much to lose.’
‘Would he agree to a donor test?’ Liam asked hopefully. ‘Surely for his own daughter?’
‘You’re not getting it, Liam. He wanted me to have an abortion for God’s sake. This from a man of God! He persuaded my father that I was evil and needed to be punished for my sins. My father kicked me out of my home and never spoke to me ever again. He died without talking to me in over twenty years. And Fr O’Hara was partly to blame for his stubbornness. This is the kind of man we’re talking about!’ Catherine ended on a sob.
‘I’m so sorry, Catherine,’ Liam said humbly.
Catherine got up and walked over to her drinks cabinet. She poured herself a brandy and sat back down.
‘Are you going to tell Grace?’ Catherine asked.
‘I have to, Catherine. She has a right to know,’ Liam replied gently.
‘Why, what good will it do her? She’s accepted that she’ll probably never find out who her father is. Why can’t you leave it?’ Catherine begged.
‘Because that’s not my decision to make, Catherine. I think you should tell her. She’ll understand. You were young; you fell in love with the wrong guy. It won’t be the first time that’s happened. She’ll understand, I promise you,’ Liam said. He stopped abruptly when he heard Catherine laugh. It was a cold mirthless laugh and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck go up.
‘You think I had a relationship with that man? You actually believe I was in love with him? Liam, I was helping out at the church because I was thinking about becoming a nun. It was something I’d thought about for a couple of years, ever since I finished with Robert Hegarty. I asked Fr O’Hara for his advice,’ Catherine replied coldly.
Liam nodded encouragingly at Catherine. Finally they were getting somewhere. She was opening up. But nothing prepared him for what she said next.
Tears were pouring down her face again as Catherine said, ‘He raped me.’
At first Liam thought he’d misheard, she’d spoken so quietly. But she repeated the words again, stronger this time.
‘The bastard raped me.’
With that the house of cards came tumbling down. Liam felt like somebody had punched him in the stomach. He couldn’t bear to see Catherine in so much pain but didn’t know what to do. He felt totally at a loss. He wanted to get in Tom’s car and drive to Wexford straightaway and beat the shit out of this so-called priest. He wanted to kill him, God forgive him. Walking over to Catherine, he pulled her into his arms, saying over and over again, ‘I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.’
Finally her tears subsided. ‘Now do you understand?’ Catherine begged.
‘I’m beginning to,’ Liam said humbly.
‘He destroyed my life, Liam. I trusted him implicitly, and then one day he tore that trust away and violated me in the worst possible way. I was a virgin. He took that from me, and then told me that it was my entire fault. He said I had tempted him, that I was sent by the Devil to tempt him. He told me that if I ever told anyone he’d deny it and paint me as a whore. I believed him.’
‘Was there no one you could have spoken to?’ Liam asked gently. ‘Your cousin Ann? Your friend Mrs Murtagh?’
‘You’re talking about Ireland in 1980, Liam. Back then the Church was absolute. There were none of these sex scandals that you have today. Not openly talked about anyhow. To accuse a priest of something like that would have been tantamount to suicide. I tried to tell Ann once. But I couldn’t find the words.’
‘I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you. Did it ever happen again?’ Liam asked.
‘No, I stopped doing the flowers for the church immediately and as you can imagine any thoughts of joining a convent vanished. I felt that God had forsaken me,’ Catherine said.
‘What happened when you found out you were pregnant?’ Liam asked gently.
‘I went to see him. He always acted like nothing had happened if I met him in the street. But when I told him I was pregnant his calm facade disappeared. He accused me of being a whore, sleeping with customers at the hotel. He denied being the father. But he knew. He knew that when I told him I’d never had sex with anyone before or after him, that I was speaking the truth,’ Catherine replied, anger creeping into her voice with every word.
‘Is that when he suggested an abortion?’ Liam asked.
‘Yes. He said there were places in the U.K. that could help me. He never actually used the word abortion – he was too clever for that – he just delicately suggested that “relieving myself” of the problem would be the best all round.’
‘Bastard,’ Liam said. He wanted to punch something.
‘Yes that he was,’ Catherine said sadly. ‘The thing that killed me most was my own father’s reaction. Telling my parents that I was pregnant was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, with the exception of giving up Grace. They took it really badly. My father just got up and walked into the living room, closing the door, and didn’t reappear for a couple of hours. When he did, he demanded to know who the father was. When I couldn’t say, he went mental, breaking up the room, throwing delph and ornaments. My mother and I had to run next door to Mrs Doyle’s.’
Liam hadn’t thought about what it was like for Catherine to tell her parents. He made a promise to himself that no matter what Jack did in the future, he’d always be on his side.
‘Do you know what the irony was? It was Fr O’Hara that my mother called for help to calm Dad down. He came in wearing his cassock with the Bible in his hand. He had the audacity to walk over to me, put his hand on my head and say “May God forgive you”, before walking into the living room to talk to Dad. He convinced Dad that the Devil had been at work and that I must be punished for my sins.’
‘How could you keep quiet? Surely you felt like telling them the truth?’ Liam said.
‘You’d think, wouldn’t you? I’m not proud of how weak I was Liam. But I was scared. I didn’t think anyone would believe me. In fact it may have been worse if they believed me. I think if my Dad had known the truth it may have just killed him.’ Catherine walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Liam followed her. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sure you could use a coffee.’ She smiled weakly.
Liam watched her as she began laying a tray. He wasn’t sure he even wanted a coffee but was glad of the distraction for a few moments. He needed to straighten his head.
When they were back in the living room, sipping their drinks, he asked, ‘What do you want to do now Catherine?’
‘About Grace?’ Catherine asked.
Liam nodded.
‘I don’t know, Liam. Do you think that she would want to know that she was born as the result of a rape? Do you think that she could cope with that?’ Catherine asked in a small voice.
Liam didn’t have an answer for that, so kept quiet.
‘That’s why I didn’t want to meet her before,’ Catherine said quietly. ‘I was so afraid that when I’d see her, all I’d remember was the horror of the rape. I was terrified that I couldn’t love her.’
Liam felt tears sting his eyes as he watched this woman, who he’d grown to love as a mother-in-law, in so much pain.
‘I lost so many years because of that, Liam,’ Catherine said, silently weeping.
‘How do you feel when you see Grace now?’ Liam asked.
‘Full of love. I thank God every day for bringing her back into my life, giving me a second chance to get to know my child,’ Catherine answered passionately.
‘Catherine, it’s your decision. I’m sorry for not trusting you before. I hope you can forgive us for our deceit, but we did it out of love for Grace,’ Liam stated.
‘Don’t be silly. You’ve nothing to be sorry for Liam. None of you have. I can understand why Grace needed to know. But I need to think about this for a while. Can you keep it to yourselves for a few days? You were right earlier; if Grace is to find out, it needs to be me who tells her.’
Liam agreed. After a few more minutes he felt it was time to go. He had a feeling that Catherine needed to be alone for a while. She looked punch-drunk and he was so sorry that he had caused her this distress. Kissing him absently on his cheek, she promised she would call in a couple of days.